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He has MS! Is is why he's pushing me away? Should I fight more?!
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He has MS! Is is why he's pushing me away? Should I fight more?!

Hi,
So my story is about this amazing incredible man. I met him a little over 5 months ago. We met at a church function and we really hit it off. We exchanged numbers, and we stayed in touch for a couple of weeks after, then he decided to come visit since he lived in a different city. That weekend was full of events, laughs, and roller-coaster emotions!
He told me that he has MS!  
He also told me that he’s scared, cause he hasn’t been in a relationship for so long - probably since he was disagnosed. He doesn’t even know how to be in a relationship. But he also said that it was the best weekend he’s ever had and that he will miss me and can’t wait to see me again. We talked for a bit after that weekend, but 3 days passed and he started acting different… When I asked if anything was bothering him, he said that people asked him the same and he wasn’t sure why he’s in that mood. He also said that it might be because he’s used to being on his own for so long and the concept of the back to back dates during the weekend might’ve made it feel like it’s rushed in. So I told him that we can take it really slow.

Then he started to be cold, distant, and formal one day, and suddenly be sweet and caring, but again randomly shut down for weeks... One night we talked for 2 hours! He was super sweet, and understanding. He reminded me of the amazing weekend we spent to together and invited me to one of his church's functions. But then again, he started pulling back!

It’s been 2 months, and my feelings are only getting stronger! He doesn’t talk to me anymore, he would only answer if I ask about him…
I cried every night and prayed to God to help me move on and forget the feelings I have for him .. But nothing worked! I’ve tried to date other men, but never stopped thinking of him.
I came to realize that these feelings aren’t JUST feelings … this is turning into love. Something I haven’t felt in more than 7 years! Now I’m lost!
I don’t know what to do and how to get him back, that’s if I ever had him from the first place. Sometimes I think that he only walked away because he doesn’t want me to suffer with his MS. Sometimes I think he got upset from my reaction when he told me about what he’s going through, but I never said no to our relationship and never will! Sometimes I think that he’s emotionally confused, whether it’s because of what MS does to the brain, or because he just likes the attention but maybe he never had real feelings for me?!
I’m confused and don’t know what I should do next … Should I move on? Or should I just tell him that I am willing to stay and support?? I need help, opinion, guidance, and/or prayers!

Thank you!
Tags: ms
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey there. To me your story conveys that MS is just a small part of what's going on with this man. I'm really doubting that that's what's motivating his on again/off again attitude. It seems he just isn't ready, and maybe won't be for eons if ever, to be in a committed relationship.

Anyone, male or female, who is falling in love will not take the chance of the loved one's slipping away. So in your shoes I'd take him at his word, and really start looking for someone else. This to me is a win/win, because if he suddenly wakes up and comes on like gangbusters, great. And if he doesn't which seems most likely, you won't have wasted your time and emotions on an untenable relationship.

MedHelp has a relationship forum, where you might want to post your comments. Meanwhile, I wish you the best of luck.

Long ago an older woman, the mother of one of my best friends, told me that men are like streetcars--there'll be another one along in 10 minutes. So take back your life and get going.

ess


8 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey there. To me your story conveys that MS is just a small part of what's going on with this man. I'm really doubting that that's what's motivating his on again/off again attitude. It seems he just isn't ready, and maybe won't be for eons if ever, to be in a committed relationship.

Anyone, male or female, who is falling in love will not take the chance of the loved one's slipping away. So in your shoes I'd take him at his word, and really start looking for someone else. This to me is a win/win, because if he suddenly wakes up and comes on like gangbusters, great. And if he doesn't which seems most likely, you won't have wasted your time and emotions on an untenable relationship.

MedHelp has a relationship forum, where you might want to post your comments. Meanwhile, I wish you the best of luck.

Long ago an older woman, the mother of one of my best friends, told me that men are like streetcars--there'll be another one along in 10 minutes. So take back your life and get going.

ess


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5112396_tn?1378021583
Move on. He was pretty clear in his message. I wouldn't hazard a guess as to whether any of this has anything to do with MS.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you so much essdipity and immisceo for your comments! This is very helpful!

I always believed, like you said, if someone is really in love, nothing will stop them (like what I'm doing now!). But I recently read that MS could cause emotional/mood swings. This what made me think it might be the reason for all the back and forth.
Lately, he's been "away" from all social websites/events. I feel that he's going through tough time couping with MS and figuring out what he wants to do next.. and since we had something special and I have all these strong feelings for him, I should be there and show him that his condition won't stop me from always being there.

My point is, I wanted to ask if anyone with MS experience, whether it's them or their partners, went through these emotional swings and if they are normal or could be caused by MS.
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes, MS can cause mood swings. But that might mean laughing one minute and crying the next, or maybe laughing when nothing is funny. This would all happen over minutes, or hours at the most.

It does not mean major attitude swings which occur over days or weeks. Those are not the result of moods.

I wish I could say what you want to hear, but that's just not the reality.

ess



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Hi there,

Take an emotional step back for a moment...........within a month of knowing him, he made it clear he didn't want romance but a friendship with you, and over the next couple of months, a long distance friendship was tried but being friends didn't work for either of you.

Isn't it possible that 'you' actually became emotionally involved soon after meeting him and you thought he felt the same way, so when he told you he didn't want a romantic relationship, emotionally it was already difficult for you to believe he only wanted to be friends and easier emotionally for you to believe he had an alternate reason than what he's said......

You honestly need to accept the 'potential' for a romantic relationship with this man actually ended months ago, his email clearly explained his mind, spirit and body were not into getting involved romantically with you, he was basically giving you the age old.......it's not you it's me, lets be friends.......

It's clear to me that you are still wanting a romantic relationship with him but don't make the mistake of believing your long distance 'friendship' was more than what it was! You are better off stopping your self from becoming any more emotionally invested in the romantic relationship that never existed for him.

It would be a huge, huge mistake for you to continue down this path........for the last 2 months out of the 5, he's done nothing to encourage you and still you believe your feelings for him are even stronger, believing 'you' are in love and nothing will stop 'you'............that isn't love!

Please respect this man and let him live his life as he chooses, and if you honestly need help to get over him, please consider seeking guidance from your paster or a psychologist to get you through this distressing situation.

Hugs...........JJ          

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Avatar_f_tn
No, essdipity, I really appreciate your answer. I actually wanted to hear the proper medical explanation of the "mood swings" and your answer gave me peace of mind. I wanted to make sure that I'm not harsh on him for all the emotional confusion he caused me and that I didn’t need to be patient and appreciate the changes in behavior.

I respected his wish and he thanked me for being mature about it. I, for some reason, just couldn't stop my feelings from growing!

Thanks again for your answer, it definitely helped!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi JJ

It is very possible that I did get emotionally involved from the first date! But I can assure you that it was not from one side, and it’s based on how he reacted and what he said. Also, I am a 34 year old woman who has been through enough with relationships to know that I cannot be emotionally involved with someone that soon! I had my share of heartbreak and I know that things might not always work the way I want them to, that’s only then when I stop my feelings from going any further. This case is different; I haven’t been in love with a man who didn’t exchange the same feelings for me since I was a teenager! And trust me, I did fight those feelings for months!

Also, that call I mentioned in my story was only 3 months ago, and he was “emotional” reminding me of the amazing weekend we spent together and sharing some of the special moments we had! Either way, from the first time he expressed keeping what we have to only “friendship”, I respected his wish and promised not to push for more, unless he is ready for it.

Like I said in my previous comment, I wanted to make sure that I did not confuse the signals with the emotional swings caused by MS. Now that I understand it more, I realize that he is definitely not ready for me or anyone to be in his life, at least not now.. Or maybe I am just simply not the one he wants to be with…

Thank you for your reply and I appreciate the advice.
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Avatar_f_tn
Take him at his word, and move on.  
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