He is mean to me and I don't know why!

[adr333]

I need help. My boyfriend and I will have been together for a year next month. Lately he has been very mean to me, he makes snide remarks and comments about me. I don't know what his problem is. I have asked him why he is so mean to me and he says he does not know why and then he says he is sorry and I forgive him. Lately it is becoming harder and harder for me to forgive him. I don't want to end our realtionship because I really do love him, but I would like some input on this matter! Any advice is welcome!

[mami1323]

Is he sorry and crying because he's being so mean or does he have a guilty conscience? It just isn't making sense.

[Judy246]

Slappy anyone in the face is not only illegal, it's an assult and he can press charges against you and you can go to jail easy in handcuffs. Never lay a hand on anyone! If he cried, it definately means he is hiding something serious from you. Instead of "violence", communicate! Ask him what is it he is hidding. Something is going on, cheating or something else. Sit down and discuss what the hell is going on and be ready for anything, but violence is illegal, unexceptable and not to be tolerated.

[specialmom]

Not all of us thought he was cheating---  we thought the slapping was inappropriate.  Being physical whether it is fromt he girl or the guy means all bets are off for this relationship.  That's all.  Good luck with whatever you decide.  

[adr333]

Ladies the cheating theory is out.

[teko]

Hitting is not only mean but also illegal. AND, how can you now complain about his words being mean? Took all your credibility away, it is now your turn to feel guilty so you will continue to put up with his meaness because you slapped him and now deserve it? This relationship does not sound healthy for either of you.

[specialmom]

I agree with Jo.  Not okay to slap.  I think that once hitting on either side starts happening----  it is time to call it quits.  Relationships aren't suppose to be this volatile.  

[jo929]

i hate to sound negative but is it possible that he is ready to move on, and just does not know how to tell you, also be careful about slapping someone, because when you hit a man you are putting yourself in a place where he just may hit back hitting is a no no for men or women  luck  jo

[boogiefly]

Mami1323 has a point. He could be cheating on you, especially since he thinks he deserves to be slapped. When I cheated on my boyfriend. I started being mean to him and didn't realize it. That was also how I dealt with my guilt. Also, I still feel like I deserve to be punished. Ask him if he has cheated on you.

[mami1323]

Huh? What did he do to deserve the slap?

[adr333]

Thank you all so much for the great advice! I was at my house earlier tonight and my boyfriend showed up. He was in pitiful state and I laughed at his agony. I know it was mean but I wanted him to know how I felt on the inside. I slapped him hard across the face and he told me to do it again because he said he deserved it. I slapped him hard again and he started to cry. I felt just a little bad. but thats what happened, and we are trying to work things out.

[Judy246]

I would tell him that, "I don't appreciate being spoken to in this manner and treated less than I deserve to be treated. If you continue talking down to me and mistreating me, I'm out the door". Dont take it from him. You are not his punching back if he is having a bad day or problems and if he treats you this way now...run for the hills, because it can eventually escalate to abuse or phycial violence.

[mami1323]

My fiancé turned nasty towards me when he was cheating on me. He used to get mean and act annoyed with me. This was his way of dealing with his guilt and if we argued it justified his cheating. Just a thought!

[specialmom]

I understand.  I guess you can see if he really does change.  I just wouldn't spend too much time.  In the begining, everyone is on their best behavior.  As time goes on, we start to show our true colors.  If he has a problem being mean and decides to take it seriously and work on it. Okay, give it some time and see what happens.  But if not, you CAN find someone nicer.  I promise you this.  Good luck.

[adr333]

But it has just been in the last couple of months.

[specialmom]

If you've expressed your unhappiness for the nasty comments and he continues to do it, I think you have your answer.  While his words tell you he is sorry, he doesn't try to change it.  And this type of thing usually gets worse.  Dating is for finding out if someone is the right one for you.  Someone who is cruel is probably not a good choice.  Find someone who will treat you properly.  Good luck.