He thinks i'm controlling!!

[Starlite09]

My boyfriend and i have been together over a year and a half. We are quite young - i'm 19 and he's 21 - and we recently moved in together during the college week although we both go home at the weekend. I thought we were so strong and always felt happy and secure in the relationship. However it's getting rocky.
I'm the type of person who came with a lot of baggage. I'll try to sum it up in a nutshell - my mother's schizophrenic and as a result i seen very disturbing things as a child, i was sexually abused as a child but had never told anyone until i met my boyfriend and told him, and i'm quite probably depressed but am scared to look for help.
He's been great so far. We've got on great and he's supported me to the last and helped me through some of my blacker days but it seems to be changing. He's going out more and staying up later and he gets annoyed that i cant go out or stay up later because of my hectic work commitments make me very tired. There is tension building in our relationship.
Last week, he left me to walk home late at night on my own. I was tired but he didn't want to leave. This was not at all safe and it was 2 o'clock in the morning already!! Another night this week, he revealed sensitive information about our sex life to strangers while i was there. I was so angry and annoyed and felt he had no right so i told him he would have to make it up to me. We had a long discussion about the relationship the next day and things seemed sorted although i stil insisted he make an effort to make it up to me and that it would take time to rebuild the trust he shattered. Then today we had another falling out. He promised to pick me up and spend the day with me. He said his car was unavailable to him so i went to visit him. When i got there however, he sat and watched football. I wasn't terribly impressed as he was the one who was supposed to be making it up to me! I asked him could we do something else, that i came to see him and enjoy his company, not to watch football. This didn't seem reasonable to him so i left. On the phone afterwards he called me a snotty b*tch! saying i'm controlling etc.
Do i sound controlling or is he taking me for granted, because i kinda think he is! I'm still afraid to lose him though as i rely on him a lot emotionally. I just want to sort it!

Any opinions?? Thanks.

[heatherlynn22]

you seem a bit immature. demanding he make something up even after talking and what not is NOT how a relationship goes. my husband has done PLENTY that p!sses me off and i NEVER hold it against him or demand he make it up to me. if he wants to (which he usually does...on his own...without nagging) then he can but i don't keep telling him he HAS to do it. as far as the football goes...again if he's like any man i know there is no interrupting football. greg (my husband) got lucky with me....i love football. can you sit and watch it with him? i wouldn't say you're controlling but you are acting like an immature child. if you want to continue the relationship i would suggest that you stop holding things over him and STOP demanding that he make things up to you. he doesn't HAVE to do anything. would it be nice? sure. but having someone nag you about it doesn't make someone want to do it.

[jo929]

it would appear that the new is wearing off, and you are both young yet, he probably wants to sow his wild oats as the ole saying goes also you need to grow some maybe time apart will help, as it would seem that this is what the relationship is coming to, also let me say that i am sorry that you were abused also i hope the abuser was punished you have nothing to be ashamed of for being abused, but if i were you, i would go to a counseler and wait until i was sure i met the right man before telling him this   luck to you  keep up with your studys   jo

[jojo24]

I agree with jo, and let me also say that it's possible that you may have invested more in this relationship than he has.  It seems that even though he made the committment to you to move in together, he might really not be ready for that.  I can't believe he made you walk home at two o'clock in the morning!  That is very irresponsible of him and I know for a fact that my hubby would never, ever do something like that to me.  When I say it's time to go, it's time to go.  And he had no business telling anyone about your sex life.  It doesn't sound like your controlling at all, rather it sounds like he is very immature.  You deserve way better than that.  I'm not going to tell you to break up with him, however, you may want to reassess your relationship with him and find out if you're really getting the love you truly deserve.  It's wonderful that you are focusing on school and work.  Concentrate on that and let your boyfriend do his own thing.  You'll see things for what they really are in time.
Jojo

[Starlite09]

Thank you for the advice everyone. I agree with aspects of all your comments. heaterlynn22 i think you're right that i shouldn't try to make him make things up to me after we've talked them through. jo929 maybe we should work on spending more time apart.
jojo24 i think you've really summed up my thoughts and feelings in that it wasn't right of him to let me walk home late at night or to tell anyone else about my sex life. I don't want to break up with him as when we're good we're very good. It just feels very rocky now.
I have a lot invested in this relationship and rely on it and him too much maybe.
Thanks again for the advice!

[sally10001]

I think that you should persevere with the relationship given the time that you have invested.