He won't go down on me or touch me there??

[Ellie22451]

I have been dating this guy for 8 months, every aspect of our relationship is amazing, we've talked about marriage, the whole nine.. Everything is great except... He won't touch me down there with his hands and won't go down on me. He won't touch my breasts sexually either. I've playfully suggested doing those things would really turn me on and would help me be ready for sex.. He won't do it. His response to going down on me is 'Ew'. He's 30 years old. He has a foot and tickle fetish which I have learned to love and let him do his tickle thing before sex because that's his foreplay that he needs. I understand and let him do it every time. Even if I'm not ticklish, I FAKE it for him so he can get aroused. When I suggest he touch me down there to get me aroused, he avoids it at any cost. I have really good hygiene and keep things neat down there, I'm 25 and attractive and fit. So what's the problem?? I've tried talking about it with him and he said that if he got a flavored lube he'd be more likely to go down on me. It's been over a month and that's not happened yet. I thought if I stick things out, he'd change or maybe I'd learn to deal with it and it wouldn't bother me, but nothing's changed. I feel worse about myself to the point where I almost feel uncomfortable being naked around him, and I've contemplated having a fling with an old partner. I haven't because I know it's wrong and I don't want to bear the guilt of it. I need help/advice.. I'm really not sure. I'm just upset and confused. Everything else about our relationship is amazing and he's exactly the man I want to marry, except in the bedroom.. Please help.

[thatquietgirl]

Before buying flavored lube, please go to an actual adult store to discuss lube.  You wouldn't have to buy the lube there if you can get it cheaper elsewhere, but there really is a knowledge base at an adult store you won't get elsewhere.  The one I went to was knowledgeable on what lube was or was not safe for use on a female and the pros and cons of each type.  We really have some delicateness down there that a lot of things can disrupt.

Try taking a shower together before sex.  Let him see you clean yourself so he knows that you are shower fresh and not at all potentially sweaty.  Spend some time cleaning each other, even.  During foreplay, guide his hands where you want them to go while doing something he enjoys.  Demonstrate it to him.  Beyond encouraging the behaviors you'd like, there's really nothing you can do.  If he won't do it even with obvious effort on your part to groom yourself and do what you can to make it appealing to him, you either will have to accept that you will have to turn yourself on in other ways or move on from the relationship if it's something you cannot live with.

[specialmom]

I agree with londres.  so many people go into a relationship with someone they weren't fully sexually compatible with from the start and it usually gets worse, not better.  Give it a shot encouraging him to please you as you desire but if he doesn't . . .   I don't suggest overlooking that as sexual compatibility is really important for long term happiness.  good luck

[Londres70]

Never stick "things out" in hopes someone will change unless he mentions he wants change AND is working toward change.

Well, why don't you buy the favored lube and present it to him?

Kind of selfish of him because you do this foot/tickle festish thing with/for him.