Well speaking from experience all I can say is time. You know the saying "time heals all wounds"? Well this is true. I also know that you can control your thoughts but that takes time to master. What I do is I tell myself I will not allow myself to be a victim. I will not let the actions of others determine my happiness. If the people in your life that caused that hurt try hard to repair the damage they did, then you can also learn to forgive. But again, it all takes time.
Mami has good advice. Some wounds hurt more than others and those inflicted by a relationship gone bad are some of the worst. It always helped me to keep busy in the begining. Distraction is a great way of keeping the bad and sad thoughts away. Also, keeping your own self esteem high is good. Make a list of what you love about yourself. And then read it periodically. Work out-------- not just because it makes you look better and stay healthy but because it has a great effect on the mind. It releases our bodies natural "happy" chemical and reduces stress and worry. Pursue things that you enjoy, now is your time to spend doing them with no interference. Keep a journal that you can write your emotions down in. And after some time has passed, think about the relationship and why it didn't work. What you might do differently next time (be it our own actions or picking a different sort of guy, etc.).
One of the good things about a journal is looking back later and thinking "why did I ever put up with that jerk!!" Then you can throw the journal away with a laugh. It feels good to get to that point. And time will take you there. good luck
I know I try to surround myself with positive people, music and such. I can not listen to any song or view a video or movie that deals with infidelity, just starting to relax with that a bit. I read alot, tried not to talk to many people about it mainly those here on this sight, read alot of self- help and esteem books and articles and hung out with my girl friends a lot more often. Nights were the worst. But as mami stated, time heals.
When you have loss a love, it is a "loss" and you grieve the loss as if it had died, but the reality is that they are alive and well and will not be coming back. A heartbreak is very difficult and if not handled properly can be debilitating to the point where you can't function and that is when counseling has to step in. It's necessary to have the proper copeing skills to simply survive the loss. You begin by being realistic to what has just happened and by accepting what you can't change and is beyond you. You have good days and you will have horrible day, but that is part of the grief process. If necessary, put away all items that will trigger a relapse to healing (pictures, letters, gifts, etc.). I once had to change my phone number to avoid being tempted to call, because once you call, you have taking one step backwards towards healing. Make sure to take some quite time to just reflect and start focusing on you. Surround yourself with good friends and family and make sure to tell them not to bring him up, because it's a difficult time for you and all you want is there support. they will understand. Go out and pamper yourself, get your hair done, get a manicure, but start to focus on you and maybe one day, you will be able to forgive the one person that you loved, loss and hurt you, but for now, it's baby steps...one step at a time...one day at a time and if you simply need to just talk about how you are feeling...we are here for you...hugs, Judy
(((hugs))) I am sorry for your circumstances. To answer your question, you move beyond what happened. Have peace in mind knowing that the adversity you have faced is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. During the healing process, it is important to keep yourself busy and focus on yourself. Boost your self esteem by using positive affirmations daily. Refuse to let what another person has done, steal your joy. Hang in there and keep your head up!
How are you doing? One thing I did is I spent more time on me. I went to the gym more often, movies with friends and my husband and I choose to work it out so we spent as much time together as possible talking it out. We purchased work books that we worked on at night and went to a councilor. I was afraid to be away from him b/c I thought out of sight out of mind but I could not let that fear grip me, that is when I surrounded myself with friends, music or work.
Funny because I felt the same way. Didn't want to leave his side because I was so afraid of what he was doing when he wasn't around me. But now, after working so hard on our relationship, I realized I can't control his actions. So now I feel more confident and I want to go out with my friends and I want to do things for myself. I think you gain a bit of strength and power after all the healing takes place. If he chooses to do me dirty again, at least I know that I have the courage to walk away.
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