Help I dont know who's lying my bestfriend or boyfriend

[LadyKira]

Okay, my story starts out as this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 5 months. We have a long distance relationship, I met him in highschool and moved away after a year about 4 hours away. So we saw each other once a month and talked on the phone just about every few days. Then I moved to a college near by him for school about 4 months ago. And everything was fine, we kicked back and got closer like I've always been there. However, my bestfriend who lives down here informed me that my boyfriend was seeing another girl while I been away. I was like how could he, if I'm talking to him just about every few days. And she was like, well he was acting like he was single while you were gone hugging and messing around with other girls. She was like he may act all lovey dovey now, but that's only because you're here now. She told me, that it was probably because he doesnt want me to leave him or talk to any other boy that he's calling me everyday now. And so I asked him straight up if he went to the clinic or had anything. Because he was my first and there were times were we didnt use safe sex. He said no, he would tell me before we have sex if he had anything because he wouldnt want to mess my life up. Well, I believe him, but I went ahead and got tested myself and found what he said was true. But I'm still skeptical about him seeing another girl, because, I wasnt around him everyday when im gone. And im the type of person who believes you should be faithful or tell me you ready to see other people. Anyway, I'm scared I may be pregnant and I talked to him about it. He doesnt believe i should get an abortion if i am. And that he wants to take care of me and the baby if i am. But I'm not sure if I should stay with him or leave him. Neither of us have steady jobs, we work through temp agencys, he stays with his mom and i stay with my mom, Im 18 and he's 21, and right now i go to college, and he's trying to get in next semester. But I'm not sure if i should believe my bestfriend who's like a sister to me or him.
Because, they both keep things real with me and tell me the truth. but i dont know who's lying.
I havent spoken to both for about 2 weeks now, trying to do some thinking about the situation. But I dont know what to do. I love my boyfriend and I'd do just about anything for him just as I would for my bestfriend. And it hurts for me to pick between them and find out who's lying.
And now I'm waiting to see the results on if I'm pregnant or not.

[Lady_Baglady]

Get them together in the same room. Then ask questions, read their facial expressions, body language, etc. It's easy to tell when someone is nervous about lying when they are both there.

[LadyKira]

Good news is I'm not pregnant!!! My time of the month came on as usual so I have nothing to worry about in that department.

Right now I put my relationship with my boyfriend on hold, and continue living life. Although he keeps saying he doesnt want to break up with me, I still put us on hold until I think things clearly without love clouding up my head.

I've also been asked out on a date by another guy, although I'm not too sure if I should go on a date. I think I do need something refreshing from the turmoil I've been in. But that for now is undecided.

Thank you all sooo much for your help!!!

Kira

[LadyKira]

Sorry I havent commented in a while,
to momagain59, to answer your question baout what I do and dont like about him.
There's plenty that I do like about him, he's a gentlemen, he makes me laugh and smile, he's very intelligent, and hardworking, a great kisser too. lol, Some of the things I dont like about him too much is that he can be stubborn and hardheaded (he can be cool headed about some things).
to: sammy73, I think that my mother isnt ready for me to grow up either, and I understand that all mother's dont want their children to be sexually active at all. I wouldnt want my kids one day to be, until their married.
to imanaddict, I havent tooken a test yet, but I will, I've been submerged in my studing for the finals, which are next week, so I'm praying for good grades!!!  

[sammy73]

As far as your mother is concerned, it could be that, deep down, she is uncomfortable about ANYBODY being with her precious little girl.  Her concern that you could get pregnant, or that having a boyfriend would disrupt your studies, would apply to anyone, not just your specific boyfriend.  She's just not ready to accept that you are growing up and old enough to have a love life and a sex life.  But that's her problem, not yours.

I'm sure I'll be much the same in a several years time when my daughter reaches your age...

[momagain59]

So, you now have 2 friends and your Mom that have admitted that they do not like this guy and would rather you weren't with him. I bet once you do get rid of him, you will have alot more people that will be honest about how they feel about him. Maybe you could just take a break from each other just to have some time off and to see how you both really feel. Is there anything about him that you don't like? What do you like about him?

[imanaddict]

Can you take a home pregnancy test to find out if you're pregnant or not? Maybe that will help your decision a little faster. As for your friend, it all sounds VERY suspicious to me that she won't give you details and she wants you to break it off with him so bad. It sounds as if she wants him for herself. A true friend would never do that, and they would confront the cheater on your behalf, not try to hide details. Maybe you should reconsider dumping them both and focus on college and striving for a better future instead of worrying about this drama. Listen to your mom too!! Mothers have very good intuition about what's going on and she will never steer you in the wrong direction. Good luck and keep us posted!!

[LadyKira]

I'm doing much better, I just called him a few hours ago to ask him if he was ready to break up and see other people. But he was like no, he still loves me and he's still in love with me. I was like oh, so you dont have anyone you want to see or meet or go with. He was like no, only you. He told me, that he hopes that I love him like he loves me, and wonder if I wanted to see someone else.

But I told him no, I dont want to see someone else, and that I was unsure if there was someone else he wanted to see because we've been together for so long. He was like I hope you not telling me that just to be telling me that. He was like I really love you. And I was like no, there isn't anyone I want to see now.

I did ask him about what my one of my friends said about him, that he was being disrespectfu­l to her. And he was like who, because he hasnt been anywhere except football pratice and home. I told him and he was tripping saying he never spoke to her and that why would he do something like that. And ask me why would I listen to her. He does get mad when people say he did something he didnt or twist his words around. So I just ask him why was he was tripping in my ear and he calmed down saying he wasnt. He was just mad that she said she seen him when he never saw her.

I only brought her up because she told me he came to her house and said some disrespectfu­l things to her and she had her boyfriend fight him. And he brings up all the fights he's been in, trying to show off to me. But I haven't heard of a fight recently from him.  

I did ask him, how did he love me and he told me that he love me like he cares, that he cares about everything I do. so I asked what everything was, and he said, he cares when I cry, when I'm happy, when I'm mad and a whole lot of other stuff.

[LadyKira]

Yeah it does seem like she's hiding something. But now my other bestfriend is saying the same thing. About him not being good for me. So I'm a bit skeptic about what's really going on.

[LadyKira]

Thank you.
I ask my mom and she's afarid he'll distract me from college and end up getting me pregnant before I do all the things I want to do in life. And she says she just personally doesnt like him for some reason.

[sammy73]

It definitely seems to me like your friend is trying to hide something.  She's not being totally honest with you, so you have to question her motives in this whole thing.  This whole thing about not wanting to be friends with you while you are going out with him, it's like she just wants to control your relationship, she wants to break you up.  Maybe she really did see, or does know, something, maybe she's just telling you this to split you two up.  It's hard to tell.

[momagain59]

Even if you are pregnant, you are not tied to this man. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a bright future ahead. I am not so sure of him. You are so right to focus on yourself to get ahead in this world. It would be interesting to see what he does after you break it off.

"Neither of us have steady jobs, we work through temp agencys, he stays with his mom and i stay with my mom, Im 18 and he's 21, and right now i go to college, and he's trying to get in next semester."

You sound much more mature with your choices in life than he does. Maybe you could just ask you Mom what she thinks of this guy. Of course, it's your choice what you decide but I can see where her opinion would matter to you. I'm sure she would be thrilled to hear that.

[LadyKira]

Well, my mother found out we had sex and wanted me to get tested so I did, we were a bit irresponsible by not getting another condom or whatever. But I do see your point, I'm trying to see why they dont want me to be with him.

I'm thinking of breaking it off with him and just focus on me. But I'm waiting on the results because even though I believe I'm not pregnant, I havent been feeling all too well for a few weeks. So I'm trying to find out if I have the flu or if I am pregnant.

[momagain59]

That's not really a friend. She should not expect to be able to control who you decide to be in a relationship with. If she isn't willing to tell you the whole truth then she can't expect you to dump this guy. Even if you know the whole truth, it should still be your choice if you choose to stay with him.

I have learned through living, if your friends and family do not care for the person you are in a relationship with, maybe you should stand back and take a look at this person. Why would they not want you to be with him? I bet there is alot more to it. What else do they not like about him? Do they have your best interest at heart?

Your Mom is worried that he is trying to get you pregnant and you are waiting to see if you're pregnant so, how is she wrong?

You say you believe him so, why did you go to the clinic to get tested for STD's?

[LadyKira]

Also, my bestfriend has told me, that the longer I stay with him, the further me and her would be friends, because she say's she wont tolearte him and she doesnt understand why I'm still with him.

[LadyKira]

I dont know, it must be a friend of hers or whatever, because when I said I wanted to confront the girl, she was like I shouldnt be focus on the girl, I should be concern with questioning and breaking up with my man.
When I did go and question him, he was like he never cheated on me during the 2 years we were together. I also question him on weather or not he was ready to break up with me. And he sounded sad that I was going to break up with him and all and question was it because i thought he was cheating on me or because of what we went through recently about going to the clinic to get checked out and the fact that my mother doesnt like him because she thinks he's trying to get me pregnant while in college, which he's not.
I usually like to figure out diffcult decisions, but I'm hating trying to figure out who's right and who's not.

[treazzure007]

all i can say is for your boyfriend it perhaps was "out of sight, out of mind"...

[momagain59]

This is what I meant to say. "I would say that if it isn't your friend, it must be another friend of hers that she doesn't want to tell on."  Maybe it was even a mutual friend or a relative of your friend.

[momagain59]

I would say that it wasn't your friend, it must be another friend of hers that she doesn't want to tell on.

[mami1323]

I thought that as well.

[BabyHardiman]

I hate to mention this, but could it be your bestfriend that may have been fooling around with your boyfriend, and that's why she is not giving any details?

[mami1323]

Why is your friend not giving you details?  Tell your friend that you would like to confront the girl.

[LadyKira]

That's the thing, she wont tell me who she saw or who told her. She's just like, 'he's doing it and that's all I need to know' She wont say weather he had sex with the girl or kiss the girl or what. Just that he's messing with other girls. know who his ex was.  And it's not like I'm gonna go find the girl and beat her up. I would like to talk to the girl and hear it for my own ears.The only thing she mention once to me was that he was seen talking to his ex at a football game that I didnt go too. I dont think she knows that I already know who the ex is and i dont believe that he'd go back to her, but I could be wrong.

[momagain59]

Let's see, who is usually found to be the liar in these situations?

All the ones that I have been involved with, the friend was telling the truth, whether it was a male or female.

[sammy73]

mami has a point - your boyfriend has a bigger incentive to lie to you than your friend does, so it makes it more likely that he is.

There's another possibility - both are telling (more or less) the truth.  What exactly does your friend say she has seen?  Your boyfriend may have been enjoying hanging out with some girls, may have been flirting a bit, but it didn't go any further.  There's nothing really wrong with that, to my mind, but if your friend saw it she could have interpreted it as being more serious.  It's also possible he's platonic friends with a particular girl, but it's nothing more than just pals - although in this case, if he's not telling you it's either because he feels guilty or awkward about it, or because he is worried you'll misinterpret his behaviour.  It's OK for a guy to be platonic friends with a girl, but if it's truly platonic he should have no reason to hide it from his girlfriend.

Ultimately there's no way we can tell who is telling the truth here - it's a difficult situation, you're going to have to work it out yourself.