Help for someone with a sexually abused girlfriend

[slobobski]

Here's my story; I'm a male, and I'm 17 years old, I've been dating my girlfriend (19 years old) for about 6 months now. I'll call her Julie (not her real name). We met when I was 13 and she was 15. When she was 17, her now ex boyfriend date-raped her. Shortly after this she was raped by her own alcoholic father. Her father continued to physically beat her and rape her for the next two years. I was unaware of this when we started dating. After a few months she finally started to tell me about it, and I tried to help her get away from him. I finally got her to tell a friend of mine, and we got her moved in with another woman. My friend, learning that her father had done this recently, was legally obligated to report him, but Julie recanted everything. Feeling betrayed by my friend, Julie irrationally moved back in with her parents. Her mother won't do anything to protect her, and Julie is too dysfunctional to get help or tell the truth to anyone else. She's also had problems with sexual promiscuity with other guys, and alcohol. I know that is a result of the abuse, but she is a sweet girl and it kills me to see what has become of her. I've spent many a sleepless night on the phone with her telling her what to do when her father is trying to break down the door, or when another guy has been harassing her or stalking her (that part she usually brought on herself.) she has been taken advantage of by guys she thought were her friends, and still kept them as friends. I think she wants to do the right thing, she just doesn’t know how. I can’t abandon her because I love and care for her, and I can see hope in the situation. And I know she truly does love me. I don't know what to do at this point. Please help

[jo929]

i commend you for wanting to help, but you cant help someone, when they do not want help she is of legal age, and she knows that she can leave anytime she desires. and so does her parents as long as she lives there, it is her choice, and i feel that you have done all you can, you are 17 and still in school get on with your education, and your life and let the girl decide what she wants to do, you are really to young to help in a legal way, and i know this bothers you, but think of the future this girl will have problems the rest of her life, and now she chooses to live with her abuser, there is nothing else you can do except let go you said she had problems with promiscuity with other guys can you take it when she does it again i knoe you hate it when someone says you are young but we were all young once, and i am old enough to be your granmother, and i see nothing but unhappiness for you if you continue to date this girl. i have worked with people mentally ill and abused, and i talk from experince.  luck  jo

[Judy246]

Your girlfriend is very fortunate to have you, but right now you are dealing with damaged goods. You do have options and it's really important to get her family (other than parents) involved to get her out of that continued abusive behavior. Her grandmother, aunt, uncles, counsins, anyone who will listen to need to get involved and the it should be reported to the police. It's incest and rape and there are laws to protect her from preditors, including her father. it's painful to have to advise on how to protect someone against their own father, it's unatural isn't it. A police report has to be made against her ex also, so that he will not only not do it again, but protect other women from this preditor. Social Services could get involved and Victim or Rape shelters can provide protection or advice on where she can be taken out of her home environment, but don't do this alone, have her immediate family step in, get her out of there and take the necessary legal steps so that her father and ex will not continue to anyone else. Please keep us up to date on how you both are coming along.