Help

[Kc420]

Hey there so im a sixteen year old girl, about a year ago i was hospitalized for galbladder galstones hernia problems dispite the amount of stress i was going back threw then alone with belmia i got out of the hospital and started getting healthy for once, i met my boyfriend 6 months ago and hes been living with me ever since, it was great we were so tight and trusyed only one another wr both have bad social anxiety, his is with family mine is with friends.. We had such a strong love bit that dident last long. So its been a year since ive been out of the hospital and since ive been with his iver let myself go all over agian, ive been contipated so terribly the past year and this past six months has just been junk food and pot te marijuana im okay with. So taking aeay te irritablitby and my lack of sexual pleasure, id be okay with my failing relationship but herea the thing, even before i met my boyfriend id have episodes evrry so often just grtting so maf then so sad then so funnybits obiously manic depression but id rather jot take valum for it. I cant really explain what happenda when i brrak down but its getting worse and worse we only had a good relatiobship beforebhe moved in once he moved in it went to ****, i just want him to be happy and nlknowong he could be happy just i want him to go be happy but he doesnt belive me i break down over everything and rven thinking of a previous break doen gives me hundrads of thoufhts i just dont know what to do i dont know how to get him to leave i dont care for my happyness, ive never been loved gave love made love liked anyone been liked. Hes had alot of sex in the past and tht never botherd ne untill now untill i break down and start thinking our sex is now neaningless because he doesbt even care to look at me much and i knoe its because my boobs are tiny as **** and i have a very very un appealing body, i told myself when i gotbout f the hospital even tho all i want is to be loved never to want somthjng so ba becausr im just going to get ****** over, now wht asixteen year old spends six months being this guys wench ans now cant take it anymore just wants some more graditude fron thr kne eho she does all this for and she cant earn it? I just dont think he really takes ke seriously because im wanting the rest of ny life basrd on thisguy im fuckinh crazy i just need to off myself lol he could be alone or finally give the love he has wrapped up saved inside to give to someone and i can be where ive wanted to be for alobg time now ah he stopped telling me ecerything he thinks many montha ago afyer i atarted ragging kn him to gelp me more now i dont even carebi just want him to leve and fotget abouy this terrible thing i made hom think a relationship would be, eceb tho id imagine theyre ruff because ive spent hunds of days in and out with a guy somthjng totaply new and this has made me feel like ive aged thirfy yeats, i cant wait juat to feel the satisafction of my eyes finally closing and not needing to be open to cry another 5 hours  day and have panic attacks that hes givib up on becausr they just seen to annoy him noe idfk ehy wont he leave it just hurting me ao bad does he want to hurt me he doesnt help me understand him so i try to get in his head and everything i think is so fine and derailed if i could wrap up all those tiny add on thoghts how could not one thing i say be true in his mind.

[aheart]

   You are trying to find someone to fix you and make you happy but I'm sorry to tell you that it won't happen until you have lots of therapy and "fix" yourself. You see, when we are not whole ourselves relationship with others will never work out. You have alot of work to do. Please take a year off and just work at loving yourself and getting happy with you first, you are WORTH IT!! A good therapist can guide you to a new you. Otherwise you are swimming against the current and will never get anywhere. Good luck and remember that we must love ourselves before we have something to share with others.=)

[Londres70]

WOW!!  Sorry, your post was a little difficult to read due to the grammar.  

16 and you have a live-in bf that you are sexually active with?  Is that correct?

Are you in therapy at all for your psych issues?  i.e. Anxiety, Bulimia?