Holding A Grudge..

[TruthfullyYours91]

Hello :)
  
I suppose this can go here. It is about a relationship.
Before the man I am with now. I was dating another guy from my childhood. I had known this guy (Lets call him Mick) since we were both "kinderheads" (lol :) fast forward we began dating at age 17.. in early 2010 Mick introduced me more to God.

                *His father is a pastor of the church I formerly went to by the way . I feel that this is important :) *
During this entire experience. I got closer to God. I was even baptized again at 20years old. I fell in love with the people of the church.. including; Mick, his dad, and his mother. EVERYBODY. Just the fact that we all had the same goal.. following God. I even recognized these folks as my family. (Though they are not blood) I thought of them as if they were my actual family.

almost 3 year's later.. down the line I find myself growing up, and my relationship with Mick I feel is not what I want. So I do the logical thing, and I break up with him.

The weeks following that event... go terrible. He goes on Facebook posting thing's such as.. "Women are the reason why men are dogs." and he just goes about directing vile comments at me. I get hysterical. I start crying because I have honestly only told him, "I feel like I need to move on with my life."  (I did not say much more. I was not mean. I was straight forward) His cousin who I thought of as my own family (WHO IS 45) wants to fight me because I have made Mick unhappy..

AND ONTOP of that over half of the people that I consider my family ALL side with Mick because he's sad...And they dislike me now because I've made Mick ..so upset.

I tell his Dad about this, and his Dad's words are. "Well he's hurt, and you hurt him. How do you accept him to act?" He's suppose to be my pastor correct..he is usually neutral about a lot of topic. who is this man???

I went about saying. "I understand that, but that gives him no right to say these things to me." I am crying while we are talking. It just seems it does not matter I am in the wrong.

                                                             Anyway a year has gone by and I'm always thinking about this church, and the people that once WERE my family. A lot of them have left the church for their own reasoning, but some still remain. I have spoken to my sister recently (She attends the church still...and known the entire situation, she was there when it was going on) I tell her ' I want to go back, but I'm afraid." She understands I am because previously most of the church did not agree with my break up with Mick, but she tells me to come.. that situation has sense been gone.

I start figuring out which Sunday, or even  Wednesday I can go (I WORK NIGHTS, and I am a nurse.. you know they don't give us days off that frequently lol)

Just a day after that she says," Remember when I told you to come to church..Well I don't want you to feel un-welcomed,but just lay low for a bit. Mick is still having a difficult time with this, but pastor (Mick's dad) says to call him.

It had been about 4 months now since she said that..I refuse to speak to his Dad.(Which is kind of retarded. He is the pastor of that church) I really do love that church, and I feel like I could never find another church like that one. I want to go back. I even got my family to start going, but they stopped upon the stupidity of the situation with me an mick.

                                           Would I be stupid to just go on my own accord??  Would that make any sense?


All Opinions, and Advice is 100% welcomed.

(Yes I am holding a grudge.. especially against Micks dad...his Mom has since tried to follow me on instagram, and has repeatedly requested me as a friend on FB.. ))

[Vance2335]

Well as someone active in a church I say, pray in it. God is the one you need to listen to, not mick or his father or anyone else. God will guide you to where he wants you.
Church is about strengthing our relationship with God and no matter what he will guide you. So just don't think about it, but act God what he wants you to do. It may be subtile but he will tell you.

[nursegirl6572]

Agree completely with the above posts.

I don't know why in the world you would even entertain returning to the church.  While I understand you liked it there and had a connection with people, most of that connection was through Mick, and whether you agree with it or not, they're going to have his back and with his Dad being the pastor, it's probably going to be very uncomfortable.

Also, look at it from Mick's POV.  His church is also HIS safe place and HIS sanctuary (which he had before you were ever in the picture), which I'm sure is a big part of his support system.  YOU broke up with him, and now you want to start going to the same church again?  

Imagine how YOU would feel if the tables were turned, and the church that YOU introduced your ex to, that YOUR father was pastor of, was no longer a "safe refuge" for you?  That's kind of unfair, especially because there are countless other churches.  It seems intrusive and "in your face", even if you have the best of intentions.

My advice to you, for everyone involved is to find a new church.  You'll grow to love a new church and its people just as much as you loved that one.  

And, holding a grudge I agree with Londres, is a waste of time and energy.  Time to let this stuff go, don't bother yourself with reading things he posts, find a new church, and get on with life.

Best of luck to you.

[Londres70]

These people are supposed to be "church going people?"  They sound drama-like and immature.  Reminds me of a high school clique more than a church.

BTW:   "Mick" is responsible for "MICK'S" happiness.  

Well......God gave you good sense from the sounds of it and I would use your good judgement and not futher discuss anything with these people and find another church.  Trust me you will find something else; another church.  You might want to consider doing something with your FB and Instagram accounts.  I wouldn't worry about what "Mick" is posting.  

It's nice to fellowship with others, but there is no need to put yourself through all this nonsense.  You should feel WELCOMED in a church, not ostracize because of a breakup between you and this pastor's son or because of the decisions you make.  

Grudges......well, grudges are wasted energy on people not worth the energy.   Find something else or someone else to use your energy on.  
Pray for them (as they need it) and wish them well.......then move on to another church.  

[Chima7]

Breakups are tough, particularly for the one who is dumped. It's a very painful and heartbreaking thing to go through. His dad was right when he said, how did you expect him to react. The people you met through your ex are naturally going to side with him because they were his fam and friends before you ever came into the picture. It's hard to be the friends of a couple who breaks up because if you remain friends with the person who broke up with your friend, it can get really messy! So, none of their reactions are unusual in this kind of situation.

If you want to go back then go. But don't be surprised and don't get upset if people are weird toward you. You can tell them that you understand it's awkward but you're there to continue to grow your faith and strengthen your relationship with God. If they're any kind of believers, they should accept that. Because it's not like all of them are without their own past misdeeds, too. Living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and all that. Jesus taught forgiveness. I mean, isn't that at the very core of who He is? While we were all sinners, Christ died for us all so that we may have eternal life. He forgave all of us, that's the bottom line. And all of those people, if they refuse to forgive you, are not following the example taught by Jesus Himself, so, they need to live it if they're going to preach it. Which means you'll have to forgive them too, for how they treated them after the breakup. It's still a two way street in that regard.