How Do I Let It Go And Move On With My Life?

[Craagman]

Hey,

I dont really know where to start but ill try and keep it short, Im a 21 year old male, I was in a 3 year relationship which was goin well. Myself and the ex were looking for a house and were soon to be engaged. Then out of the blue I got a phone call saying it was over with no explanation and she broke off all contact. I thought it would be best to give her some space but soon found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend of 14 years. After about 2 weeks of seperation they moved in together in my hometown. It is like they are two different people she is not the girl i love and he is not my best friend. I cant explain the pain this caused it is easier but i still feel it everyday. We all used to hang out in a circle of close friends. I cant accept what they have done but my other friends still carry on as if nothing happened, (helped them move in etc). Appart from 2 other close friends (who have also broke away from the group) i have no contact with any of them. Its 7 months on now and i find myself getting so lonely. I still go out with friends etc but its the nights that really hurt being alone. I have accepted that its over and was never ment to be but i cant seem to get rid of this empty feeling.

Any advise or personal experiences would be very helpfull thanks,
CraagMan

[debgunn23]

I know exactly how you feel mine was a 4 year relationship and i was in such a deep love with him. He just decided to leave me and it sucked! Day by day all i would think about his his smile,eyes, the way he said i love you everything. I didnt even want anyone eles cause it reminded me of him. I couldnt eat for days i was so upset. He was my love...and then i saw him not long afterwards with another woman smiling and dancing even kissing her like he did me. I lost it.... i didnt think i would ever be ok again.....but afte a while i started to not feel so lonely or depressed. It took a while but i got better. You just gotta keep your head up and TRY not to think about it. go to a club and dance with some girls, maybe go onto a dating site and see whats out there. Im sure you will find someone. ;)

[Jasmine205]

It's hard to get over something like that because it was a "double betraying" done to you.. From two people you trusted the most. You have to take the time to regain trust of people close to you and let yourself heal.
Sorry that you had to go through this, but I'm sure down the road good things will be awaiting you, when you are able to accept them again.

[Vance2335]

So you have heard this before but I can relate to your pain. Had someone break up with me, I was 22 or 23 at the time. Finishing up college, so was she. She was coming back from Christmas break and was supposed to stay with me for 4 days until the dorms opened back up. Well the day before all seemed well, then the day came and I never heard from her. Spoke to her a couple of times for probably about 10 seconds each time, because she would make an excuse to get off the phone.

So 10 years later I still have no clue what happened. Last time I had seen her before the nothingness was new years day and we had a lot of fun together. But after time I moved on, had sex with a number of different women but it was not until I started a relationship again was I not thinking about her. Now I am married and know that I have found my soul mate. When I think back I laugh at my reaction to her because in my life she was/is meaningless.

I know it may hurt and you may feel lonly but in time you will look back and feel the same way as I do. for the time being just make yourself open to dating and having fun.

[treazzure007]

good advice given.  get out there with a positive attitude and chin high and try again.  you will be happy and fulfilled again

[kjmomma]

I've seen this exact situation w/my own eyes....so I know where you're coming from.  Honestly, *F* them both....right?  I mean, if your best friend of 14 yrs is going to do that to you...he wasn't a best friend in the first place.  And if your girlfriend after 3 yrs goes after your best friend....she wasn't serious w/you.  If they want eachother, go let them.

Now, how do you cope w/your personal pain....stop thinking about it.  Literally.  Stop cold turkey.  You're only 21.  You'll look back years from now and feel glad that this happened.  

[RockRose]

craagman,  I think everyone here can understand your pain.  Love can be so hard.

But I have a different perspective.  This was your girlfriend,  very early in life,  and you weren't even engaged.  You were in a relationship,  not quite serious enough to become engaged.

This is what happens to those relationships.  Some work out,  and they move forward into deeper relationships,  most don't and they break apart.  This one followed the more typical pattern of breaking apart.  You're both very young and this was a young relationship.

Honestly,  craag, you're not old enough to be married.  You're still in the stage of trying to establish what kind of man you will be.  This is the time to be completing your education,  and getting your feet wet in the career field.  And it's time to date a number of women to see where your best match is.  She wasn't your best match,  you two grew in different directions.

And as cold as this may sound,  don't expect your friends to take sides.  They cared for both of you,  they're trying to move forward,  my guess is they saw this long before you did.

Some day,  you'll say this is the best thing that ever happened to you - losing her.  I promise.

Best wishes.

[AnxiousGurl]

Everything Catie said and more....
You can and will get past this, however long it takes...is up to you.  You must be hurting so much:how could the two closest people betray you like that...well it happens and theres nothing you can really do about it except move on and let go.

**Get out there and find activities to do and new friends...you'll surely meet someone new and that will quickly get your mind off things**
I wish you the best.

[teddybear552]

I know exactly how you feel brother. I was 28 and in a relationship for two years with a wonderful woman. She had 2 kids that I feel in love with and they treated me like their dad.  We were also suppose to get married.  Then one day she told me that it wasn't going to work out and kicked me out of the house. My heart was shattered and she didn't care. I didnt lose just my girlfriend I had lost my family.  I did the research. The best way to get back at her is to be successful in life and love will come. It took me three years to get over her because i was afraid to date another woman again. I can tell you one thing. If you leave this girl alone, the relationship wont last. Just give it time. It was a bad relationship from the start. The best thing is to date, but be careful not to put all your emotions on the line.  Even if you get married, be careful and understand women can love you and they can also hurt you.