How can you survive a relationship without enough sex??

Question

I am so utterly frustrated. We used to have a fantastic HOT HOT and frequent sex life. Now its so pitiful. Twice a week if I am lucky, and by the time he FINALLY approaches me I am MAD!!!! I want someone who cant get enough of me. I want excitement I want HOT I want someone I can wear lingerie for and know I wont be ignored. I am a very hot woman with a great bod. I don't understand how a man goes from wanting sex all the time to this twice a week ****. I am so over it. I don't feel desirable anymore. It hurts my feelings and I feel very disengaged from the relationship. A couple times I have talked to other men but I never went through with anything but I wonder if it would make me feel better. I could at least feel desirable and hot again.

This discussion is related to My Husband Never Wants To Have Sex!.

babydollcounty · Answer

I am feeling the same way. You're lucky because u get it at least 2times a week me I'm lucky if I get it once a week:/ it ***** && its not like I don't take care of myself. I'm a mother of twins & fitness is everything to me. Sometimes it hurts a lot to know uve put so much time to look so good for your other n they don't really notice , affection is thrown out the window & u feel as if ur a b**** all the time bc ur just so hurt & its easier to not show ur weakness once they know how u feel but they still don't do anything about it. When we sleep I end up watching him sleep. It drives me up the wall. I throw myself at him he says stop eventually I kinda just got over it n my best friends have been my fingers(lol) really saad. But I can't make him have sex w me if he doesn't want to you know?

Ra_J · Answer

I definitely feel your pain Lizzie. In fact, my fiance is the total opposite of you (maybe she can learn a thing or two). She is absolutely gorgeous, but we rarely have sex, she never wears sexy lingerie even though I tell her I'll buy her any type of lingerie she wants. I get it maybe once a week. What makes things worse is that I try to get her in the mood by rubbing her, but once she gets off, or really hot, she stops me and goes to sleep. Wtf? It's like the least she could do is return the favor... Just thought I'd share the same frustration.

teko · Answer

Does saltpeter work for women? If it is just sex you miss, buy a vibrator. If it is the intimacy that you miss, open up the communication between you and find out why there is a problem, that did not exist before. Changes in appetite come from many sources. Maybe he is stressed out, working long hours and is tired, maybe he doesnt feel as close to you as he once did, or maybe he feels like he has to perform on demand. Who knows for sure. You two need to talk....

specialmom · Answer

I think people have to decide what type of relationship they want to be in.  Sexual intimacy is often a good indicator of the other issues within a relationship.  Hard to want to have sex with someone if you are resentful or hurt or angry torwards their actions.  In that case, a couple needs to work on those other issues and perhaps intimacy will return.  People also have different sexual styles and needs and a couple must communicate and compromise in order to make sure both partners are fulfilled.  Counseling will help with both of these problems.  Infidelity is not used as a tool to help a relationship and usually ends it.  good luck

mami1323 · Answer

What kind of advice is that?  Hey if you don't get what you want cheat?  That's just unbelievable.  What has this society been reduced to?  How about open communication, how about if you aren't happy or sexually compatible, then find someone who meets your needs better.  Not go out and look for someone else to please you but selfishly keep your partner.  I have a feeling he wouldn't agree to it.  I don't think many sane people would.

EveKendall · Answer

Discuss whether you can have a lover outside the relationship. If you aren't getting your needs met, you aren't getting your needs met. Saying that "2 times a week is fine" or "you're lucky to get it" doesn't pass the sniff test. We all have different libidos.  

If he doesn't want to have sex with you more than 2x a week, why would he care if somebody else is hitting you at other times? I'd discuss taking an outside lover. Be clear that you would prefer that you want sex with HIM more frequently, but if he can't rise to the occasion (ahem!), then suggest stepping outside of the relationship for what you need. Good luck!

imanaddict · Answer

You sound like you have a unhealthy judgement towards all women because your woman doesn't give you sex as often as you like. I understand that is frustrating, but you have a choice to leave the relationship if she's "a bitter and delusional woman." Not all women sit on their a$$ and spend all the money. In fact, there are some of us who raise a family and work full time jobs. Women like myself whose husband works nights so who does ALL the housework, bathes the kids, helps with homework, cooks, packs lunches, laundry, etc? Me! And I'm not alone!

williamthomasfarrell · Answer

Try getting sex once every 8 months or soo with a bitter delusional woman. Who in the hell is getting sex 2 times a week? I work 70 hours a week at the postal service, I'm thin and strong, and have just about no sex life. We have only been together for 2-1/2 years, and at times I feel like she might as well be my mom. If you are getting sex 2 times a week than you should be greatfull because there is a lot wemen out there who could care less about sex and that is pretty retarted, especially because most of them do nothing but sit on there *** and spend your money.

peaceinknowing · Answer

HAHAHAHA -- I was about to say, oh my goodness! I hope that everything works out for the best for the both of you, though!

j7653 · Answer

I meant to write that post to you, not peaceinknowing.  Sorry

j7653 · Answer

I understand your pain because what you are going thru is very similar to what I am dealing with.  But in my case I have a hot sexy wife who doesnt seem to be interested in sex any more.  I do everything I can think of to keep things good - communication, affection, staying fit, grooming, etc...  I get so frustrated that she doesnt want to fool around that I get mad.  Then of course she doesnt want to fool around because I am not acting nice to her.

Please, please, please do not cheat.  You cannot believe the unbelievable damage you will do to your relationship if you are found out or even if you are not.  Read ANY of the posts on this website if you want proof.  It absolutely is not worth it.  You have to work on yourself as best you can to make yourself happy.  Perhaps you can get him to some counseling if you think that would help.

I feel your pain!

peaceinknowing · Answer

I have to agree with some of the posts here where they tell you that having sex with your partner twice a week is a lot for some. My husband and I have known one another our entire lives. His parents and my parents are the best of friends, to the point where they built houses next to one another. Scary to some, but the truth, and he and I find ourselves more and more in love because of this amazing foundation we feel that we have because of our families being so close. Anyways, onto my opinion about this...

Every two people are different when it comes to a relationship and how it should be handled. Whether it be in the bedroom or on the couch when the TV is going in the background. Not every person feels the need for constant sex to be able to have it verified in their mind that they're happy in a relationship. Maybe I worded this wrong, and I'm sorry if that comes off as harsh and/or cruel. It sounds like to me, that you're in search of a dominant sex life to prove to yourself that the relationship is stable enough to get through anything. Sex is important in a relationship, but it shouldn't conquer everything involved with the relationship, if this makes sense.

Best of luck to you, and I hope that everything works out for you in the long run. Please do keep us posted on anything that might change for you guys, though!

imanaddict · Answer

Lizzie, 

I went back and read a post you created on the same subject in another room. You left out some pretty important details! Hopefully you have gotten some answers by now and if not, you received an answer on the Expert Forum where you posted, and he has some questions for you.

Good luck!

jo929 · Answer

do not cheat, if you want to cheat leave him, or do you really love him   luck  jo

imanaddict · Answer

There is so much more to relationships than just sex. I'm not saying sex isn't important, but first and foremost you have to have trust, communication, honesty, monogamy, etc... Those are the things that REALLY count. Sex is a bonus! If you cheated, ALL of that would be taken away just like that. Poof! Gone! Would it be worth it?? 

I am another one of the ladies on here that only gets sex a couple of times a week. It's pretty average for couples who have been together a while. 

A friend was in a relationship with a guy who NEVER complimented her. He never wanted to discuss feelings, and the sex wasn't even that great, but he was a REALLY REALLY good boyfriend to her and father to her kids (although he wasn't their bio father). What did she do? She cheated to make herself feel better. Well guess what happened next? Yep, he found out and dumped her. It's been 9 months and she still cries over him and wants him back, but he won't have anything to do with her (of course). She messed up a good thing! The point is no matter who you are with, there will be SOMETHING that bothers you. And vice versa! No one is perfect, so if you have a good thing going, work on your insecurity of needing constant attention, and don't let it break you two apart!

megochick101 · Answer

When my hubby and I first got together we had sex a lot lol sometimes 5-6 times a day, now that we have 2 kids it has come to about 1 to 2 times a week, and since my sex drive has been a little down lately due to the newest baby he's lucky if he gets it once a week(poor hubby) Stress can severely diminish sex drives so if he has added stress in his life that could be it, or if he's gained weight he may be self conscious or hell it could be a lot of reasons. 

You just need to talk to him(in a non judge mental way)and tell him how you feel. He probably doesn't even realize you're feeling this way and can't change what he doesn't know. And as others have said, the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. Outside things start influencing it and after awhile you have to start working at it.

heatherlynn22 · Answer

cheating is not the answer. that will lead too a whole lot more problems. if you are that thoroughly unhappy save him some heart ache and a possible std (or baby that is not his) and break up with/divorce him. 2 x's a week is not bad. when dh and i first started having sex (granted it was only 1-2 weeks a year i saw him) it was 5-7 days a week. now it's 3-5/6 (closer to 3...we're usually too exhausted to do anything but snuggle while watching a movie). do we want more? sure we do. but that's NOT everything a relationship is about. it's about love, compassion, understanding and being there for/with the wo/man that you love.

jenstam · Answer

Two times a week isn't bad. Maybe you should look inside if you need sex to feel HOT. Sounds like things are normal to me. My husband and I had HOT frequent sex when we first met and now it's 2-3 times per week and that's normal. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But you should never need sex to feel hot or desirable. If you love this man then you need to meet halfway. I wouldn't suggest cheating. Cheaters never win.

imanaddict · Answer

I wouldn't suggest cheating. It won't make you feel better in the long run. Temporarily maybe, but don't forget how many times women find themselves in this situation only to come out worse than to begin with. Sure sex is ALWAYS hot and heavy in the beginning. It's usually that way for most everyone. There always comes a time when the "honeymoon" phase is over and if you cheated, that flame would eventually burn out as well. Plus it takes away dignity and self respect. Communication is key to a good sex life. If he isn't willing to talk with you about it, or ignores your feelings, then maybe this guy isn't for you.

Judy246 · Answer

Also, if he approaches you and you reject him, because you are pist off, he doesn't know why you are rejecting him and it will turn him off and away. Don't reject him, because you are pist off...talk with him and tell him you want more.

Judy246 · Answer

I agree with vmvnpv and I don't read anywhere that states that you are married. 2 x a week now a day's is considered good! It's time to have a talk with your partner and ask him what's going in his life that he is neglecting you sexually? Tell him that you feel he's not giving you the attention that you need! No human being is going to have sex every single day. There is much more responsibilities in life than sex every day and if he works, he could be tired or stress. Talk to the man. I don't think it's a good idea to venture out of the relationship and do something you will regret later and will definately have consequences. If that's what you want to do, break up with him first and then you are free to do whatever you want. Good luck

vmvnpv · Answer

There's a lot of women out there (men too) that would love to have sex as much as 2 times a week.  With that said, maybe he's under some stress?  Work?  Family?  It could be a physical thing.  It could be he's seeing someone else?  How long have you been married?  It could be he's not into sex as much the older he gets.  What you need to do is talk to him about it and find out what's going on.  Maybe he's busy and just wants to relax when he gets home.  Like I said, to a lot of people would think twice a week is a lot.