How did you survive a broken heart?

We have a quite a few people struggling with the aftermath of a broken relationship and now struggling with a broken heart? How did you handle the aftermath of picking up the pieces and the sting of a broken heart?

[Judy246]

I was once dumped by someone whom I was in love with and actually thought he was the one, but I didn't realize that he did not feel the same way. After a painful breakup, I literally had to change my cell phone number and made sure I was surrounded by my family and close friends. Although I had my a support group, the nights were rough and I cried alot and was sooo angry and hurt that he didn't feel the same way.  

I believe we learn lessons from these dark experience. It give us character, maturity and we become wise and never let anyone ever hurt us again. I am now able to simply and easily walk away and not look back and mean it and there was a time when that was impossible.

[jojo24]

In college, I was deeply infatuated with a guy who pretended he was just as infatuated with me, which it turned out later that I (among others, apparently) was just a booty call to him.  I thought we had a great connection.   I didn't know what was up until his roommate let me into their apartment one day and he came out of his room wearing only a towel and a girl following him.  He hugged her goodbye, and then tried to hug me, which I refused, so he started sexually harassing me in front of his friends.  I was so humiliated and heartbroken.  I went home and locked myself in my apartment for almost a month, only leaving to go to class and work.  During that time, somehow, being alone, I got to know myself.  I looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful, intelligent, talented woman and I knew I deserved better.  He wasn't the first guy to break my heart, but by far the most memorable since he broke it in front of people.  But he caused me to have an epiphany.  No matter how popular, successful, or gorgeous a guy was, he had no right to treat me that way.  His actions made me realize that I'm worth more than that and how I deserve respect.  I can honestly say that when I had a thing for him, I thought he was the one and even for awhile after he stopped being so nice, I still thought I had a chance.  But self-actualization made it clear that I needed to love myself and not take that **** from anyone.  When I started dating again, I kept that in mind, and I could usually tell when things started to go south because I started using my head along with my heart.  There were other situations where I really wanted it to work out, but I had to make sure that both of us were getting what we needed out of the relationship too, instead of just going on feelings alone.  There is nothing easy about heartbreak. When you're going through it, it feels like it will never end. But I definitely feel like if you learn from it, it makes you stronger and in a way, keeps you from getting hurt again.
Jojo

[Judy246]

Great story and I hope someone will read it and learn from it. My ex had the nerve to tell me to back to my ex who loved me. Stunned and numb that someone would "dare" speak to me that way and who the hell did he think he was telling me who I can be with? Hurt and I did have to take personal quite time to reflect and realize who the real me inside is. Also, we are not heartbroken just once, this will happen throughout our lifetime, so it's not just a 1 time event. We are luck if we find the Mr. perfect, but it's not for everyone.  Thanks for sharing....Judy

[mami1323]

Oh man, my heart has been broken sooooo many times....lol.  Well let's see my first real heartbreak was my first love.  We had been together 6 years and lived together for 3 years and we were together from 15 years old until 21 years old.  I loved him so much, he was my best friend, my first sexual experience and we had even looked at engagement rings to get married.  Well I guess the age played a factor in our breakup and the fact that he wanted to hang out like a teenager all of a sudden.  So I got tired of him coming home at the wee hours of the morning and so I broke up with him.  We lived together for like 6 months still after the breakup, it hurt so much more because I kept wanting to get back with him and he kept telling me know.  He would leave and do what he pleased with no cares for me.  So I told him he had a month to get out, I couldn't handle the constant ups and downs.  So he moved and basically disappeared out of my life.  Than one day he finally told me the truth that he had been seeing someone.  Turned out, he started seeing her before we actually broke up.  She was some girl he worked with.  I cried so hard and told him he needed to get the rest of his c r a p outta my house unless he wanted it burned and I threw all of it in boxes.  He came to pick it up the next day and I begged him to think about what he was doing and how he could do it to me.  He ran off like a little coward and I think I stayed in my room for hours at a time, with tears running down my face.  Thinking I would never love again, wishing he would come back to me.  But I held strong, focused on school, graduated college and tried my hardest not to call him.  The only time we talked was when my grandmother died and he came to see me and for some reason that day he came to see me, I got over him because I found out from a friend of mine that he had cheated on his current girlfriend with a girl that sleeps around with so many men.  Including his friends.  It must've been a turnoff or something but after that, I enjoyed my life.  I fully recovered but I didn't get over him completely until about a year and a half later.  Than I met my ex that I dated for 2 1/2 years, he didn't want a commitment and so he was always breaking my heart.  So I decided that I would date other guys, met another guy at my job and we dated for about 3 months, until I found out he had a girlfriend and dumped his sorry a$$, that one hurt only because he had convinced me that he was some great guy and I was just tired of men lying to me.  So I went back and forth with my ex of 2 1/2 years for a while but hadn't seen him for about 3 months when I met my current fiance.  Who swept me off my feet and wound up breaking it off completely with my ex who in turn felt hurt but knew he couldn't give me what I needed but yet still tried to heavily pursue me when he knew I had moved on.  Richie and I were shaky in the beginning and he moved to PR for a few months and that broke me up inside.  It hurt almost the same as when I broke up with my first bf.  But we survived that.  His affair killed me the most but you know what, I have gotten stronger each and every time some man has hurt me.  So I knew how to deal with it.  You just have to keep moving, you know the pain will eventually go away.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and time heals all wounds.  These are sayings for a reason, because it is true.  

[Judy246]

Thanks Mami for sharing your many heartbreaks, so you see this not only happens once it can happen throught out your life, so why spend so much of your time, energy, percious emotions grieving, hurting, crying, angry, wanting to kill him (lol) and just plain hurt over a man who was able to penetrate your heart and easily turn his back.

The guy whom I thought was the one (I won't dignify him, by mentioning his pathetic name) had problems with commitment and marriage phobic. I scensed it from the very beginning and it anger me that my six sense told me that something was wrong and I didn't pay attention. We have that inner ability (like a guardian angel) to be warned when something is just not right. I wish I would have listened to it. I would have save myself physical and emotional pain. Being heartbroken is like feeling you should be hospitalized, because you are going to die! You feel like you are not going to survive this awful pain or spear through the heart, yet the sun will eventually and at the right time, come out again.

[Jennifer1987]

i have had break ups before, but none of them like this... None have hurt this much... im so angry that it is actually damaging me.. My personality, happiness and all that! Thanks for thoes stories, they have opened my eyes to the fact that i could go through this again , and that i need to put me first!

[mami1323]

It's about not allowing someone make you the victim.  I had to learn that and man it took a long time.  Even though they've hurt you, you can muster up the strength to not feel sorry for yourself.  It takes time though to get out of that black hole but you have to tell yourself daily that this person isn't worth me feeling this sad, this person isn't work my health, isn't worth my happiness.  It all comes from within.  You have the power to make yourself happy on your own.  We shouldn't look to others to do that for us.

[Judy246]

I also believe that having someone to talk to you that has experienced the loss of a love can help alot, because when you are in a state of depression over a loss, you can't think clearly. Having your thoughts on one particular man/woman constantly can easily turn into an obsession, like a worship and that is debilitating and unhealty.

[Pres0081]

Funny how Judy asks this question yesterday... it was the day that my 3 year relationship ended. I honestly thought this was it for me... he was the one. Man was I wrong... too bad it took me 3 years to figure it out.

This boy has broken my heart so many times and in so many ways. As some of you may know, I have not been blessed with a good health. He has NEVER been there for me. When I started a treatment last year which in return would destroy my body, he had come over at a family dinner (he came over for 3 dinners in 3 years). I had to announce to my family that I would not be able to have children and in return, I would have to take this treatment in hopes of avoiding a hysterectomy. He sat beside me, holding my hand, promised my family that he would be there. When the first treatment came, he was nowhere to be found. Turns out... he had to go skiing with his friends.

A year before that, I found out I was pregnant. He was due to leave for Europe on a boys only trip. I had asked him to stay because I was sick and I truly needed him. His response " you'll be sick whether I go or not so why should I miss out?". He then called me from Amsterdam to break up with me... the same day I miscarried. When he returned, I told him what had happened.... no emotion.... no tears.... no hug.... no support for follow up visits.

Thing is, we had broken up last October and I had found a great man. He then came back and told me he had changed and was ready to start a life with me.... 5 months later... you're reading the outcome. I recently had surgery and mister decides that it's more important to go on a boys weekend to shop and watch a football game instead of being with me.

He was never supportive. It got to the point where I had to ask my own bf for affection. I didn't get a kiss or a hug without having to ask for it. He would come over, get high and fall asleep on my couch. He controlled when I would see him, for how long, everything. I lost myself.

Even though it is very hard right now, I know that I would not go anywhere if I stayed with him. I would be a gf forever. He never talked about a future with me. No marriage talk, no baby talk, no moving in talk. Even after 3 years and he being 27 and I being 23. My life would turn into my mother's life. No say in anything. Dreams not fulfilled. Feeling like a nothing for the rest of my life. It clicked when she came over yesterday and looked at me straight in the eyes and said " I had 2 gorgeous children with your father. We did have good times but I now find myself... not knowing who I am. It may be too late for me but it's not for you. Don't spend the rest of your life only living his life".

Thing is... I can't blame him for all of this. I enabled him to do all of this. I never put my foot down or spoke up. He continued to do these things because I would tolerate it which in return, showed him it was ok to treat me the way he did. He never learned his lesson but I finally have. A man can only hurt you if you let him.

The way to get over a broken heart... the girls on Medhelp. It's that simple. We are there for each other whether it's to vent or to give each other a kick in the butt. We all give good advice. We've all done stupid things for love.

Oh and one other help.... a hell of a lot of Ben and Jerry's!!!! My new best friend :) lol

[Jennifer1987]

I see a lot of my old relationship in what you wrote... Its so simular.... Things is for me I have developed HIGH anxiety that I cant shake..Ok, since we split its decreased  but not gone yet! Its there all the time making me feel so low... So then that leads me to think "I wish I never met him"... which is sooo true.......

The fact that my ex cheated has caused anxiety around people who I dont know.. I feel I cant trust anyone, (only my dog lol) I feel like everyone is out to get me and hurt me.... Im analysising (sp??) everything I think, say or hear... Everything I thought about myself, I now question... My whole life has been turn up side down for what???? 2 and a half years of hell in my opinion!

I am still going for counselling although not in the past month as she was away on hols.... Im hoping Il descover something in the next few sessions that will help dramatically.. cause right now I dont know if Im coming or going....  I need a big change to happen!

And ya Ben and Jerry's is the best ever! Expensive as hell though! I prefer to endulge on loads of chocolate!!!

Cheers..
Jen

[Judy246]

You know what pi$t me off the most, that I questioned myself. I said,  "What's wrong with me?",  "Why can't he love me", "What is it about me that he can't love?, "I'm ugly. It's my body, my nose, my heritiage"....how awful is that to have a man change the way you see yourself, your inner beauty. I start looking for your fault's on why he couldn't love me! JERK!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I'm a good person, intelligent, beautiful inside out and I have a geat big beautiful heart that I inherited from my mother who is now deceased. He is a fool for not seeing what a treasure he had in me. JERK! (did I butter myself enough here  (lol).

I also went through, "I hate him with my heart and soul", felt rejected, hurt and the reality was that deep down inside, he didn't realized that "I loved him"....JERK!

It took almost 1 yr. and if I dwell on it, I get angry again, so.....he is still a JERK in my eyes :).....Judy

[Judy246]

Sorry, me & type's are friends...I meant, " I started looking for fault's with me on why he couldn't love me".....JERK!

[mami1323]

All my ex's regretted hurting me at some point.  All of them realized that they had made a mistake when it was too late.  So you have to think, I'm a good person and it's their loss and eventually they come to that point as well.  I've felt rejected a million times, why didn't he call?  Did I do something?  Is it that I was too clingy?  But in the end, you have to love yourself.  When a man cheats or does anything hurtful, it wasn't anything you've done, it's them with the issues and you have to keep reminding yourself of that.

[megochick101]

So does this only have to deal with romantic relationships or can it be how to deal with another kind of relationship? Eh i'll just tell my story anyways although it's not in any way about a romantic relationship.

Mine's dealing with my biological father. He left my life when i was five years old and i idolized him up to that point. I didn't get to see him too much, but i remember everything about that time of my life. My mom and him weren't married jsut dating when i happened to come along, and they tried to make it work for a while but it just wasn't meant to be i guess. So i just had a few glimpses of him for the first 5 years of my life and then all of a sudden no contact. No calls no birthday cards nothing. I still remember the last time i saw him with perfect clarity. It was about a week after my 5th birthday and i was really upset with him. He was supposed to take me on my brithday and i remember sitting there waiting for him with my little barbie backpack all packed up with my stuff and i just sat there for HOURS and he never came to get me. I remember my mom kept trying to tell me that he wasn't going to be able to take me that day and i just didn't believe her. i remember saying to her, "no daddy's coming, you just wait, he's gonna come get me. it's my birthday he said he was gonna come" And then after like 4 hours i waiting I realized eh wasn't coming and i remember running to my room crying over it. Then he came by a week later, and i remember him and my mom were in the kitchen talking most of the time, he didn't really say too much to me, but they talked for awhile and then he gave me a hug and kiss and then said goodbye and left. That's the last I saw of him. The part about all this i hated the most was that I always blamed myself for him leaving. thinking i wasn't good enough and everything. and it made it so hard to trust any other guy who came into my life. Growing up i always expected guys to leave me, and i expected them to also not find me good enough because hey if i wasn't even good enough for my father to stay why would this guy want to stay with me? At least that's what i used to think.

And to this day i sometimes hear those same thoughts creeping in my head without warning and It takes me awhile to shut them down and realize that I'm worth a guys time and affection and love.

But to continue my story, I recently got into contact with my father(in the last year) and we talked through email about our lives and what happened back then and everything and i actually went and saw him last time i was visiting home and what hurt me the most about seeing him was that it was like meeting a stranger for the first time. I couldn't feel any connection to this person who helped give me life and it just mad me so upset because this guy is my father and he felt like nothing to em and it shouldn't be that way! And after visiting we continued to talk for a little bit and then i didn't hear from him again. it's been about 3 months and i've sent the occasional email and get nothing in return, so all the heartache and fears keep creeping back into my head and it hurts all over again. you know, this is supposed to be my father, and i feel lie i'm not even important to him and that just hurts so much.

But anyways, so ya that's my story and it's still the biggest heartache of my life. I guess at least i got my answers as to what happened way back then but i never got the resolution i wanted from it at all. I guess it's easier since i don't live around him and never hear about him so most of the time he's out of my mind, but I don't think the feelings are ever going to go away which is hurtful for me.

[mami1323]

I totally get your story.  I to have a non-existant father.  My mom and dad dated for 3 years and she got pregnant and she basically told him that he could stay and be a part of my life or he could leave but she was having me.  So he chose to leave.  I didn't know anything about him and therefore didn't miss him, until he had contacted my mom when I was 5 or 6 years old and told her that he wanted to see me.  She said that she would allow it only if he was going to be consistent and a constant in my life.  He said he would and so she let him.  I remember him coming over and being told this was my father and feeling so complete and so happy.  I was so affectionate with him and he started dating my mom again.  It was like I had a full family.  He promised to come back the next day and so we went to the store the next day and when we were coming back he taped a letter to the door of our apartment building and wrote a letter about how he was sorry but he just wasn't ready for all of this.  That was it, that's the last time I ever saw him.  My mom told me because honestly a lot of it was a blank to me, but she said that I cried for days asking where my daddy was.  She put me in therapy for years after that because she didn't want me to grow up with any abandonment issues or anything.  A lot of good that did because I still feel like you, that all the men in my life are going to leave me.  It is a huge fear for me.  I know I can survive on my own but I don't want to end up alone like my mom and to me, the one man who was supposed to be there rejected me.  I probably would've been fine if he hadn't of even bothered entering my life but just coming in, making me have faith and than destroying my trust, it really shaped how I would view men in my adult life.  So sad isn't it?  I'm sorry for your father and I just wanted you to know that I can totally relate.

[megochick101]

Yes I feel the same way! it is just so sad and still it gets to me, and i don't think i'll ever be rid of any of it. And these days it's just such a common thing happening which i think is what is really horrible!

[Judy246]

Thanks for sharing and yes, all stories are welcomed. You relationship with your father as a child was so sad and hurtful and I ask, how could a father lack fatherly instincts and love for his child. I have a hard time imagining the loneliness you must have felt as a child and how it has affected you as an adult. Once again, thanks for sharing :)  Judy

[mami1323]

I don't understand how someone could do that.  Being a parent is such a gift.  Some people just lack family values.

[Judy246]

The feeling of being rejected and unwanted is sooo damaging. All the heartbreaks have been very spirutually damaging. I suffered from anger, fear, being overly defensive and overbearing, I became very agressive and confrontational...all this goes back to anger and felt that love simply does not exist when it come to having a relationship, but all that changed when I met my current fiance. The guy is a saint, he tolorated all my "I'm not taking **** from you," and is still there for me when no one else will.  

I want to thank everyone for sharing the details and pain of heartbreak and rejection...Judy

[jojo24]

I know I've told my first story, but I have some more to add.
I wasn't necessarily abandoned by my father, but he had no interest in me whatsoever throughout my childhood and adolescence which is a reason that I think I got myself into a lot of situations I was in.  I also had a hard time in school because I am multi-racial and went to a predominantly white school and I dealt with A LOT of racism.  So when all of my friends were dating, I was just sitting there wanting to be desired.  No guys would date me because they were afraid of what people would say, so I started kind of throwing myself at boys and they would have sex with me in private, but not even acknowledge me at school (I was 17 when I got my first kiss and um... my first time btw, so not too young).  I didn't feel good enough for any guy at all.

I started dating this guy outside of school and at first he seemed like this perfect guy.  We spent so much time together and he wasn't ashamed to let people know we were together.  Then, the day before the last day of school, he broke up with me out of the blue.  I spent the entire summer locked in my room crying.  I even tried talking to his mother about it to see if there was still a chance between us.  I spent the entire summer alone.  Then, in my senior year, I saw his car leaving my school one afternoon and I called him and asked him what he was doing there and he said he was visiting someone.  I didn't think anything of it, especially because we got back together about a month later.  Things weren't the same between us, but I was just happy to be back with him.  One day, I was hanging out with one of my guy friends who was dating my best friend at the time, and he told me that she had cheated on him with my boyfriend!  I accused him of lying because he was jealous of our relationship, but deep down I knew it was true.  He smoked a lot of weed and so did she, so they would smoke together and I put two and two together when I remembered his car leaving my school.  So anyway, I confronted him about it and he confessed and apologized and then seduced me, and like a dumba$$ I forgave him and slept with him.  I was still really hurt by it though.  

Over time, he started doing things like borrowing my car (he had his own car but mine was better on gas, he said) and he would leave me with no transportation and he would be gone all hours of the night and wouldn't answer his phone when I called.  A few times, I called him and a girl picked up and I was too dense to believe that he was cheating on me.  He would even take me somewhere that I wasn't familiar with and he would make me wait in the car for a few hours while he did whatever it was he did (I really have no clue).  He even had this female "friend" who used to buy him really expensive things and make him cheesecakes which made me angry but he swore it was innocent and that she liked him but he didn't like her.  I even went out of town and surprised him at his apartment when I got back and he was sitting on the couch with her when I walked in with this stupid grin on his face and she ran into the bathroom and locked herself in there for an hour before leaving without saying a word to either one of us.  I was stupid, but I felt like I could trust him, as he was heavily involved with the church, and I felt like that meant he had morals.  WRONG!!!

A couple years later, when I went to college, I was walking down the street on campus with a few of my girlfriends late at night, and my friend spotted his car outside of the girls' dorm.  I didn't want to, but she made me go confront him so I did and he said he was waiting for a friend.  A minute later, some girl came outside, gave me a smirk, and hopped in the passenger's side of the car, without hesitation.  My friends were baffled by that and kept trying to convince me that that wasn't right, but I was in denial.  About a month or so after that, he got into a car wreck and left the accident report in my car.  I was bored waiting for him one day when he left me in the car again, so I started reading it and one of the witnesses said something about a girl getting out of the car screaming after he had hit a pole.  It had the girl's phone number and name on it, but I didn't recognize the name.  A few days later, I was in the dorm with my friend and she had been getting her hair done in another room and she told me that the girl who had gotten in the car with him that one day came in the room and started talking about my boyfriend and how she wanted to be with him but it was just a sex thing between them as he didn't want to dump me.  The funny thing is that my friend warned this girl that she was friends with me, but the girl wouldn't listen.  So I figured I would call the girl on the accident report to see if she was sleeping with him too, and it turned out that it was the same girl!  He had told me her name was something different! She would neither confirm or deny whether they slept together, so at that point it was obvious.  I was so angry and hurt and I called him and cussed him out and he yelled at me for harassing her!  I was devastated.  He made me look like a fool in front of all of my friends and a lot of people at school.  My heart ached so bad and when I saw him that night, he still denied it.  I tricked him into confessing and then I told him that it was over.  I found out about a year later that he had cheated on me with at least five girls a year for five years!  Disgusting.  It wasn't as hard to get over him as I thought, but it was harder to get over the fact that I had let him treat me like that for so long.  I opened my eyes a lot more after that, and it's not that I regret going out with him, but I regret letting it go on as long as it did.

[jojo24]

Oh, yeah, and before we broke up, I was talking about marriage and kids and stuff, but he had no interest, but after I broke up with him that's when he started talking marriage.  I told him to F-off.  There comes a point in our lives when we just get tired of being treated bad and then there's nothing you can do about it, am I right?

[Judy246]

Wow, what a story and your right we can only take so much and that's it! jojo...all the red flags were all over that relationship. It's too bad you didn't know us to help you sort out some of your feelings an expose the guy. He sure was a piece of work and I can't believe you were that trusting when the signs were all over him.  These experiences serve to kick us in the butt, we mature, become wiser and we never let another man treat us that way. I could love the man to the point where I can say he is the one, but I will not forgive infidelity and I can easily, easily tell him where he can go and do and never look back. Later I will suffer in silence, but not give him the pleasure to see me shed on single tear for him...not worth it. Thanks for sharing...Judy

[dayday8]

i am currently trying to get over my son's father it just hurts to know that someone did't love you the way you loved them but i havent spoke to him for like two weeks now it's been hard to know i wasted three years of life on lies but i know eventually as the days get longer my heart will get better then check this out when evrything was all said and done i asked him why and he said he dont know he will give me an anwser in three days well it's been two weeks now but to be real i dont even want to know all i need to know is that you did't love me time to move on with mt life.

[Judy246]

We all have experience what you are going through and if said he would check back with you in three days and now it's three week, it speaks volumns. The chances that he is being unfaithful is hugh. We as woman have to step back when it gets to the point where it is becoming emotionally debilitating. Never give a man that much power of your emotions. I would not contact him again. Let him take the first step and if he doesn't then you know he has to be with someone else. Make sure that he keep a relationship and financially support your son. We are here for you if you need to just talk. Judy

[UABelle23]

My worst breakup was a living nightmare. It was two years ago but sometimes that creep still haunts my memories. First let me say that I am an only child who grew up in a tiny town. Me and the super ex started dating my senior year of high school. He was kind of a bad-boy...you know how that goes. Anyway, he pretended to be a loving, honest boyfriend who really loved me. He gave me a promise ring and everything. You can imagine how that feels to a high school girl. Ugh! Well he actually ended up screwing me over in soooooo many ways. Oh, where to begin. How about a list? Here goes: 1) He was constantly cheating on me with trashy girls (eventhough he sucked in bed). 2) He was a compulsive liar. 3) He was abusive on every level. I was NOT fat but he made me feel like I was. My boobs were too small, my butt was too big, etc. When he would drink, he usually got rough with me. And when I caught him cheating all those times, he would throw me around and yell. 4) He needed money for a late car payment and I begged my mom to take it out of my college account for him. Eventhough we had the money, my mom didn't want to give it to him because she couldn't stand him. She gave it to him anyway as long as he made some kind of effort to pay her back. She said a dime a week would suffice, as long as he was making the effort. We never saw a penny of it. 5) He used me for my money, my car, and my body. 6) I flunked an entire year of college because he needed me to take him to work, pick him up for lunch, and take him home. 7) I lost almost all contact with my friends and family because of my relationship with him. 8) He stole the ring my dad gave me for my 18th birthday and pawned it so he could buy who knows what. 9) I never got a Christmas, Valentine, or birthday present. There was always an excuse for why...it never came in the mail, you pissed me off so I decided not to give it to you, etc. 10) He would tell his friends that we weren't dating, that I just couldn't stand to be away from him.

Was some of this my fault? Oh yeah! But I learned from my mistakes. I let my anger fuel me to push through the sadness and start moving forward. I realized how badly he was holding me back and I deserved better. I was not so naive anymore. I let myself see the beauty on the inside and out. I let myself blossom as a woman. Yeah, I cried and I endured the self pity but there comes a time when you have to bite the bit and make yourself get up. I refused to let a low life like him keep me down. There's nothing wrong with wanting to swim in the darkness for awhile, it's part of dealing with a broken heart. But when you discover how much inner strength you DO have, you can burst out into a new light. Then, hopefully, you'll have the same luck I did. I found a beautiful, strong, truly honest man to love. I have never experienced something so wonderful in my life. He is really one of the good ones...one of the treasures we all seek. Having someone like him in my life has helped me in so many ways. My life has gotten so wonderful because of him. Live for yourself ladies, but don't be afraid to love again. Be strong always, and guard your heart.  

[Judy246]

Thank you for sharing and what an inmature JERK! You are a wise woman and hoping in a better place now. Judy

[mami1323]

Wow, that is a sure winner (sarcasm here), he is such a jerk.  Glad he's out of your life for good.  You deserve much better.

[jashl]

I had my heart broken, really broken, for the first time when I was in college.  I kept trying to start a serious relationship with a friend of mine.  He presented himself, the entire time we were hanging out, as this really liberal, open-minded man of the world, but it turned out, once I tried to move things forward, he was not at all what he seemed.  

He was a religious fundamentalist who was always pressuring me to believe exactly what he did, learn his language, everything... even dress differently, be super-submissive, etc.  

It was extremely difficult to get over, because he was the first man I ever loved, but I realized that I loved myself too much to lower myself to his level of ignorance/backwardness just to "get the guy".  NO ONE is THAT much of a prize.  NO ONE.  You cannot try to "gain" someone by trading yourself away.  Knowing intellectually that I was better off without him, though, didn't make it any easier.  I wanted to kill myself.  I saw a shrink instead.  And I did a ton of creative stuff.    

Something that is very hard to "get" but true is this: whatever relationship you have just gotten out of, you are better off without.  Maybe not in the short term, but in the long run.  Even if it was "your fault" (by the way, it is almost never solely "your fault") that it ended, this will open your life up to totally new possibilities.  And most importantly, it will strengthen you to be on your own for a while.

Don't even think about being in a relationship right away.  Decide to give up on love for a bit.  It is the best thing you can do for yourself (at least it worked for me) ... focus on filling the space left behind with things other than romantic love.  Give yourself a timeline.  I committed to not date or hook up or anything for 2 years.  12 months is a good minimum.

I wrote a TON after all this, took some art classes, and started a business.

You don't "need" romantic love.  You only think you do.  Friends and family are more important.  And maybe those relationships suffered a bit while you were with your now-ex?  Time to repair them.  And to make new friends if you need them.  FRIENDS.  NOT lovers.

By the way, I am now engaged (to a different guy), and I am happy.

That said, if he should ever leave me, I would survive.  It would hurt like a son of a b**** for a while, I would be miserable...but then I would get over it.

You will get over it, too.

I promise you.

[Izela]

I have been through a heartbreak that has been on and off for about 2 years .

N,ways---I liked this guys who decided to leave me and marry another girl who apparently comes from a well to do family.... During our time together he didn’t treat me well..1-Dispised me, 2-Couldnt introduce me to people because he was ashamed of me,3-Would call me only if he wanted to have sex with me.. The most painful is when he would talk to his fiancé(then) in front of me or just leave me in the car waiting as he talks to her.4-When i went to his parents house i would have to wait outside the gate yet at mine i would let him come in....I stood all this because i loved him and thought he would  love me back but all in vain...Through the endurance i lost weight, lost my self esteem and failed some of my exams  because i was depressed and i would find my self crying out of the blue....

Just because i was desperate to get over him, I tried to find love again by hooking another guy who i had known since high school but there was no chemistry. I traveled from Africa to US to visit him but he also turned out to be a jerk.. I dint hurt at all since i didn’t exactly like him...Maybe we hooked up so that i could get over the other one... The jerk also cheated on me but i was stronger this time and i knew i couldn't take his $$t, so  i ended the relationship immediately.

When i came back from the US my ex called me (the one who got married)and  we linked up again for a week and he  told me how he still loves me and he is empty without me. He says his marriage was mistake that he regrets but doesn’t mention divorce. Honestly i enjoyed every moment we had together but i still felt a fool for seeing him after all the pain he put me through. Seeing his ring broke me inside and i felt a loser again... I painfully broke it off because it was the right thing to do, as much as it was difficult. By the way, he is in a long distance marriage and now i am thinking he came back to use me again because he doesn’t live with his wife... The whole idea of us together dint feel right, hence, i have told him to back off and never call me or text me again....He begged me but i am not giving him a chance ....

As i write this...I want to begin a new journey of accepting he will never be mine and hoping someday i will be lucky with love because honestly i don’t think i have found that person who loves me & i love them back its always one way...and some times i am forced to think maybe love is the hardest thing to find coz i am almost 30 and have never found it..... I don’t want to give up ... still  wishing i can find that special person where our hearts will beat as one......

People have told me that you don’t necessarily have to marry some one you love and it worried me coz I really want to marry for love, somebody where our hearts beat as one..  coz otherwise i don’t think i will be happy if i don’t....

Let end here, Good luck to all my girls. I hope we find those people meant for us and we don’t have to hurt ever again

[yushmee1]

My Bf left me for another girl. i have been with him for one year and we got separated many times and got back each time. he has always showed to me that he only wants sex. but since we didnt have sex but we had other forms of it...i got attached to him and i started loving him and these intimate moments meant a lot for me and not for him. He once even told me that i dnt promise that i'll marry u...just concentrate on wat we are today..i love u and u love me..zats all. he was a real jerk. he has hurt me a lot. today he made me know that look im with another girl and im happy and sincere with her...he loves zat girl because zat girl is sleeping with her. since i have always refused to sleep with him as once he broke my trust by having an affair with another girl...i forgave him just 4 ze sake of love...sh*t nw i wonder where was my self respect. he has always made me feel zat u should sleep with me first then i'll love u it's not that i love zats y i want u so much to express my feelings through sex. it's only some time mayb 2 or 3 weeks zat he knows zat girl. i have heard zat their relationship is very serious mayb he'll marry her in the future. even i was shattered into pieces when he tld me zat he is with her..i tld him zat im happy zat u have found some1 and im happy 4u...i'll stop irritating u as i think u take it like this. finally i have cut off all contacts with him. . he's 25years , he works and im 22years old.im a university student. im a very respectful girl. i have always thought abt my parents who are investing so much in my studies before doing any wrong thing and zat guy kept on forcing me. he never had any respect 4me. feelings, emotions, love..these are just words nowadays. people really dnt knw their real meaning. sometimes i wonder is sex zat important in a relationship? my bf kept on telling me zat if we'll have sex we'll get more closer and we'll get to knw each other but i nver believed him because he has always showed to me that he was a jerk. im happy zat i used my brain and not my heart 4 not trusting him....but it damn hurts because i loved him. he never respected me 4 wat i am..it's like he has always forced me to change 4him. im just trying to move on focusing more on my studies..i just got to knw zat my mum has cancer...i facing this alone with my family..this is very hard 4 me just after a breakup..i do keep faith in god.i love my parents and God.... u know for me its trust that comes first in a relationship and then understanding. i agree that sex also forms part of love but it can't be the reason that the relationship doesnt work. if my bf would have given me more attention, respect, care, love, trust and he would have understood me then having sex with him would have been nothing. but unfortunately he has never been able to play his role as a bf and he has never been able to win my heart. he forgot what i did 4 him so i think i didnt lose anything. he lost me indeed.. i just got the news that my boyfriend is getting married to that girl very soon. mayb in the coming year. i just hope this relationship really works. nw i realise i was just an option. im just wondering how can he be so immature.oh my goodness. i just pray that they will live happily after....sh*t i regret loving him so much. but i do believe that i deserve someone better...Judy i really appreciate ur spirit...i really take this as an experience too, it makes u more mature n stronger....

[mesh833]

Good for you , a jerk like that didn't deserve you....., i am glad you used ur brain, wish i did....guys like that only want to get in you pants then move on to the next without caring about your feelings.......you will find a wonderful guy who will love you and respect you, and when you do decide to be with him it will be wonderful!!!!! Im proud of you, never let a man use you for your body because when they move to the next victim, you are left with pain and scar......

[1jazzy]

My boyfriend left me a month and half ago we were together for 4and half yrs I really love this man and he was the best man I ever had my heart is so in pieces to where everyday I wake up thinkin about him I don't think its another woman but maybe just maybe midlife crisis he's gettin ready to turn 41 he doesn't express his emotions and he won't talk or answer my texts I have apologize and pour out heart expressin my love for him. My thing is how do you turn off love that fast and if he's truely done with me why won't he come get the rest of his stuff? I wish the pain will stop

[nevermine93059]

I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORIES. I GOT DUMPED TODAY AND OMG IT HURTS SO BAD. THIS IS NOT MY FIRST BREAK UP AND I REALLY KNOW IT SHOULD NOT HURT THIS BAD. SEE HE CLAIMED TO BE SINGLE WHEN WE MET. HE PURSUED ME. HE WAS SO SWEET AND JUST EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I NEEDED. THEN HIS WIFE APPEARED, NO HE DID NOT TELL ME ABOUT HER, I WAS SHOCKED. I WAS WALKING AWAY 3 MONTHS INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT WE DECIDED TO REMAIN FRIENDS. BAD MOVE. I BECAME SECOND FIDDLE AND CONVINCED MYSELF IT WAS FINE BC I HAD OTHER DATES. BUT AS LONG AS I DEALT WITH HIM I COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO REALLY BE WITH ANYONE ELSE. NOW 2.5 YEARS LATER IT FINALLY CAME TO A HEAD SHE FOUND OUT AND AT FIRST HE SAID OH WE GOTTA BE CAREFUL AND I SAID OH NO WE ARE DONE AND HE AGREED. HE WAS JUST A COWARD HE PROBABLY LET HER FIND OUT SO HE COULD END IT. SO NO I DONT WANT TO GO BACK AND WILL NOT. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN FOR A MAN THAT WAS NEVER MINE AND I FEEL SO STUPID GETTING MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION. I JUST FEEL ALONE AND UNWANTED I DONT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE I JUST WANT TO STAY IN MY HOUSE TILL I FEEL BETTER AND I JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER NOW BC IN MY HEAD I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE FEELING BAD ANYWAY. HE COULD NOT RETURN MY LOVE AND I DOUBT THAT EVER WANTED TO. SO I GOT ONLINE FOR HELP. I FOUND THIS SITE AND READ THE POST AND I DONT FEEL SO ALONE IN MY PAIN AND I HAVE HOPE THAT I WILL COME THROUGH THIS STRONGER