How do I break up with my controlling boyfriend for good?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years. In the course of these 2 years, I first attempted to break up with him after 5 months of dating because he was too controlling, possessive, jealous, and interrogated me about everything I did, everyone I knew, etc. I have attempted to break up with him multiple times since then, with no success because he always begs and pleads with me, saying he'll change, and saying how much he loves me and that I'll never find someone who loves me as much as he does. I've been depressed, isolated, and confused for over 2 years, and I'm finally ready to end it. I'm so nervous that my stomach has been in knots for several days. How do I end this unhealthy relationship for good?

loumay0912 · Answer

i am in a similar situation, we have been together since 10,5,2008 and its now 10,07,2013 we have 2 kids together but he is mentally controlling and makes me feel like crap! i have known for a few years i need to leave but feel i cant as he has a tendency to go off the rails when things happen eg, smash windows,  smash houses up, threats and the last time i ended it for 3 months he kept slashing his wrists!! i NEED to end it but without bad reprecussions... help xxx

Judy246 · Answer

I actually had to change my phone number immediately to avoid contact and temptations to call him....it worked!

megochick101 · Answer

Stay strong..and some advise so that you stay out of the unhealthy relationship: do not answer any calls from him, delete text messages/emails before reading them, do NOT let him know where you are staying, if he comes by don't answer the door, just break all contact. He can't beg and plead for you to forgive him if you do not have any contact with him.

Judy246 · Answer

You made the right decision for you. He will be ok. It will take time and if he calls tell him that you care about him, but you are just not ready for an exclusive relationship right now. He will understand. Tell him that you care about him and his feelings, but that you need to get yourself in a better place and that you hope he will understand and support you. He will if you use the right words and action. If you need my help, just write me a private message. I've gotten real good with relationships and hold a B.A. from DePaul University in Communication. Hugs...Judy

haylo83 · Answer

Well I did it. I ended things. Thank you Judy, for your suggestions and advice and support! It is so hard to walk away from someone who is a good person other than the controlling and possessive nature.

Judy246 · Answer

This relationship is not only dysfunctional, but effecting you physically, mentally and emotionally. I understand you don't want to hurt him, but it's important to be honest with him and get you back to a better place in your life. Tell him that unfortunately, the relaitonship is not working out for you and that you no longer want to be in an exclusive or committed relationship at this point in time. Tell him that you love him, but that you are just not feeling it and it's just not working out for you. Tell him that at this point in time, you can only offer him friendship, but that you need to move forward with your life. It's only natural that he will probably be upset and try to talk you into staying, but you need to be honest with him and yourself and not prolong a relationship that is just not functional. I wish you the best and good luck....Judy