My mom is really sick i have been in therapy for many years as an adult i finally got the courage to get away from her but fell on hard times and had to move in with my sister. Then my mom lost her job and place and is now living with us in a 520sq ft apartment with her 5dogs. Just to give you an idea my mom is very manipulative she is a bully and abusive mentally financially and physically. She has a drinking problem also. My mom has physically attacked me in the past and would set up things to hurt me say if i went out with friends she would bungee cord the door so i had to pull it open hard and she would stack suitcases with book so when the door finally opened the suitcases and books would fall on me. She gave me her old car cause she got a brand new one. i was living in my first apartment down the street from her. she would threaten to call the police and say i stole it if i didn't come let out her dogs. She threaten to euthanized my childhood pet if i didn't return a vacuum i burrowed. Just dramatic and ridiculous at the time i truly believed her i was only 20.My sister has been subject to this but on a different degree she is completely scared of my mom and will not tell her no. My mom constantly burrows money from her never paying her back (Owes my sister $4,800) . My sister has been evicted because she couldn't pay her rent cause she gave all her money to my mom. My sister hoards and picks scabs and scales off her body. she doesn't shower or bath for months on end due to how my mom treated her. My mom has caused me to lose jobs because she would lock me in my room and i couldn't go to work or school. She has told me she wanted to kill me and then began to describe how she would kill me make me bleed out suffer and die slowly. She would follow me in the kitchen at night and stand in the corner turn the lights off and glare at me. Her behavior was just getting more and more bizarre. I think she did all this to make me move out but when i had moved out previously all she did was threaten and harass me. She convinced me to move back in saying i wasn't ready to live on my own. More lies and manipulation. She cant afford to live on her own. i have been paying bills of hers since i was old enough to work. She beat me badly when i was about 23 and i missed a week of work. I ended up pregnant at 22 with twins and miscarried due to having issues with uterine fibroids but she told my family one of my babies looked retarded in the ultra sound and i lost the babies cause i was on drugs. She took my ultra sounds and balled them up in her purse and wouldn't give them to me for weeks. Then she told me i deserved to lose those babies because of how i treated her. On top of that she told me to get an abortion because she didn't want to have mixed babies because of the race of the father. Everything she has done to me she either denies or says i deserve it. She has convinced several members of my family i am evil and abusive to her and that i was a drug addict and alcoholic. I called the cops on her once and they removed me from the house and believed every word she said. Even tho i had bruises scratch marks and choke marks on me. So more recently she has been lying to family about her situation here saying i threatened her and tried to attack her. She just lies and lies and lies. And i think she believes her own lies. She cant keep a job because of her nasty attitude she has been fired from every job she has had in the past 12years.
I am looking for work and trying to get out of here as soon as i can. Her lies manipulation are out of control she takes anything i say to her and twist it and tries to use it against me. She flips out anytime she finds out I'm talking to other family members especially her mom. Its bizarre i heard her on the phone the other day plotting to contact my grandma to tell her how evil i am. She plays games with people and has different personalities depending on her situation sometimes she is a Jesus loving bless your heart church woman other times she is an evil witch. She manipulates and controls everyone around her.
So how do i deal with her i know when I'm back on my feet i just need to cut her out my life close the door and never look back. But what about all the damage she has done with my relationships with my family members. I reached out to one and they were disgusted with me for even speaking up and didn't want to get involved. Do i try to salvage those relationships or just cut them off too? And how do i deal with her in my current living situation? I am having horrible anxiety and panic attacks thoughts of hurting her or hurting myself. This only happens when I'm really upset. Everyday is some kind of manipulation and control game ans when she drinks its like being in an insane asylum. I have been hiding in the bedroom for the most part but I'm going crazy.
You don't say exactly how old You are but You do refer to YourSelf as an Adult and You allude to a couple of incidents when You were 22 years old and 23 years old, so, we (You and I) agree, You ARE an adult. The best advice I can give You is to remove YourSelf from this picture.
We are ALL born in a "pit". Some "pits" are deeper than others, but it is OUR job to climb out of the "pit" and to take responsibility for the Adult we CHOOSE to be. Key word here is CHOOSE - We do, we really, really do, have choice. This is not to suggest that it is easy ,but I do suggest - it is always in our power to CHOOSE.
On a personal level: I quit "being" a victim when I no longer saw myself as a "victim". When I (finally) realized that no one could hurt me without my "permission", IT SET ME FREE. I also found that when I did the thing I feared the most....well, I lost my fear.
This was SO liberating!!
Good Luck, I Hope You Find Your Way
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