How do I deal with rude sister-in-law

[Njsweetnlight]

My husband and I just got married 2 days ago just to the two of us and we are having the real huge wedding in September. He was born in the state we live in now so his family is huge and I only have my mom that lives in the same state so I really don't have any family here. His family always has cookouts and family gatherings. Whenever I go to his families house, either his father's or mother's house his sister never speaks to me. Whenever I walk into the house or yard I speak to everyone and they speak back but she never even looks at me and she never speaks. Today I went to his mom's house again and when entering I said hello to everyone when I walked in the door and she once again ignored me and never spoke to me the whole night. My husband knows she never speaks to me and says she is always rude and has an attitude to people but my attitude is if she can not speak than she should not come to the real wedding in September that we are paying thousands of dollars. We spoke about this awhile back but said lets see if she acts different as time goes by but today showed me again that she is determined to be rude so I don't want her to come to my wedding. Am I over reacting and how should I deal with this without causing problems with my new husband?

[penswriter]

My dh has cousins like that. He has a large family but nobody is close. Especially his adoptive fathers side. The only time I've met them (we've been together 5 years and married for over 2) was when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant (I was 3 weeks shy of going into labor with our twin boys) and my BIL was having his graduation party. (from high school) His grandmother, 2 aunts and 3 cousins kept giving me nasty looks and made comments about my WEIGHT of all things. (Remember I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with twins...the only part of me that was enormous was my belly...and feet. My feet would have made an elephant jealous.) I was eating a piece of cake and his one cousin (who I suspect wants to "be" with my dh) said "Do you really thing you need that piece of cake?" My response, "No, I don't need it but his two sons do." After a very big smile I happily finished my cake. :o)

Some people are just...rude and nasty. I like specialmom's idea of asking SIL to do something in the wedding. If she refuses then you know she's just a spiteful, mean person and honestly...if she wants to be that way, why be around it? If your husband knows she's like that, ask him to say something to her. Or at least ask her to be civil seeing as how you're apart of their family now.

[SeriousSam]

I have to agree with Smom on this one.  You can either make the situation worse or you can gradually bring her in, and just accept that she doesn't talk much..  Could be worse she could be one of those people who stirs up trouble!  Antisocial just makes her rude or possible eccentric.

[specialmom]

Hm.  I just can't imagine someone so rude as to completely ignore their brother's girlfriend.  I married a man with a big family and an overwhelming amount of family obligations and . . . I WISH some of them would not talk to me but agree, it is quite odd for her to just shut you out completely. Do you approach her and she still ignores you?  No fight or rift between you?  Odd.

Well, here is a crazy and wacky idea.  What about calling her yourself and asking her to do a job for your wedding.  She could pass out programs, do a reading, do the guest book, um . . . pass out cake to guests.  Whatever.  Some job in which she gets to wear a corsage and you get to connect with her.  

I know you shouldn't have to make this effort and you don't------- but in the end it would be worth it if you can develop a cordial relationship with her.  Nope-------- don't fight with your husband over it and yep, invite her to the wedding no matter what.  If you don't, there will never be any hope for a friendly relationship.  And fighting over family is NO fun------- learned through my own experience.  Remember you can think whatever you want in your own head but you can't say it.  When you need to vent---------- call a girlfriend.  good luck