How do you get over a breakup with a person who lies

[Changingtohope]

I've just found out my beau actually had not one, but two other girlfriends.  I am floored that he did this, lied, lied, lied.  I am healthy enough to walk away but I'm obsessing about him, thinking about him and trying to not think about him.  I miss him as a friend, so I keep thinking we can be friends, but I don't think so.  It would be too painful.  
Any suggestions .  Oh and he's an alcoholic, a video game player, and not available to me at all.  

[Changingtohope]

Okay,  I am writing the list, right here , right now...

LIAR
CHEAT
ALCOHOLIC
GAMER
UNAVAILABLE
ANGRY
BLAMER
DECEIVER
is that enough to leave?  YES!!!!
I am on a weight loss regime and I've been on it for 3 days and have lost 2 1/2 pounds.  I started exercising and writing my food in the food diary here.  I feel every pound I've put on was because of him.  Every pound I lose is me losing him.  It's coming off pretty easily, which is good.  I have 13 more pounds to go and I'll feel like myself again.  I went to the gym yesterday and it feels good.  I'm on my way!!!

[specialmom]

Well, hugs to you.  Break ups almost always hurt.  But time helps.  Stay busy, keep a journal, exercise.  All help.  

And make a list of all his faults.  A long list that has everything on it.  Read it every day or whenever you feel tempted to contact him again.

And I'm serious about this---------- you are still focused on his cheating which is terrilble but your self protective warning bells should be in full gear for other reasons------------ alcoholism, gaming and not being available.  To me, the cheating is a side note to that stuff.  He was NEVER---------- I repeat NEVER----  good boyfriend material.

Hang in there and stay strong.  Peace.

[Changingtohope]

Wow..you are just what I needed.  Your advice just confirms what I need to do.  I don't know why I went down this path with him.  He was such a great deceiver for quite a while.  When I confronted him, he lied.  When he was finally caught, I started thinking, I've got to get out of this, but my heart was telling me otherwise.  He was checking to see if I'd stay around.  Then the third one came into view.  He never admitted it,but by then I was done.  I still hurt, I'm still in pain.  I miss him all the time, but I don't think he misses me much with two other girls willing to make room for each other.  Not me.  I miss his funny sense of humor and his silliness.  I keep thinking eventually I can be friends with him, but I doubt it.  It would hurt too much.  I feel taken...it was all about me at the beginning...it took only 3 months for me to start suspecting something was wrong.  Too many phone calls unanswered, his phone off, telling me he's with one person when he wasn't.  I should be over it fast, but it still hurts.  Counseling is Thursday so we'll see what happens.  
Thank you for the confirmation I am doing the right thing.  I know it, I see it, but it still hurts.
Hugs to you!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sorry you are going through a rough time and are sad.  

I think when someone cheats on us------ it hurts on a few levels.  Of course, the hurt of betrayel but also our ego gets bruised.  

But you said some things further---------  alcoholic that is unavailable-----------  it should not have been cheating that made you finally walk away.  We date to learn what we need to know in order to take the relationship to the next level.  During the dating phase if there are major issues such as alcholism, excessive gaming and ill matched personalities that make you feel like he is not available to you  . .. let alone cheating------  it would be an indication that only a fool would want to tie themselves to that relationship/person long term.

You are not a fool.  So learn from this.  When problems surface in the begining with someone----- that is the time to address it and if the problems are big things like alcholism-------  you should break up before you are too emotionally invested.  I'm into self protection and setting myself up for success.  Falling in love with people with issues right from the start usually indicates that someone has a codependent personality.  That is something to explore in therapy because a life long pattern can start to develop and it is a miserable life that you do not want.  

So, keep yourself busy.  Don't try to be his friend-------- you are still emotionally attached in a romantic way----------- so it would be too complicated.  And you should have nicer friends than a guy who treated you that way.  

I do wish you well and if you need more ideas on how to move on, please write back to us.  Peace.