How important is parental acceptance of your significant other?

[Lonelymom]

How important is it to you to have your parents accept your significant other, whether it be boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife?

[specialmom]

Well, sounds like you are lucky that you are out of this!!  Sometimes parents see things we aren't willing to-----------  they pick up the vibe of someone and know that they would be a terrible choice for their adult child to be with.  If it were based on something as superficial as the way someone looked-------------- that is awful.  However, I suspect here that your parents just knew he was bad news and didn't want you to go down that road.  Rats-----------  hate it when our moms are right!!!

Anyway-----------  I do wish you luck.  Stay strong and stay away from this guy.  Peace

[Londres70]

Now, those are good reasons not to accept someone.  

You did the right thing.

That's terrible.  Hang in there.  

[Lonelymom]

Well it turns out I don't have to tell my mom or anyone else in my family. He started showing his true colors and become possesive, controlling, and a complete...well you can finish that sentence. He kept me up 2 nights in a row questioning me over every email in my facebook and every contact on my phone. Also questioning me over text messages, even though he admitted he couldn't find any sign that I was doing anything wrong or unfaithful.

Then he disappeared and didn't return for 2 days so while he was gone I took all his stuff and took it back to his place. I sent him a text and left a note on his gate saying don't come back on my property I am done!!

I will not be controlled, possesed, or constantly accused of cheating!

So for the time I will remain single....the same way I have for the past year.

[Oneluv118]

Honestly, I would sit her down and have a serious talk and basically say, I know it's not what you believe in but I hope you can accept the fact that I love this person.....I would start off in that direction.

Most people are set in their ways. I know from experience....A cousins's BF is black and she refuses to talk with her grandfather because he is (in my opinion--can be obnoxious) He will call me "redneck" But he basically disapproves and refuses to talk to his grandchild and great grandchild now that they have a baby together. So, it's rough.

Either way I think it's best to just be honest, if you've been with him for awhile (atleast a year, sit your parents down and have that talk if you think your relationship will get serious)

[sweetpea03]

For me, family is very important and I come from a very close-knit family in which we all get along well. Though with that said, my parents and some other family members did NOT like my fiance at all when we first began dating. My mother even told me that we should break up and that there were other fish in the sea. My fiance is a bit older than I am and is of another race as well. I asked my mother to at least meet him, so she could see who he is and what he is all about. She agreed and I had him come over to my parents house to meet them. After they have met him and gotten to know him more, they all love him. My mother has nothing bad to say about him and says we are two peas in a pod. A lot of prejudice is just from ignorance, in which people don't understand the situation. Not everyone in life is supportive of my relationship and when I mention I am in a interracial, age-gap relationship people look down upon us, with the thinking of many of the typical stereotypes that they categorize me or him in(looking for a father figure, someone to support me, etc., all of which are untrue). My family totally supports my relationship and knows us as a couple, but we will still get strangers who think we shouldn't be together. A group of Hispanic men said to each other as we walked by that I "should be with another man of my own race". And this is from a more liberal area, where typically it is all accepted. Though in the end, it is all about me and him. My family knows our relationship and that the stereotypes are all false, and while some of the negative comments from random people can be hard to hear, it really does not matter what they think. Someone is always going to disagree with what you do or say. Hopefully if you make the decision to stay with your bf, your family will become supportive in down the line. Hope it all goes well for you.  

[RainLover71]

Its your life and your call,the balls in your court.Your in the relationship with him and you obviously love him and he loves you-really thats all that matters.Your parents aren,t in a relationship with him so it shouldn,t matter what they think.Its sad when a relationship is affected because of a racial issue.It shouldn,t matter what race he is if there is love in the relationship.I wish you all the best.

[specialmom]

Hi, well, this is a tough one.  I don't agree with a family being prejudice and deciding someone isn't an appropriate partner for you based on race.  I hate stuff like that.  I also think we do, as said, have but one life to live and should be able to pick the partner we love. I'm a romantic in many ways.

But, I'm also a business woman and I do see relationships as having a business side as well.  Marrying someone that doesn't get along with your parents means that things will not be peaceful.  That is the reality.  And on the business side of making a relationship work, being at peace with in laws helps with relationship longevity.  

Family does matter to me.  I'd get over any minor or superficial issues I had with my family member's partner because I love my family member.  I'd also hope that my family would get over any minor or superficial issues they had with MY partner because they love ME and want me to be happy.

So, it is a tough issue for sure.  good luck dear.

[Londres70]

You have ONLY one life to live.  Why not live it the way you want?  

I don't recall reading that scripture in the bible about blacks being with blacks and whites being with whites.  Does it even exist?

Trust me, someone will ALWAYS disagree with something you are doing.  If it is not his color, it would be his income or job or the way he looks, etc.  The list could be endless.  
I find people to be too judgemental about everything and everyone without knowing the facts.  

How can they have an "assessment of him when all they know about him is that is black?  

Follow your heart.    

Do what you feel is right in your heart and FOR YOU.

I dated an Afro-American man myself.  For some reason the US seems to be more resistant to this notion.  In France, we don't make such a big issue of such things.  It is silly to us.    

[RockRose]

Lonelymom,  I think you're going to have to gear up not only for your mother's disapproval,  but the disapproval of the public in general where you live.  There are places that are very metropolitan where interracial dating is very accepted,  but small town Texas - not so much.  I think you'll find a LOT of people feel like your mother,  and some will be very vocal about it.  

He sounds like a fabulous guy.  But sadly,  before you really step out with this relationship,  I think you need to consider in your heart if you want to deal with ignorant prejudice.

[Lonelymom]

My mom is not going to like this guy because I am white and he is black, even though he is awesome with my kids and they immediately took to him, he makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world, and he makes sure I have everything I need.

My mom was raised to believe you can have black friends but it is "against the bible" to have an interracial relationship.

[Ashelen]

Well I can say from experience...I met my husband young, and he wasn't very much to talk about, you know? Lead singer of a band, no other job, no college....

So my parents weren't thrilled that I left a guy who got a full ride to MIT for this "loser".

But..I saw the potential in him. My dad gave me the benefit of the doubt and trusted my judgment, and over time they began to accept him. Now, after college and years of proving himself a worthy husband and then father, they adore him. IN fact, now HE does no wrong, lol.

So I would say..it's important that your parents come to accept your partner. is it vital that it happens right away? no. Is it important that you keep peace in the family? Yes...so, if your parents have trouble with your partner - don't break up, just give it some time to work out. If you truly love this person, and you have a good chance at a happy life, eventually your family will either come to accept that fact...or they'll learn to shut up about it.

Would I date someone that my parents HATED? Well...possibly. why do they hate him? why don't they approve? Sometimes the people we love, who know us best, can see warning signs that we miss because we're too close to a situation. However...if they're just predisposed not to like him no matter what..I'd brush it off and give it some time.

[Lonelymom]

In my circumstance nobody knows I am even talking to this guy, well two of my friends do and they are okay with it, but my mom doesn't know yet.  I am afraid to tell her because I know she will not approve.

[el_em_en_oh]

It's important, I'll say that, but if they don't like him or her, I'd not let it sway you from your love...

That being said, family & friends are more often than not, correct in their assessment of your partner, and most of the time, we're just too smitten to listen to them.

In hindsight, my parents & sister were correct about my wife, but it took me 6 years to figure it out and get divorce. Did they say "I told you so"?

Nope.