How should I handle this?

[kiaragirl]

Please help me. I have been married to my husband for 2yrs and our problem is that he is iresponsible with money. We were rowing about it so much that we seperated for 10days and since getting back together, he has been great...BUT....we had a row on friday about him going to his nephew`s 18th birthday party because his sister was rude to me on the phone recently so I didnt want to go, and felt he should say something to his sister about putting thing right between us before the party and he said I should....I`m fed up with him being so disloyal to me as he is always like this. He ended up going on his own sat (which is fine) but he wont answer my texts or phone calls, which is what he used to do when he was annoyed with me and went to stay with family....this is usually the time when he spend loads on dring and gambling because "I have upset him". Is this ever going to change or should I start thinking of leaving him if he does it again?

[imanaddict]

This will not change unless he wants it to change. It sounds as if he needs some sort of counseling to help him through his "addiction" to gambling. He could also be using excuses saying you have upset him so he can go do his thing with a clear conscience. As for his sister upsetting you...you are all adults and if she upset you, it is up to you to talk with her about it. I imagine your husband's thought on the matter was he didn't want to upset his sister and get in the middle of it, and have two women mad at him.

IMO he is disrespectful by not answering phone calls or texts. He is a married man, not a child and if you haven't already, you need to have a long talk with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Suggest couples counseling to him and see what he says.

[Judy246]

You have not been married long and there has to be a reason why he is so irreponsible with money. Maybe he just doesn't know how to financial plan for the future and this can result from his background or youth of not managing or knowing how to manage his money, or he just doesn't care.  In other words, I earned it and spend as I please type of attitude.  

Ok, the sister-in-law thing...maybe he doesn't want to be put in the middle of what he would consider petty feuding between wife and sister. He might have a good relationship with her or doesn't want the situation to continue or escalate. If your sister in law was rude, you should be the person telling her you didn't appreciate your comment and I do agree that he should stand up for you as your husband and her brother, BUT, you can't force this on him if he doesn't want to get involved, which will result in family feud at home with you. I would call her and tell her how you didn't appreciate her comment and just want to make her aware it was hurtful to you.

Hubby is sending you a message not responding to text and calls, that he doesn't want to be put in the middle of this and his loyalty is to you and he should have to be tested when family issues that he had nothing to do with. The guy is being put in the middle and if he doesn't respond the way you want him to respond he is being disloyal. That's just not being fair to him either

Also, if he choses to go drinking and gambling and blames you, that just a copout! You are not to blame for his choices and excuse for bad behavior and if drinking and gambling are becoming a problem this also needs to be address.

I think you both you talk first and set an appointment with a priest or marriage counselor to help sort out issues within the marriage. As for the sister in law. I would tell her myself how hurtful her words and discuss the issue directly with her without having to put him in an uncomfortable situation, but he should have automatically said something to her with you having to ask.  Good Luck, Judy