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Hurt feelings,, what should I do??
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Hurt feelings,, what should I do??

Ok my boyfriend and I love eachother very much , it's been nearly 7months and the sex is incredible but there is one lil thing that bugs me. He always complains that my vagina smells really bad. I mean, I know that yeah it does have a slight smell but I think he's being over the top abd fussy. It really hurts my feelings though,, I just feel really insecure especially when he tries to go down on me. I mean I enjoy it but I'm always thinking 'omg what if I smell bad today' and it just makes the experience less enjoyable for me. Having said that,, it took me AGES to get him to go down on me. He's just been really fussy saying it smells bad :/ ughh it may sound petty but it really hurts me and when I tell him not to say it cos it makes me insecure, he just goes 'oh it's okay I can buy you a special soap for that' and that hurts waaaaay more ): I'm just really upset I feel like crap. I cnt really explain how I feel it just hurts. I don't think I can talk to him about it and I dnt really want to. I'd feel to awkward! What should I do guys please I need advice ! I'm clean I shower everyday and sometimes twice a day. I always wash down there like 5 times before I see him. I'm very hygenic !! HELP x
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Avatar_n_tn
Helpp?? Pleaseeee . . Anyone ? I'd appreciate anything x
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973741_tn?1342346373
Have you discussed this with your gynocologist?  Perhaps you have an imbalance of sorts.  Hormones can play a role as you should smell slightly differently at different times of the months.  (it should be subtle) You might want to track it to see if it has a cyclical nature.  If so, you can plan accordingly for various activities based on that.  But I don't think it is supposed to out and out stink so I would discuss this with your physician.  Make sure there is no medical reason for this.  

Yes, that would hurt my feelings.  Are you sexually compatible besides this?
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145992_tn?1341348674
Sounds like you have bacterial vaginosis. Its a very common thing in women and it can occur just like a yeast infection. Just like specialmom said its an imbalance of the natural bacteria in the vagina. It doesn't go away by showering or douching, you have to go to your doctor and have them prescribe you flagil. It will clear it up. Most likely your boyfriend will have to take one as well if you're having unprotected sex because you will transfer it back and forth. But I would definitely get it checked out. Women have slight odors but are not supposed to stink.
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13167_tn?1327197724
I agree with specialmom and mami.  This is a question for your OB.  

I also think that although it's natural to feel hurt and embarrassed when he says this,  the solution isn't to make him stop expressing that he thinks you smell bad.  The solution is to fix the smell if possible.  

It's not like you have one leg shorter than the other and he keeps making fun of you for it.  Body odor can be an enormous turn-off,   and if it can be improved you should do it.  Scents attract and repel.

This is sort of like how you would feel if he had breath odor that turned you off - and you felt like he wasn't doing anything to discover the cause,  just kept telling you please stop mentioning it it's hurting my feelings.

Best wishes.  I do understand how this must make you feel - but get checked out.  Maybe it's fixable.
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Avatar_n_tn
NO you dnt understand I have nothing wrong with me . . My vagina has smelled the same since when I was little. It doesn't STINK it just has it's natural smell but it's not offensive. My point is my boyfriend Is being fussy he says he doesn't like the smell if vaginas in general but he's just picking on me now and it hurts like seriously! But he still goes ahead and has sex with me n stuff. I think he's being childish  
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Avatar_n_tn
I don't find it offensive and my exs never complained about the smell so it's just him!!  
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145992_tn?1341348674
Well then its his issue and not yours. If you've expressed to him how it makes you feel and he still continues to say things to hurt your feelings than you should not be with him anymore. Some men don't like giving oral sex. If that causes some incompatibility then this relationship will not work.
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13167_tn?1327197724
merrmerr,  if this is true that he just doesn't like the smell of vaginas in general - maybe he's not the right guy for you?

Honestly,  I really don't understand how men want to give oral sex because to me,  vaginas don't smell good.  I can't imagine wanting to do that,  but guys seem to want to do it anyway.  Most guys.

Does he only complain about that,  or does he complain about any sexual contact?
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Avatar_n_tn
Sometimess he'd finger me and then sniff his fingers n shudder. right in front of me! N it really hurts I'm sorry if I sound stupid but it really really does hurt . . It makes me feel 'dirty' I mean Ive tried but it's like I can't do anything about my smell I already shower twice a day . . Once I had a shower just before he fingered me and he was STILL making sick faces! I've now started using 'fem fresh' a vaginal wash i've seen a slight improvement but my boyfriend is still being fussy . . It's really upsetting and I'm extremely insecure cos of it now. And then I tell him 'oh if you dnt like it so much then don't go down on me or touch me there' and he just goes 'noo but I like doing it cos I love making you feel good' ahhhh! so confusingg tbhh! I want him to do it cos HE loves IT. Not do it cos I love it
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684030_tn?1357024374
If it's not a gynecological problem, it may very well be a dietary issue, especially if you eat spicy foods and anything prepared with garlic... on a regular basis. If they're part of your diet, try eliminating those. You might also want to try drinking fruit beverages like grape, apple or pineapple juice for about about 4 days prior to oral sex and see if there's a noticeable change and improved odor/ taste.
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145992_tn?1341348674
I wouldn't feel comfortable staying with a man who makes me feel bad about myself. By staying with him you either need to develop a thicker skin and not let his comments bother you or you leave him and find a man who doesn't have issues with your odor. Has he felt this way about other girlfriends he has had or is it just you?
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13167_tn?1327197724
merrmerr, I think there's something fundamentally wrong with him sexually.  I really mean that.  

His desire to make you feel dirty and unworthy - during a sex act - is not a good quality in a boyfriend.  

If he were trying to avoid the smell,  and trying to do acts that caused him not to come in contact with the smell but still have sex,  that would seem totally different.

You probably won't take this advice,  but this guy isn't good partner material.  
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176495_tn?1301284012
I have never complained about the smell of a partner's vagina..There are times it may not be the most pleasant but I'm sure my smell isn't always that pleasant either.  But I recognize most of the odors as "natural" and enjoy performing oral regardless.

I think this guy has a problem.


Jim
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1035252_tn?1371343440
I agree with the last 3 posts. I've been with my husband for about 8 years and I KNOW i don't smell like roses every time and he's never complained in a serious manner, although he said it once jokingly and, after smelling to see what he was talking about, I whole-heartedly agreed and took a nice long bath LOL.

I've heard that Thai food (the spices in it, at any rate) can cause your fluids to smell and taste like vanilla but the girl who told me that was a little weird so I have no idea if it's true...but I really don't think this is your problem, I think it's his and he has no call to make you feel insecure about your body's natural smells. If you had a problem that was out of control, I could see him commenting because he was concerned ....but he needs to get over it and stop being so insensitive or you need to leave and be with a partner who loves every part of you...the good, the bad, and the (not-so) stinky.
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285927_tn?1380802356
They say everyone of us have our own unique scent. They say it is one of the things that attract us to each other. Could it be yours and his scent are just not compatible. It could also be that your bf is just being a jerk.
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184674_tn?1360864093
I'd ditch this guy. It's like he's purposely trying to make you feel dirty and insecure.
He's insenitive and weird. Seriously, if a guy has a problem with a woman's natural odor "in general" and it's not just you or anything wrong with you, but then then goes out of his way to do things like smell his finger afterwards just to make a snide comment to you about your smell, that is just weird and mean.
He says he does it because he likes making you feel good? Then what, he gets just as much pleasure cutting you down after pleasuring you?
Not at all normal.
What an insensitive jerk.
I'd dump him.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks for all your input guys!! I now know what to do thanks so much ! At first I thought it was me but maybe it us him being a jerk lol thanks once again.
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Avatar_f_tn
Is this serious? Does your boyfriend really do this!?? This is horrible and cruel and if i were you i'd leave him now!
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686059_tn?1293837427
Do you know what I would do? I would correct him everytime he made a hurtful comment, "there is nothing wrong with me and I don't appreciate your hurtful comments" and not let him go down on you, until he is truly ready. I agree with the other, it's him and not you. He just doesn't like going down at all, so tell him if this is something he does not want to do, then don't do it, but not to offend you either. Hygine is extremely important to avoid infections and odor, but it's natural for us to have odor, that's why we douch and bath. I would go to the gyne if I felt it was necessary and didn't feel well, but if  you feel all is well, the issue is him,  not you.
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Avatar_f_tn
yea he sound pretty childish to me  but at th same time some people act like they hate somethin and really be in love wit it like i always tell people i hate really skinny girls but in reality i love them so he might be in love the way vagina smells
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Avatar_m_tn
I am a junior gyno. one of the most popular reason for vaginal smell is the use of cheap after market tampons they tend to disintergrate very rapidly leaving rotten decomposing tanpon and blood mixture it can get stuck in there for a very long time.cure and precaution use name brand products,use a medicated dush and follow up with a masingil mountain herb dush.you will make everyone happy especialy you,good luck HONESTAL
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3098613_tn?1341162712
try organic fruits. i heard putting yogurt inside your va-j-j works
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh boy.  I'm not sure about some of these recommendations.  For a long time now we've known that douching actually has the opposite effect and is not a great idea for us.  And using fruits and yogurt . . .

Well, anyway, I'm thinking that the best thing is to consult a physician.  They'll be best equipped to tell you what is going on.  Peace and luck to all.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I think EATING yogurt, as medical professionals recommend, will provide all the "good bacteria" necessary. And, I agree with SM about douching...it's no longer a healthy practice unless ordered by a physician for a very specific condition.
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480448_tn?1403547723
Actually, while yogurt is generally good for you (ORALLY....NEVER EVER put anything in the vagina that isn't made for it, or suited for it, sheesh)...the idea that ingesting yogurt can prevent or cure a yeast infection isn't true.  It's basically a wives' tale.  I've asked countless docs...you would have to eat Yoplait's entire daily shipment in ONE day to have that effect.  Same way with the cranberry juice/urinary health deal....you would have to drink gallons.  Still, both yogurt and cranberry juice are good for you anyway...just don't expect miracles, lol.  I personally like MY cranberry juice with vodka...and that works.  I quickly forget about any symptom I may have had!  ;0)

On the other hand, the oral supplements (like Lactinex, or a cranberry pill) CAN be more beneficial because of the amount present in the pills/capsules.  The docs I work automatically put a patient on Lactinex prophylactically while they are on an antibiotic (and for about a week after).  But again, as a dietary (food) supplement, it's just not feasible.

Douching is not recommended.  There should never be a time where it was necessary to douche, unless it was directed by your doc for a medical reason (which is rare).  You don't have to douche after your period, if you THINK you have strong odor, because you think you aren't "clean" nothing....no reason is appropriate.  Douching interrupts the natural balance of the vagina, the normal flora (the GOOD bacteria)  and can actually lead to yeast infections, among other things.  That's basically the same idea as overdoing it with antibiotics.  That will interrupt the normal flora of the colon, which can lead to a serious bacterial infection called c-diff.

Now, sometimes we're a bit more self conscious about odor than others.  We all have those days.  The wipes/washes for EXTERNAL use only are a nice product.  They really don't DO much but mask the odor like a perfume would, but sometimes, it benefits US, so WE are not as focused on the smell (especially when mother nature is visiting).  That being said, ANY new odor that isn't something you've noticed before should always be assessed by your doctor first.  Things like BV and other infections need treated, and a foul odor is one of the trademark symptoms.

Unless there is a specific medical condition, there is no need to EVER "treat" a vaginal odor, or discharge.  It's all part of our cycles, and how our body is supposed to function.  Just think of the v-jay-jay as a well oiled machine....it should only need an annual "under the hood" check up (pun most DEFINITELY intended!!  LOL)
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480448_tn?1403547723
Oh, and I just HAVE to say....even though this is an old thread....I sure hope the girl dumped the "douche-bag".  Sorry....couldn't RESIST!  It was just too appropriate.  No offense meant. :o)
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Avatar_n_tn
get shut of your boyfriend. he obviously isnt making u happy.
a loving relationship should be a strong one, not where u have to question yourself because of comments he makes. lifes too short to be anything but happy x
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Avatar_f_tn
I realize this is an old post but, none the less, I want to enter my 2 cents!!

I've noticed that P$ssy smells pretty darn sweet, REALLY REALLY SWEET!! when We are not having sex!!!!

My point is - if we WERE not, ARE not, being sexually active - we have NO problems.  Our Guys have their "jollys" and then they "pick up and leave" - WE are the ones left behind to deal with the "smells" that We would not be having otherwise!!  It's the ramification of YOUR smell that we are dealing with!!
We are now at  2012 and it's STILL a "man's world"!!.  They want NOT to take responsibility for THEIR own contribution to what They leave US to deal with!!  Example:  They ALSO want to eat, but They often do not CLEAN UP THE KITCHEN!!  It's on US to fix up, clean up the messes THEY leave behind and that includes OUR VAGINAS!!
It's wrong, it's very, very WRONG  for them to leave THEIR mess (bodily fluid) behind and then to complain like it's OUR problem, OUR issue to try to remedy and clean up what THEY leave us to deal with.  I mean, think about it, Ladies - This is RUDE!!, VERY, VERY RUDE!!!!....just saying.
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Avatar_m_tn
Wow, I'm so glad I found this thread!  So, I literally just dumped someone last night, because he was a lot like your bf.  He was constantly making comments about how I smelled - that he didn't like it, that it was too strong, that it wasn't his "thing".  But the funny thing is, when we first met, he would say that he liked it, how he usually doesn't like a woman's scent, but he liked mine.  But after a few weeks of dating, when we got settled in, he was over it.  I wasn't new and exciting anymore, there was no need to court me, so now my scent turned him off.  Nothing changed about me, except for the fact that we were now comfortable.  

Before meeting him, I had a healthy sense of self confidence.  I felt good about my body, and about myself sexually.  I noticed though, that this relationship with this man was chipping away at my self esteem.  I started feeling bad about my body.  I felt unsexy for the first time in my life! It was awful.  He would complain about my scent, that it turned him off, that it was too strong, that smelled up the room.  He would make faces along with his comments, sometimes would jerk his body away as if he was repelled by it.  He even lost his erection once.  Eventually, he would hardly touch my vagina.  I would have to ask him to touch me, and it would be a petty touch, and then he would wipe his fingers off on my thigh.  It was TERRIBLE.  

After a couple weeks of communicating with him and trying to work thing out (he said he wanted to try), nothing changed, except for my self esteem.  I felt bad about myself.  I saw that he had started to damage my self esteem, and that was the last straw.  It wasn't worth it!  He was a jerk.  I think he knew he was being a jerk too.  

NEVER LET A MAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF.

You're amazing.  You're beautiful.  You're a goddess.  Any man that can't appreciate you, all of you, is a fool.  Don't give him any of all that goodness you are.  He doesn't deserve you.

<3
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