Hurtful relationship

[Megzor]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and about a month now. Our relationship was absolutely great for the first 5, 6 months. He always wanted to be with me, he always chose me over his friends he always wrote cute poems for me and bought me tons of stuff, always drove over to my place (I couldn't ever drive 'cause I didn't have my drivers license yet). I never asked him to do any of this stuff, I thought he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart, because he loved me. As soon as my best friend passed away everything took a turn for the worst. I was feeling down and depressed and I needed someone there for me, but nope, he was never there. He kept making excuses that he had already made plans with his friends and I would get upset 'cause I needed someone there for me but he would just get mad. Ever since then, my boyfriend has never wanted to be with me that much, he stopped writing me poems, writing me songs, he stopped coming over all the time (he started complaining about it in fact), he hits me but he says it's just jokingly, I tell him to stop. He always chooses his friends over me. He has done too many hurtful things to list and I have been very depressed for the past few months. He never thinks he does anything wrong, he never apologizes to me and he always makes me look like the bad guy. He said that me being upset all the time was ruining our relationship but I am always upset because he is continuously mean to me, always hurting me, ditching me, letting me down, he hates all my friends for no reason... I really don't know what to do, I love him more than anything. I try everyday to make it work but he never tries, he never takes me out on dates... nothing... it seems as if his interest in me has died. I really don't want to break up with him... i'm too scared... I don't know what to do... Am I the one ruining our relationship?

[Megzor]

I agree with what you have said, thanks for your advice... I will try my best, i'm thinking that maybe i will be better on my own =D

[Megzor]

I have started to do other things to keep my mind off him, thank you =)

[Megzor]

That is true... I know I am very young, and I have no idea why I don't want to break up with him but thank you.

[Megzor]

Okay, thanks for your advice =)

[imanaddict]

I agree with the others, this relationship has run it's course. You may love him, but that doesn't mean he's good for you. You should NEVER tolerate violence of any kind and if he's hitting you (supposedly jokingly my A$$) you don't need to be with someone like that. It will get worse by the way, and the jokingly hits will turn into real ones if they aren't already. You asked if any of this is your fault and my answer is absolutely not. Someone that is not there for you when tragedy strikes will NEVER be there for you through other things. Do you really want someone like that? Someone that treats you bad and will always kick you when you're down? I certainly hope not, you deserve better! My advice, for what it is worth, is to ditch the loser and go be a teenager. Enjoy your young years doing things you like rather than focusing on a guy who is a lost cause. I sincerely wish you the best!

[specialmom]

Hm.  You are of the age in which I would expect relationships to be happy or they are not worth it.  At 17, you should be having fun and living life and not waiting around for your inattentive boyfriend to call.  What about your friends?  What about your school work?  What about your hobbies?  I'd get really involved with those.  

I think that the end of this relationship is near.  I don't say that to hurt you but to help you mentally prepare.  But, you don't need or want this kind of relationship.  You want a guy that adores you.

But I want you to heed my advice and pursue things in your life that have NOTHING to do with a boyfriend.  Good luck.

[sammy73]

Early stage relationships, first few months, are usually pretty intense like that, both people try really hard because they want to impress their new partner, and that first flush of excitement motivates all these efforts.  It's normal after a few months for things to settle down a little; but the way you describe it, it's not so much settled down as fallen down far.

I suspect he really didn't know how to handle the death of your friend, or how to help you.  You were reaching out, really needing help, but he didn't know how to give help, and he probably felt both awkward and inadequate because of this.  Sometimes guys just aren't got at this sort of stuff, particularly when they are younger and quite immature (although I'm over twice your age and still not too good at providing comfort and emotional support, and never really will be).  Because he was feeling awkward and inadequate, he didn't feel so comfortable being around you, and so didn't spend so much time with you.  Of course, I don't know this to be the case, I'm just guessing at a possible reason, given the scenario you've told us.

Whether it's too late, and the damage has been done and it's time to quit and move on, I've no way of knowing.  But if things don't improve, do not tolerate going on in a relationship where you are not happy and feel like you are being treated badly.  You deserve better than that.

[zzzmykids]

Ok, I will state what seems obvious. You are very young? Using words like always and never are words not for human realm. I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. You might think of going to a grief class for understanding.
Why are you scared to break up with a guy that is not treating you with respect, concern and companionship?
I am not sure there was a relationship to begin with or not.
You deserve more and know you can actually develop other strong relationships that are not boyfriend/girlfriend but just friends....along with a guy to date.
zzzmykids