Husband and Childhoold girl friend

[Zharieck]

Hi, I need some advice and I can't even talk to my friends or to my family about how i feel right now. I have been dealing this problem before my husband and I get married, My husband has 5 very close friends. 4 of them guys and one girl. they all grown up together like brother and sister. so all of them are married. my husband and I bought our condo and he pay for all down payment and I only pay the maintenance fee.  then  two weeks before our wedding May 5, 2017 Friday. My husband text me and he told me straightly that his friend Emmy is coming from New York she will sleep over at the condo where he is the only one who currently staying by himself in our condo. so  i talk to him that i am not comfortable and it's not in appropriate to bring a girl inside in our home without me. he responded me is this (WHO CARES SHE IS MY FRIEND SHE'S MY LONGEST TRUSTED FRIEND I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO INVITE MY FRIENDS TO COME OVER) this actually  really hurt my feelings. so after i told him it bothers me and it's make me uncomfortable ask him to stop texting her. then suddenly he mention this picture on our wedding with all of his friends with the wife except me. i felt like i did a mistake marrying him. :(

[RDVW]

Tell your husband you want your best (male) friend sleeping over. How will he react?

[specialmom]

I guess you can give that as an example of 'how would you feel if . . .'

[specialmom]

I'm sorry this is upsetting you and for the situation.  When I met my husband, he had female friends.  Once married, really, I'm his significant other and the female friend thing was much less.  In fact, any girls that didn't try to befriend me and just wanted to be HIS friend and not OUR friend really got the cold shoulder and he isn't friends with them anymore.  NOT because I told him to do this but because he felt this was best.  He saw our relationship over any friendship and even if I wasn't best friends with a girl he was friends with, the ones that stuck around were always nice to me and supportive of our relationship and respectful that *I* was the wife.  

So, what about this.  I agree it would hurt my feelings if my husband put any friend over me.  Guy or girl.  I want him to have friends and support his friendships.  So, I'm not trying to have him all to myself.  But if it is a guy friend that acts like I don't exist and he wants my husband alone, always, without me.  I'd feel strange and my husband would probably pull away from that guy.  I pretty much always have an invitation to hang out too if I want to but I usually don't.  ha.  Let him have his guy time.  

How does this girl treat you?  Is she friendly?  Are you friendly to her?  Before ending your marriage, what about trying to befriend her.  This would make your husband happy if he is truly friends with her.  And if she tries to rub the friendship (her and your husband) in your face with inside jokes and such, just point it out to your husband later and ask him what the deal is.  Kill the situation with kindness and see where you get.  If she isn't receptive to friendship----  let your husband know with examples. If he sides with her, I agree that is problematic.  good luck

[Zharieck]

Hi thank you for the response. I was trying to  be friendly with her. in fact she added me on Facebook, 3 days before the wedding then she deleted and blocked me to her Facebook. so i was confuse. then suddenly she post a picture and tag my husband in Facebook. everyone of their friends including with wife, husband and kids was at the photo except me. at that time we were at the party. so I don;t know  what to do. I'm really stress and hurt i feel like I am invisible when my husband friends around with him especially the girl..

[specialmom]

That's unfortunate.  I would actually invite just her and her significant other over to your home for dinner that you prepare.  Be super friendly and act like nothing has happened.  Try to see if she warms up to you. If you make these efforts to reach out and she rebuffs them, your husband WILL notice.  Then branch out and go out of your way at other social events to engage with her and be friendly.  Eventually, she looks like an oaf for being rude to you.  I totally agree that you should not have to do these things and that your husband should stand by you.  But that he isn't . . . and you want to stay married to him---  this is the only way for him to recognize that the problem is not you.  

[specialmom]

That's unfortunate.  I would actually invite just her and her significant other over to your home for dinner that you prepare.  Be super friendly and act like nothing has happened.  Try to see if she warms up to you. If you make these efforts to reach out and she rebuffs them, your husband WILL notice.  Then branch out and go out of your way at other social events to engage with her and be friendly.  Eventually, she looks like an oaf for being rude to you.  I totally agree that you should not have to do these things and that your husband should stand by you.  But that he isn't . . . and you want to stay married to him---  this is the only way for him to recognize that the problem is not you.