Relationships Community
Husband signed up for a dating site
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to relationships, abstinence, arousal problems, birth control, cohabitation, commitment, communication, couples counseling, desire, sexual technique, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Husband signed up for a dating site

So my husband just received an alert on his phone that his new account at some dating site has been set up. HE is currently sleeping so I haven't said anything about it. But since I am a curious person, I checked the site out. It's not just a normal dating site such as match or e harmony, no it a SEX dating site. It a site that you can go to to find people in your area to have SEX with!!!!! I almost woke him up and started bitching at him, but I don't want him knowing that I know he has an account at this site. I did note the website name and his login info, as it was conveniently in the alert on his phone, and put that information in the notepad of my phone for future reference. But i'm not sure what i should do, should I just confront him about it, or do I wait and see if he uses the site? But then if he actually uses the site, I don't know how I'll handle that.

But on the same hand, if i confront him about this, he may just go to a different site and hide it better. So it may be better that I know. D*mn it i'm freakin PISSED!!

So confront him, or wait it out?? Any opinions out there?
Tags: husband, dating, site, sex
Related Discussions
54 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
First, let me say that I am terribly sorry-----------  that is really stinky!!  I'm sure your head is spinning in all sorts of directions.  I don't know any marital history-----  has he done things like this before?  Or is this clear out of the blue?  

I don't know what the best answer is.  It would be really hard for me to keep that inside . . . but I'm thinking maybe you could approach him about your marriage.  Say something like you just aren't feeling as close as you would like and you'd really like to work on it, maybe counseling.  You want to have the best, closest most honest and awesome relationship you can and want his help.  Then get the guy in counseling and devulge the info at that point.  

I, again--------- am so sorry.  I would be devestated, mad, sad-----  you name it.  You deserve much better than that.  You are a great girl----  and for him to have betrayed your relationship this way is too painful.  The fact that he hasn't done anything yet is good . . . and signing up for a site like that means he isn't having an affair . . . but I think some emergency marriage repair action is in order.  good luck
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Thanks, I'm just all jumbled up right now. I mean it really disturbs me because last night i fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie and the computer is in the living room, so he did this while I was right there in the same room asleep!

We have our problems sure, a couple months ago I found out he had watched a live sex webcam which i was really pissed about, but we did talk about it, and he seemed to understand why i was upset, when i don't mind other porn on occasion. I'm not big into porn, don't like the stuff for myself, but I don't have a problem with him watching it if i'm not in the mood or whatever, I just don't want to hear the details of it lol

And there were a couple instances of him sending inappropriate messages to two girls. So trust is a little shaky with me at least.

But nothing ever like this. My minds going in all kinds of directions right now. I know i could hold it in for awhile and see what happens, but i'm not sure if i want to. i want an explanation, but at the same time, I want the truth and i don't know if i'll get that right now.

I've been wanting to see a therapist for awhile now, for myself mostly, and then work on my marriage too but just haven't really spent the time and looked for one, plus my husband thinks therapists are a joke and thinks that people need to handle their own problems. But i just don't know how to approach this with him. I know if i try to talk to him about it I'll get upset and pissed off and won't be able to talk about it calmly and factually.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
Oh no mego I'm so sorry girl. I know how you are feeling because a betrayal of trust can come in many forms. It just s ucks that you are now conflicted on how to approach him. Part of me would be running over to him and be screaming at him and another part would be wanting to see how far he takes this whole thing. Do you want to catch him and work on your marital issues before anything happens? He hasn't done anything but the intentions are there and that's not good. I know myself and I know that I can't hold that stuff in but if you don't have some solid stuff he may turn it back on you or have a good excuse. If he's really determined to save the marriage he will go to therapy. I'm here if you need to talk whether on the forum or in private. Good luck sweetie.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Thanks mami. For once i'm glad he's sleeping in today, because i don't know if i'll go psycho b*tch when he wakes up or if i can hold it in. Right now i'm leaning towards psycho b*tch so i really need time to calm down.

I definitely know i do not want to let it go and wait until something does happen. I just already feel so betrayed even knowing he hasn't even logged into the site or done anything yet. Of course this just brings up all kinds of thoughts and questions in my mind like if he has resorted to looking online for women in this area, does that mean he's already tried to find them in person?? He goes out occasionally with friends from work for drinks after work, so what was he doing then? was he really going for drinks or looking for a woman?!? Or hell there is a women in the office who several of his co workers have told me likes to go around and try to get unavailable guys.

God, i'm driving my self crazy! And then if i do actually confront him and ask him all this, how can i know he's telling the truth? And if by some miracle he does tell the truth, what if it's worse than him just signing up for a sex dating site?? What if that's the tip of the iceberg, then what the heck am i going to do?

I just really really want to go in the bedroom and punch him right now!! I hate all these thoughts and questions that are floating around, and I haven't even found anything concrete and i'm already messed up over it!
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
I'm so sorry you're going through this :(. i have a question though...is his login name/password something you would be able to recognize as exclusively his? i say this because about 2 months ago I found some emails in my husband's email account saying "josh! welcome to the married sex dating site! married women in your area, waiting to have an affair!" i flipped out on his ***. he denied it staunchly, and it was weird but he really didn't seem to be lying!!!!

about one week later I logged into MY email account and found "Ivy! welcome to the married sex dating site! married men in your area waiting to have an affair!" and it was dated earlier than the email my husband had received (so i know that he didn't go on the site and sign me up just to throw me off his trail), so i realized that it was just some really weird spam. so you might want to think about whether his "login info" seems like something he really would use, or if it seems like some spam crap that they might send to someone....

i don't know, but I know how very hurt I was when I thought that my husband had done that....I would confront him about it, and tell him that he has got to figure this out or your marriage will not work. not that you'll divorce him, but that it will ruin any sort of trust and/or communication between you, and he needs to find a way for you to trust him.

poor thing...I'm here for you sweetie, I hope everything turns out to be a misunderstanding but if not, you let his *** have it!
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Oh my gosh-----  guess what happened to me.  At Christmas I was looking for this thing for my son----  a pretend doctors emergency crash cart (lol) and couldn't find one that wasn't super expensive.  So I was on Ebay and at the bottom of the page they have sponsored links and I see "free kid's medical cart" . . . huh, I should have known better.  But I went to the site and typed in information (I know, I am so dumb) . . . by the time I realized what I had done . . . and went back to the begining pages and erased all my info . . . the spams started coming.  I mean----  I got 60 that first day.  Now I only get about 10 in my spam folder but some of those are actually those types of meet local websites now that I think about it.  I just erase the whole folder, so I've never opened them but I do remember seeing it in there and thinking "yikes!"--- what have I done to myself here.  

What if he really did go to a porn site and join with his info and he then got sent phishing emails or texts?  That is a huge maybe . . . but it is possible.  

So I am thinking that I would take deep calming breaths and wait until your kids are napping or asleep tonight and say----  let's talk.  Ask him if there is anything in your marriage that would make him unhappy and want to cheat?  That is old therapist lingo for trying to get to the subject without putting him on the defensive.  It opens up discussion in a way that doesn't feel like he is about to be crusified (which if he really did join such a site and was planning on doing something about it . . . then he'd deserve to be . . .)  See where that conversation takes you.  If you try really hard as I know this would be so hard for me . . . but you try really hard to approach the conversation as you are concerned for your marriage rather than he's in major trouble . . . you will most likely get farther.  I say that knowing how terribly hard that is to actually do.  

I wish you so much luck here and am sorry this has happened.  
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
Did you log in and read the profile? Does he have a picture up? I agree with Ashelen sometimes there are crazy spam out there. I understand your feelings of doubt and they are completely normal. You will constantly rack your brain now. Do you have access to his phone bill and all that stuff? You could do some more mini investigating.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
I checked out the site, i didn't log in or anything, but it says on the home page, where you sign up that your password will be sent to your email address so you can log in for the first time. The user name is just his email address without the @yahoo.com part. Now this could just be a spam or not because that user id is the same thing he uses for everything. The email he received(he gets alerts on his phone for new emails and texts) could possibly be spam, but it could also be just a normal email from them.

I went and re checked the site and the options you choose on the sign up screen disturb me. it asks what you are looking for and here are the options: Erotic Email, Discreet Relationship, Erotic Photo Exchange, Just Naughty Fun....

So it's basically for sex and not for real dating.

Well i went through the sign up process and everything to see what email they will send me, if it will be the same or not. Well i had to actually create a profile and user name and blah blah blah, and then after doing so, the site tells me that my password will be sent to my email address and that the account will not be fully active until i get my password and log in for the first time.

Checked my email. It is exactly the same as what my husband received, so he had to have gone through created a profile and entered what he was looking for and all that, so that he could receive his password via email. I even tried just not entering profile info and just leaving it sit and waiting but they never sent an email until i included details(fake for me) about who i was and who i was looking for and then submitted my profile info.

So now i guess i know it's not just a spam email. He must have created an account and profile and the account is just waiting for him to log in again with the random password they send in the emails.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
oh and i have full access to everything of his, bank records, phone records credit card info, everything. When he went over seas, he put me on all his accounts as I would need to pay all the bills while he was away because he didn't have internet access to pay and the time zones were messed up, so I can check all that out.

I still have no idea what I am going to do. I'll try that general conversation starter form you specialmom, although with my husband i doubt it will go anywhere because he's not a big talker and it's hard to get him to come out and say what he thinks, at least that's how it is when in the past I have tried to have the big "let's talk" marriage conversations.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Megochick .  you are a good detective.  With that information, I doubt it is a spam email as well.  Poop.  I would still try to wait until the kids aren't present to have the conversation . . . and deadly calm is very disarming to people.  A communication trick is to ask an open ended question and then stay silent.  It makes people very nervous and they often start rambling.  You can get a lot of extra information that way.  I have a habit when I'm ticked to go off and let it rip . . . when I'm quiet-----  my husband starts backpeddling and talking a lot because he is nervous by my reaction.  That is just an FYI and whatever way you handle it is going to be your way and right for you.  Men can be so stupid sometimes.  grrrr.

I also am not anti porn but this is the kind of thing that can happen . . . someone gets caught up in it and they start to have a hard time seperating themselves from it and think they want to go further with it or act it out.  Doesn't happen to everyone but when it does, it has bad consequences on their REAL relationships.

Good luck------  and peace.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
In my experience I have found that they won't be upfront and honest unless they have been caught in something. I tried having that heartfelt convo with my fiancé when I suspected him of cheating. I cried and asked him honestly if he was cheating. I said I felt something and I know we were a strong enough couple to work through it I just needed him to be honest with me. And even after that he still denied it. When he was caught though he had no choice but to sing like a canary. I have huge doubts your husband would come clean with you until you put the evidence down infront of him. If I were you I would wait and see if he logs in and what happens. I just don't get how he could be dumb enough to do all this using his real email while knowing you have his passwords. At least be creative and use a secondary email account. It makes me wonder if in a way he wants to get caught or something. When I caught my fiancé it was because he was locked up for having a suspended license and when my mom went to the precinct to  get the keys for the car he gave her his cell phone. I mean why do that, why not have the cops confiscate it? You have to know I would go through it and catch you. It was like he wanted to have it out in the open subconsciously. Maybe your husband is struggling with some dark demons and doesn't know how to get help and so he did this knowing you would catch him. I don't know maybe I'm reaching to far with this one. Hope you get some answers soon.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
I'm going to try once the kids are asleep and have a normal let's talk talk. Maybe i should try to just shut up and let him talk, because i'm usually the one who does all the talking and then he either agrees or disagrees. So i'll try that tonight, just to see if he'll give me any clue as to what the f*ck he thinks he's doing.

Mami, I completely see what you're saying. He used his regular everyday email address(he has 3 emails), which i have the passwords to ALL his accounts anyways(given to me freely by him when he went overseas) but on top of that idiocy he also used the email account that is linked with his blackberry phone, which both he and I know sends out alerts every time he gets a new email, and then when you just pull out the phone form the protector it opens the email right up as it's the last thing to come into the phone. Which incidental is how i saw the email. I didn't go snooping at all, his phone vibrated, i thought maybe someone was calling, took the phone out of the protector and up pops the email for the sex dating site saying welcome!

I'm mean how stupid can you be? Like i'm never going to see that? He frequently has me check the messages on the phone if it vibrates and he's on the computer or more than 3 feet away from it, so if he expected to hide it for long, I really married a moron.

Of course it does make me feel better that he obviously isn't the smartest at hiding things, because you bet after I saw that email, i checked out his text messages, his phone calls his other emails everything i could. I am not about to confront him with this with out checking through everything so i can be prepared as can be because knowing him(well men in general) I know he's not just going to spit out the truth if he thinks he can get away with it.

Ugh i guess i'm out of my sad phase and back to pissed. Now just got to calm down so I can just generally and unsuspiciously ask him if he thinks our marriage is going good and what i can change to make it better or what we both can do.

Oh and as a plus note, i decided to add a keystroke program to the computer, i'm not taking any chances here at all. He's not the only one who can be sneaky in this house
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
I think if you tell him what you know he will be sneakier so just make sure you get whatever info you need before the confrontation. I'm sorry I know how painful this all is. You will have many different emotions for awhile. Why do people always take chances on their relationships? Its so frustrating!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I am sorry to hear about your huseband being up to no good. Confront him on this!! In my view, there is no excuse for cheating. I understand your upset, and its happend to me before. It is up to you of wether you want to repair of what he did to you or leave him.. If i was in a realionship and i found out my spouse strayed, thats it.. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He made an account on a dating website! The man you are married to is doing this!! I wonder if he's met anyone off that site.. I know im blunt, but ask him why he's in this site. Watch how he answers, it'll tell the story there.
Blank
686059_tn?1293837427
My first response would be to wake him up and put him right on the spot, "What's this"? OR "keep it on the down low", so to speak. Give him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see if he dares respond to it. I would monitor it and see what choice or decision he makes.....log on and become an active member or just blow it off as unimportant, BUT at the right time, definately confront him with him, so he knows that you are on to him and he can't get away with crap like that.  Good luck, Judy
Blank
285927_tn?1380802356
It sounds like he broke the trust between the two of you before now. Once that happens we live on high alert all the time, wondering if what we are being told is the truth. I would confront him if you find that there is a charge on the credit card, bet even if there is not, the two of you need to have a serious, what do we want this marriage of ours to be talk. I would be ticked and I am not the type to keep it secret. The dirty looks would be exuding out of my pores. I have so little control, lol
I am not sure sometimes if the stress that is caused by having a partner that does not respect us, is worth the stress. Keep us posted k?
Blank
686059_tn?1293837427
I'm with teko...I have no tolerance for ANYTHING that has to do with possible infidelity or temptations. I would nick it in the butt immediately and he would have to earn his way back with trust. To be honest with you, I'm real good at dumping them right on the spot if they stray. ZERO tolerance...but, that's just me :)
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Well I didn't have a chance to talk to him last night as he passed out on the couch while i was putting mikey to sleep. But he did make a comment yesterday when he checked his phone messages he said something like, "why do these things keep sending me this sh*t" and I did check the keystroke program this morning and he hasn't logged on at all yet. or gone to any other sites. I also checked his email, and he has erased the message from the sex dating site and everything, so for now i'm not mentioning it. I still have the keystroke program so if he goes to any dating sites or anything like that i'll know. I still need to have a talk with him though because obviously i don't really trust him right now, for things from the past so we need to have a talk and i need to work on that.

The only reason i'm not confronting him on this is that he's not being very sneaky about it and I don't want top give him a heads up so he tries to hide things in the future. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt since he made that comment and erased the email, hopefully it was just a spam email, but I'm not sure of that as of now
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
Not to put doubt in your mind cause I'm hoping it really is a spam issue but you yourself saw how hard it was to get that email sent. My theory is he said what he said on the assumption that you already saw the email. This way he makes you feel like it is spam and acts like he's not hiding stuff. So he won't log on now because he deleted the email and now will have to request a new password. So yes keep quiet and keep your eyes open. But I do hope its nothing.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Yeah i hope it's just spam, but I'm not taking my chances with it. I still have the keystroke enabled so I'll check that occasionally just to see. But you are right, sometimes with his phone it has a star if there are new alerts and sometimes the star doesn't show, but the star goes away when you see messages, but michael had also been playing with it before he took it from him, and whenever you take the phone out of the case it automatically opens the last alert for the phone, so I dunno what he thinks. But when he made that comment about why do these things keep sending me ****, i just asked "What did my sister send you that stupid picture mail she sent me?" because she's been sending us a lot of stupid picture texts lately, so i don't think he knows i checked his phone. But he could just be covering his bases just encase.

So i guess we'll see what happens with it all. But i'm just going to keep quiet on it for now. No point in me tipping him off when I really don't have any proof as yet, because i doubt if he really signed up for the site, he'll just come out and say "oh yeah i was looking to get laid" So we'll see where this all goes. I'll give him teh benefit of the doubt as the email is erased, but i'm not closing my eyes and pretending it didn't exist in the first place, especially as I tested thhe site to see if they would send me an email based on the first page(where you actually put your email in) and they didn't until I filled out the profile. And they haven't sent me anything since then either, so no spamming as of now.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
I wish you had emailed the email to your address so that you could show it to him when you do have more proof.  I guess if something more comes out of this you won't really need it because you will have more.  I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I could only imagine how hard it is, your heart must have been racing a mile a minute when you saw that email.  Again, if you want to talk more personally just shoot me a pm.  
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Thanks mami. Yeah i'm still very upset about this and feel like a horrible person because i keep checking his email and everything, but i can't seem to stop myself. I just need to know and hope that it was only spam. On a plus side(i guess plus?) the site sent me another email with the subject line don't forget to login, but the actual email is the same exact one as the first one they sent me, and my husband hasn't received anything like that one that i know of. So it is leaning towards it just being a spam email, and hopefully the site just sends out the same exact email to joiners and when they spam people.
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
Maybe he hasn't received it because he already has logged in,  megochick.

I don't think you're evil at all for checking up on him.  

Do you have a way,  with your account,  to actually check his and see what he's doing?  Since you did sign up yourself and received the exact same email he did,  it doesn't seem possible that this was a random thing.  He began a profile.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
I guess i could try and look him up on there, i haven't logged in again besides that first time.

Adn i used a new fake email address, so he'd have no idea it was me if he is on there, so I'll try it out. i didn't even think of that possibility. He could have gone to the website through his phone and not the computer so it wouldn't have shown up on teh keystroke.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Ya know, this is tricky stuff . . . while being super sleuth here is only natural . . . . I just worry about this getting out of control.  You will have to be ready to explain your  plan to "catch" him by setting up a profile and going into it and contacting him.  I can't say I wouldn't do that . . . because it is a pretty clever idea to get info quicker.  But it worries me that he is going to turn this whole thing around on you . . . so I would only do it if you are at least 75% sure he is up to no good.  

I still have that little hope that perhaps he was just on a porn site and set up an account there (a billing account or something) and then it got pushed over to a spam for dating.  I'm polly anna though and always hope for the best case scenario.  

You've talked about some heart to hearts about the relationship-----  I still think this is really important.  Because if the marriage is rock solid, this is less of a worry.  Remember to keep it a "we" conversation vs a you or I and stay quiet after questions to him or comments to give him a chance to sputter on as many people will do in that situation because they aren't used to the other not talking all the time (okay----  maybe that is ME and my husband . . . but you  know what I mean.)  Wishing you calmness and peace while you deal with this.  good luck

Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
well i looked through 53 pages of guys within 10 miles of where i am, they don't have a search by user name function which seems stupid to me but it was sorted by distance from my zipcode and i didn't see him in there. Which either means he hasn't logged in yet to verify the profile or it was just a spam email.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
I'm leaning towards spam, and definitely going to have a talk with him tonight about our relationship.

Specialmom we both have that problem when we talk of saying you and i alot and i know we need to work on that so i'll try it tonight to see if "we" can fix "our" relationship. there, already starting, just gotta stay in that mindset because we are both bad with the you accusations. And i'll try and shut up and just remain calm and wait for his answer as i do always tend to try and steer the conversation.

If i do happen to find him on the site, i'm not going to contact him at all ro try and be really sneaky and set up anything with him, because just seeing that he's on a dating site is enough for me, i don't need to catch him actually meeting up with anyone, and i don't want to let it go until he does try and meet someone. But as i couldn't find him i'm thinking it's just a random spam, probably from a porn site he goes to or something.

But i'll have a chat with him about what we both need to do to make our relationship the best it can be.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
Hey mego, just wondering if you had that chat yet with your hubby.  Hope all is well.
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Not yet, tonight hopefully, I ended up falling asleep last night at like 7 watching tv and he put the kids to bed for once. then i woke up at like 3 and actually went to bed. So hopefully both of us will stay awake tonight to talk!
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
Good luck keep us posted.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry for what happened but if you confront him are you ready to deal with the possible outcome? Are you ready to accept the fact that he's looking for sex from other people? What happens if it back fires and he wants to seperate? I understand my questions doesn't help but you have to prepare yourself for anything before you confront him... When my  bestfriend's caught her ex cheating he told her well you were looking for something and you found it, why are you mad? and ended it with her. Just make sure your prepared for anything...
Blank
580755_tn?1357673215
For what it's worth...I do get a lot of Spam e-mails about sex site. If you visit one site and sign up for something you will get that site selling your info to other sites.

Why do you have a keystock program on your computer? Is it to spy on what your husband does?
Blank
902589_tn?1268152453
Just ask him? So I'm supposed to go up to him and say "Oh hey baby, did you happen to sign up for a sex dating website?" And then of course he will tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

I'm sorry but how dare you tell me that he is bored with me or that my physical relationship with him is boring. I may not be the most adventurous sex fiend out there but I am open to new ideas he wants to suggest. I am personally happy with our sex life and my husband doesn't make complaints too often so as far as i can tell he is happy with it as well. And even if he was not happy with our sex life he needs to talk to ME about it. Wanting more "adventurous' sex is NOT an excuse for going out and finding it with someone else when you are in a relationship. If you want more adventurous sex or are unhappy with your relationship, you need to talk to your spouse about it and try and solve the problem, and failing that you need to get OUT of the relationship before acting like an immature horny teenager and having sex with another person.

Cheating in any form is absolutely inexcusable to me. It is NEVER OK under any circumstances.

Ok now that I've gone off on a tangent about that, on the issue at hand

Coco87:
No i do not think I am prepared to hear the answer if he has really signed up for a sex dating site, because I do not know if I could ever just forgive and forget that, especially if he went through with it and did cheat. I do not believe I have that kind of understanding and forgiveness or strength in me to give out and forget it.

Vance:
Yes I have come to the conclusion that it was just a spam email. Since I did check and see what kind of emails they would send me I know for sure it was just spam, as they have been sending me 2-3 emails a day ever since I created an account, which I have already deleted and blocked their emails for.

As to the keystroke program, yes that was put on the computer to monitor my husband's activities. I have trust issues because of things that have occurred in the past which i am aware of and I am working on, and all of which my husband is also fully aware of. He does not know about the keystroke program, and I do feel really really crappy about having it on the computer(i only added it after seeing the sex dating site alert) and I know it is sneaky and horrible and maybe a completely crazy thing to do but I needed to have the proof if i did confront him about this dating site, but as I have put it down to just spam I will not be doing that.

but the trust issue is definitely on top of my list for things to discuss when we have a talk, if we ever get to have another talk (yes, he's asleep again, he passed out about 1 1/2 hours ago watching tv) we have many issues we need to address, or at least that I feel need addressed.

Ok I think that's about all the update and responses I have in me for now.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
just to make you feel a bit better....i get that spam crap all the time. it got so bad i almost threw my laptop out the window. lol. hubby installed a new spyware/adware thingy and allllll gone. : o) maybe he needs new spyware so that the alerts aren't being sent to him.
Blank
686059_tn?1293837427
Wow, that's scary that if you go into an adult website just once, you will be bombarded with contant XXX spam. For some people who enjoy these websites, oh well, but for a married couple, this could be a problem if one of the spouse is unaware and feels that hubby or wife is viewing all these websites...I've just learn something new here.  Judy
Blank
1066198_tn?1333312628
just a thought... I found a similar issue with my X H... I went online and set up a fake account, too... even used a fake picture... got him emailing her/me for awhile-- you wouldn't believe the crap he said to her  ( me) about ME and how horrid things were- according to him... I finally set up a meeting with him..... My sister and I just happened to be having lunch there--very discreetly-- when he showed up looking all spiffy and very confused.... funny, he seemed very touchy.... even emailed later to ask her why she wasn't there.....  Just one of the reasons-- and the proof I needed to make him my X....

Also-- if you find suspicious emails-- copy and paste it onto your word pad-- then print it out and save it... that's how I caught my H on porn sites... but that was on his web history.... I asked him about it point blank-- he denied it vehemently--- even after I told him that I KNEW he was lying.... til I handed him a COPY of what I had printed.... (saved the original in a safe place -just in case).....

Just an idea...sneaky as heii I know... but saved my current marriage-- and helped me find the truth in the  1st.....

Good luck........
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I'm going throw the same thing, we have a 5 year old and a 7 month old.  He swears on there life he never cheated.  He says it was just fun toying with people heads.  He would tell them he loves them and wants to ****.  He says he never would do it.  I don't know what to believe.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Well, livi, this wouldn't make me happy.  I'd ask him to stop doing that and to make his computer/phone available to you.  Then be very very watchful.  I hope it was just a prank on his part but still inappropriate.  good luck
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
So sorry to hear about your situation.  I understand completely how you feel.  I have been married for 31 years and have 7 wonderful children and 7 equally wonderful grandchildren.  My husband for a very long time has been very secretive about everything.  Bank accounts, credit cards, emails, his phone etc.  I am not allowed to touch a piece of his mail.  After 31 years of marriage!  My gut feeling finally talked me into taking a closer look.  About 6 months ago I discovered porn on his phone and lots of porn on our computer.  My 12 year old daughter told me she has actually seen her Dad looking at porn many times in the middle of the night when she gets up for a drink or something.  I was sickened to hear that!  I also found out he was enrolled in the dating website AshleyMadison, soliciting extra marital affairs.  Nothing could have been more devastating. He said it was all just a joke.  He is a serial liar.  Just recently I found a text on his phone from his "psychic" friend.  Apparently they are now having an affair.  I am done!!!!! Filing for divorce right now!   He has ruined my life.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
my husband had been acting lil diff and so I went threw his phone net hystory and found where he registered for a xxx dating site. He swears it wasn't him but it was his phone his town his phone number his age and email. And still swears he didn't do it. So I went into the site on my phone (his reason it was registered was his info is programed in his fone)(mine is too) but I still had to put it all in there manually inorder for it to sign me up. Noone else has had his fone. We've been together about 11 yrs. What do I do and how do I find what the truth is? And how do I stop obsessing on this. I'm not sure if it hurts more cuz I feel lied to or cuz he has an account
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
I'm wondering about the contact that he made earlier with two other women?
Also, please think about taking the initiative to get a good therapist to help support you until your marriage get's on a stronger footing.. You're in my prayers.
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
Oops, this is a really old post
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Before u blow it out of proportion... cell phones r just like tht now. I get Facebook nd dating alerts nd I dnt use either. A lot of ads go around saying u have a wink or another available update its usually viruses for cell phones.
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
The original poster hasn't commented on this post or any other since 2010,
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I recently found the same thing my husband had signed up for a site called Milf  I freaked on him and you know what he tried to blame it on me he told me he has not been happy for a long time and its because he thought I was not happy such a typical response I no longer trust him and I doubt I ever will . he has not been interested in sex for a long time I usually have to initiate it  I asked him if he ever cheated and he started crying and said no still don't trust him though
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
don't believe them I can't believe how common this has become in marriages I have read story after story after story that can be my story or is my story but mine is worse I guess I let mine go too long before I realize what was going on like 13 years too long now I can't trust em for nothing he put a lock on his phone like that's going to help me trust him its over between us they'll never be trust
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I don't get it what happened to a man seeing another woman naked being taboo or woman saying another man naked that was to be back then what happened to that now its like its okay you can even watch him screwing each other what happened everyone's morals
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Funny how these types of posts can keep going for years.  I just found an email in my husbands inbox of the same nature, f**kbuddy.net.  Definitely a name he would use and the same thing, giving a generic password so he could go back through the email and activate his account.  I found it quite by accident, pulled up his Chrome page instead of mine and didn't pay attention when I opened the mailbox.  I printed the email and it's in my purse.  It's 3:10 am here and he is sleeping right now, gets up at 4.  Still trying to decide how to handle it.  I was cheated on by my first hubby and we have had extensive convos about that.  I work really hard to trust him and find myself explaining away some things I feel or suspect but this one has kept me up all night.  Can't wait to hear what excuse he comes up with.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Acutally Plew, it would be better if you started your own thread rather than adding to a very old one.  Hit post a question to do so.  thanks!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Thanks - I was really just venting and was actually amazed to find a situation almost exactly like mine.  My feelings are hurt and it felt a little bit better to put it down in words rather than keep talking to myself.  
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I want to share my experience about when I found out that my husband was on a dating site. Of course I was upset, but instead of confronting him about it, I turned it into a positive. We had just recently separated, but made a promise to each other that we wouldn't involve other people until we knew that the marriage was definitely over. So this is what I did- I made a profile on the same site and started chatting to him. Within days, he was hooked on the woman that I had created. He started telling her about all the things that were bothering him about his wife (which I knew nothing of). He told me that he believed that she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder because his mum had put it in his head. I started giving him some advice about it and completely made him change his views on me as his wife.  He instantly got on the phone to his mum and asked her not to give her opinions anymore, as she was clouding his judgment. Within days, he was becoming a lot more responsive to me (as his wife) and started talking about his feelings more. I continued to chat with him on the site and managed to get him to look at himself instead of blaming me (as his wife) for his emotional issues. Within weeks, he had moved back in with me and the kids, and his whole attitude changed. He has become more communicative, loving, trusting and our arguments have stopped because he is no longer holding on to the feelings and concerns that he had. TRUST ME, IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID!
Blank
480448_tn?1403547723
Hmmm, I'm not so sure I would say that taking such a sneaky, dishonest approach would be ideal, but if it worked, it worked.  Does your husband know it was YOU he was talking to the whole time?

I just wouldn't as a rule recommend this being a way to work on communication.  Glad things worked out for you.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Interesting approach, glad it worked out for you.  But you did say that you were separated which makes a difference...
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Please start your own threads ladies.  This one is old.  thank you
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Relationships Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
1268057_tn?1418174381
Blank
Londres70
France
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA
3149845_tn?1415046551
Blank
Life360
fort lauderdale, FL
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
thatquietgirl
CA