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Husbands lack of helping around the house has ruined our sex life
I married a man 13 years younger than me. I love him very much, he is my soul mate, he is a good man and we had a great sex life our first 2 years together. We have been together 5 years and we hardly ever fight I am happier than I have every been and feel lucky to have my life. However, lately, I am having issues with him wanting sex more than I do. I want to be the one to initiate sometimes and that never happens. I usually end up giving in just so he will leave me alone sometimes and that just isn't right. I do like sex, and he is a loving and caring partner, that isn't the issue. The biggest issue I think is that he is younger and I have issues with getting him to help more around the house. I work more than he does, I take care of all the bills, I manage his business and mine, and I have to remind him to do all the things he is supposed to me doing which most of the time I end up doing. I am exhausted most of the time. The house is a mess because I dont have time and he is supposed to do it but it gets so bad to the point I can't have people over, or have no dishes and am drinking out of tupperware bowls because we have no clean glasses. I have a hard time living in an environment that is so messy and chaotic, I literally want to go stay in a hotel sometimes. He will wait until the dishes are so bad that we have maggots in the sink before he will get to them sometimes. Our car engine blew up because he never kept up with the maintance and I had to deal with getting that fixed. I spend my only time off cleaning. I ask him for help, I tried making task lists, I tried giving him space, I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. I try to have him help with simple things like errands, but he feels if he does one thing for the day he is done. He can't multi task to save his life. He works, comes home and gets on hist computer or his xbox and plays games. This is the only thing he likes to do so I don't want to take that away from him since he always comes home to me and isnt out at clubs or with his friends all the time like some husbands. But I just wish he would spend 2 hours day helping me. Most of this is my fault, I enabled him because I had more experience than running a house and a business so I did just take over these things naturally, so I think he is just used to me doing everything. When I tried to get him to help, he just couldn't get into the groove I guess and I probably was a little rough on him because he wasn't doing things right. I almost relate it to how I felt as a teenager, when mom gave you choirs and you shirked them because you knew in the end she would do them or she would just take over because you weren't doing them right. I struggle with trying to get him to learn how I had to learn when I was on my own and became responsible. I am not sure how to get him there, that is an ongoing struggle. The biggest problem now is that it has affected our sex life, he wants sex from me daily and I get so annoyed because I feel like it is just one more thing I have to do, like another job or another task I have no control of. I resent him for not helping me more and have told him if he helped me more I would feel more in the mood. In fact, when I seem him take initiative it makes me look at him differently and I want to have sex with him. I give him lots of affection, even initiating sex when he is in the middle of a choir, hoping to inspire him more. I have expressed to him that his lack of help is affecting me physically and mentally. 3 months ago I ended up having to get 45 stitches in my hand because he didn't help me move something so when I tried I got hurt. He felt awful and for a short time seemed to snap out of it. But it didn't take long for him to go back to his old ways. He loves me and I know if he really understood that it hurts me he isn't helping, that he would step up. I have told him this is what is affecting our sex life and he is trying to help more but I am still overwhelmed. I think he things I am superwoman and so he just doesn't get it. I worry that if we can't resolve this, our marriage will be in trouble. I have run out of ideas on how to fix this.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I want to say that I read towards the end of your post again Dusty brown and in my comments to you------- I didn't acknowledge that you said that you need to let him grow up and stop enabling him. That is right on the money. Tell him what you expect and be firm. If he doesn't do it, tell him that you go to counseling to discuss his issues. Tell him it is that serious to you. If you don't get some action with that . .. really, something is wrong. And then yes, go to counseling. But you are on the right track. Good job and good luck!
You sound like a perfectionist and has to have everything done a certain way and the only one who can achieve this to your satisfaction is yourself. You have shown your partner that you in effect do not need him. The age difference would also have something to do with it depending on how young he is. If he is into the video games and all that and puts them first, he must be fairly young. Maggots in the sink would not get it with me. No amount of money would make it worth living like that for me. I could not feel sexy in a house like that either. You got problems that are going to be hard to fix if it is even possible at this point. It almost sounds like your man does absolutely nothing and looks to you to take care of him. It is not an equal anything from the sounds of it. Good luck with that and lots of luck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm. You do seem to love him and he sounds like he works hard and is not a big loser. I didn't try to make it sound that way. But I am concerned. Sometimes we don't see things as clearly as an outside party because it is our day to day life. And sometimes the outside party doesn't see the whole picture. I will grant you that.
From the outside looking in, he is still extremely immature. Not being able to handle the responsibility of paying a bill is a problem. And that you ask him for help and he does not give it is a problem.
I get that he was young when you met him and his mother probably did everything for him. He started off with you not "knowing". But he is living the exact same way with you as he did with parents that took care of him. You have to put an end to that so you can really have an adult relationship. Remember the title of your post and what your main concern was. You are not having sex because of this. This IS a big problem dusty.
This is my solemn advice to you. You need to lay it on the line with him. You need to go ahead and not take any blame for it as I hear some excuses being made and you throwing your own actions into the mix . . . that isn't going to help him. You need to go ahead and hurt his feelings and tell him that he is living like your teen age son. That you don't feel like a true adult "partner" in this marriage. That you will not live like that anymore. He will step up to the plate and grow up and handle some responsibilities. Period. And you need to mean it. You are going to be miserable in the near future over this, I promise you. So end the situation now while your relationship has a chance to go on from here.
If you aren't willing to do it for you, then do it for him. Make him a better man. What if something happened to you? He needs to mature and do his share. Maybe not to your level but a compromise needs to be met. Especially paying a bill once in a while.
I really do wish you lots of luck!!
From the outside looking in, he is still extremely immature. Not being able to handle the responsibility of paying a bill is a problem. And that you ask him for help and he does not give it is a problem.
I get that he was young when you met him and his mother probably did everything for him. He started off with you not "knowing". But he is living the exact same way with you as he did with parents that took care of him. You have to put an end to that so you can really have an adult relationship. Remember the title of your post and what your main concern was. You are not having sex because of this. This IS a big problem dusty.
This is my solemn advice to you. You need to lay it on the line with him. You need to go ahead and not take any blame for it as I hear some excuses being made and you throwing your own actions into the mix . . . that isn't going to help him. You need to go ahead and hurt his feelings and tell him that he is living like your teen age son. That you don't feel like a true adult "partner" in this marriage. That you will not live like that anymore. He will step up to the plate and grow up and handle some responsibilities. Period. And you need to mean it. You are going to be miserable in the near future over this, I promise you. So end the situation now while your relationship has a chance to go on from here.
If you aren't willing to do it for you, then do it for him. Make him a better man. What if something happened to you? He needs to mature and do his share. Maybe not to your level but a compromise needs to be met. Especially paying a bill once in a while.
I really do wish you lots of luck!!
that is kind of the image I had in my head about him with the exception of being an old soul. I think age is a huge factor with this but hopefully it'll turn around one day just like it did with you. A good way to approach it is to try and have patience, but continue to stand your ground as well.
I probably should mention here to be fair to him and to maybe enlighten on this situation, that my husband was 19 when I met him. (YES I am Mrs. Robinson and a cradle robber!!) He moved out of his moms home at 18 and lived on his own with roomates for a year before me. That place they lived in was so gross, they were total pigs, typical military guys with ugly furniture and bad cleaning habits. I know some of you said WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM , is he a teenager?? Well Yes he was lol. And he had little experience with being on his own and I was his first girlfriend ever and now we are married. This is the reason I try to be patient with him. I remember at 19 in my first year of college, our dishes got so bad we just threw them away. I also had issues paying bills and doing things I needed to do. But eventually I learned. Believe it our not for the most part he is incredibly mature. Much more mature than I was. I was a partier, and had no interest in marriage or staying home until my late 20's. I dated around. He went to school and became an LMT at 20 and has had his own practice at 21 (he is now 24). HE does't drink or party, he volunteers in the community and he is responsible and professional in his business and very popular in our area. He waited until he was 21 to marry me and he asked my dad for my hand, then got on 1 knee on the top of a mountain with a ring he had custom made using his grandmothers ring. What 20 year old do you know is that together? He never had any interest at being with anyone else but me and that holds true today even when I told him to go and see what is out there before we get married. He is an old soul, he even dressed nicely in slacks and button down silk shirts, not like some punk. (that was not my doing, all him) He is like an old man in a young body. But even with his maturity, I do believe that our age difference is some of the issue here. I expect him to know things and be a certain way, but it took me years to get there. These are things you just can't know without experience I guess. So in all fairness to him, he is young, he needs to grow and I have to stop enabling him. I am just not sure how to do that without being a total ***** and a nag!! lol
Jim, I am sorry you have to deal with someone in chronic pain. That just kills sex drive, moods, sleeping patterns and rationalization. I hope she works through it. I did, it took 8 years but I got there. Hopefully she does too.
Jim, I am sorry you have to deal with someone in chronic pain. That just kills sex drive, moods, sleeping patterns and rationalization. I hope she works through it. I did, it took 8 years but I got there. Hopefully she does too.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Jim, that is okay. We can all be caretakers to the one we love. I do a lot around my house too. You sound like a wonderful husband who really has made an effort for the woman you love. We should all be so lucky!! I bet though that your wife would pay a bill she was in charge of though. And if she needed clean clothes, she'd do them. And if you asked her to do something, that she'd try to do it.
I think what I am hearing this woman say is that her husband REFUSES to do anything. She's tried and he won't. That is a problem. She says he will let bills go unpaid even. There is something amiss here. I don't know if this is his first living arrangement without his parents and they did everything for him and now she is. . . so he sees no motivation to change or if there is something wrong wrong with him. It is one or the other as this doesn't really fall into the range of normal adult behavior.
Just my opinion of course. I hope she finds a way to get through to him as no one wants to live like that. Heck---------- if I had to do lots and lots of extra work because of my three pet dogs . . . I'd tell the hubby he either starts doing his share of the doggies have to live elsewhere. I'm a dog lover through and through. But I'm also self protective.
There is also therapy as an option. Sorting issues out with a professional can be very helpful. Otherwise, this will get worse.
Anyway, I wish her the very best of luck!
I think what I am hearing this woman say is that her husband REFUSES to do anything. She's tried and he won't. That is a problem. She says he will let bills go unpaid even. There is something amiss here. I don't know if this is his first living arrangement without his parents and they did everything for him and now she is. . . so he sees no motivation to change or if there is something wrong wrong with him. It is one or the other as this doesn't really fall into the range of normal adult behavior.
Just my opinion of course. I hope she finds a way to get through to him as no one wants to live like that. Heck---------- if I had to do lots and lots of extra work because of my three pet dogs . . . I'd tell the hubby he either starts doing his share of the doggies have to live elsewhere. I'm a dog lover through and through. But I'm also self protective.
There is also therapy as an option. Sorting issues out with a professional can be very helpful. Otherwise, this will get worse.
Anyway, I wish her the very best of luck!
I do about 90% of the cooking around here, 80% of the dishes (95% of which I don't do "right" "I don't want you doing dishes anymore" "OK" so I didn't...after a few days of them piling up I started doing them again but I still don't do them right, make sure the animals are all fed, the trash is taken out, dishwasher is emptied (75% of the time) 90% of the grocery shopping and about 65% of the vacuuming around the house..because of my wife's pain and other health issues (I'll confess to considering hypcondria here) I do help out..much of the time my wife gets up around 11, gets on the phone..spending much of the day talking to friends (last night was on the phone for over 4 hours with her cousin) and suddenly around 5 when I shut down my laptop (I work from home) "I haven't done a thing all day" and it's "Can you help me with this and that?" when all I want to do is unwind from a very stressful job for just a few mins...sometimes we don't get around to eating until after 9PM.....
and there is no sex due to above mentioned pain/health issues..none of which have clearly been identified by her physician(s).
Jim...sorry to derail things a bit...but I feel better now
and there is no sex due to above mentioned pain/health issues..none of which have clearly been identified by her physician(s).
Jim...sorry to derail things a bit...but I feel better now
There was something I failed to mention earlier as well. This may or may not have anything to do with it, but men (not all men, but a lot) would live in a pig sty if you'd let them. Especially younger ones! Cleaning is not their top priority and simply unimportant to a lot of them. I always tell my husband that I could not imagine what the house would look like if I wasn't around to clean it. He will leave his plate on the table, throw his clothes in the floor rather than the laundry basket 3 feet away. I mean come on!!! Yes it bothers me, but I don't let it interfere with our marriage and especially not our sex life =)
As for the other stuff (the gaming, the not paying bills, etc) now THAT is a problem. He does need to grow up and learn that people are not supposed to go after him and do HIS responsibilities. How in the world does he own a business when he can't even do some dishes? Point is, if you don't take action, nothing will change. Like specialmom said, let him handle his bills, laundry, etc... Force yourself to not do these things for him. We all have to grow up sometime and it's better late than never!
As for the other stuff (the gaming, the not paying bills, etc) now THAT is a problem. He does need to grow up and learn that people are not supposed to go after him and do HIS responsibilities. How in the world does he own a business when he can't even do some dishes? Point is, if you don't take action, nothing will change. Like specialmom said, let him handle his bills, laundry, etc... Force yourself to not do these things for him. We all have to grow up sometime and it's better late than never!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay--------- let me just say in comment to something you said. The gaming is not your only issue. You have a serious problem with a husband that doesn't pitch in and sees your lists of things for him to do as a joke. Something is very amiss with your relationship.
I'll say again what I say to many folks------------ we often have the exact kind of husband we allow them to be. Yeah------------ you ask him to do something, he should do it. And what do you mean he won't pay a bill? Is there something wrong with him? I don't mean to be rude but it sounds like you are living with a teenager and I'd just expect more out of an adult. Like I said, I"m not trying to be rude or hurtful------- but something is wrong here. No---------- I don't want to have sex with my son either. So for the sake of your marriage, yes. Crack down. Tell him that it is unacceptable. Mean it. And don't do the errands that you assign to him and he doesn't do. Don't do his laundry. Don't pay his bills. You, I guess, need to force him to grow up a bit. Did he ever live on his own before you?
The only reason I have some urgency and force in my words of this post is because this will get worse. You're going to get madder, he's going to get lazier and it will drive you apart. Work it out now.
Yes, hire a cleaning lady. But it doesn't solve the issue of a husband you can't count on. good luck
I'll say again what I say to many folks------------ we often have the exact kind of husband we allow them to be. Yeah------------ you ask him to do something, he should do it. And what do you mean he won't pay a bill? Is there something wrong with him? I don't mean to be rude but it sounds like you are living with a teenager and I'd just expect more out of an adult. Like I said, I"m not trying to be rude or hurtful------- but something is wrong here. No---------- I don't want to have sex with my son either. So for the sake of your marriage, yes. Crack down. Tell him that it is unacceptable. Mean it. And don't do the errands that you assign to him and he doesn't do. Don't do his laundry. Don't pay his bills. You, I guess, need to force him to grow up a bit. Did he ever live on his own before you?
The only reason I have some urgency and force in my words of this post is because this will get worse. You're going to get madder, he's going to get lazier and it will drive you apart. Work it out now.
Yes, hire a cleaning lady. But it doesn't solve the issue of a husband you can't count on. good luck
Thank you for all of the feedback. It is nice to hear all the varying opinions. Regarding the games, believe it or not, that is how we met. I enjoy them too and we do play together when I have time. Because that is his one form of leisure i never wanted to be the wife that takes them away although I do believe he has a mild addiction to them and they do interfere with him getting things done. I do use them as a bargaining tool, "finish these things before you get back your game controler".
I have tried giving him things and not nagging him after, the bill will go unpaid and the chores wont get done, eventually I have to step in. We tried the list thing, that didn't work. I currently have a chalk board system where I put up a chalk board at write out each of our lists. That hasn't been working.
I don't criticize him for what he does, but I do get frustrated because it isn't that he doesn't do things to my standards its that he doesn't complete the choirs or do them right. For instance if I give him a list to go the store, he wont get the right things or will forget things entirely so I have to go back. Or if I tell him to feed the dogs, he will forget to give their medicine. The point of giving someone their part of the choirs is so you don't have to think about it. It defeats the whole point, as it is stressful to have to monitor someone, you are almost better off doing it yourself. I HATE feeling like a nag. I am not that kind of person and I don't like that this situation as turned me into that.
And the house is a mess because we have 3 dogs and our deal was because I am working 60 plus hours a week, he is supposed to do the housework, I have no time to do it. I agree if he just took an hour a day and vacuumed, did a load of dishes, emptied the trash and picked up, it would be manageable. He is pretty good about the trash and vacuuming but not the dishes. But he procrastinates and it gets past the point of being manageable.
I think you are right, I need to crack down. I decided that I will give him one more chance to manage his responsibilities this week. If he doesn't, I will tell him I love him but I can't live in this house anymore like this, it makes me unhappy and uncomfortable and it is not sanitary. I will tell him that I am going stay with my parents until he gets the house in order. That he needs to either hire a maid or start doing it.
In the grand scheme of things, I feel lucky that this is the only issue we have, some people are dealing with much bigger issues that aren't fixable. I feel this is fixable, A lot of this is his age and I think he will grow out of it. My dad reminded me the other day that when he was that age in the military, that he and his buddies were far worse than that and they had to grow out of it and learn how to be husbands.
But you all are right, I have been put in a mother role and I am resenting it. Thanks for the tips, I will see how things go this week. :)
I have tried giving him things and not nagging him after, the bill will go unpaid and the chores wont get done, eventually I have to step in. We tried the list thing, that didn't work. I currently have a chalk board system where I put up a chalk board at write out each of our lists. That hasn't been working.
I don't criticize him for what he does, but I do get frustrated because it isn't that he doesn't do things to my standards its that he doesn't complete the choirs or do them right. For instance if I give him a list to go the store, he wont get the right things or will forget things entirely so I have to go back. Or if I tell him to feed the dogs, he will forget to give their medicine. The point of giving someone their part of the choirs is so you don't have to think about it. It defeats the whole point, as it is stressful to have to monitor someone, you are almost better off doing it yourself. I HATE feeling like a nag. I am not that kind of person and I don't like that this situation as turned me into that.
And the house is a mess because we have 3 dogs and our deal was because I am working 60 plus hours a week, he is supposed to do the housework, I have no time to do it. I agree if he just took an hour a day and vacuumed, did a load of dishes, emptied the trash and picked up, it would be manageable. He is pretty good about the trash and vacuuming but not the dishes. But he procrastinates and it gets past the point of being manageable.
I think you are right, I need to crack down. I decided that I will give him one more chance to manage his responsibilities this week. If he doesn't, I will tell him I love him but I can't live in this house anymore like this, it makes me unhappy and uncomfortable and it is not sanitary. I will tell him that I am going stay with my parents until he gets the house in order. That he needs to either hire a maid or start doing it.
In the grand scheme of things, I feel lucky that this is the only issue we have, some people are dealing with much bigger issues that aren't fixable. I feel this is fixable, A lot of this is his age and I think he will grow out of it. My dad reminded me the other day that when he was that age in the military, that he and his buddies were far worse than that and they had to grow out of it and learn how to be husbands.
But you all are right, I have been put in a mother role and I am resenting it. Thanks for the tips, I will see how things go this week. :)
I'm sorry Jim! I know how much you love your wife and have been working hard on your marriage only to get shot down at every turn! Just remember that you are important here and can do no wrong!!
amen...not a lot of time right now but this is the issue my wife and I have...whatever it is she wants me to do I do, but she doesn't like how I did it or how I'm going about doing it..so it gets to the point I give up.."you spend too much time working outside...I need help inside" so I'm the house helping "you're not sweeping the floor right, you're not loading the dishwasher right, you didn't wipe around the coffee maker, etc, etc" and then of course a week or 2 later.."there's a lot of work to do outside...when are you going to mow the lawn and blah blah blah...." That's when I get to the point I'm spinning in circles and I park myself in front of the TV
Jim
Jim
My friend, your marriage is already in deep trouble. If things in your house get to the extreme that you hurt yourself LIFTING and maggots are in your sink, you need to just break out on him. Start out calm, and then work your way up. Your husband is acting like a child and that is not right. If you have to scream, do it. If nothing else works treat him like a child and take away his X-Box/ computer. And if none of this works, leave. I am not going to sugar coat it. That is no way to treat a woman you love. I highly recommend that if he does not snap out of his bad habits to leave him!
I completely agree that you can't ask someone to do something and then berate them for doing it wrong. That doesn't work.
I sense a very unequal power in your relationship - you chose a guy who is very weak, and now you're kind of frustrated that you can't tell him what to do which was the basis of the relationship prior. Women who marry men that much younger - and weaker - do that so they can be in control. And now that you haven't been able to effectively control him, you're frustrated.
On a more practical note (and maybe more helpful!) I don't know why your house is such a mess. It doesn't take two hours to clean a house to minimal standards, even if only one person is doing it.
Right now I have a husband and 3 teenage boys (2 home from college) and I'm the only one who ever does ANYTHING - (my fault) and it doesn't take me two hours a day to clean up after every single person even though they leave their wet towels on the carpet, food on plates on the floor in their rooms, wadded up socks, boxers on the bathroom floor, shoes strewn in the hallways. Cleaning up after 4 men doesn't take two hours a day - and we don't have maggots or anything in the sink for more than a couple hours.
So. Maybe the best advice I have is for you to figure out an organization plan or hire a maid twice a month.
Best wishes.
I sense a very unequal power in your relationship - you chose a guy who is very weak, and now you're kind of frustrated that you can't tell him what to do which was the basis of the relationship prior. Women who marry men that much younger - and weaker - do that so they can be in control. And now that you haven't been able to effectively control him, you're frustrated.
On a more practical note (and maybe more helpful!) I don't know why your house is such a mess. It doesn't take two hours to clean a house to minimal standards, even if only one person is doing it.
Right now I have a husband and 3 teenage boys (2 home from college) and I'm the only one who ever does ANYTHING - (my fault) and it doesn't take me two hours a day to clean up after every single person even though they leave their wet towels on the carpet, food on plates on the floor in their rooms, wadded up socks, boxers on the bathroom floor, shoes strewn in the hallways. Cleaning up after 4 men doesn't take two hours a day - and we don't have maggots or anything in the sink for more than a couple hours.
So. Maybe the best advice I have is for you to figure out an organization plan or hire a maid twice a month.
Best wishes.
First, you can't ask him to do something and then turn around and tell him he's doing it wrong. You are looking at the result of that now. I had to learn that the hard way! I am the same as you...no one can do it right so I might as well do it. And guess what? I do it ALL! And I have four kids, so imagine how messy my house gets daily!
Here's a suggestion...hire someone to come in and clean the house and get it back in order. If you have maggots in the sink, something needs to be done and fast! After that initial cleaning, have a chore list for him to do and let him know that these things NEED to be done. Offer to play a video game with him later on to let him know you appreciate him helping, and it will also show that if he helps, you can spend quality time together. Let him know that is your goal, to be able to come home and relax and spend time together without the worry of a messy house. Split the days of the week up between you two. He can clean up Mon, Wed, Fri and you take the rest of the week, or vice versa.
Let us know how it goes....
Here's a suggestion...hire someone to come in and clean the house and get it back in order. If you have maggots in the sink, something needs to be done and fast! After that initial cleaning, have a chore list for him to do and let him know that these things NEED to be done. Offer to play a video game with him later on to let him know you appreciate him helping, and it will also show that if he helps, you can spend quality time together. Let him know that is your goal, to be able to come home and relax and spend time together without the worry of a messy house. Split the days of the week up between you two. He can clean up Mon, Wed, Fri and you take the rest of the week, or vice versa.
Let us know how it goes....
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm. Couple of things. I think that housework is often not equal but that the "slacking" spouse can certainly make a better effort. One thing I've noticed over the years is that when one person is doing the majority of the work, well---------- they have a bit of a control issue. They want it done but only their way. I would encourage that if this is you at all that you make an effort to be open minded about the way another does a job. (again, not saying it is you . . . okay. Maybe it was me. LOL).
I think you can have a "honey do" list and this is his list of things he HAS to get done. Quite frankly, right now you are living like he is your child rather than your partner. You pay the bills, work more, cook, clean, make sure everything is in order, talk to him about how to get an errand done, etc. Motherly. Of course that will have an effect in the bedroom. Plus, you are tired and resentful, I'm sure.
So on Saturday, hand him a list in the morning and tell him these are the things you need him to do that day and he really needs to help you out and get them done. Put 4 things on the list. Hold him to it. IF he doesn't get it done, ask him why? Then start talking. Communicate how this makes you feel. That it simply is not fair. You didn't sign on to be his mother and that you have expectations that he pitch in.
I say this lovingly, we sometimes have the husband that we let them be. Why do you pay all of the bills? Make him responsible for a couple and do them together. If he doesn't do it, let the bill go unpaid. Sounds crazy??? No. He needs to grow up and do grown up things like care for his finances and his home. (and his wife as this is not supportive behavior.)
Add a kid in the mix------------ you'll go insane. So you should nip this in the bud before you have kids!!
I don't get the gaming thing, to be honest. Boy you are a loving wife to say it is okay for him to come home from work and play his stuff for a couple of hours. Even if he does nothing around the house----------- well, he could at least interact with you. But that is just my opinion on it. He may not do two hours of work each night for you . . . but being together and doing a little something would be a major improvement.
I also ask my husband sometimes which jobs of these choices he wants to do and tell hm that he has to pick 4. But communication is key to this issue.
Good luck
I think you can have a "honey do" list and this is his list of things he HAS to get done. Quite frankly, right now you are living like he is your child rather than your partner. You pay the bills, work more, cook, clean, make sure everything is in order, talk to him about how to get an errand done, etc. Motherly. Of course that will have an effect in the bedroom. Plus, you are tired and resentful, I'm sure.
So on Saturday, hand him a list in the morning and tell him these are the things you need him to do that day and he really needs to help you out and get them done. Put 4 things on the list. Hold him to it. IF he doesn't get it done, ask him why? Then start talking. Communicate how this makes you feel. That it simply is not fair. You didn't sign on to be his mother and that you have expectations that he pitch in.
I say this lovingly, we sometimes have the husband that we let them be. Why do you pay all of the bills? Make him responsible for a couple and do them together. If he doesn't do it, let the bill go unpaid. Sounds crazy??? No. He needs to grow up and do grown up things like care for his finances and his home. (and his wife as this is not supportive behavior.)
Add a kid in the mix------------ you'll go insane. So you should nip this in the bud before you have kids!!
I don't get the gaming thing, to be honest. Boy you are a loving wife to say it is okay for him to come home from work and play his stuff for a couple of hours. Even if he does nothing around the house----------- well, he could at least interact with you. But that is just my opinion on it. He may not do two hours of work each night for you . . . but being together and doing a little something would be a major improvement.
I also ask my husband sometimes which jobs of these choices he wants to do and tell hm that he has to pick 4. But communication is key to this issue.
Good luck
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