I am neglected

[Reetaabbi]

My two sons say they love me but when it comes to listening to my problems or showing action, they try to make excuses. My elder son does not make much contact or try to be busy with his own plans. He constantly ignores my requests and tells me to be independent. He has a quality life and is constantly doing things for himself like going on holidays and buying things for himself and his house. I have no other relative here and brought my two sons up by myself. I am not as strong and healthy as I used to be and need help sometimes and would like to be shown a bit of love and care. My son and his girlfriends see us only on Sunday evening to either go out for fast food restaurant or order something in.  He hardly time to talk about my problems or suggestions about our future plans. I do not have a partner as all my life I paid all my attention to earning enough money to set us up and look after my sons so I never had concentrated fully to settle down with anyone. I feel so alone. Could anyone help me to direct me what to do. I run my own small business.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm sorry you are hurting.  Mom to mom--  and as a mom that has thrown herself into raising my own two boys, I can only imagine how hurt I'll be when they leave me and go on about their life seemingly forgetting all I've done for them or how much I care for/love them and all the fun we've had during their childhood.  But . . .   I know it is inevitable.  This is what happens.  

I agree with rockrose.  This is a new phase in your relationship with your kids.  They aren't your confidantes and they aren't responsible for fixing your problems.  I'm so sorry about that.  I wish they'd just want to do that . . .  but if they don't, they really aren't supposed to do that at this point in their lives.  

I think this is YOU time in life.  Discover who you are outside of a mother.  Good ideas by rockrose to explore how you can make connections.  Friends is a good thing to do.  Churches if you are religious are a great place to develop a sense of belonging to a community.  Find things for YOU that are not involving motherhood or your sons.  Build a life.  

I'm sure your boys love you.  But they are busy living their own lives as you once did yours.  It's part of the process of life.  hang in there and hugs

[RockRose]

Here's the way I see it:  your job was to raise your sons the very best you could,  give them everything you thought was best and put your soul into it.  THEN,  they grow up and repay that treatment by raising their own children the very best they can.

I think you should be as pleasant as you can be on Sunday evenings,  don't make the conversation focus on you and your problems,  focus on having a nice time together.  

And I also think you are in desperate need of friends.  Can you join a book club,  or do you play bridge,  or have any similar interest?