I am confused about my boyfriend. Should I break it up ?

[victoria1617]

This is going to be long and bad grammar so please don't judge. But I need help pls!!!I just turned 24 in december and my boyfriend is turning 24 in june. He is Peurto Rican but was born in Orlando. I am from Ukraine. When we met we hit it off great and started dating pretty soon.It was all good in the beginning. He was sweet, caring, kind of romantic, we were very intimate in the beginning, we couldn't spend a day without seeing each other. Until his true colors started showing. In my last relationship of 3 years I gave my all to my boyfriend and didn't get same treatment in return even when I had cancer he wasn't very much around and started to act cold around me so I couldn't take it and ended it. I became pretty hard on guys after that but just because of my past relationship I wasn't going to treat my next relationship any different if he deserves it. I just became more careful about how they treat me and what I get in return. Anyways, he was always at my house and I was living with my mom at the time. So one day my mom suggested that he should move in and just chip in with the house bills. I told him what my mother had suggested but I left out the bill paying because he had a lot to pay off at the time and he would always run out of money. So I gave him a chance to pay all that off and I would of told him about chipping in. Little did I know he was going to lose his job. For a little over a month, I and my mom provided for him.  I ended up with the bills because my mom still needed help. He was living free, free food, a nice house, etc...Then  he started changing and I wasn't liking I guess the "real" him. He started showing serious attitude problems, disrespect ( When I would of have cooked a meal for him or did something for him he wouldn't say thank you, even when my mom did it. He made stupid jokes that would make no sense ( I have a good sense of humor by the way) and sometimes **** me off or hurt me or sometimes he would make them seem so serious that I won't take it as a joke and then he would tell me I needed to chill that it was a joke. I let him know how his actions made me feel but all he said that it was just how he is. My friends started telling me that he was being a jerk and he didn't deserve me too. My mom even started not to like him . I started getting very annoyed by him and everything he did and said. I started getting stressed out and depressed because of the decision I made for letting him move in. Oh and he had moved in all his things ( before he moved in he lived with his dad and brother). One day when we were not talking to each other I decided to leave the house and go to my dad's house and also visit a friend for a couple of days. During that time since I got there he didn't even call me to see how I was so I got really fed up with him and decided to call him and end it. I didn't want to do it face to face because he was very good at talking me out of things and plus I still really loved him and didn't want to see him hurt. Well I told him how I felt, I was very strong and held in my tears, I told him that I wanted to do it over the phone because it would give him time to move out. Well long story short he talked me into giving him another chance. He even cried and made me feel really sorry for him because he kept saying that he had moved all his things even tools for his car and that his mom had a small apartment with only one room and his dad sold his bedroom set. Well I gave him another chance even though everybody was very unhappy with my decision. He admitted that he shouldn't have treated me like he did and that he really was a jerk a lot. He promised to do his best to change because he loved me very much and he hasn't loved a girl this much since his first love in middle school. for about a month it was almost perfect. If I caught him I would tell him and he would catch himself sometimes too. About second month, things started changing again and he slowly started to go back to his old ways and this is where I'm at now after about 3 or 4 months. I have been very unhappy for a while now. We have a lot of our none talking to each other days again. He is starting to annoy me by his rude attitude, comments, and replies. He calls me bi-polar way too much when I get mad at him. I don't think he even knows the true definition of that word. He keeps telling me that I need a job since he got one, which I don't because just about a year and a half ago I was very sick due to cancer and then a long period of recovery from a huge surgery because of it that left me with an ugly scar on my stomach. Then went through chemo for about 3 months, and a break up of almost 4 years.  During that time I have had social security for disability. It expires this august. It's not the best income but at least I can enjoy some time off because I worked my butt off at all my jobs before I got sick and I have the rest of my life to work. So he keeps bugging me about that, and also about my weight. Here is the thing, when we met I had gained a few pounds from my visit in Ukraine. I wasn't big but I wasn't happy with my love handles and blah blah blah. Well when we started dating he had started gaining weight and I started to lose it lol. I do eat more often then he does but smaller portions which in return makes eat more. Well he eats huge portions at one time and eats less then me. Also I don't eat a lot of fatty foods and he tends to eat more and also more meat. Every time I want to go munch on something after I have already eaten he would tell me to stop. And act like he is jealous which is so unattractive and annoying. He did one at a family dinner where I kept picking on things at the table after I had ate a meal. It's not my fault that I have a fast metabolism lol. Not too long ago he made my day hell just because he had a bad day at work. I won't go into detail but I should have gotten a gold medal for my patience. Another thing is his car. It is total worthless car. It is a sports car ( nissan 240) he constantly works on it, there is always something wrong with it, I had to lend him my car so many times which angers my mom. Right now he gave his car to a friend to work on the body and it was supposed to be for 4 days and now it has been like two weeks. I have to drive him to work every morning and pick him up. The car is super low to the ground and eats a lot of gas very fast. So we tend use my car to go places all the time. My dad even though hasn't truly gotten to know him well doesn't like him because he thinks he is worthless man. My mom also does not like him. Also not too long ago he gotten an anal abscess and did not want to go to a doctor because he has no insurance so I had to take care of him and his needs. I loved taking caring of him of course even though I had to examine his butt and the  the abscess which was not pretty but I managed with my natural home remedies to heal him. I feel like I put up a lot with him and it is stressing me out and making me unhappy. Other then all that this is what I love about him. He can if he really wanted to be very  caring, loving, sweet, he is a pretty clean guy even does laundry and can cook( which is something we have in common). He does pay for me when we go out most of the time even though sometimes he complains about him spending to much. I also pay for him at times when we go out. He started to buy groceries more often now since he got a job. He only puts in $200 for the mortgage and  I pay more for the electricity bill. Anyways I love him and care about him but I don't think I am in love with him anymore. He really is killing it for me.  But it's hard to even break up with him because he doesn't really have anywhere to go. Any suggestions or similar situations?

[thatquietgirl]

My Oma's favorite phrase seems to ring true here: "You don't know someone until you live with them."

I second Tink's comment.  He probably didn't change.  Living with him only made you able to see who he really was.  People can easily act charming and caring when they aren't around you all the time, but when they are, it becomes harder and harder.  Most likely when he chooses to be charming, it's a tool for him to get something he wants.  It sounds like he takes you for granted, has no appreciation for you, and has no respect for you.  Likewise, you definitely have no respect for him any longer because of his actions since moving in.  You need to give him a deadline to be moved out by.  It's your mother's home, and I'm almost positive she can take legal if he won't move out.

[TTinKKerBBell]

........and You love him why?? ?? ??

I think You should listen to Your Mom, Your Friends, and Life360.

P.S.
He likely didn't "change".  Most probably the "change" was Your own awareness of who he "really" is.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and welcome. I think is time you moved on as well. Youve lost respect for him and have turned into more of a mother figure than wife. Dont get me wrong its good to help friends but life is short and you need to make your dreams come true not his at this point. I also am a cancer survivor and understand where your coming. I would just tell him to start making plans to move out and bottom line, it was your mother idea for him to move in anyway.