Aa
I am so overwhelmed.
Not only does my husband not like to help with our 2 month old but i FEEL as if he has to know where i am at all times ... i never have my own money ... no license (and he swears he wants me to have a drivers license but never saves any money for me to try to get them) ... the class i have to take in MD costs $300 and i would like to work a part time job .. i keep telling him this but its always that i can't do it because we have a baby and there's no way for me to get back and forth .. IF THERES A WILL THERES A WAY !! If i have errands to run or doctors appointments i have to ask his mom to take me. I don't do a whole lot of house work but i do try to keep the house straightened up. I feel like I'm his friend with benefits or something i mean he does act affectionate towards me but its like i live with him and he pays the bills but i have no license, no car, no money, no job, i feel trapped in our apartment.. and i can't leave unless him or his mother takes me. It's so stressful and i feel as if i have no control over my life.
I have never thought of being a babysitter out of my own home ... it sounds like a great idea .. i will just have to put some serious decision making into it.
I agree with specialmom....I'm starting a full-time nanny job next week for a 10-month-old (she will be at my house 8AM-6/7PM every weekday) and I have a 2-yr-old and a 4-month old myself. I've been babysitting a lot recently; actually that reminds me to set my alarm I've got one coming over from 9-2 tomorrow morning, lol.
It's quite a handful but it keeps me busy and brings in quite a bit of extra cash; for that very reason this is the first Christmas that we're pretty much able to get whatever we and the kids want...so I highly recommend considering it.
It's quite a handful but it keeps me busy and brings in quite a bit of extra cash; for that very reason this is the first Christmas that we're pretty much able to get whatever we and the kids want...so I highly recommend considering it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
This must be very hard for you. You've gotten some good advice. Something else you could try in order to make a little extra money to go torwards the driver's liscense and some freedom (because then you need a vehicle) is to start babysitting some kids in your home. I know you have a baby and are probably overwhelmed but where I live, many mom's do this. It is a way to be home with their own kids but still make some side cash. If you have some kids who's parents work------------ and they need somewhere to go right before school and an hour or two after school until parents get home, this is a great thing for you. You could make 50 plus extra dollars a week and in a pretty quick period of time have your 300 dollars. And if you were extra ambitious, you could babysit more and be there even quicker. I know about 4 moms who do this and all have babies plus toddlers too. I know you are tired but this would be an option to make some money.
Also, at your church, see if there are any mom's groups for you to join. Then perhaps a member could pick you up on the way to the meeting and you'd be less isolated and could begin to network. MOPS international is a good mom's group to look into and is run through churches.
Just brainstorming here. Your husband sounds difficult and I think maybe working around him in the begining and then with him as you get in a stronger position would be helpful. good luck
Also, at your church, see if there are any mom's groups for you to join. Then perhaps a member could pick you up on the way to the meeting and you'd be less isolated and could begin to network. MOPS international is a good mom's group to look into and is run through churches.
Just brainstorming here. Your husband sounds difficult and I think maybe working around him in the begining and then with him as you get in a stronger position would be helpful. good luck
Blue, you are stuck in an almost unworkable situation.
As Teko said, we don't know the reasons you didn't get your driver's license at 16 or 17, but now the fact is you're in a situation where you don't have enough power over your life. Your husband controls all the money and has all the power and none of the maturity.
There aren't any easy pat answers here.
This will drive you into a very deep depression where you don't see anyway out if you don't reconcile this now - is your mother in law on your side? Surely she's tired of being a chauffeur and would support you in getting a license.
You need to take some action quickly (however small the beginning step), or this will close in on you and you will lose the ability to fend for yourself.
I suggest you get out a calendar, and tell your husband you want to talk about when you will be getting a license when he is willing to sit down and talk to you (like, later today). Don't beg. Just point out a clear plan of pulling $50 out of the checking account toward the $300, and then show him on the calendar when you will start driver's ed. This is the plan, and it's not negotiable.
It would very much help if you did this on a day when the house was sparkly clean and you had sex last night.
Best wishes. Really, don't stew in this long, it will turn into 20 years like this before you know it.
As Teko said, we don't know the reasons you didn't get your driver's license at 16 or 17, but now the fact is you're in a situation where you don't have enough power over your life. Your husband controls all the money and has all the power and none of the maturity.
There aren't any easy pat answers here.
This will drive you into a very deep depression where you don't see anyway out if you don't reconcile this now - is your mother in law on your side? Surely she's tired of being a chauffeur and would support you in getting a license.
You need to take some action quickly (however small the beginning step), or this will close in on you and you will lose the ability to fend for yourself.
I suggest you get out a calendar, and tell your husband you want to talk about when you will be getting a license when he is willing to sit down and talk to you (like, later today). Don't beg. Just point out a clear plan of pulling $50 out of the checking account toward the $300, and then show him on the calendar when you will start driver's ed. This is the plan, and it's not negotiable.
It would very much help if you did this on a day when the house was sparkly clean and you had sex last night.
Best wishes. Really, don't stew in this long, it will turn into 20 years like this before you know it.
Did you know your husband was like this before you married him? I see from your profile that you are 20 and am wondering why you never got a drivers license until now. This is not a good situation for you to be in, in this day and age and if it were me, I would be having a yard sale or selling stuff on ebay, or whatever I had to do to raise that money. My little thing used to be keeping 20.00 of the groceries for myself. Then if you have any friends, they can help you get to your classes and even let you practice in their cars. The next thing I would do is find a part time job and pick up a cheap car somewhere. Like someone else said, where there is a will there is a way. I do not understand why your hubby thinks it okay for you to be at home all the time with a baby and cannot take it to its appointments or for that matter to the park if you want to. Good luck with that!
Then please talk to the pastor. It is, sadly, not the first time he will be called on to advise a woman trapped by a controlling husband.
Maybe you and the baby can start going to church. He can't object to *that.* Then you can reach out to the pastor or other parishoners, make some friends and get some help.
Your husband sounds like he's definitely got the upper hand in having total control in the marriage. It seems you have no independence. Do you have any friends? Can anyone besides your mother-in-law (or husband) take you places you need to go?
It doesn't sound like your situation has an easy way around it, considering he has control over everything from money to transportation means to dictating to you how and when he wants or thinks things should be done. It's not like you have the means to just up and do something for yourself without him or his mother knowing about it, and you having no money.
Is there a way you can get help from another source, such as a family member on your side, or a friend of yours? Could you ask to have them find a way to get you started with school or even carpool you to a part time job, and see if they might offer babysitting?
If not, I'd recommend squirreling away some money here and there. I'm assuming if you have to run errands, he gives you a certain amount of money to do so. I'd say set aside like, $10 of that, tuck it away somewhere. Save up the money yourself for a driver's license, or that class you want to take, or that job for which you'd like to apply, and have the money to pay the transportation costs to get there. See if you can take what you've got and start building it up.
It doesn't sound like your situation has an easy way around it, considering he has control over everything from money to transportation means to dictating to you how and when he wants or thinks things should be done. It's not like you have the means to just up and do something for yourself without him or his mother knowing about it, and you having no money.
Is there a way you can get help from another source, such as a family member on your side, or a friend of yours? Could you ask to have them find a way to get you started with school or even carpool you to a part time job, and see if they might offer babysitting?
If not, I'd recommend squirreling away some money here and there. I'm assuming if you have to run errands, he gives you a certain amount of money to do so. I'd say set aside like, $10 of that, tuck it away somewhere. Save up the money yourself for a driver's license, or that class you want to take, or that job for which you'd like to apply, and have the money to pay the transportation costs to get there. See if you can take what you've got and start building it up.
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