Hi, I am 25 years old and have been having problems with sex for 5 or so years. I love sex when I'm drunk, it numbs me (I have vaginal pain and constantly get yeast infections), and I can step out of my head... so I enjoy the physical side of sex more... but my bf feels like i need to be intoxicated to want or enjoy sex with him. This is correct to a degree, but not because I am not sexually attracted to him. He asked me what the difference was between when i was intoxicated and sober... and the only thing I could say was, "I'm not in my head... I'm not constantly monitoring every slight change in my emotional and physical body... so I can enjoy the physical act of sex. " So it occurred to me that its not the sex that is the problem (because I enjoy it a lot, and I'm really good at it when I'm drunk), its my ability to be okay with not monitoring myself constantly, not controlling every detail, getting out of my head... enjoying the moment! It never gets to the point where I don't know what I'm doing, just so everyone knows... I always know who it is I'm with... and am in full control of my actions. I just let go when I am drunk. I have worked on this issue in every aspect of my life... diet, exercise... but I don't know how to work on this as it pertains to my personal sexual life. Any advice would be great...
Sexual problems for 5 or so years is definately a problem that you need to face and be realistic with yourself and find out why is it necessary for you to be intoxicated in able to enjoy what should be a fun, natural, sexual experience.
You state that you love sex when your drunk, does that mean that you have a drinking problem? Just a questions, because if you have frequent sex, you have to be intoxicated quite a bit and that's a problem right there.
I have a problem with your b/f encouranging you to continue to drink in order for him to enjoy intimacy (Red flag!), The diffrence between being intoxicated and sober during sex will result in the alcohol distroying your liver within time and as you stated you are out of your element...not natural.
You have to accept who you are naturally and he has to accept you for who you are and as you are, if not, you will become an alcoholic and you don't want to go there. It's a desease and it self destructive. It will effect negatively every aspect of your life. It will distroy you and everything around you. I think it's time to re-evaluate your relationship and if this guy is a positive infuence in your life. Good luck.
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