I can't let go of him

[nicole05888]

Hi everybody!I met this man and have been seeing him for almost 2 yrs.,though we don't see each other that much.He is the first man and only man that I slept with.At the very first time he already told me indirectly that he's not into a serious relationship.I didn't mind because at that time i was already 35 yrs. old and still a virgin.I really wanted to have an experience.In short we only did it for sex.He calls me whenever he needs me and there I was very submisive to him.I enjoy it whenever we're together but the moment I go home I felt bad,sad and angry of myself.All these because of the thought that he's just using me and letting him use me.I think what I wanted is a serious relationship with a man who talks to me, who goes out with me to the cinema or just to sit beside me.
I already ended it many times but he will just disappear for a month or more then phoned me back ,and silly of me agreed to see him again.But last yr. I got HPV from him.It was a hard lesson that I learned.Since then I stopped going to bed with him though we had oral sex.But this time I am not comfortable thinking that I might get another STD from him.Because he admitted to me that he's seeing other women.Afterall, what we had was just sex.I know this wont do me any good but I'm just human and I have sexual desires and I cant see myself going from 1 man to another.As of today,I'm here wishing that he won't phoned me again. Can anybody, tell me what to do?Thanks

[Mamacita69]

Honey,,those types come a dime a dozen..be strong.

[nicole05888]

Thank you very much for your advise and opinion it really opened up my thoughts.Though I can't change my phone number, because I am looking for a job right now,I am now sure that I can let go of him.You're right specialmom,I'm going to write down everything that is bad about him, and not only that I will also write all the good things about me.As thatquiet girl said this has something to do with myself too.So thank you all of you ...and by the way I'm going to look for a volunteering work. I know there's someone out there for me :)

[specialmom]

Oh, specialmom confession.  I had a relationship once that I really liked the guy, he liked me physically and that was it only and he would call for such occasions as you describe.  Ugh.  But I let it happen because I didn't have much else going on in my life at the time.  I tell ya, as soon as I met someone else--------  I never looked back.  He wasn't anything special and this guy will turn out to be like that for you too.

So my suggestion, you need to switch things up in your life.  If you have had trouble finding the special someone you would like to have in your life, well--------  where and how have you been looking?  I found the best way to meet someone is through doing something you enjoy.  Join a gym or look around at the one you belong to . . . get some passes to a different gym.  Join a fitness class that you do regularly so you get to know people there.  I can't tell you how many dating experiences I saw pop up from that.  Join some organizations in which you can volunteer your time.  There are about a million to choose from these days and this is a great way to meet people.  Everyone is "doing" something and can socialize while doing it without the pressure of say something like a "bar" or set up date.  Take a class.  Go to sporting events (lots of men there).  Etc.  

Maybe I am off track but I feel like if you were to meet someone else------- this other guy would have no chance with you.  

Oh, and make a list.  Write down everything bad you can think of about him.  Try to get to 100.  Then read it every day.  That can help keep us away when we are weak.  The kind of weak that being lonely can make us.  

I wish you peace----------  and for good things to come into your life soon!

[p123p456]

I agree. The fact that you are seeking a real relationship is reason enough to end this. You seem to know this is only about sex, but you are clearly not comfortable with that. You need to stop talking to him, but you also need to tell him that you are not interested anymore. You will never be able to get the relationship you want with this guy, so you need to leave.

Good luck, I hope you work it out!

[thatquietgirl]

It sounds to me like this isn't very good for your self esteem.  You said you feel angry, bad, and sad because of being used and using him.  You said you want a real relationship.  You deserve that.  Break it off with him completely like you tried before.  Change numbers if you must so he can't reach you so you won't be tempted to just fall back into the same old pattern.  Make sure he has no real way to contact you, and even if he still manages to, just ignore him.  Focus on yourself and what you need to make you happy.  Yes, sex might be nice, but believe me, when it is in a relationship where both partners mutually respect each other and are in it for more than just the sex, sex is good.  It doesn't make you feel bad, sad, or angry.  It doesn't make you feel used.

If you break it off with him, take a month or two to decide what you want and then look for a man who has those traits and don't settle for less.  If you don't think you can go from man to man, then don't have sex with the man until you are sure he's what you're looking for.

Ultimately, I can only make suggestions.  It's you who has to want what's best for you and make decisions based on that.