I hope you read the whole story to understand my dilemma. Before things get started you should know i was molested when i was younger and i have came out with a few mental problems from it. I went out with my best friend. Things were perfect in the beginning we never ever fought. But once he got kicked off the football team I noticed a few changes in him. He began getting kind of testy and wanting more sexually from me. We had sex kind of early into the relationship. I know that sounds bad but I really want to marry him, I know you probably think its just a high school relationship but its different than anything we have ever felt before. I noticed something in him the first time we talked and hugged and kissed. I felt a spark. We began growing dependent on each other and when i say that I mean we hung out from the earliest he could pick me up till i had to go home and he would drop me off and he would text me the second he gets home till we fell asleep. I am in love with him just as much as i was before but things are just so difficult now. Im so in love with that I dont find anyone else really attractive or wish to be with anyone. Although, he doesnt match me on that one. Girls have greatly decreased for him but they are still on his mind and checks them out in front of me and wil continue to do so just to bother me after i say stop. This started happening in september. I was gone for two weeks over summer and never expected him to cheat on me while i was gone, he didn't at this time. We are each others first everything except kiss. But I've only kissed on dares. Anyways, in early october is when we had sex and about a week after is the first encounter he had with a girl. He made out with her earlier before we were together. He was on his way to pick me up and he let the girl in his car. She tried to make him kiss her but he said no i love my gf to much. But then things get going and she tries to put her hand down his pants and he stops her. She kisses his cheek and his neck he stops her. but then he puts his hand down her pants and squeezes her *** and puts his face in her boobs. while this was happening i was waiting less than a mile away at a friends. the second time i was gone picking up my brother from the marines. he told me not to hang out with this girl because i used to talk about he treated me badly with her and they had a past. they just touched didnt kiss before. but while i was gone he hung out with her. i said i was uncomfortable and told him to leave. he didnt and she ended up giving him a ** and she sat on top of him and he put his face in her boobs and squeezed her *** under clothes. this was the same friend that i was waiting at her house when he touched the first girl. I promised him i would never do anything to hurt him ever. but he constantly is verbally abusing me. he calls me a moron and stupid and dumb. he calls me a whiny b*itc and an ungrateful c*unt. he said that me lying to him about talking behind his back was worse than cheating twice. he told me i had to go to therapy and if i didnt call right then he would break up. i said and he began screaming i got spit on my face. he knocked things over in my room and threw things at the walls. and he pushed me by the neck onto the bed and said how does feel to be raped again for a second time. he stopped after that and started crying cause when he gets so angry he doesnt realize what he does. i have holes in my walls now and many broken things, i had a mark on my neck for a week. he might transfer to play football and hes taking his anger on me. he blames me for everything. he blamed me for distracting him on papers he couldnt finish. he was to busy yelling at me to get it done. he made me give him a ** while i was crying and to make me feel bad was comparing me to the time he cheated. i wasnt doing better because i was crying. then he makes me have sex and goes very hard and said i hope this ******** hurts and im crying the entire time. and continues to yell. he threw a pillow so hard it actually hurt. today he broke up with me to teach me a lesson on what ive done. three hours later he has a girl sit on his lap and he puts his hands down her pants squeezes *** and touches boobs below pants. she touches his **** above pants. he promised me would never touch a girl as long as were together and wouldnt for a while after we broke up. I told him i considered cheating still because it was 3 hour later and i was talking to him while he was doing it but he didnt tell me. i didnt know till i looked at his phone when he came over. he made me have sex with him. he wanted me to help him with anger and temptations by god. so when he left i found verses. i told him them nd he just got mad. he screamed at me for awhole saying how f*uking stupid i was, he does thi everyday. his parents heard too. theres so much more. idk what to do. i want him to get help. i cant be without him.
His aggression sounds concerning enough to suspect he's using steroids to get back into sports.
You need to get this guy out of your life before he rapes and beats you to a pulp or even to death. He's already raping you. I am serious. What do your patents say about him? What do his parents say about his behavior towards you?
You need to cut all contact with him immediately. Block his number from your phone and file for a restraining order the moment he makes a verbal or physical threat to you. Have him arrested if he lays a hand on you or violates the restraining order.
You need to seek help as soon as possible too to deal with your past molestation issues and your current co-dependency issues to him. This is a textbook case of battered women, to feel like they owe their abuser their lives to control, beat, and have their way with. There is help out there for you that you desperately need ASAP and you CAN live your life without this scumbag.
Hes never hurt me physically. The mark on my neck didnt hurt, it might have been but i was to scared to notice. I just want to help him, would it be a bad idea to bring him to my future therapy sessions? should i ask him to go to a sex addiction or anger management classes? how do you bring this up?
Rachel, the last of your concerns should be him right now. You want to change him, "rescue" him. That's not realistic or healthy for either of you, especially you.
You are defending his abuse of rape and battery. You think it didn't hurt but if it left a mark, the only thing that kept you from feeling pain was adrenaline. He WILL get worse, more aggressive, and more brutal with his blows. He will.
My advice is to ask him to do nothing but leave you alone, and take the measures to make him leave you alone immediately. I can't stress this enough.
Then you focus on your therapy. When you realize that you can function without him and his abuse, you're on the road to recovery and healing and a true HEALTHY relationship.
Love is nothing likewise he's treated you. Please don't convince yourself that it is.
He is beyond your "help." There is nothing anyone can do for him, especially you, except himself and his parents if he is still a minor by law. If not, then he has to realize his own mistakes and seek help himself, knowing he has problems that only he can address.
I'm alarmed that You still feel You are "in love" with Him. This is not love, HoneyGirl, as Love is NOT Painful, Hurtful or Unkind!!
It matters not that You now say the "mark on Your neck didn't hurt, it might have but You were too SCARED to notice". Fact is, He should NEVER put an agressive hand to You. And You should NEVER, be scared of the Person You are in love with. This is an unhealthy relationship and is potentially dangerous to You.
You should seek therapy to understand why You would feel YourSelf to be in love with someone who mistreats You in this manner - so that next time You make a better choice in love - that You choose someone who values You (as we all deserve)
I have been married for 28 years. My Husband and I have disagreed, been
annoyed, etc., but He has NEVER laid a hand on me and He has NEVER called me a mean, dirty or hateful name (as it should be!!) A Mature, Healthy Person takes Responsibility for His own action, reaction to any given situation and does not blame the other person for His reaction. People who truely Love One Another do not demean One another. You both need to learn this before You get hurt any more. AHP84 is also correct when She tells You these situations never get better in time - they only escalate with time.
Please take care of YourSelf. You should tell Your Parents He has become physical with You and Your belongings. Good Luck
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