Aa
I dont know what to do
I met this man online a few months ago. we are suppose to be getting married next month. Lately he is more concerned about his personal issues and hardly finds the time to spend with me. He talks about himself hardly about us. The bridesmaids dresses have already been bought. He is acting like he doesnt care anymore. Should I break up with him before he breaks up with me?. If I do so I would have to tell all my family and friends what happened. It is embarrassing. Im hurt and confused.
" Lately he is more concerned about his personal issues and hardly finds the time to spend with me. He talks about himself hardly about us."...................That's just probably a taste of what is yet to come if you marry this guy as most are on their best behavior PRIOR to marriage and his best behavior doesn't sound great currently.
If you want to proceed with this relationship do it with eyes WIDE open. I would definitely stop the wedding plans.
Believe him when he is showing his "true" colors because they probably aren't going to change.
If you want to proceed with this relationship do it with eyes WIDE open. I would definitely stop the wedding plans.
Believe him when he is showing his "true" colors because they probably aren't going to change.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I think why the topic of how long you were together before marriage is coming up is because something that so often happens when two people meet and get together very quickly, a whirlwind romance if you will, and they go from like 0 to 10 super fast in terms of perceived closeness is that important steps to building a relationship are skipped. The foundation doesn't get built as strongly.
I think if you two are going to make this work, you need to work on this foundation. A huge part of the foundation for a couple is their ability to communicate even over difficult topics. Maybe he is just stressed at work. Maybe his mom is upset about something and giving him a hard time. Maybe he has started to feel like this is all moving too fast and he's worried. Maybe for him, things have fizzled out and he's not wanting to marry. But you will never know unless you can talk to him about it, ya know?
You have to be able to talk to someone that is supposed to be close to becoming your life partner. Therefore, my suggestion is to invite him over and talk. Not a scary "what's wrong with you talk" but a calm "what's going on?" just to gather information talk. You can't be afraid of these discussions. We HAVE to make ourselves vulnerable to our partners. Because that is how you REALLY get close and work on that foundation.
Now, before I got married, I did premarital counseling. Oh, it was really a good thing. We went over so many topics and knew exactly where we had the same ideas and where we didn't. So, then we could begin working on compromises and there were no surprises. Our church we were getting married in provided the counseling. Therapists provide this as well. Maybe check and see if this is something you can set up for the two of you. Marriage is a BIG deal and this definitely helps work out some kinks prior to the big day. And if things are too uncomfortable or there are too many differences to make a marriage work, isn't it better to know rather than take the step of marriage only to have to undo that (hard)?
He talks a lot about himself. Has that always been the case? Or is this new? I ask because there is also the chance that your own warning bells are going off that this might not be right and that is something to explore. If it didn't bother you while getting to know him, why does it bother you now? Or if it is new, add that to the list of something is going on and you should talk about it with him.
Now, getting set for a wedding is expensive and time consuming. BUT, those who love you will understand that you don't want to make a serious mistake. Yes, you can sell the dresses on Ebay or Craig's list. Having dresses bought is not a reason to go through with something that might not be what you want or lead to happiness.
Don't break up with him before he breaks up with you if you love him. That is a defensive move and in truth, as a mature woman, if you love him, you want to work on that foundation and see if this can work out. But don't marry him until you are positive that foundation is solid. good luck
I think if you two are going to make this work, you need to work on this foundation. A huge part of the foundation for a couple is their ability to communicate even over difficult topics. Maybe he is just stressed at work. Maybe his mom is upset about something and giving him a hard time. Maybe he has started to feel like this is all moving too fast and he's worried. Maybe for him, things have fizzled out and he's not wanting to marry. But you will never know unless you can talk to him about it, ya know?
You have to be able to talk to someone that is supposed to be close to becoming your life partner. Therefore, my suggestion is to invite him over and talk. Not a scary "what's wrong with you talk" but a calm "what's going on?" just to gather information talk. You can't be afraid of these discussions. We HAVE to make ourselves vulnerable to our partners. Because that is how you REALLY get close and work on that foundation.
Now, before I got married, I did premarital counseling. Oh, it was really a good thing. We went over so many topics and knew exactly where we had the same ideas and where we didn't. So, then we could begin working on compromises and there were no surprises. Our church we were getting married in provided the counseling. Therapists provide this as well. Maybe check and see if this is something you can set up for the two of you. Marriage is a BIG deal and this definitely helps work out some kinks prior to the big day. And if things are too uncomfortable or there are too many differences to make a marriage work, isn't it better to know rather than take the step of marriage only to have to undo that (hard)?
He talks a lot about himself. Has that always been the case? Or is this new? I ask because there is also the chance that your own warning bells are going off that this might not be right and that is something to explore. If it didn't bother you while getting to know him, why does it bother you now? Or if it is new, add that to the list of something is going on and you should talk about it with him.
Now, getting set for a wedding is expensive and time consuming. BUT, those who love you will understand that you don't want to make a serious mistake. Yes, you can sell the dresses on Ebay or Craig's list. Having dresses bought is not a reason to go through with something that might not be what you want or lead to happiness.
Don't break up with him before he breaks up with you if you love him. That is a defensive move and in truth, as a mature woman, if you love him, you want to work on that foundation and see if this can work out. But don't marry him until you are positive that foundation is solid. good luck
"Should I break up with him before he breaks up with me?"............Dear, I would be worried about the fact that you two just met and already want to get married. What was the rush? Well, you definitely should end this like yesterday for your own sake. He doesn't sound ideal at all.
In my opinion, you don't owe your family and friends any "explaination." Just simply tell them after long consideration you decided not to go through with the marriage.....period. I am not sure why people always need to explain every decision they make to people who aren't involved in the situation.
You need to be careful with anyone regardless if you meet them online or in person as we live in a crazy world.
This is definitely a lesson to be learned.
In my opinion, you don't owe your family and friends any "explaination." Just simply tell them after long consideration you decided not to go through with the marriage.....period. I am not sure why people always need to explain every decision they make to people who aren't involved in the situation.
You need to be careful with anyone regardless if you meet them online or in person as we live in a crazy world.
This is definitely a lesson to be learned.
If you had met in person a few months ago and spent lots of time together from then until now, I would suggest politely that it is still a little early to be discussing marriage. But if most (or all) of your relationship was online, please be very wary (like if he asks you for money) and please don't go ahead with this marriage. Just tell your family and friends that the two of you had some issues and decided to back off the idea of getting married. (You don't have to admit that the issue is that he isn't interested any more.) He sounds like an online sensation-seeker and manipulator, and that he got what he wanted in attracting you, and now he's off to other ladies or other things. I hope you haven't given him money, if you have then he sounds like an online fraudster.
Wait, you have only known him online and it's only been a few months and you're already getting married? Why would you jump into something so serious and legally binding with someone you don't even know? Of course you should cancel it! Your family and friends probably think it's a really bad idea for you to get married to this stranger in the first place and they will be completely relieved if you tell them it's cancelled. Sell the dresses on Ebay or Craigslist. And don't do anything so foolish again because it's a huge lesson on trusting people way too soon and jumping way too fast into something that you're absolutely not ready for yet.
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