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I don't think I can have babies...
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I don't think I can have babies...

I am in a relashionship where I know this is it...this is the one for the rest of my life...my heart feels that way...and we've been talking about babies alot - and I dont think I can have them.It runs in the family - fertiility issues. We have had some situation where I should DEF. be pregnant. But I'm not. And It devistates me more and more everytime I know I am not, and that I cannot have a child of my own. I have this gut feeling that I cant....I am so afraid to go to a clinic to find out for sure because if the answer is negative...how do you cope with something like that? Of course I'll adopt and love that child like my own...But there will always be that thing inside me that I know I cant have my own. my fiancee and I always planned to adopt many kids..and have a few of our own anyhow...but I haven't told him that it eats me up I dont think I can have my own. I know a man could never possibly understand how a women could feel about a child....But when other kids my age wanted to be a princess or a vet or cowboy...I wanted to be a stay at home mom. THAT was and still is my dream.
Just want some thoughts on to help cope better.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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184674_tn?1360864093
I don't think you'll ever be able to learn to cope with potential infertility unless you find closure in knowing for sure if you actually are infertile, or just need help to conceive. My thoughts and advice would be to face your fear and get tested. Then you can move forward with knowledge you can gain and maybe find a way to have the baby you want so badly. You may not even have infertility; you can't be sure until you've spent at least 6-12 months or more trying to conceive every month.
And the sooner you find out whatever issue you have if you do have infertility issues, the sooner you can either begin treatments or apply for adoption, or both.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you - does make sense....Just need to make that leap.
BUT not sure how to survive from there....
Thank you for your advice
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184674_tn?1360864093
You will learn a way to survive. But you can't know how, or what coping techniques to use or try, unless you know the problem. The more knowledge you gain, the more confident you can become in your course of action.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh my goodness.  Well, this is my best advice.  ONE thing at a time.  Your boyfriend is just now entering rehab.  Get the sobriety going and the changes from that under your belt and then worry about kids.  It would be stressful to have a child right now in my opinion with him going away for a period of time.  

As to your fertility.  Try not to worry about it.  The statistic I was given when I was trying is that less than 10% never conceive.  And there is always adoption.  But you are young and have many years ahead of you to focus on this.

Have you considered al anon anymore?  
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13167_tn?1327197724
I agree with the others,  and think it would be pretty unlikely that you could get a definite answer on whether you are fertile or not in an exam.  There are SO MANY moving parts to conception and carrying a healthy baby to term,  that doing hormone checks/sonograms/visual exams is not likely to give you your answers.

For some unknown reason,  I thought I would be infertile too.  Don't know why exactly,  except when I was single I had several close calls - where it seemed I should have gotten pregnant - but didn't.  Then,  in trying to get pregnant,  I got pregnant 5 times in my marriage and always on the first cycle we were trying.

So you don't know,  is the thing.

Best wishes - and I agree that getting the other issues taken care of first is important.
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Agree with RockRose and Specialmom....absolutely.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes...well - thing is we r not trying....this was just a thought...but if it happens...it happens...We are not planning on it now.

Just always eaten me up.
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