I have been with a guy for almost a year now and the relationship seems to be falling apart on my side. I'm 21 years old with a guy who just turned 25 years old. I have had a lot of issues with him. I'll list a few.
At 2 months into the relationship, he hacked into my email just to see if I was dating other guys. He does not have any trust at all. He is clueless about relationships in general. He knows nothing about anything important (example: he doesn't pay his own bills). He gives me no space, constantly texting me. The sex is horrible. He only says he loves me only during sex. He avoids any intelligent conversation. I always have to pay for the dates that we rarely have. He pays more attention to gaming if he is playing games while I'm around. He expects sex weekly. He doesn't like me talking to other guys without him there. He doesn't do much to mentally please me and when he tried physically, it turns me off more then on.
But he is there for me when I need him and when I had surgery he was there by my side the whole time. He tries to do sweet little things for me like make a card once in a while. He drives one and a half hours to see me every week. He is applying for a new job to try to buy us an apartment.
And keep in mind I try to talk to him in a non over whelming way but he avoids it.
What would you ladies and gents do if you were in my situation?
You start with: The relationship seems to be falling apart on my side - and then You list the reasons why.
Reading further my advice is: I would move on as These are Giant Red Flags!
There is good and bad in EVERY relationship but when the bad outweighs the good - it's time to move on. You list way too many Red Flags compared to His attributes. It would not be a good idea for You to make this permanent. What You see is what You get. One of the biggest mistakes we make is to ignore the signs we see when we fathom ourselves to be in love. Love is a choice and our job is to CHOOSE people we are compatible with to spend The Rest Of Our Lives.
You've tolerated this guy for almost a year? Wow...
I wouldn't have lasted more than a couple of months, especially after he did something as invasive and disrespectful as hack into my email to find out more about my personal life.
I agree with Tinkerbell's statement, "There is good and bad in EVERY relationship but when the bad outweighs the good - it's time to move on."
Oh, and about those "good" qualities:
-But he is there for me when I need him and when I had surgery he was there by my side the whole time. (Anybody can do that. It doesn't take much to show up and sit at a hospital bed to keep someone company. I'd even venture to be he didn't actually talk to you much but rather watched mindless television, as that sounds more like his personality type).
-He tries to do sweet little things for me like make a card once in a while. (Again, anyone can do that. "Once in a while?" Is this the most thoughtful, romantic, sweet thing he ever does..."once in a while?" If he's wanting to invest any more effort into his adoration of you, it would be much more frequent. And it would include paying for your dates every "once in a while" too).
-He drives one and a half hours to see me every week. (Yet in your previous paragraph, you say, "He expects sex weekly." Dear, you're his booty call and don't sound like much more).
-He is applying for a new job to try to buy us an apartment. (Yeah, I'll bet...so he can expect sex more than once weekly while he offers little to nothing on the rent and expects you to pick up the financial slack once you move in).
And keep in mind I try to talk to him in a non over whelming way but he avoids it. (Don't pair yourself up with someone who is so far below your intellectual and maturity level that you can't stimulate the emotional and intellectual side of the relationship and can only rely on a lousy sex life holding you together and probably getting your pregnant and then tying the rest of your life to a guy with the personality of a dripping, sopping, limp washcloth).
I'm confused why you 've stayed with him after having signficant problems starting at two months in (when he hacked into your account). He's never paid his bills, sex probably has always been less than stellar, etc.
So, you don't really list NEW problems but rather list things that you've put up with for some time.
I think the fair thing to do and the right thing to do is to free him to find someone that will be a better match for him. he deserves to feel loved rather than just be appreciated for 'being there' when someone needs him.
so, give him a chance to have someone fall in love with him. and then you can also be free to find someone that is a better match for you that you too can fully love rather than put up with so that you'll have someone to fall back on when you need them. good luck
At 25, hes still trying to get his act together. It dosent appear that his parents taught him how to be financially successful and he is worried you will leave him. His posessiveness is a sign of his insecurity.
Sometimes men need to be pushed by women to keep going as men tend to give up and dont react will to failure.
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