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Avatar universal

I honestly need help! What do I do?

Me and my boyfriend been together for 4 years. Everyone has the puppy love stage at the beginning. Well ours never went away. We were infatuated with each other. I love and care for him so much still, and it hurts alot. Were not together anymore because of me. I would pick fights with him constantly, and want to argue about anything. I wanted him to feel bad because i felt bad all the time. He told me all the time he was going to leave me if i didnt change my ways. I got depresses and confined myself to my room. I didnt want to do things to **** him off, but sitting there acting helpless made it worse. He gave me chances and chances to change. I told him i would every time. It only lasted a month i would try to act normal again. He would tell me i need help and to get help but i was scared to. I would always throw in his face that he cheated on me and i took him back. Now why cant he this time. I feel bad because he was always there for me.He is what i call a bestfriend to anyone. As he broke up with me and walked away, I cried and cried. I got so depressed and stressed out. My face started breaking out, i was pulling my hair out. Im afraid to be alone. His parents are going through a divorce as we split up. So going to any of them for help, only left me answer less. Everything i felt, his mother felt. I tried and still trying to help her, but its like dealing with my situation again. My depression was so bad that i wanted to kill my self. I thought of taking a hand full of Oxycodone. If no one wanted me, i might as well be gone then. It hurt to think like that, when really i could fix this. I recently found out that my adreanal glands are all shot to hell. I think this is what is making me crazy. At times I would think that I was bi-polar and have been told that. I need to change myself and my attitude towards things and people in general. Thinking of all the pain that I put my Ex-Boyfriend through, made me sick. It was like looking through a window from outside and seeing what i did to him. It really did scare me. I always told him I never wanted to hurt him, But hurting him i hurt myself also. I never would hurt someone emotionally that bad. How can I get over this, Hurting people and the closes ones to me?
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Avatar universal
Ok, we can start by asking you, what is your real problem? What has happend to you in your past or environment to become so self destructive? Also, suicide is never the answer. Life is precious and it is not our to take and should be treated with respect. Someone who want's to commit suicide, does not have the proper copeing skills necessary for what in reality is a temporary situation. You need to start to heal emotionally and spiritually. You need to put the past behind you and you do that with a counselor or just talking about what in your past has traumatized you to the point where you are lashing our, being self destructive and hurting the people you love the most and in return keeping your life negative. It's destructive behavior that needs to be acknowledged and take the proper steps to change your environment and put yourself in a positive place. life is what you make it out to be and if you continue sabatoging your life, you will continue to not only hurt the one's you love, keep youself in a negative environment, but continue to be miserable.

Accept what you can't change and what has happened in the past. Learn to respect yourself, life and other's. Treat other's the way you want people to treat you. Respect people! Respect your boyfriend, his feelings and him as a human being who has feelings and you are effecting him negatively, so stop it.

Stay away from the negative and seek out good people, family, good friends, a healty environment, a job. Seek out good things and life will fall into place also, seek out God, who fill that empty void in your life. I do recommend that you talk about what is really bothering you, because it will help and it's nice to get positive advice and direction when needed. Good luck, Judy
Helpful - 0
1149921 tn?1297559913
Hi,
  From reading your post, I immediately thought Bipolar/ OCD. However, it can't be that your bipolar, because you didn't mention periods of being manic, just depressed  Now it could mean that your Obsessive which is also not a good thing especially that your starting to bring harm against yourself.  I feel as though your just a young person, who has probrably been predisposed to someone in a similar situation, that may have gone through some of the same issues, or maybe you have been hurt  before by someone in a previous relationship.  As a result of this your clingy, guarded, and less trusting of individuals like the person(s) who have hurt you.  I really don't know.   I am hoping for your happiness/sanity that you have learned from your mistakes.  NO one deserves to suffer in the way that you have.  So my heart goes out to you.  I know and understand all to well of how it feels to be rejected by someone you love.   It seems as though he still has feelings for you, so utilize his advice, If you still feel that you can't control those feelings, you might want to go ahead and seek help.   I think you just need to relax, relate, and release some of your frustrations. This can be done by focusing on healthier thoughts. taking a walk, meditating, and or venting to someone other than your boyfriend without becoming angry.  I'm saying this because it appears as though you become more frustrated when you try talking to him.  Or maybe this is my misunderstanding of what has been said.  Whatever the case may be It will all get better.  Best of wishes
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge.  I'd let this relationship go and forgive yourself for it.  You are very young still----  you are learning.  I would take what you've learned here and apply it to your next relationship.  Knowing your power to hurt someone will make you wiser and gentler in your next relationship.  This is a good thing.  You've actually made yourself better of a catch.  Move on and if you feel the urge to do the same things in the future, you can see a therapist to explore this.  But if you remember how it feels to hurt someone, you've learned the lesson already.  Good luck.
Helpful - 0
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