I just don't know

[lynz3388]

I have never been cheated on (or as far as I know) but my fiancee has been in the past... caught her multiple times. I'm a person that has no issues with trust and he gives me no reason to be worried but he has a tough time with trust because of his ex... I hate that. I'm not her. I'm not a cheater. I'm very faithful and love him. He is truly my best friend.. He has had only one partner before me and I shamefully have had several that I regret. I had the party college life and he just had her so he never experienced what I had. no parties, no bon fires, no one else besides that  cheater and me. We are to be wed next month and don't get me wrong we are both excited. My issue is my past. I hate it. My biggest fear is going to my college town and running into an ex f-buddy. I panic, I stress, I get sick.. any man that I have been with I never had the NEVER SEE ME AGAIN! conversion. Since most of my exs were friends my fear is them coming up to me and saying "hey haven't seen you in 4yrs! What's up!" My fiancee knows my past we have talked about it but I don't think it's right for him to "see" my past... I think my best bet is just too not go to that town or move farther away from it. If I go alone to town I don't fear... if I werer to run into my past I would tell them to f off but when I'm with my fiancee and I were to see someone I would freak out. It would put a strain on our relationship for sure. I truly wish my fiancee was my only one. I'm no better off from my past and I know some people would agree with me. Regret ***** and I wish I knew now what I didn't know back then.
I have had friends that have said to just face my fear.. bring him to town and just get it over with but I can't. I won't go. Iknow he would like to go with me and his friends to that town and drink but I KNOW an ex will be at that bar... it just drives me sick and crazy. Anyone else in this situation? Please don't be too harsh on comments about me personally... I know I was wrong.

[Jinx_777]

I say face your fears and go to town.  I do not think anyone with an ounce of common sense would say "oh your with Lindsay? Isn't she great at ###!?" first of all that would be really immature, but mostly it would be insane.  they do not know your fiance and he could kick his butt or shoot him.  that only happens in the movies.  once you face your fear you will feel so much better..
Unless you were both virgins when you met, then you both know that each of you had a past. the past is the past and it should be left there.  you are building a future now with him.  look forward, not back

[lynz3388]

Special mom...
Some of the guys I have been with would have the gull to say something to him like "oh your with Lindsay? Isn't she great at ###!?"  That I guess is my fear.
Him and I have a great relationship. I am completely honest and so is he. We truly are best friends. I guess I don't want to see him get hurt.
He says I'm lucky to have experienced a college crazy lifestyle and I told him he is lucky to have not. Anytime he wants to go to the bar or buy some jack I am there drinking with him... laughing our butts off and helping him to bed. I think after a couple crazy nights he will see that maybe he was better off lol

[lynz3388]

Thanks ladies.
If I dwelled on my past, there wouldn't be a future. My fiancee has told me to get over the past If it bugs me that much I should forgive myself and move on and I have. Life 360 made a valid point... about men wanting details but then regretting them. I won't go into detail about what I've done but I can honestly say who I am now is definitely who I wanted to be. Past friends and actions were a result of being nieve of what really matters in life.
Tinkerbell
I can say when we started out it was rocky but after 2yrs he does have  faith and trust in me But you are right.. it is up to him not me. You cannot change a person, they have to do it themselves. I have given no reason since dating him to be worried and he needs to see for himself that he is an amazing man.
Me not going to town should be a completely different issue that should eventually be dealt with. It's kinda stupid to fear it but it is a fear. It's not that I will see someone and cheat on my fiancee, or reminisce the past, it's just something different. I don't like confrontation, I'm a nice chill person. Low drama. (Main reason to get rid of FB) I just think it would be a disaster but I will not know for sure unless I go. Honestly, I'm committing myself to him for the REST OF MY LIFE. I don't see marriage as a wash or it has a cancellation policy. He feels the same way so in some aspect that should show a great amount of respect and loyalty to each other.
I will face my fear eventually and probably find out its nothing

[specialmom]

I also agree with the others.  I married in my 30's.  I have a past.  So does my husband.  But we are together now.  

If you run into someone you were intimate with, introduce your boyfriend and be polite.  Why would any past between you come out.

You are really worrying for nothing.  In truth, YOU are probably much better off.  You will not ever wonder what you missed out on.  He may hit a point in his life where he does (hope not).  But what I am saying is that our past makes us who we are and while we may wish we hadn't done something, it all adds up to who we are today.

Don't lie to him about your past if he asks you.  Just really don't talk about it.  A simple, I had partners before you like you did, you know that.  We're together now, I love you.  (done with conversation).  

good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

Agree with Life.

I think it's okay to regret Your past (as that reflects the person You are now) but I don't think You should beat YourSelf up for it

Personally, I led a very sheltered life and didn't 'do' anything to regret but, nevertheless, I wouldn't want to be held responsible for the lack of maturity and realization, etc., that I held when I was young.  You were young then and not as responsible for making good choices.  I think most People would not do the same things today that They did when They were "young and dumb".

As regards Your BoyFriend - if He has trust issues He needs to look within HimSelf.  Ex GirlFriend cheated because of Her OWN lack of Character, Morals, Principles etc - NOT because of Him.  If He's distrustful (insecure) of You (or others) it's not because of what SHE did but because of HIS insecurity.  HE alone owns that (the insecurity) and needs to address it

Regards
Tink

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, your being way to hard on yourself. So you went to college and partied a bit. Your past was enjoying your youth. Men dont like to here about past lovers even through they want to know about them. I would certainly not bring any of this up to him as no good would come out of him knowing as he will then ask for specific details. Men are like this.
As far as running into ex,s, dont worry about that either. If this happens just introduce them to your husband and tell him that its an old college buddy.
Go out and enjoy your life and dont look back at the past with regrets, as your past got you to where you are now. Change one thing and the path would not have brought you to your husband. Its all connected.