I think there is more to this than just " her having sex". It really seems illogical for her not to want to use birth control or protect herself. Humans are usually for self-preservation. I understand the boy involved not wanted to use condoms. It is not unheard of. I am not saying this is right, just that it can be a common disposition.
I think that behind her disposition is a streak of rebellion and anger. She is making adult choices. And she needs to understand that she is making adult choices. She needs to see what can happen if she becomes pregnant or catches a disease. Have her volunteer at Florence Crittenton Services or a similiar program so she can visually see and understand how fortunate she is. And how at this point she still can make a choice about the direction of her life. Allow her to volunteer or speak with wdomen who have AIDS, or other serious life changing std's . Allow her to see how hard it will be to work as a single mother and accomplish her goals. Let her know how it could be if she were on her own living with the results of her choices. Let her understand that her actions presume the acceptance that she will have to live in a world where she will have to sink or swim. And that right now she is living in a life supported by her family's efforts.
Sounds harsh and direct. But so is her willful, dogmatic, rebellious disposition.
She is a child attempting to behave like an adult. She needs to understand that the world does not care about her age or her immaturity. And that she is not ready despite her under developed frontal lobes. You sound older and wiser. Your mother is older. Naturally, you are both smarter than your 14 year old sister- you know what the world is. You are more experienced. So be more cunning. Don't argue with her. Just show her. Most teens only use their immaturity and rebelliousness as defense. Adults, use experience and their intelligence.
You can do . You can teach her. You can lead her in the right direction so that she makes the proper choices. That is what being a parent, guardian, sister, brother, grandparent, or just a caring human being is all about=compassion and caring.
PassionFlower09
Of course your mother should know, and it is your mother who should take it from that point. I dont think any mom in todays society would be shocked by your sisters behavior. Your mother needs to take her to the doc, make sure she is clean and get her on some type of bc. It does not mean she is condoning the behavior but if she is going to continue this behavior she needs to be protected and educated. The running away thing is a control factor to make others do her bidding. I think you did the right thing,
My daughters 13 year old friend ( 2 years ago ) was having sex. My daughter came to me about it, she ( girl ) was with my sons (13) year old friend. I was not very close to the girls mom but to the boys. So I called her told her of the rumors. She spoke with her son who swore that it was not true. 4 months later we found out she was prego. She was 14 when the baby was born and he still 13. Alexis ( the baby) has down syndrome. The doc said b/c parents were so young. But what's done is done, Do I condone their actions. Absolutly not, but I am very shocked at what wonderful attentive parents they are.
My children ( now 16 and 15) said that this has taught them a very valuable lesson too. Thank God so far neither one of them has been active or even tempted to ( as of yet) of course they are attracted to the opposite sex but we have had a very open relationship with all of them so that they are comfortable talking to us and they know where we stand on things and why.
The thing is her having sex is not the problem the problem is not the sexual activity she's engaging in her mom and I are concerned about pregnancy because she isn't on the pill and I spoke to her and had a nice conversation about this and told her "well me and mom are not so pleased at you being sexually active at 14 because it's kind of young to be engaging in such activities but if you're going to do it anyways we really can't stop you so you can do it if you want to but you should go on the birth control pill so you wont get pregnant" She has told me she refuses to use birth control and her 16 year old boyfriend is not wearing condoms when they have sex. I told her she really should go on the pill if she's going to be sexually active she has said "no" and then I told her if she doesn't she can get pregnant because she's already having her period. She simply says she wont go on birth control and that no one can make her and that she's not afraid of getting pregnant and doesn't care if she does. I mean in this case I'm not sure what to do getting pregnant at 14 would not be a good thing at all for my sister she's still a child herself and a child having another child is just a disaster.
I'm not trying to take sides, but you know what. As long as your sister isn't skipping school to do such things there really is no way to stop her. If you sister is skipping school then I am sure that there is another reason behind it.
Should you have told your mom, well I don't know if you should have. Be careful about trying to live your sister's life for her. If she knows the risks, and is behaving herself, which she is not then that is what you should be concerned about the most.
I guess I wrote my post the wrong way. I already told my mother about it but my sister doesn't know she says she is heartbroken that her 14 year old is having sex she says she wants me to talk to her about it and warn her of the consequences and I already did that but my mom stated that for now she'll just pretend like she doesn't know because I told my mom my sister has said if I tell on her she'll run away.
Im confused - the title of your post says you've told your mom and shes heartbroken about it but the post says you are not sure if you should tell her or not?
Please clarify which it is so people can respond appropriately.
Thanks,
Perch.