I need advice. I don't like my brother in laws gf

[emzie89]

Hey all,



So my husband and i have been married for about 3 years now. He used to hang out with his brother a lot when we first started dating, and his brother and i always got on well. About a year and a half into me and my husband dating, his brother got this gf. Her and i got on really well at first, she seemed very pleasant, fun, outgoing, and we would go out as a 4 a lot. Then, about a year or so in, things started to change. His gf's personality changed dramatically. I am not sure why, but we would be invited places by them, but when we got there she wouldn't say hi to me or aknowledge me, and sometimes not talk the whole night. I would make conversation sometimes, and she would respond, but she seemed pretty nonchalent when i spoke to her. I found this a bit strange, because she went from throwing my bachelorette party for me, to not talking to me at all, and i really don't know what her problem is. It has actually got to a point where my husband and i never see them anymore. My brother in law doesn't talk either. They invited us to a brunch one time around christmas, and when we got there i said hi to him and he never said hi back, so i figured oh he probably didn't hear seems we were in a restaurant with music, so i said heyyyy really loudly, and he blanked me. She never said hi either. So i started finding it really strange that they would invite us places but never really talk to me. She never spoke to me, and as the time went on talked less and less to my husband. My brother in law always talks to my husband when we are in their company, but never speaks to me. So, we stopped going to their functions, and only see them now if it is a family event. I am perfectly fine with this, but i am still friends with them both on fb, and she only ever comments on any of my stuff when she is giving her oppossing opinion to something i have said. I had no problem with this girl until she completely turned for no reason. What is her problem seriously! I find it so hard sometimes when she comments on my fb with a sarcastic comment, or being a know all. Sometimes it just seems like she purposely comments just to disagree with me. How would you all suggest dealing with this? I don't get why she has turned so strange.

[RockRose]

Well,  all I can offer is that if that big changed happened between my brother his girlfriend and the rest of the family,  someone would take them aside lovingly and ask why.

It never hurts to ask.  Guessing has gotten you all no where in 3 years.

Hope you get this worked out.

[emzie89]

Not that i can think of. I have heard the family say that he has thought of leaving her a few times because everything is on her terms and what she wants, and she is very selfish. I think he just goes along with what she does or feels because he will probably get in trouble if he doesn't. My mother in law has kept out of it because it is her son, although she has told me that she does not think his gf is right for him, and seems to have changed him a lot. She has become very materialistic.

[RockRose]

emzie,  it just seems clear that she thinks the family has done something to her.

Can you remember anything that happened 3 years ago that would cause this?  Did someone plan something at the same time as something else she planned,  or exclude her from being in a family picture,  or slight her or her family in some way that you can all remember?  Has her boyfriend been slighted by the family - didn't get an inheritance he was due,  left out of an important family gathering,  didn't get a large gift when everyone else did,  etc?

The fact that BOTH of them are cold to the family now where everything was great until one moment in time indicates they think they've been hurt.

Has anyone reached out to them to ask what is causing them to withdraw?

[emzie89]

Maybe she just hates the whole family. I am not the only person she is different towards now. She does the same with my mother in law where she might not talk to her all night.

[RockRose]

Either
1.  she's unbalanced and has convinced her boyfriend to follow her odd behavior

2.  you've either done something you don't recognize,  or she THINKS you've done something that has harmed her or both of them.  

I certainly wouldn't have let this fester for 3 years without asking.  What if she thinks you did something awful to them and you didn't?  

And that's my guess.  Either you did something offensive but you don't know it's offensive to do that or she thinks you did something.

Otherwise,  she wouldn't have been completely normal at first and sweet and gracious and involved but just turned on a dime.

[emzie89]

If she dislikes me for whatever reason, that is fine. However, what does annoy me is that she never talks in person, but is all vocal on fb when she is putting her 2 cents in, or is being a know all, especially at 30 years of age. I don't think it is an issue with just me though, my mother in law has noticed her drastic personality change also. She just did a complete 360. My mother in law obviously makes effort for my brother in law, but she thinks she has completely changed him, and to be honest, she has. He never sees any of his friends. Everything is on her terms. If i did upset her if she just told me, we could figure it out. I am a pretty reasonable person, but that was almost 3 years ago, so i doubt she will tell me what her problem is now.

[Londres70]

Well, it sounds like they don't care for you; the BIL and his gf.

It is difficult to say what happened.  Seems like they, the BIL and his gf, have something against you.  Do you recall saying or doing anything that may have caused this?

Have you tried asking them what exactly is the problem?

FB......ugggg.........In my opinion FB is a source of a lot problems it seems.  You have two choices: unfriend her completely or set your settings on FB so that she cannot comment on your wall, etc.

I would ask them flat out what is the problem and go from there.  9 out of 10 times it is usually some silly misunderstanding.