Aa
I seriously need help with this
Okay so here we go. My girlfriend(18) and I(20), have been togather/lived togather for three years. I supported her for years untill we broke up for two months because i couldnt handle her negative attitude/hatered tward me. She has allways had a controlling,manipulative personality to me. she is very rude to my family(they despise her), and even her own family. So as of recent times, heres what im dealing with.
1) she recently quit her job because i got a raise, and now im stuck paying all of the bills and about to lose my apt. when i told her she had to have a job to live with me before we even moved back in togather. I pay for almost everything and she complains/nags because of the finnances. I work 45 to 50 hours a week and barely manage to keep my apt. 2).She has some how developed a drug problem. I dont agree with or like drugs though i do drink. But she is very mean to me when she is comming down or has withdrawl systems. she takes my money to buy drugs or gets drugs 40$-100$ fronted to her without me knowing, and i have to pay it back so they dont become hostile to me or her. 3.)Our sex life is rediculous, she no longer shows interest in me physically, i work out alot, and very health/handsome. (not to be vulgar) when in bed I understand the need for foreplay,and meet her need orally before I start.But for the past couple months i have had to initiate all sexual activity(mostly shut down) and i have to put all the effort and work into it. she refuses, and has told me she will never preform oral sex on me, even though i ALLWAYS do to her, she refuses to even lay on top of me, i asked her why and she said she isnt confident with her breast size(theres no way,they are beautiful) and thinks she looks stupid. I WILL NOT cheat on her,but there have been alot of women come on to me and i have to tell them no,because i dont want to be unfaithful to her. 4.)she is VERY childish about everything even her mom agrees with me. she wakes up mad at the world, and then anything that goes wrong she blows out of porportion,and is constantly saying "FML" or "im just going to kill myself". I constantly feel under the gun around her because of tention,stress, and vibes she gives off. we spend allmost 24/7 with each other and lately ive become the man i never wanted to be. All she has to do to get me to follow her commands is to throw a little temper tantrum and boom. she will not stop utill she gets what she wants. 5.) She failed out of college when she started doing drugs. I am think very highly of education and bettering your self i was allways very supportive of her while she was in school, she knows i know, it was her decition to fail. she just stopped going. 6.) She doesnt think i notice this but i do. She has been watching me type my password and such onto facebood and my phone. I have noticed messages notifications clicked or read, when i havent read them,i also found where she had responded to a girl that i dont know that just said "hey" and she replied with "**** off *****". She also tries to wither my self esteem down by embarassing me in public,social gatherings, or large events. her mother comes to me to complain about her. but when i show signs of wanting to leave, they both gang up on me and talk me down like im a child, and im not allowed to say anything while im getting told off because they are both equally insaine and have been psycotic twards me. 7.) she is constantly saying im cheating on her because i dont try to have sex with her any more, i give up. its the same pattern. she claims i dont love her ect. but i feel like im being taken advantage of by her for a place to live,pretty much a free ride, her mother is VERY irresponsible and wont take care of her. SO AS OF THE PAST FEW DAYS, it has been very stressful because we are about to lose the apartment, and its all "MY FAULT" because i dont have 800$ for the bills. so now she is looking for a job and showing a little more effort but not anything drastic at all. I found out that she had taken 60$ of rent money from me for drugs. I tried to ask her to leave to live with her mother for a couple days to get my head straight and figure a way to pull this togather. But she refused to leave, and said when she leaves shes taking almost everything. her mother came over after the argument was over and she started crying and shouting that i was kicking her out and we were losing the place and all, well her mother condones her actions and told her that what she was/is doing is okay and if i loved her i would be a man and support her(while im working 45 hours a week,and going to school). So my question is,will she change? should I wait to leave to see if she is going to straigen up, I have reason to belive she may have cheated on me while on the drug binge. I love this girl, but i need BOTH genders to give me a responce. thank you and sorry its long, but its a very difficult situation
1) she recently quit her job because i got a raise, and now im stuck paying all of the bills and about to lose my apt. when i told her she had to have a job to live with me before we even moved back in togather. I pay for almost everything and she complains/nags because of the finnances. I work 45 to 50 hours a week and barely manage to keep my apt. 2).She has some how developed a drug problem. I dont agree with or like drugs though i do drink. But she is very mean to me when she is comming down or has withdrawl systems. she takes my money to buy drugs or gets drugs 40$-100$ fronted to her without me knowing, and i have to pay it back so they dont become hostile to me or her. 3.)Our sex life is rediculous, she no longer shows interest in me physically, i work out alot, and very health/handsome. (not to be vulgar) when in bed I understand the need for foreplay,and meet her need orally before I start.But for the past couple months i have had to initiate all sexual activity(mostly shut down) and i have to put all the effort and work into it. she refuses, and has told me she will never preform oral sex on me, even though i ALLWAYS do to her, she refuses to even lay on top of me, i asked her why and she said she isnt confident with her breast size(theres no way,they are beautiful) and thinks she looks stupid. I WILL NOT cheat on her,but there have been alot of women come on to me and i have to tell them no,because i dont want to be unfaithful to her. 4.)she is VERY childish about everything even her mom agrees with me. she wakes up mad at the world, and then anything that goes wrong she blows out of porportion,and is constantly saying "FML" or "im just going to kill myself". I constantly feel under the gun around her because of tention,stress, and vibes she gives off. we spend allmost 24/7 with each other and lately ive become the man i never wanted to be. All she has to do to get me to follow her commands is to throw a little temper tantrum and boom. she will not stop utill she gets what she wants. 5.) She failed out of college when she started doing drugs. I am think very highly of education and bettering your self i was allways very supportive of her while she was in school, she knows i know, it was her decition to fail. she just stopped going. 6.) She doesnt think i notice this but i do. She has been watching me type my password and such onto facebood and my phone. I have noticed messages notifications clicked or read, when i havent read them,i also found where she had responded to a girl that i dont know that just said "hey" and she replied with "**** off *****". She also tries to wither my self esteem down by embarassing me in public,social gatherings, or large events. her mother comes to me to complain about her. but when i show signs of wanting to leave, they both gang up on me and talk me down like im a child, and im not allowed to say anything while im getting told off because they are both equally insaine and have been psycotic twards me. 7.) she is constantly saying im cheating on her because i dont try to have sex with her any more, i give up. its the same pattern. she claims i dont love her ect. but i feel like im being taken advantage of by her for a place to live,pretty much a free ride, her mother is VERY irresponsible and wont take care of her. SO AS OF THE PAST FEW DAYS, it has been very stressful because we are about to lose the apartment, and its all "MY FAULT" because i dont have 800$ for the bills. so now she is looking for a job and showing a little more effort but not anything drastic at all. I found out that she had taken 60$ of rent money from me for drugs. I tried to ask her to leave to live with her mother for a couple days to get my head straight and figure a way to pull this togather. But she refused to leave, and said when she leaves shes taking almost everything. her mother came over after the argument was over and she started crying and shouting that i was kicking her out and we were losing the place and all, well her mother condones her actions and told her that what she was/is doing is okay and if i loved her i would be a man and support her(while im working 45 hours a week,and going to school). So my question is,will she change? should I wait to leave to see if she is going to straigen up, I have reason to belive she may have cheated on me while on the drug binge. I love this girl, but i need BOTH genders to give me a responce. thank you and sorry its long, but its a very difficult situation
Joe, I hope you're not one of those people who keeps holding onto false hope that things may eventually get better here. The problem is that she is an addict and when dealing with addicts, the logical normal conclusions don't apply. They make their own rules and play their own game regardless of those around them. You can't fix this and you should not keep trying.
You've clearly got a good head on your shoulders and you are doing your best to become successful. That's great! Don't let her or anyone else drag you down. It's time to give her back to her parents and let them figure out how to deal with her. You should not have to put up with all of this crazy drama because you're not the problem here. She is. Kick her to the curb and don't look back. She is beyond your help at this point.
You've clearly got a good head on your shoulders and you are doing your best to become successful. That's great! Don't let her or anyone else drag you down. It's time to give her back to her parents and let them figure out how to deal with her. You should not have to put up with all of this crazy drama because you're not the problem here. She is. Kick her to the curb and don't look back. She is beyond your help at this point.
This is a no-brainer.
Love is a choice.
You should choose a Partner who shares Your morals, standards and values. This Girl does not and it doesn't take more than 3 years for You to know that. I believe People can and do make "lifestyle changes" (One might quit drinking, One might quit smoking, lose weight, etc.) but I don't believe People change Their "Character".
Good Luck
Love is a choice.
You should choose a Partner who shares Your morals, standards and values. This Girl does not and it doesn't take more than 3 years for You to know that. I believe People can and do make "lifestyle changes" (One might quit drinking, One might quit smoking, lose weight, etc.) but I don't believe People change Their "Character".
Good Luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome. She is 18 which means you've been with her since she was 15? Ya know, she's still young. I'd call her parents and give her back to them. She is their problem as you seem to have taken on the role of caregiver of her during those fragile teen years.
You can't have a relationship with a drug addict. And addiction is progressive. Seems bad now? It will get worse. And if you contiue to stay with you and support her---- she will destroy your life and you will be officially a codependent enabler.
At 20, who needs this? I know you love her and I'm sure you are an admirable guy but this is too much. I would insist she leave, call her parents first to let them know she'll probably be coming their way, and that is that, AND, bonus to doing this-------- it may start her toward her rock bottom she needs to get her life back on track.
but this relationship offers you nothing. You are not in prison taking care of her. I'd change the locks on your doors after she moves out and get on with your life.
And don't think I know. I walked away from an alcoholic that I loved dearly. It's no way to live with a user. We were dating and I wanted a decent life and KNEW it would always be too complicated with that person. good luck
You can't have a relationship with a drug addict. And addiction is progressive. Seems bad now? It will get worse. And if you contiue to stay with you and support her---- she will destroy your life and you will be officially a codependent enabler.
At 20, who needs this? I know you love her and I'm sure you are an admirable guy but this is too much. I would insist she leave, call her parents first to let them know she'll probably be coming their way, and that is that, AND, bonus to doing this-------- it may start her toward her rock bottom she needs to get her life back on track.
but this relationship offers you nothing. You are not in prison taking care of her. I'd change the locks on your doors after she moves out and get on with your life.
And don't think I know. I walked away from an alcoholic that I loved dearly. It's no way to live with a user. We were dating and I wanted a decent life and KNEW it would always be too complicated with that person. good luck
Well.....she NEEDS to change regardless if you stay or don't stay.
Leaving would be ideal........I know I would.
Don't stay in hopes of her changing or stay thinking you can change her.
This is in NO way, shape or form a healthy relationship.
Leaving would be ideal........I know I would.
Don't stay in hopes of her changing or stay thinking you can change her.
This is in NO way, shape or form a healthy relationship.
I don't think she's going to change. Why should she? You are doing everything for her and letting her act like a child. What are you getting out of this relationship? It sounds like you're getting a lot of grief and nothing else. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to waste anymore time on a person that only cares about their own self and not you? It may be hard because you've been together for awhile but it sounds like it's time to walk away and not look back. You will find a girl who truly appreciates you.
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