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Avatar universal

I think he is cheating

ok so hubby always leaves his boxers inside out in the washing basket...

I noticed stains on wednesday's boxers (we hadn't had sex on tuesday) but very small stains, only a couple. I put this down to discharge or semen build up, as we hadn't had sex since the monday night.

However, on yesterday's boxers (thurs) there were loads of stains. They're like white smudges, some are hardly noticeable. Not very big stains. They don't smell. I gave him oral sex at about 11pm on weds (the day before), could it be from that? He didn't put his boxers back on after cos we sleep naked.

He was reluctant to have sex last night, kept messing about being silly, but we did have sex in the end.... was this because he'd already come from having sex with someone else in the day? And that's what the stains are from?

We usually have sex every day, but sometimes he does refuse sex but only when he's tired, he never messes about like that.

We sleep naked, so he hasn't gotten stains from anything we've done cos we do it at night...

is it possible for semen to leak out the next day? we usually have sex around 11pm and he gets up and dressed at 8am.

Are these stains normal? Or has he been cheating?

Usually I see stains on the days where we haven't had sex for a few days. I think this is semen build up.

The only times I've seen stains like this is when he's put his boxers back on after sex/oral sex, or if we haven't had sex for a few days. And seeing as we had oral sex the day before, it can't be build up. That's why I am worried.

He doesn't masturbate during the day cos he's at work (works in a garage), and if he did it in the shower there still wouldn't be any stains cos he showers at night and doesn't put his boxers back on after. When he's not at work, he's with me, so he doesn't have time to masturbate. I don't mind if he does, cos I know he does it over me, I'm just saying he doesn't do it when he's at home, cos we're always together. And we are literally always together at home, computer in the living room, he never 'disappears' for a few mins either.

There is a computer at his work, and he only works with 2 people, so it's possible when they go out that he masturbates at work, but he has told me he doesn't.... and I can't imagine him sitting there with a load of tissue, doing that!

And if it is masturbation - does it mean it is porn? Cos he has never been into porn, so if he suddenly is, is it because of me? I put on weight after our baby 7 mths ago...

Is he cheating?
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Avatar universal
Turns out he may be diabetic. Maybe he should get checked and you may owe him an apology. I have had these same kind of stains on my boxers and turns out my doctor thinks I'm diabetic. Crystalized sugar in the urine. Google it, it's a thing.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just DYING to know, WAS HE CHEATING?! I say YES HE WAS/IS! But I ALSO believe if you have children together you'll MOST LIKELY still be with him. Not for nothing! We ARE GIRLS! It IS our Cross to Bare.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I meant "Our Cross to BEAR" after looking it up! You
Avatar universal
no
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I DO NOT think she's being PARANOID! I SWEAR, EVERY WOMAN has a "sense" that men do Not HAVE when it comes to "is he cheating?" ! IF YOU ARE even THINKING he may be, do NOT SAY A WORD! WAIT. THEN, WAIT some MORE! KEEP INVESTIGATING! I KNOW it's VERY DIFFICULT! BUT, just WATCH! WHEN (/IF) you CAN PROVE HE IS CHEATING, and THEN "SHOW" the PROOF, he WILL MOST LIKELY DENY DENY DENY! It's "The Rule of Men!" THE ONLY OTHER REASON ANY chick would be PARANOID is IF ITS HAPPENED BEFORE! ONLY THEN should she be Qing HERSELF! You all are just PROLONGINGwhat she CLEARLY KNOWS already! OR, as stated above, SHES BEEN THE VICTIM OF IT BEFORE! And PLEASE, don't come back at ME & say "if he did it once....."   She COULD HAVE been victimized BEFORE & maybe not even WITH HIM. Men CANNOT WILL NOT DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE DESTRUCTION they CAN CAUSE! And it IS FOREVER. I realize this is a very old post BUT it's actually HEARTBREAKING if you've been through it. YOU NEVER QUITE TRUST AGAIN. ANYONE.
Avatar universal
I have a similar problem ,  we don't have sex but my husband had sperm like stains on his pants every working day and not at the week end while he's at home. I have asked him about the stains but get the don't know reply!  I hired a privet detective who came up with something going on but not sure which woman.  He works in a government building and it was difficult to watch him all the time. He never came home late or did overtime and im just as confused now!! He would loose him job if he did have a relation ship at work, so is he just having a quickie fumble at work or what.?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Okay. So you said "we dont have sex"I FEEL BAD FOR YOU AND EVERY GIRL THAT HAS BEEN CHEATED ON! You ALREADY KNOW. I am not trying to tell anybody anything like a judge but speak from horrific experience of my own. It's very easy for someone to tell you to just leave that creep or whatever but every situation & relationship is different. Except ONE THING. When we CHOOSE TO LOVE, we ALSO CHOOSE the very REAL chance he WILL take your heart & then DOES HAVE IT TO DO WITH AS HE WANTS TO! Funny isn't it? Chicks can usually forgive it but a man will not normally ever be able to do any such thing! I have never been the cheating type but have heard many guys say (I'm not a dude btw!) they'd NEVER FORGIVE NOR FORGET a woman cheating EVER. Sad but true in most cases. I THINK it's WAY SAFER to NEVER ALLOW yourself to give anybody your entire heart & soul to destroy. LOL. TOO BAD I WAS UNABLE TO TAKE MY OWN ADVICE! Once you're in love that's it. So if you DO get cheated on, who is to blame? IF ITS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU BEFORE, ITS YOUR FAULT FOR LOVING & GIVING IN YET AGAIN.  SORRY. But it IS TRUE.
1310633 tn?1430224091
Are we still talking about this boxer-short thing?
Helpful - 0
773801 tn?1244520679
Ok I think everyone is a little hard on you that you are spending too much time looking at your mans underwear. I agree with you that if there is something strange on your man's underwear I would start to investigate. A man is totally different than women, we have discharge that leads to white stains in our pants but a man only has white smudges if he had sex and then put his underwear back on in a hurry. He shouldn't have white smudge even if he was masterbating. However, you can not accuse until you have facts so keep your eyes and ears open like someone else said about cell phones, strange text messages or changed behavior or extra time at work. Good luck!
Helpful - 0
184674 tn?1360860493
I think you are putting way too much time into examining his dirty underwear. Sorry, but I just can't wrap my mind around why anyone would do that unless other suspicions led to examining dirty underwear as a last resort, but certainly not the first.
From what you describe about him, it honestly sounds like he is a faithful husband. I can't come to suspect him of cheating from you simply describing his dirty underwear and his day to day schedule. His work sounds too demanding and public to have the opportunity to cheat, or even look at porn and pleasure himself while there.
Then you explain how he comes home to you, and you have a consistent sex life, so you describing a sex life that is nearly every day, I can't see where that would give him the desire or much opportunity to cheat.
If you are so concerned over a few random stains in his dirty underwear, why don't you just ask him?
Tell him, "I've noticed your boxers have stains in them when I put them in the wash. Have you been alright? Do you think you need to see a doctor? Or has anything been going on in our sex life that affects you afterwards?"
That way, you're not accusing him, but you'll get a reaction, and if it's defensive, then *maybe* you could justify some suspicion to him cheating. But if it's more surprised and/or somewhat weirded out, and he doesn't know and truly looks confused, then I think you've brought enough attention to the issue and you should just let it go.
He may have a mild infection after all that is benign or unaffecting to you, and carries no symptoms for him other than occasional discharge, and a simple round of antibiotics would fix it.
But seriously...I think you need to find a more productive thing to put your focus into besides the stains in your husband's dirty underwear.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
How long do you seriously think it takes? For a guy to cheat I mean. HOPEFULLY, NOT SHE NOR YOU have EVER been cheated on! It's a FOREVER SCAR. FOREVER.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with the above.  I think you need to not be so interested in his boxers.  I've honestly never examined my husbands in 10 years of marriage.  I think a significant other can be watchful but I would hate for it to fall into the category of paranoid.  Not saying you are----------  but I'm thinking you need to just dump those boxers into the wash and quite taking a magnifying glass to them.

What kinds of things do you do outside of the relationship?  Do you have lots of girlfriends, other mom friends?  Do you work?  Do you have hobbies and things you like to do seperate from your boyfriend?  I'm not sure, of course, but I wonder if having a few more of those things in your life might help you be less worried about your partner.  

Wish you lots of luck.  he doesn't sound like he is cheating to me.
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Masturbation is not cheating.  And I think these feelings are your own insecurity stemming from the pregnancy.  Stains on the underwear should not be the only thing that is making you suspect your husband.  If he were cheating, there would be more than just that.  Is he disconnected from you emotionally, does he have weird phone calls coming in on his phone, is he very secretive with his email and cell phone?  Does he leave the room or house to make calls?  Is he missing in action for hours and he doesn't pick up your calls?  Does he disappear or work late and not come home in the wee hours of the morning?  Does he say he's going somewhere and then wind up somewhere else?  You see, there are other aspects of cheating and so if you see no other signs then my guess is NO, he's not cheating.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sweetie, when you go to examining your mans underwear and smelling them, it is a strong signal that you got issues. To go to those lengths and to automatically assume he is cheating is not good. Maybe he self pleasured, who knows. I think you need to hold out on the verdict until he represents a few more signs of infidelity.
Helpful - 0
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