I think my boyfriend hates me and he live with me

[kris123]

I have posted about this man before, so same advise is welcomed and I would like to give an update.  I am 11w4d pregnant, I have a two year old, and a 14 year old.  My boyfriend lives with me but he is very moody.   He is 43 and his son is 14.  He came into my home that I just bought.  He can go two to three days is a super good mood, where he wants me around, wants me to play games with him, cleans, cooks, and is nice to everyone, even his son.  Then he will go two to three just not talking to me, when I ask him a question he may roll his eyes, I ask him what is wrong, he says nothing, then he says he is leaving, he says he doesn't want the baby, he says stuff like he won't lose no sleep if we are not together.  I use to just sit there and then ask him what is wrong, he will say leave me the F alone, stuff like that.  I ask him to come to bed, he will so what for, I ask him to please just come to bed, sometimes he will sometimes he won't.  He does drink almost every night, and is mean usually when he is drinking, but the past few days he hasn't and looks at me so mean.  I go in the room where he watches TV and ask him if he is hungry and he rolls his eyes at me.  He will look at me mean.  I go to say goodby and hug him and he will give me no response.  won't even say anything to my two year old
Am i to pushy, do i give him space and not say anything to him, to I send him packing.  I have gotten to the point where most of you have told me to leave this man, but I thought maybe I would let you know there are times when he is nice.  I go back and forth about what to do

[kris123]

I will say that when he is the mean Ray I don't like him so much.  I guess people ask me why I want to stay I think it is because I know how good he can be and how loving, but the days when he is so mean.  Right now he won't even look at me.  

[kris123]

I found on a website "Since it is typical for the abusive man to lower your self-esteem and confidence and blame everything (no matter what it is) on you, this will further your anxiety and make you feel like every day is spent walking on eggshells, carefully, as not to upset the abusive man." Quote  I do feel like I walk on eggshells wondering if I am saying the right thing or doing the right thing, you know this really ***** to tell you the truth.

[jenkaye21]

It sounds like a really toxic situation.  I hate to say stay or leave, not being in your shoes.  But just think about the effect he is having on your 2 y/o, who can't understand his moods, and will have on your baby.  Good luck, you're in a really tough spot.

[kris123]

it really hard because, i fix dinner put his in the microwave and he will only come it in if I am not in the room.  I didn't do anything to the man :(

[jenkaye21]

Awww i'm so sorry.  You certainly deserve to be treated better than that!

[Lisi251]

I say tell him to leave.Nobody deserve to be treated that way. I dont think things will get any better.Take it from me I stayed in a abusive relationship for 10 years.It really is such a waste of the precious tears of your life that you cant get back.Truly it is better to be alone than to live with someone who is suppose to love you and feel alone.

[Judy246]

Same advice you are not listening to us. We have to you in the past that this man is emotionally abusive and here you are again asking the same questions. He is rude, disrespectful, insensitive to your pregnancy and dares make comments on an inocent unborn, which to me personally is unforgivable. He's verbally abusive when he curses at you and yet you love him and will tolerate this unexceptable, behavior, but you know that. Make a plan and leave this man for your emotional sake and for the baby that is not born and is already mistreating....I don't know what else to say to you for you to accept that this is not love, it's abuse.

[jenkaye21]

i just re-read your post and saw that HE lives in YOUR house.  I agree with the others; tell him to leave.  You'll be much happier in the long run.

[jenkaye21]

just saw your mood. and i think it's another sign that you can do this. =)  Good luck.

[kris123]

yes, i am going to talk with him this evening and tell him he needs to leave because I can't live like this.  For him not to speak, not to look at me, to roll his eyes.  I would rather cry for a couple of weeks then to have to deal with this

[mami1323]

I thought you already told him to leave kris? Don't understand why you need to ask the same questions when you already know the answers. I've already told you a bunch of times what you need to do so I won't bother here. Good luck.

[vsentz]

Kris! what the heck!?!?!? he IS IN YOUR HOUSE???? he tells you he DOESN'T want YOUR baby? he doesn't even pay attention to your 2 year old? he treats you like hell??!?!?!

For less than half of that I would have sent him directly to HELL.  Why do you stick around? do you remember your last relationship? Ryan's dad? he treated you like that as well! you CAN do this.... you will be WAY better off without this scumbag... what kind of 'dude' is this? Girl you need to put your head on your shoulders, look out for your babies and yourself and put this guy in the curb along with his kid and all his c.r.ap!

What are you waiting for?

[vsentz]

...not to mention he's an alcoholic??? are you just waiting for him to swat his arm at you? at your 2 year old? to shake your baby when he/she's born because a newborn won't 'listen'!?!?!

get this dude out of YOUR house and life for good.

[kris123]

He is going to leave

[imanaddict]

Kris...there isn't really anything left to say. And now the situation has gotten a LOT more complicated with your pregnancy. I know I told you a while back (along with a lot of others on here) that you were rushing into this relationship and he was already emotionally abusive to you from the beginning. You didn't listen to our advice and now look at the mess you are in! I can tell you that I wish nothing but the best for you, but until you open your eyes and take a look around, things won't get better, they will continue to get worse.

WAKE UP my dear!

[Lisi251]

I meant precious years not tears,but those to lol

[gizzy32]

This is the first time I have ever answered a post on this forum, but your a good friend kris and I have told you for the past few months the same thing everyone else here has. I feel bad for you, but your allowing this. This man is scum, beyond scum and the way he talks to you and things you tell me he has done, i believe your putting yourself and your kids in danger and that makes me mad.

I think I am the only man to respond on this post, but if he is acting this bad after only a few months, OMG, it will only get worse and he may even hit you. Please get some self respect and stop allowing this ******* piece of **** do this to you. He is evil and sick and you told me, he told you he's weird and he told you not to date him. Get him out of your home, your too nice a girl to be allowing this to happen. A man like this is nothing more than a selfish coward sickie, sorry.

[Judy246]

One more comment. I would NEVER forgive a man for rejecting or mistreating an unborn baby. That to me is just terrifying and I would give my very life to do everything possilbe to make sure that my child is in a safe and healty environment, so Kris. What is the real problem that you have not left him and please do not tell me love?

[kris123]

I think it has more to do with rejection and not wanting to be alone, hoping that he will become the man I want and my needs will be meet.  I actually had him tell me that he doesn't like his life and sometimes he wishes he were not living.  He is upset over money, even though he makes good money.  He was laid off a few years back and has never really been able to make what he was making.  Number 2, he says he has nothing good to live for so that just ***** for him doesn't it.
I also think that my bipolar is acting up because I am not taking meds right now.  The dr wants me to take my one starting tonite.  By not taking anything, it has put me in a some what state of depression and mixed moods, I am also finding myself getting anger and have a short temper.  

[Lisi251]

It sounds like you are starting to blame yourself instead of him?

[kris123]

Oh, you are very right, I do question myself and giz has spoken to me about that.  We seem to think he may be on some type of drug.  I know that when I did drugs, I got moody.  I did coke and I know he isn't doing that.  I was thinking maybe pills.  I can't spend my time fixing him when I got to work on loving me and loving my kids.  I got to get ready for this new baby and you know I don't want to miss my chance if that real perfect guy is out there

[mami1323]

You say it all the time kris but you fail to do anything about it.  It's like the boy who cried wolf.  I know it's hard, believe me, it's always hard breaking up with someone but you need to gain this strength and get him out of your life.  As much as it hurts, you just do it and the sense of relief will take over you.  It will be lonely and you will find moments when you miss having someone in your life but at least you won't have to walk on eggshells anymore and at least you won't have to be belittled anymore or made to feel like you are always doing something wrong.  Just take the leap.

[jo929]

I would ask him if he knows where the door is and if he does not show him where it is and tell him to go and not come back, why go through this day end and day out and expose your children to this you can do better he will treat you this way just as long as you let him it is time to stand up for yourself it is time to think of yourself he is not the one he is ruling the whole place and you are letting him, so get your dander up and tell this man off and just where to go and to hurry   luck  jo

[Judy246]

It's fear. Fear of rejection and being alone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone and you can not change him to be who you want him to be! It does not work that way. You can only change yourself. If he is suicidal then suggest a doctor to properly diagnose him and treat properly with medication. It' bi polar or depression and it's very treatable with medication. It's a temporary condition, so he has his own demons to confront and this is beyond you. If you are bi polar and aware that your mood is changing due to lack of medication, it's your responsibility to make sure you get what is needed and balance your mental state. It's all fixable, but you have to help yourself.

[kris123]

Yes, that is what it is fear of rejection.  I guess I was so rejected as a child that it is something I really have a diffcult time dealing with.  I am ODC when it comes to certain things.  I was ODC when I was looking for my house, it was all I thought about.  I get to points where my focus is on one main thing and it is all I can think about.  I am starting a new med tonite but I hate it.  It makes me so sleepy and it really ***** but I have no choice otherwise I may go into a deep depression or worse experience a manic state which can be just horrible.

[Judy246]

What is happening to you is post trauma from your childhood that you still carry with you as an adult. Just because you were traumatized as a child, does not mean you have to spend the rest of your life living with fears, judgements and attaching yourself in an unhealty way to people when they mistreat you. You are now an adult and have full control and free will to make decisions that are in your best interest. It's time to forgive. To forgive those people who hurt you. It takes a very special person to be able to forgive from the heart in order to heal and move forward into the future. Just because you forgive, does not mean you will forget, but by forgiving them and yourself will empower you to be able to start to know you, appreciate you, care about yourself and treat yourself well. Also, never let anyone hurt you again by simply saying no. Especially to wrong behavior. I'm not a therapist, but I feel a therapist can help you get back on your feet, just the way I am talking to you.  When your main focus is on one thing is like a small child attaching themself with fear of letting go. It's that inner child in you that is seeking desperately for love, to be held and wanted and needed and yes, you can have all that, but you have to start by healing the inside, so it can reflect the outside and this can be done with the help of a therapist. If the medication makes you sleepy, take it one hour before you go to bed or call your doctor and tell him it's making you too sleepy and he can either change it or inform you on what you do. There is a full, beautiful life after traumas, but you can't do it alone, you will need help and support to get you back on track, happy and in a healthy loving way and relationship. Judy

[treazzure007]

kris, let me tell you something.  breaking up is hard to do.  it's not something most people will celebrate and go have a good fun time afterwards.  it's hard.  it's a sad time.  but guess what?  times pass on.  sadness gradually fades and before you know it, you'll slap yourself silly wondering what it was you saw in the dude in the first place.  
in my opinion, for you to stay w/ someone that is disrespecting and mistreating you, you are only prolonging the inevitable anyway.  whether it takes you another year or another 10 years or something worse to get some sense to leave, it's already doomed.  that type of relationship just doesn't work out.  sorry.  just give it up now

something i always told myself after a breakup was "hey, if i lived 20-something years before him, i can sure live another 20-something years without him".  you can make it girl!

whatever it takes, put your happiness and your children's happiness before anything and anybody else, please

[peggy64]

Kris, there are worse things than being alone, like seeing your children abused. And that abuse is in more forms than just a hit and a beating. Seeing their mother have no respect for herself to allow this kind of treatment to herself to continue is abuse. You are teaching them that it is okay to treat another human being in such a manner, and that a woman is supposed to stay their and take the blame for it.

Being alone beats the heck out of all these things going on in the house, I say. Teach your kids self respect and resect of others.

As this is the 2nd time you have posted this persisting problem, if you don't do something to change it, then I see no need to keep asking what to do. As you can see, the answers are not changing.  

To me, being alone is a cake walk compared to abuse to myself and my children. Take back your self respect and dignity.

Tell him "it is time to leave as he seems so miserable in YOUR house, and you don't want to cause him any more misery, so ADIOS AMIGO!!  Don't let the door hit you on the way out"
  And then change the locks.  
  

Now, do something or don't be surprised because he is doing the same ole, same ole.