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I think my husband is bored of me
by kittypower420, Nov 01, 2009 03:02PM
There are a few things that I am curious about regarding living with my husband. We have been married for almost 8 years and we have three kids together. This morning I woke up really cranky and mad at my husband. I had been putting up with his gaming habits for a while now. I tend to just go to bed by myself and wake up by myself. And somehow him and I had one of those long discussions about our marriage. However we were upset. You know, I am upset so therefore he is too. So hes tired from playing a game all night and I just woke up. He asked me if I was okay, so i let him know. In that case I wasn't. Lately I just don't feel like he cares although he has told me many times that he loves and care about me. His actions however doesn't seem to show it. I try not to cry when he would just tell me "If you are not happy leave then. I don't make you happy so find someone who will. etc" He is currently unemployed too for a very long time and that doesn't help either. I am unemployed too and in the town we live in its very hard to get one. Its frustrating, I want to work in hopes to push him to be involved with our kids and home. It doesn't seem to make a difference if he were to be up during the day because he will just go out to his friends house or will be playing video games. I have been very nice to let him do that for the longest time. I don't want to leave and I want to keep this working. Sometime I wish a grew balls to chew his head off about the things that he does and does not do. But at the same time I dont want him to feel trapped. It just saddens me that he is much happier with the company of others. I have a few friends too but I don't make them my priority. They too have kids and their own lives. It's really hard to get a sitter to come to our house just so my husband and I could be together outside the house and socialize with other adults. It quite rare that we do that. Unlike my husband, I'm not much of a social butterfly. I am contented with being home most of the time with my family. I get lonely though because most of the time my hub would be playing games, watching tv or over at his friends. The only time we have together is when my kids are in bed. And we watch movies together which i don't mind or ill sit and watch him play his games but I can't be contented with that so i just go to bed without him. Ive committed a terrible offense that one day when a friend had insisted that we go out and got a sitter without telling my husband about it. I knew that i was wrong, i should have at least told him knowing i knew where he was. I was looking back the days when he would go out and not come back till the next day without me hearing from him not even a phone call. I can remember many things that hes done in the past that really hurt me. He could've gotten away at the time he went to a strip club. But he was honest about it after wards. That night with a friend. I had no intentions of doing anything hurtful. But the simple fact that I had made plans without him. There was a sitter and we could have gone out together. My friend was just being nice enough so that i could get my turn to go out and be free for one night. ***** too because he hates my friend. That night was just retarded and I felt rather immature doing so.
Sex for us is beginning to be an issue. Its doesn't help much with how i feel about myself when we've been getting it on and I'm reaching orgasm and he hasn't. We have sex with the lights off and eye contact is minimal. I can understand, after three kids...I'm sure the sight of me won't help him get off. Stretch marks and lose skin. Hes a big guy too but that doesn't turn me off. I am not aroused about how a person looks. Sex nowadays is like ordering at a drive thru. I just feel like a tool. I don't feel good as before i had kids. We didn't have to turn the lights off, and there certainly was more eye contact. If only I won a lottery I would get implants and get my butt bigger. I know that he will watch porn. But he is so private about it. I've felt insecure about it before and i've tried to get past it. I discussed this issue with him and told him that maybe we could both watch together. I've known other couples that share this together but why can't we. I could almost say that he can marry his flat screen tv and his video games. He tells me he finds me attractive but it like a white lie so he doesn't hurt my feelings. So maybe I have self esteem issues to deal with. SO i went to the store and bought me a few pair of pants that are several sizes smaller than I am that ill be working into. If any of you guys have any suggestion i might try. It's really hard to let lose infront of my lover when i don't feel very good about my appearance. Does all that make any sense at all?
I think my husband is either sick and tired or bored of me and he is reacting unconsciously in a way that I can find it easier to leave him for good. I would only hope that he has the guts to tell me so. Im a one man woman and I don't feel the need to seek pleasure or happiness from elsewhere. Otherwise, if i hadn't met him at all, i still would've been happy exploring the many different aspects of life alone. It's just too bad that we both got sucked into marriage and kids way too soon. I need both insights from men and women. Any sort of wisdom that you can give me so that i can go through this kind of marriage with my hubsand. I love him very much. I just want both of us to be happy. I just don't think I am doing a good job being a wife. I know there isn't such a thing as a perfect marriage. I just want to be able to live through it all. I've come to think that marriage is just an illusion, a piece of paper that we both signed. I really could care less about a fairy tale marriage. I just want to be able to cope with all this and live with someone who is completely different from me. Yes we do not have a lot in common and our personalities are opposite of each other. We almost clash but could it be that compatibility is what makes a marriage smooth sailing? Is there not a way to work around an unhappy marriage? I am just tired of complaining to my friends and family about my marriage. I am tired of them getting involved in it too. Because, its true. It just makes the situation worse.
Somehow I should be mature enough to deal with situations and problems without anyones opinions of how it all should be. MY husband can only be so sympathetic to how i feel. I'm 26 years old...I guess i don't know exactly how to act my age or how to act in front of the person I'm supposed to be spending the rest of my life with. I just want to get past this. If you took your time reading all this. Thank you very much and your insight would be much appreciated.
Sex for us is beginning to be an issue. Its doesn't help much with how i feel about myself when we've been getting it on and I'm reaching orgasm and he hasn't. We have sex with the lights off and eye contact is minimal. I can understand, after three kids...I'm sure the sight of me won't help him get off. Stretch marks and lose skin. Hes a big guy too but that doesn't turn me off. I am not aroused about how a person looks. Sex nowadays is like ordering at a drive thru. I just feel like a tool. I don't feel good as before i had kids. We didn't have to turn the lights off, and there certainly was more eye contact. If only I won a lottery I would get implants and get my butt bigger. I know that he will watch porn. But he is so private about it. I've felt insecure about it before and i've tried to get past it. I discussed this issue with him and told him that maybe we could both watch together. I've known other couples that share this together but why can't we. I could almost say that he can marry his flat screen tv and his video games. He tells me he finds me attractive but it like a white lie so he doesn't hurt my feelings. So maybe I have self esteem issues to deal with. SO i went to the store and bought me a few pair of pants that are several sizes smaller than I am that ill be working into. If any of you guys have any suggestion i might try. It's really hard to let lose infront of my lover when i don't feel very good about my appearance. Does all that make any sense at all?
I think my husband is either sick and tired or bored of me and he is reacting unconsciously in a way that I can find it easier to leave him for good. I would only hope that he has the guts to tell me so. Im a one man woman and I don't feel the need to seek pleasure or happiness from elsewhere. Otherwise, if i hadn't met him at all, i still would've been happy exploring the many different aspects of life alone. It's just too bad that we both got sucked into marriage and kids way too soon. I need both insights from men and women. Any sort of wisdom that you can give me so that i can go through this kind of marriage with my hubsand. I love him very much. I just want both of us to be happy. I just don't think I am doing a good job being a wife. I know there isn't such a thing as a perfect marriage. I just want to be able to live through it all. I've come to think that marriage is just an illusion, a piece of paper that we both signed. I really could care less about a fairy tale marriage. I just want to be able to cope with all this and live with someone who is completely different from me. Yes we do not have a lot in common and our personalities are opposite of each other. We almost clash but could it be that compatibility is what makes a marriage smooth sailing? Is there not a way to work around an unhappy marriage? I am just tired of complaining to my friends and family about my marriage. I am tired of them getting involved in it too. Because, its true. It just makes the situation worse.
Somehow I should be mature enough to deal with situations and problems without anyones opinions of how it all should be. MY husband can only be so sympathetic to how i feel. I'm 26 years old...I guess i don't know exactly how to act my age or how to act in front of the person I'm supposed to be spending the rest of my life with. I just want to get past this. If you took your time reading all this. Thank you very much and your insight would be much appreciated.
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My kids are 7, 6 and 4. The youngest one is attending kindergarten and the other is in grade 1 & 2. My kids has been so used to seeing me around them everyday. I tend to do more things with them, any problems they have, they come to me. Anything regarding their school, i deal with that too. Every were I go, they want to come. Despite the absence of my husbands involvement. They do acknowledge their fathers presence too. They love him lots. They don't see him as someone who does things with them. Lately I have been asking my hub to at least read with one of the kids every evening. Would be nice on a regular basis but its not really the case and i appreciate the only time my husband ever gives to them. My husband and I love our kids dearly.
I say i was immature. I was using the incident that had happened a couple days ago. I've come to a point where i've only thought about me and didn't consider my husband. Despite how i knew he felt about the babysitter being a male, I went with the flow anyways. Not that I think he would do anything, I've known him to babysit my friends kids too. And by my actions my husband has seen me a deceitful. I wasn't hiding anything from him. But the fact that i knew where he was, I should have told him but i didn't. I was dwelling at the past when my husband had his carefree moments too, which made my decisions easier for me. He's done countless of similar things that i just did which i have forgiven him for. You know how insecure I have felt when he told me he went to the strip club like a year after the fact it happened.
Anyways, I should just let it go. I hope that he is able to let it go too. He really doesn't like my friend very much and my friend isn't a big fan of him either. It's the same way between him and his inlaws. I just wonder if hanging out with a friend that my husband doesn't like would cause any further strain in our relationship. I mean, it's not like she did anything intentionally bad to him. She just has an strong opinion that my husband does not agree on. Nor does my husband appreciate her thoughts about him. Should i just stop talking to her. Her and I like to vent to each other especially about our partner. However my husband feels that she shouldn't be putting her nose where it shouldn't be. I wish it was only my husband that I can vent to but its usually mostly about him so what do i do. If i do have to confront him about something than i would hope it doesn't result in a break up or something stupid like that.
However, my mother who lives 2 hours from me is waiting for her franchise to open and its around December. I was thinking about working for her and leaving my kids to care for my husband. Its a big sacrifice to make unless my husband and I both decide to move into the city. The downside of living in a city is the cost of living there. We dont even own a car as it was really expensive to keep in the road. I do know a neighbour that work at the same city my mother lives. I am considering going with her and hopefully being able to make it back in town every weekend. Moving is another story. My kids will have to leave their friends and school and the idea of them meeting new teachers and school mates. Just doesn't sound like a good idea to step into just yet. However, my husband seem to have had an epiphany last night. And that would be him working for the military. It was an idea we have thought before but this is a huge sacrifice to even have thought of. We like the idea and at the same time we don't. But if this is going the benefit him and our family in many different levels then this would be something worth sacrificing for. If he does something like this then I might just have to move back in the city with my folks and still be able to work for my mom. I do hope that this idea would come to reality and that we are actually going to make this step.