I think my partner is sexually attracted to her brother. What do I do?

[MisterMike331]

I have always been a really straight sort of guy when it comes to things like this. My family have no history of incest and where I come from, it is big time looked down on. I find it really weird and off putting to say the least.
Some time ago I noticed the first signs. My girlfriend would get really dressed up looking gorgeous when she knew he was coming over and I never thought anything of it to start with, maybe just wants to look good with me than for him. But then I noticed the eye flirting when they thought I wasn't looking. Him looking at her *** and **** when ever he could, her looking at his bulge, **** like that. Another day when we were all hanging out lying on the bed watching a movie she lay with her legs open, above his head, while I lay to the left of him. Every so often she would find something of Facebook and get him to come closer to take a look thus getting him close in between her legs. I find this really off putting? One other day out of the blue we were all chatting in the kitchen and he was really stoned, and he just blurted out "are you good in bed" and then kind of tried to play it off and continued talking. To my utter disappointment she did too and didn't even try to make a joke out of it. I straight away just said "did you just say that? What the hell are you, incest or what mate?" Joking around but not really. This seemed to proper stress him out and he kept denying it. She just played it off as funny but to me this makes me really f#*king mad, and really left feeling powerless and frustrated. Only because it's her brother. I feel like there is something going on under my nose. She is really smart and can be cunning. I am that type of guy who is anxious by nature, so nothing gets by me and I usual figure **** out quickly and efficiently, by any means. But this is off the charts and a "go free" zone because it's family.

I might be over reacting but I just need some advice or suggestions or something to ease my mind because I'm about to, not proudly, kick the crap out of him and leave her abruptly and with as much hurt as possible (mentally not physically). I love her more than life itself and she loves me the same way, so I dunno why she is putting me through this.. this is driving me nuts. I can't deal with it. I'm a straight shooter, loyal and do not delve into anything like this, leg alone with family. Could someone shed some light please?

Sorry about the long post people I'm half asleep writing this so it's long winded

[Londres70]

If this making you so uncomfortable to the point you just described, then not tell her how you are feeling and see what she says?  Seems like you are overreacting in my opinion.  I don't think anyone here deserves to be punished mentally or physically.  If it's driving you to that point of lashing out I would recommend you end things and keep your distance.

[Londres70]

If this making=If this is making
then not tell=then why not tell

Sorry.........typos :((

[yona007]

Well, I am a male and have 2 sisters and once when I was younger I did chat with them about sex. especially my twin sister. I talk freely to her. Many friends (not relatives) also talk about sex and don't intend to make sex so whats the fuss?. I, with all due respect, think that you need to calm down. the fact that there is something sexual between your g.f. and her brother is all in your head. I just dont want to imagine how would you react if she had  real male-mate she would just talk to about sex.

[AnnieBrooke]

Some families have a history of ribald joking, or at least not being particularly guarded or embarrassed about chatting about sexual things.  This does not automatically translate into incest.  Once when I was dating my husband I made a joke about threesomes, and he was shocked and frightened.  I was not suggesting we have a threesome, I was making a joke.  But he really got freaked out.

Here is the thing.  You are either seeing something real or you are being a paranoid idiot.  Given that you really don't know what is going on, it is not a good idea to "kick the crap out of him and leave her abruptly and with as much hurt as possible."  In fact, that would be so stupid and juvenile that it is a terrible idea even if you had proof something fishy was going on.  You could go to jail, or at the least, in deliberately setting out to hurt people, you'd be setting yourself up for a lot of bad karma.  Better to just calmly tell her that you can't understand her relationship with her brother.  

But you don't know that anything is going on, and you could be misconstruing what you are seeing.  A woman sexually attracted to a man who is not her partner does not make moves on the man in front of her partner, he is the last person she would let see that she had an attraction elsewhere.  Lying carelessly on the bed could just mean she is so casual with him that it doesn't even occur to her that someone would see her pose as enticing.  

That all said, if you seriously are getting a vibe that the two of them are attracted, it is time to leave.  You can't change her by being angry and suspicious, in fact, you can't change her at all, and if she is attracted to someone else, you  can't change that (least of all by beating him up) and you probably don't want to be around her anyway if she has a wandering eye.  You have the right to be angry with someone with whom you are in a relationship if she is really looking around, but you don't have much right to beat the crap out of someone else.  Just walk away like a dignified man.  If it was all innocent, she might come back and have a talk with you and the two of you can work out boundaries that you're comfortable with.  This just does not sound like you've asked her calmly about any of it, with the intent to listen.

[AnnieBrooke]

correction -- you don't have *any* right to beat the crap out of anyone.  She is an autonomous adult making her own decisions.  

[specialmom]

Well, for your sake, her sake and her brother's sake, I sure hope not.  That would certainly be awkward.  Ugh.  Honestly, if you think this is really true, you have two options. 1.  Ask her point blank and tell her you notice these things and it makes you uncomfortable.  or 2.  Cut your losses and go because it is kind of weird to suspect your girlfriend to be hot for brother and vice versa.  I'd opt for 2 personally as it all sounds strange.  good luck