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I wasn't rape, but I feel violated
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I wasn't rape, but I feel violated

I posted in another group, but this one seems more appropriate.
I was in rehab a while ago… I was court ordered there for 6 months. 5 months into my recovery, I got into a relationship with me therapist. I thought he loved me, and I thought I loved him. He would check me out of the rehab at his convinience… I didnt realize it then, but it was only so he could have his way with me. I didnt realize it then, but I now know that he was pressuring me to do what he wanted. he didnt force me, but I didnt want to disapoint or upset him. And i felt like i needed to show him i was grateful for the risk he was taking to be with me and take me out of the facility sometimes.
He always reminded me that he could lose his job and i had to keep us a secret. he promised me that we would be able to tell the truth very soon (but that day never came).
He pre-read all the writing assignments I had to turn in to make sure I didnt reveal anything…
When i wanted to tell people about us and my roommate found out (when she over heard us talking late at night)… the next day I was kicked out. Even after i was kicked out for no evident reason… I still kept our secret (as he promised me it was all a misunderstanding and I would be readmitted).
I kept his secret til it was too late for me to go back and I had to face the consequences of being kicked out of the program.
I feel so violated… I can see how vulnerable I really way, and how stupid. I dont know how that happened… I dont know what to do, but i need to do something. There should be a law against this… Any thoughts or ideas???
6 Comments Post a Comment
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134578_tn?1383690151
There probably is a law against it.  He could lose his license.  Of course, you know he will simply say you are crazy or trying to get him into trouble.  Do you have any proof of what he did?

If the times he checked you out are a matter of record, what you should do is write up exactly what happened and when, and as best as you can remember the dates (be aware he might have some kind of 'in' at the rehab clinic so he can access the records and alter them if he gets wind of you seeming to want the records, so don't try), and send the whole report to the medical licensing board that regulates the therapist.  That information (who the licensing board is and how to send a complaint) should be available through the state.

If you don't want to file a medical-board complaint, or along with it, you might go see a legal services clinic and see if they are interested in filing a legal complaint against the therapist for you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
You may not have been "raped",per se, but You were coerced for sex by Your therapist which is STILL rape on an emotional level - You may not have been forced but You were taken advantage of in Your fragile state.  You are NOT stupid, You were vulnerable and You were violated.  Patients ARE vulnerable to this sort of violation and that is exactly why this is against the law!!  
My opinion:  You should report this.  I think You are obligated to do so. because not only have You been hurt by this but most likely there have been others OR there will be future others.  This is wrong on every level and He knows this.  He should not be counseling girls/women.
I hope You will let us know what You decide to do and how this turns out.
Good Luck
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for the support….I have been writing down exactly what happened. Writing it is very confronting as to how naive I was at the time, and how I was completely violated. Even after I was kicked out of the facility, I still defended him (hiding our relationship), protecting him. I believed him when he told me that he is handling it… even when I called him, he acted as if he didnt know me and didnt know why i was calling… even then, I figured that he had to that to protect our relationship.
I protected him so far, to the point where i got in a lot of trouble and had to face the legal consequences of not completing my sentence.
My mother had suspicions about what was going on… she caught us on camera when we snuck into her house while she was away. When her and my lawyer made rape allegations at the rehab (after I was kicked out)… I blamed her for destroying me relationship with him.
I was so stupid… how could i have been so dumb??
I found our later that the rehab had a meeting about the uproar with my lawyers from me leaving… the head of the facility said i was a seductress and i was manipulating everyone the whole time. They said I was kicked out for lying and using. They said they would let me back in if I admitted that i was using… but I was clean… I didnt use. They had no dirty drug test, they sent me to the hospital where I did not test dirty… The only lies I was telling were to protect my therapist.
Then they said that they found a bottle of clean urine in my room (after I was already gone). I know that there is no way that it came from me (if it exists at all)… even with all the cover-ups and obvious deception… I still thought that he loved me and that he would make it right when things calmed down.
I feel like I need to tell my story… the truth. I feel so wronged, not only by him but by the rehab for covering it up, the state for sending me there… where do i go from here??? Your support is very reassuring. thanks so much ;)
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there sweetie.  There are codes of conduct that he violated and he would most likely lose his license to practice.  I would tell your family, I would begin writing letters, I would tell your probation officer (since this was court mandated), I would tell the facility you were at, I would go public.  I would bet my bottom dollar that more young women will come forward as I am sure you weren't the first vulnerable person he did this too.  

Now you mutually went with him so it wasn't rape and legal in that way.  However, unethical it certainly was and for that, he could lose his job quite easily over this.  

He undermined your recovery for sure.  In rehab, ANY type of romantic relationship is ALWAYS discouraged.  That the therapist in the facility manipulated you into this situation, took advantage of your vulnerabilities, etc. is unacceptable.  He needs to be outed.

And I would do this now.  Like tomorrow.  Peace and luck to you dear
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606340_tn?1371501412
Oh good grief! Yes the others are right and he is as guilty as sin and this guy is really stupid! How can he think he is helping anyone there, or maybe he thinks he is only helping the ones he doesn't want to take out and violate. He has a superior in the facility, oh yes he does and practically anyone else who works there also knows who his superior is. I have no doubt that you were not his first and doesn't want you to be his last. Let me say that you handled it in a good manner, and I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of. He is making his employer very vulnerable to lawsuits and alot of other nastieness if this gets into the wrong hands. I think it's your call, but I would tell his employer so he can't keep hurting others. wow!
Unbelieveable "professionals" we got out there!
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Avatar_f_tn
If i understand correctly, the facility (employer) already knows what happened and played a part in covering it up (?)
I think you may have a lawsuit for damages… the damaged being the obvious scam and cover-up by the rehab, the money you spent to attend the rehab, the legal consequences, and all the emotional distress resulting from the situation.  You may not have a case for rape… but there is something there for negligence & damages.
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