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I'm married but in love with my husbands best friend
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I'm married but in love with my husbands best friend

Me and my husband are married for 2 years, but in relationship for 5 years. The other man who I love is my husbands best friend from school but hes my best friend too. We are doing everything together, havin fun, walking, talking. Everything started in 2010, when me and my husband were in relationship for a year. He was working, me and the other one no, we were together al the time. We drank some beer and after that we've kissed. It was some shocking moment for both of us. That night we've talked and he told me that I should forget about this and he wiil too, because it's not right. That time I was thinking that someday I will be with him, but right now I'm married with my husband and every single night thinking about the other one and I am deeply in love with him. I've married in 2012 and the other one was telling dont do it, dont get marry but I did and the problem was that he didnt tell me anything about his feelings, I wasnt sure what he wanted from me, he didnt tell me that he loved me and thats why I have married, my husband was perfect man, some ideal of every women and I really love him but this is some other feeling. Lately this year the other one told me once that we will regret that didnt make something, and I said that maybe we already regret. That night we were with friends, in one friends home.  My husband felt asleep, and me with the other one and 2 our friends, went to the yard. We were holding hands and caressing. It was amazing but suddenly my husband woke up and came to us and he stoped of course and sat in distance from me. and in 2013 the kiss with the other man was repeated, we were also little bit drunk. Lately this year we've kissed again and that night I told him that I loved him, he said nothong and when I asked him: and you?, he said "ofcourse I do" but it was some friendly answer. So, the thing is that I love him, he is my best friend, I feel very comfortable with him, when he touches me I feel butterflies in my stomach and getting mad of his aroma, i love the way he speaks, I adore his voice, I adore every piece of him! But the thing is, I cant leave my husband, I mean its so hard to make a decision, because I dont know this other one will be with me or not, plus he is in a relationship too.:/ but everytime when he's looking at me and in my eyes, I feel that he loves me! He had some stupid manner, he was sending me songs and with it's lyrics telling me that he loved me. I know it sounds crazy but thats true. So what can I do? Please help me. I was thinking that I still love my husband and I really do, he is amazing person, so sweet, he loves me so much and doing everything for me, but I think all the time about the other one. What can I do? I cant stop contacting with him, because we three we are friends and having fun and chilling together all the time :/
11 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
This could be a case of "the grass is greener" or "forbidden fruit."  The "in love" feeling lasts on average two years in a relationship.  After that, it's a choice to love.  Those "butterflies in the stomach" don't get you through life, and if you go through life searching for that, you may find you never settle down.

However, that being said, I think that you may need to consider how fair it was to your husband to marry him under false pretenses.  You settled.  Is it really fair to him now, especially since he knows nothing of what you and his "best friend" have done behind his back?  You are having an emotional affair and I think it's only fair to your husband that you make sure you are not around when his best friend is (unless unavoidable) and don't spend time alone in a room with him OR you come clean and let him know and see what he thinks OR leave him.  

Find ways to occupy your time to keep your mind off this other man, if you choose option one.  Be prepared for strong emotions from your husband if you choose the second option.  If you choose the third, don't expect things to stay peachy keen with the best friend for forever, if at all.  In fact, even if you do choose the third, I would really not try to get with the best friend and spend some time finding you.

Really give this some hard thought.  You deserve to be happy and so does your husband.
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Avatar_f_tn
should read:

"and I think it's only fair to your husband that you make sure you are not around when his best friend is (unless unavoidable) and don't spend time alone in a room with him OR you come clean and let your husband know and see what he thinks OR leave your husband."
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Avatar_f_tn
Tell your husband you're cheating on him.
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Avatar_f_tn
This is wrong on every level,,,,,,,,
and
He is NOT Your Husbands "best friend" - Your Husband just doesn't know it  - and You are not being a Wife in the true sense of the word.  If You are going to continue this behavior You should make a choice.  Your Husband sounds like a good man and He deserves loyalty and integrity from His "friend" and MOST ESPECIALLY from His Wife.

Good advice from thatquietgirl


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1268057_tn?1424521925
Ditto Tink and TQG.
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973741_tn?1342346373
You know, I think we need to work really hard to make sure we don't complicate our lives like this.  It's unfortunate that you are in this position.  We have to have a strong sense of self and strong character to walk away from situations that are just hurtful and damaging.  Love is nothing more than emotion.  Like any other emotion.  People act like they should mountains for it----  but love can come and go just like jealousy, boredom and anger.  If you are unhappy with your husband, then you should leave him.  BUT, NOT NOT NOT to go be with his friend. That 'relationship' or love you feel with his friend is built on lies and deceit and is not reality.  That he'd do this to HIS good guy friend makes him kind of a shmuck.  I like strong, character driven men who do the right thing in life.  That he would do this to his friend means that he's a cheater----  that will take what he wants when he wants it and throw people out of the way.  Mark  my words, tying yourself to someone like that means that it will be you that he tosses aside at some point.  AND, he will never fully trust you because he knows that YOU too are capable of cheating.  That is why these relationships rarely work out because they are built on such a slippery slope.

You need to be on your own without either of these men in your life.  To get a plan for how you can live an authentic life where you don't need 'something extra' to make it exciting.  Where you can live day to day without lies or hurting someone who you probably don't want to.  Where you can be honest with yourself and those around you.  How wonderful does that sound to you?  Living with deceit and secrets eats away at your soul.  

so, I encourage you to do some soul searching ALONE for what kind of life you want to lead.

But love is just an emotion/feeling.  Nothing to drive over a cliff for.  And by kissing and 'loving' your husband's best friend, that is a bit like driving off the cliff.  Not worth your integrity.  good luck

Oh, and a therapist would be excellent to help sort out how you got yourself in this situation.  good luck dear
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13167_tn?1327197724
When you HAVE to have a guy,  this kind of thing happens.  When you walk down the aisle,  at that moment in your life,  you believe fully that this guy next to you is the one for you and you'll be together forever and you're crazy in love with him.

You don't marry a man just because you're not sure the man you're in love with wants you as much as you suspect he does.

So.  Don't get pregnant.
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13167_tn?1327197724
What I meant by the first line is the attitude that you have to have a guy,  and this one who's marrying you will marry you and you're not sure the one you want would marry you so you pick the one who will,  it turns into this kind of mess.
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3149845_tn?1415046551
How would you feel if your husband was also having an affair with him behind your back? It does not appear that he is your husbands best friend as best friends dont dissrespect eachother.
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480448_tn?1426952138
I agree with everything above.

Successful relationships require us to be able to put ourselves second, and to consider someone else's feelings/wants/needs beyond our own, even if it means sacrificing something we want to make the other person happy.

You should have never married your husband.  Quite honestly, you and the "friend" are being very very selfish, thinking only of yourselves, and instant gratification.  I just cannot think of a deeper hurt and betrayal than cheating on a spouse with their supposed best friend.  Ouch.

I agree completely that the best course of action is to leave behind BOTH men and go figure out why you did this...why this was okay for you?  Was it because you were seeking some kind of attention?  A therapist will help you work through that.  

But, as for option one and option two....neither of them are viable options.  For one, your husband deserves a LOT better.....you've already "settled" for him once, don't do it again.  He deserves someone that WANTS to be with him, not someone who just picked him because the other option wasn't available or optimal.  As for his "friend"...he's no friend.  He's deceitful, dishonest, and most likely using you for sexual gratification.  I'm sorry you developed feelings for him, but it seems you're both not on the same page emotionally.  He WILL do the same thing to you if given the chance.

You've got a lot to work out, that's for sure, but actually, the decision about "which man" to choose shouldn't be one of them...that should be very easy...neither.
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4851940_tn?1385441629
You made a commitment to your husband when you married him.

Regardless of your emotions for your "friend", you can control what happens.  Unfortunately, in my view you took the wrong decision.  

What was in the past, that is where it should have stayed.  Once you made that commitment to your husband on your wedding day, this is where your loyalty should have stayed.  

You may be confusing love with infatuation.  

You need to decide whether you are going to be true to your marital vows or end the relationship with both men.  

You should insist that this "friend" must stay away from your home and must not come between you and your husband any longer.  Having him come to your home is just adding fuel to the fire and temptation.

Yes, this "friend" may have led you on, but you could have said "NO".  
This "friend" you say is in a relationship too.  What does that say about him? He, like you are unfaithful to each others partners.  

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