I'm too attached

[msniki412]

I finally realized that I am too attached to my boyfriend. Since yesterday I have been feeling this way ( I'm not sure if it was because of my period) but I was so like mean to my boyfriend earlier in the day when I saw him and I felt that I ruined the morning for us. We were suppose to eat breakfast or lunch togethor and didn't because I was being an a$$. And then the rest of the day I was sad because I couldn't see him until Tuesday. Well he always texts me when he is at work when he cant talk on the phone, and he sent me 1 msg saying "sorry no talk very very very busy" I took it as we can't talk today for a while because of the way he said it. And then he called me and I yelled at him on why he was calling me if he was so busy.Long story short, I ended up crying myself to sleep because I needed to see him so bad, he was willing to leave work early to come see me but I kept saying no. He also offered to drive me into the city to work today, but I refused because I felt it wasn't the right thing to do to make him wake up at 6:30am to come get me, seeing that his work hours are Thursday-Monday 2pm-11pm. He also offered to stay home today from work today, and see me later tonight but again I refused to let him not get paid for the day. I feel I got so attached to him, that when I can't talk to him because he is busy or whatever, I end up getting sad and push myself away from him so I don't get hurt if I can't talk to him. How can I stop doing this??? How can I just except the fact that I cant talk to him every second of the day?? We have been going out for almost 16 months and I love him withall that I am, but I feel if I keep doing this I will one day just push myself away completly....and I don't want that!!! I would be far worse if I don't stay with him. Could it be because maybe my hormones are little crazy?? Im on bc pills but forgot to take my last 2 pills, so maybe it was too many days without the hormones? IDK, I'm just looking for any reason.

Thanks to all

Niki : (

[Jennyoung17]

Ok thank you

[specialmom]

Hi jennyoung17.  Ahh, I'm sure that hurt your feelings.  But it is also very useful information.  Grow your own independence so you don't cling so hard to the person in your love life.  

You've posted this on an old thread.  If you would like to further discuss this, please start your own thread by going to the top of the page and hitting "ask a question".  good luck

[Jennyoung17]

Recently my boyfriend told me I'm too attached to him and he wants to be with someone who doesn't need him as much I had a huge panic attack about it we are still together I just don't know what to do

[gre7a]

i have the same problem too i been with my boyfriend for 3 years. we live with each other. i don t have a problem with him going to work or college. i do have a slight disslike when  he goes to see his friends. but i get panick attacks when ever he has to be away from me for more than few days ( or weeks). i cry so much that i cant even speak. its a panic attack i dont know what to do. i am scared i am going to push him away.

HELP ME PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[mami1323]

I believe that yes, hormones can fluctuate causing someone to be more irritable at some times more than other and they can also make someone more sensitive.  BUT....you can't let your hormones control you.  I've been there, like last night I was a real biatch to my fiance because I'm hormonal and tired.  He was being a royal p-i-t-a, so I was snippy.  As for you Ms. Nikki, I think you have a good thing going with your bf.  It seems he really does love you and your actions will eventually push him away.  You can't forever blame the past for your behavior.  Although, from experience I know it can have an effect on future relationships.  At some point you have to let it go and appreciate what you have right now.  Next time he offers to spend time with you...accept it and spend that time with him.  You will appreciate him more and not be so sad that you were deliberately trying to push him away.  Plus, the other girls are right, you need to focus a little bit more on yourself.  This way it will be alright if you don't see him, you will have other things to do.  I've been there myself.  I used to get upset if my bf or even my fiance now wanted to do things without me.  It wound up causing more problems then it did help us.  Just enjoy eachother.

[Desi269]

Im kind of attached to my boyfriend too. I would say to you is not to think about him soo much, BELIEVE ME I KNOW ITS HARD!!!  Just keep yourself occupied, until he can call or see you. Try to give him his space because the last thing a woman needs is for her man to say, "I need space, i need time to myself". Never let it get to that point. Believe me when he wants to see you, or talk to u he will. In the meantime go out with your girlfriends. Or just have  what i like to call "ME TIME". Go out and shop or do whateva u want to do for yourself. Remember!!! Never get soo attached to where you feel like you cant do anything without him. Always be able to stand your ground. And believe me when u two finally come together after not seeing each other for a while, the bound will become stronger cause he will charish every single moment he has with you!!! Believe me i tried it and it works every time. Just talk  and see each other but yet give each other space, and you will find that the relationship will get stronger......TAKE THIS ADVICE AND RUN WITH IT!!!!

[mayflowers]

hey niki, I know what you mean about the past.  I have some things in my past that cause me to be insecure too.  I am in therapy now and it's been wonderful.  I am really scared of committments b/c I am afraid of making a mistake.  My last mistake ended up in divorce and I can't, won't, go through that again.  I've had "friends" betray me as well so I don't like to let people get too close. I am so careful now with people.  Your boyfriend sounds like a really nice guy who loves you and treats you well.  You two look adorable in your photo ;o)   Allow yourself to take comfort in that truth.  I know it's hard but there really are good guys (and people) out there.  We need to let ourselves be open to that truth.

Whenever anyone posts on an open forum, you're going to get some answers that you may not like but like Jo said, people did take the time to give you what they believe is their best advice.  If you don't agree with it, you don't have to listen but I really don't think they said it to hurt anyone. The posters - teko and MrsOrkert - have been on here for a while and I've seen some good advice from them.  They mean well, I really think they do.  hope you have a wonderful weekend Miss Niki!!!  

[msniki412]

of course i feel insecure...i've been in so many past abuse relationships before, were i was hit, punched in the faced, yelled at, called every name in the book and almosted raped by an ex boyfriend and his friends. i was never given any "real attention", the only attention i ever use to get was when i did things for guys that they liked. my current bf is my only serius real bf since me braking up with the abusive guys....so i guess thats why im like this.

[jo929]

I-think that teko, and mrs Ockert gave some good advice, as some could say it is( food for thought) and i do agree with them. Love is wonderful, but dont try to push to fast, by that i mean, try and adjust to the fact that you are not a teenager, and if you love each other You really do not need to feel like you just have to talk with him everyday, and it will survive if it is trues love I do believe that you are to attached as you put it, Your post comes across, as you may feel a little insecure. I am glad that you feel better, Also the people reading your post,are taking the time to answer, and they call it as they see it,  . It might help you to reread your post, and look at it from a strangers point of view,  i wish you luck  jo

[msniki412]

Hasen't anybody read the other comments before writing???? Did I not say Im better now?!?! I know I wrote it....because its true.

And to MrsOckert:

Why can't it be hormones??? My periods was out of control befor taking bc pills last year, and I would have bad pms emotional problems during my period. (which is another reason why my doctor gave me bc pills) You don't know my medical records, so before you start saying that your tired of woman blaming everything on their hormones why don't you think before you write.

Next time I will think twice about posting a question on this site. All I was looking for here was some support and see what I could do to change everything....but instead I get people here telling me to get a life, that I'm crazy, im not in love and that its not my hormones that I'm basiclly crazy and obsessed and that my relationship will end soon. Thats real nice of you all.

[mags59]

I also have to agree with Teko.  Listen to her, she makes a lot of sense.  Maybe you need to seek counseling to find out why you're being so obsessive about your boyfriend.  Once you know why, you can begin the process of healing and work on loving yourself and not seeking validation from your boyfriend all the time.  You may end up pushing him away.

[MrsOckert]

You know, I get really tired hearing about women blowing up at family (boyfriend, husband, kids or whatever) and blaming it on hormones.  Why can't anybody take responsibility for their actions anymore?

And I do not for one minute believe not taking a birth control pill for two days in a row is enough to go wild wacky on hormones enough to take out a situation on a significant other.

I have been on birth control bills for five months to control menopause hormone symptoms and not taking them for a week did not revert me to some bloodthirsty witch woman that couldn't control her actions or her words.

[ataglance]

Teko has some good advice for you girls.  It's important that you listen to what she is saying.  Personally, I think msniki was just hormonal and not much was really wrong with her relationship.  It seems like her boyfriend really does care about her.   Lazyleggs sounds obsessed and should consider what teko wrote very seriously. Loving someone A CRAZY LOT is not love, it's sexual obsession.  That sounds like a relationship that will burn out quickly.  

[msniki412]

Whatever....I don't have time be annoyed by people online....I have enough of that at work and home. Thanks for whatever advise you were trying to give me.

[msniki412]

If this was lust.....then it would be over already. Don't you people read the fact the fact that i did say i forgot to take my last 2 bc pills (which made me feel needy IMO and have a bad period and be far more emontional???) See thats what happens....some people come on here share their opinons and views, and then people like YOU and TEKO who just read what you wanna read. I don't feel too attached to him now....actually I feel great not seeing him until tomorrow night it gives me a reak to relax when I get home tonight from work, and spend time with my family. This is not an obsession, because to think about it there really isn't anything to obsesse about. I'm not sitting here at my desk at work thinking about him non stop because he had to go to work today. I feel fine. I can say this is that it is hard for me because he does work on both weekend days and the hours arent great, not like your normal 9-5 job so that is a bit hard to deal with....but I'm still fine.

[MrsOckert]

Sorry, I have to agree with teko.  It doesn't sound like love....it sounds like obsession.

Love is an action.  Love is choosing not to be mean to someone.  And before you accuse  teko of being mean keep in mind she isn't claiming to be in love with you.

Your own post said you thought you were too attached so your action is to be mean to your boyfriend when you are together?????  Sounds like you spend a lot of time attacking your boyfriend and honey, that is NOT love.  It could be lust, attraction or many other things but it isn't mature love based on mutual respect and kindness.

Just my humble opinion.

[msniki412]

FYI to you:

I do work (4 YEARS SAME COMPANY)....probably harder then you ever worked in your life. I have a life (the only life you have is being rude to people, real nice on that one). If you didn't have any GOOD adice then why are you on this site??? I hope you don't ever need any help on here, because nobody should even speak to you. All you are is a black cloud of rain on here. Nobody needs your bad talk here. So in the future please do not post to my topics on here....you don't help out.

Thanks to all who had GOOD advice on here...

[lazyleggs]

Nobody wants to hear stuff like that, Teko. People post here for support and advice. Your advice would have been wonderful if you would have said "you should try to find creative ways to spend your time... this obsession could end your relationship if you dont show a little independence..." Etc etc etc. Do NOT say "you are not in love" or "Get a life".  That is just plain RUDE and inconsiderate. Get outta here if you're going to talk to people like that.
I'm sorry msniki that you have to listen to BS like this jacka**. Dont listen to Teko....

[msniki412]

I think my problem is...is that I want all of my boyfriends attention. I think its because of past relationships I had where I was abused, both verbel and physical and I never got the attention I needed from my other boyfriends. Now my current bf, he gives me ALOT of attention and I think in my head I'm saying its just not enough when in reality it is. I know we are two different people and need to do things on our own and not together always. I do do things without him, he works the weekends and I normally go out with friends and stuff, but i still miss him really bad when I come home. I can say that through all the good times and bad times, we still both feel the same towards each other as we did on day 1 maybe even stronger. He is trying to find a new job so he can get paid more, and im tring to lower my bills so we can finally live together. The rent is so high and econermy is so bad as well as gas prices, money is always tight and we can't afford to live togther yet.

Thanks for all the stories and advice.

Niki : )

[shimax78]

we had the same thing. both crazy about each other. been together for 4 years now.  something big happened and changed it all.  now he is mean to me and im crushed.   its hard to have such strong feelings for someome when their feleings arent as strong for you

[lazyleggs]

I have similar problems!! Oh my gosh, I'm really struggling with it too. Kind of in a different sense though.
I am also too attached. But I don't push away ever. If anything, I sometimes wonder if my attachment pushes him away. Actually... my situation might be entirely different (maybe I should make a new post?) I dont feel like I'm affected by hormones and I dont feel like we can't be individual, independent people. My 'attachment' to him is this ridiculous physical attraction and undying love to be around him. I mean, it's crazy. We are engaged and live together too and I can't freakin get enough of him!! I have NEVER been like this either. It's not like it's some personal, on-going, past problem I've had, you know? It's HIM specifically.
I wouldnt say it's a HUGE issue and I dont think I annoy him or anything. Sometimes I just wish I didnt want him so much all the time. Weird? Like why can't I love him like normal and not like A CRAZY LOT.
Another thing that arises from this is the fact that I sometimes wonder why he isnt as psycho crazy in love as me. He does love me to death, but he's normal about it at least. LOL :)  I sometimes worry that his love, passion, and romance for me and with me will fade... and that scares me. I struggle to be optimistic and trusting and happy with what I have. Why is that? Why can't I just be grateful and appreciative and enjoy what I have with him? UGH. My answer... I've never loved so much. And, therefore, I've never been so scared of losing that. Of having that amazing feeling taken away from me. I couldnt go on...

[treazzure007]

could be hormones.  they can make you feel moody and anxious.  16 months and still going strong, huh?  i understand your feelings.  i just had to have my man 24/7 and he felt the same way about me.  that's why we got married, moved in together, and live under one another and in each other's hair forever now!  

[msniki412]

Thanks for the great advice. I am deff., going to work hard on this

[slow_healer]

Next time you feel yourself slipping into obsession, count to 10 and remind yourself that you're two separate individuals. Being in love isn't about doing everything together, or talking to each other all day everyday. Love has room for two people to be independent. Better yet, love has room for both of you to live separately so long as you re-connect at the end of the day.

I say start doing things with other people. Make plans with girlfriends, and if you know you're going to feel lonely while your boyfriend is at work, DO something. You don't have to just sit and dwell on the fact that you're not with him at the moment. Learn to take care of yourself while your boyfriend isn't around. If all that pressure is on your partner to make you happy, then when he has a bad day that's going to equal a crisis in your relationship because you are counting on him SO MUCH to make you happy. IMO that's not fair for anyone, because everyone has ups and downs. I think you need to work on balancing being an individual with being in a relationship so that you both have space to grow and still support each other. Good luck!