In love w/a married man

[wannabefree330]

I have been involved with a married man for a little over a year.  At the time we met, he told me he was very unhappily married and was only with his wife for the sake of his children.  He is afraid that if he leaves his wife will take the kids and he'll never see them again.  In March, he told me he was going to give his marriage another shot, and commit to trying to make it work.  That meant no longer seeing me.  If at the end of the 6mo he still felt the same, he would file for divorce.  Of course i was devastated at his decision, but love him enough where I want him to be happy.  Before march we would see eachother at least 3 times a week.  The sex is phenomenal and unlike anything i've ever experienced.  We have complete open communication and i think that is why it is so amazing.  Since March, we have seen and slept with eachother several times.  He says he still loves me but is still going to complete the 6mo he committed to.  We text and talk to eachother every day and he tells me daily how he misses me.  I miss him and being with him.  I feel like he is my soul mate.  He has encouraged me to date other people, but gets very jealous when I even mention talking to other men.  He does not get angry, but communicates and tries even more when he knows i'm tlk'g to other guys.  I still feel committed to him, and hope that someday we can be together.
Am I crazy?  Will this ever materialize?  I told him I would wait till hell freezes over to be with him.  Anyone with similar circumstances?

[angeleyes11601]

Wow thats sound like me...except i got preg 2 days after they got married and didnt kno untill 2 months after that! ...WoW...and of course he keeps trying to come back every now and agin even thro we are both w some one...i eventually let him go just let him wok w his marriage and believe me there is some one BETTER than him out there for u

[mayflowers]

Why would you want to be with a man who cheats?  If he cheated on his wife, he will cheat on you.  This is a character flaw.

[AHP84]

Teko hit the nail on the head. If he wanted a divorce, he would've filed a long time ago. It's practically impossible for one divorcing parent to "lose their kids" and "never see them again." A divorce goes through court, and if kids are involved, then custody, visitation, and child support are established, and generally fairly between each parent.
The way I see it, he's avoiding a divorce because that comes with lawyer's fees, child support for more than one child, and possible alimony. It has nothing to do with him fearing he'll never see his kids again. It's the money he'll have to spend.
So why divorce, especially when he's got you on the side to give him the physical and emotional attention he wants whenever he wants it?
In my humble opinion: what a selfish, conniving, unfaithful jerk.
Like mayflowers said, he has a serious character flaw. Why would you find that acceptable in a man?

[MrsOckert]

I'm not even sure it's the money he doesn't want to spend.  I'm willing to bet his wife doesn't know there is a thing wrong in their marriage.  He's giving you enough words to string you along for years if he wants to.

And mayflowers is right...if he's cheating on her...if he was to marry you he would start cheating on you.  It happens over and over again.

[MrsOckert]

Besides he doesn't seem to be a man of character or honorable enough to keep his word.  He said he wanted to give his marriage 6 months and if at the end he still felt the same he would file....what's different now?  He's still seeing you.  Nothing changed.

[wannabefree330]

Thanks for all of your input.  Love is blind and I'm just willing to listen to what i want to hear right now.  I'm in denial thinking he'd ever leave her.

[nyychic]

I will say it again women need to stick together if you don't want your man cheatin' on you than don't mess with a man that is spoken for.  HELLO get a grip.  Not worth your time

[momagain59]

Am I crazy?  Will this ever materialize?  I told him I would wait till hell freezes over to be with him.  Anyone with similar circumstances?

Yes, you are crazy. This guy says he is going to stick with the 6 month plan to work on his marriage. This is BS, he doesn't sound like he is working too hard if he is having sex with other women. He has probaly just started screwing around with someone else also. This will give him time to decide who he wants to have sex with. If you told him that you are willing to wait till hell freezes over, why should he worry about leaving his wife? When are women going to wake up and realize that married men use them as free prostitutes? I bet he doesn't have to spend much taking you out and sex probaly has to be quick and easy because there isn't much time.

How long has he been married?

Please don't tell me that you are his first fling.

[jo929]

I do not know your age, but you must be very young, or very insecure, to try and take your happiness at the exspense of someone else, and the children involved, What teko said is right on the nose, what goes around comes around, it would take a very selfish woman to go behind an others back ,and try and steal her husband, and hurt the children  in doing so he is using  you, also how can you look at yourself in the mirror, people like you are not in demand . I also think a man that would do this is not worth having so maybe you both are 2 of a kind  I really do not care how old you are,, i feel you are old enough to know better   jo      

[BearHitch]

1.  Like previously stated, if he cheated on his wife with you, he is going to cheat on you.  When will women learn this???

2.  I agree with Jo- find a single man!  There are plenty out there, you don't need to be screwing around with someone who is married and kids.  It says equal amounts of your character and his - or lack thereof.  

3.  Yes you are crazy thinking he is going to leave.  He says he wants a 6 month break but he is still texting you while "trying to work it out with his wife."  

4.  He is not your soul mate- he is someone else's.  The woman he is married to.  

[mami1323]

There isn't much more to say then what these women have said.  I'm sure there isn't one man who was cheating on his wife that wouldn't tell his mistress that he was so happy with his wife.  They all say they are unhappy to keep women like you stringing along for as long as possible.  With this unrealistic hope that they will leave their wife and kids.  Oh and it's always that they don't want to leave because they fear the wife will take the kids....ha!  How would you feel if you were married and some woman knew about you but still thought it was ok to sleep with your husband?  What break?  He hasn't taken a break from you to work on his marriage.  He's still seeing you and you keep giving in.  Even if he did leave, which he won't, but let's say he did, is that how you want to start off your relationship?  Who's to say he won't cheat on you if he so easily did it with the woman he made vows with and shares children with.  Get some strength and stop messing around with someone else's family.  

[wannabefree330]

I know and understand what you are saying.  It all sounds so cruel and I just needed some sound advice.  Remember when I met him he was separated and not with his wife.  It was never my intention to 'steal him away'  I have avoided his calls and last time we spoke i told him it was not fair for him to do that to his wife and I apologized for being involved.  I had fallen in love with him before he ever reconciled with her and i'm sorry if it is so difficult to fall out of love with him.  But the distance is good and in time i guess it will happen.  Can I just suggest that in the future all of those who responded not be so rude about it?  We are already feeling guilty and just  want the advice of someone that is in their right mind on how to deal with this and cut the ties.  If we knew how to do that, we wouldn't be on here???  I'm sorry i even posted a question here asking for help and will not suggest this site to ANYONE.

[mami1323]

Well at least you are taking the next step to right a wrong situation.  I do believe a lot of men can be very manipulative and create a scenario in a woman's head that isn't truly what is happening.  I do know how hard it is to stop having feelings for someone...I've been there.  I fell in love with one of my friend's boyfriends in highschool and cheated with him.  So no I'm not an angel but I wound up stealing him away and guess what, he wound up doing to me what he did to her.  The only differences between your situation and mine is they weren't married and I was 16.  I would never, ever do anything like that again.  I respect my friends and I respect other people's relationships.  I learned and grew from that.  Hopefully you can do the same.  Most of these women on this forum are married with kids so it hits a paticular nerve when a woman comes on saying she's having an affair with a married woman.  We won't coddle you and say oh poor baby because you got yourself into this situation.  Now at least you are smart enough to start walking away.  Sorry if you feel unsupported but maybe us being tough on you made you see the light.  Good luck with your situation.

[nyychic]

First, You said that he was unhappilly married NOT separated.  You said he was afraid to leave that he may never see his kids again.  Fathers have rights.  He's scum and you are allowing him to con you I'm happy that you ended it but don't sit here and not take responsibility for your part in this.  My childhood was ruined by an affair.  Woman should stand together and say "MARRIED MEN ARE OFF LIMITS" period.  I'm happy that you've ended it but keep it ended.  You can find you are happy with a man who isn't committed to another women.  Good luck.

[jo929]

I am glad that you have quit seeing him, that is the way to go, and you are doing the right thing to stay away from him, also i know that some answers may be harsh especially mine but they were meant to be awake up call, because ,you were living in a dream world, and you did not mention he was separated, and if everyone had given nice honey coated advice, it would not have soaked in so a harsh honest answer was called for, at least you did listen  i do wish you lots of luck  jo

[wannabefree330]

Your comments did make me see what I was blinded to before.  I appreciate what you have to say.  And I do realize that I have to take responsibility for my part in this.  I allowed it to continue knowing that there was a family on the other side at risk.  Those children need their parents together.  And, I need to stay away and allow the two of them to work out their problems and not have me in the picture.  Previously I was trying to 'just remain friends' and still talk, but it just lead to the bedroom.  I have stopped all contact with him.  It has been painful and hard, but I need to quit being selfish-like the early comments said- and get away from an all around bad situation.  All I can do, is move forward, take responsibility for what i've done, and learn from this.  Thanks again!

[momagain59]

I am proud of your strength. Let him make a fool of someone else. Hang in there and the man that you deserve will come along.

[Kimidawn]

I feel badly that you have gotten so many negative and mean comments but I think this situation just frustrates women because we don't understand "the other woman" and why she would do this to other people and herself.

I pray that you continue to have the strength to stay away from him.  In the future make sure the men you see are really single not just on a break from their wives.  Make sure they are truly divorced or have never been married in the first place.

I worry about you and the pain you are bringing into your life and I pray that you can make better choices in the future!

[Agiesmom]

I agree with nyychic and what everyone else said, too.  I don't think anyone meant to be hurtful, just trying to take you by the shoulders and give it to you straight.

Please, please, please don't have any contact with him again.  No matter how much he begs via text messages (I'd change my phone number) or says it's just for one final good-bye.  Don't tell him you're seeing someone else since you know that will make him pursue you.

You are doing well.  It's clear you are hurting, but you would be hurting far worse down the road if you were to continue the affair.

All the best to you.

[athomasxx]

You need to get out of this relationship now.

[mami1323]

Good for you.  I'm glad that you got what you needed out of what people were saying.  It wasn't meant to hurt you but to make you see the other side to this affair and to understand that no one is going to come out of this without being hurt.  Someone will be hurt, you, the wife, the kids.  This man doesn't deserve either of you.  I'm sure you aren't a bad person and you just got swept up into this whirlwind of a relationship.  At least you had the sense to realize what he was all about.  The one I truly feel for is his wife.  She doesn't even know what kind of scumbag she has for a husband.  At least you knew what you were getting.  Good luck and stay strong.

[littlemoe]

I just ended a relationship with my married man yesterday.  We were together for four years.  He told me he'd leave when his kids were older (which would be another three years from now).  But then he'd get guilty and break things off with me.  These "break-ups" happened at least three times a year.  I'd be devestated, miss work, cry my eyes out, and be a huge baby.  Then, he'd come back and tell me the same story about being with me in the future.  The thing is this, all these responses are missing a huge point.  It's not about him; it's about you!!! I don't think for one minute my guy didn't love me...I know he did.  But, I also know he loves his wife, and I know he loves his kids a hell of a lot more than either of us.  I don't hate him or think he was consciously using me.  I think he was and is in an unhappy marriage, but he wants to remain with his family...somewhat out of obligation, and somewhat out of fear.  The point is, again, his motivations and wants and desires are irrelevant.

I finally realized it doesn't matter if he loves me or not.  It's about me.  I have COMPLETE CONTROL over my own life.  I have to love myself more and realize I can be with someone who can be wholly committed to my happiness.  Don't get caught up in figuring out what he's going to do, why he's going to do it or not, if he's going to leave, etc.  You will find out eventually that you just spent so much time out of YOUR life wondering about whether someone else will affect it.  He may be mulling over these things as much as you, but when he's mulling over whether to leave...while he might be distraught over the decision....he still has the luxury of having the control over what he wants.  You're letting him, then, have control over what you get.  Don't let this happen.

The only one who can affect your life is you.  Walk away gracefully.  You can still chat and miss one another.  Go out and live your life and find someone new.  Stay positive about each other, and maybe down the road, you'll both be single at the same time and still want to be with one another.  In the meantime, get back in control.  I promise you won't regret it.  I'm still very sad about having to leave my relationship and will be for some time because I love him very much and can't imagine loving anyone else as much, but I'm willing to bet on me.  If you can't bet on yourself being able to get through and find a new love, no one else will.  If I have to be single forever, at least I will be in control over my own destiny and will never be able to complain that my lot was because he didn't do what he said he would.  Good luck! You can do it!

[wolfwoman1st]

Everyone said everything really well - I just have one small addition.  I was the other woman and fooled myself by thinking that I wasn't cheating, after all I was single.  That was a lie I told myself and now that my husband has formed a "romantic attachment" to someone else I see clearly how wrong I was.

The karma bus hit me full force and I am endlessly sorry for the pain and suffering I caused his former wife.  She did not deserve that and I would apologize to her if she wasn't deceased.  I did cheat her by stealing what was hers - his love, energy, time and after nearly two years as "friends", sexual attention as well.

Ladies, you are 100% right - women need to stick together and always, always maintain:  MARRIED MEN ARE OFF-LIMITS.  PERIOD.

Congratulations, wannabefree330 - stay strong and keep the faith.  As momagain59 said, the man you deserve WILL come along!

[KATE535]

His wife is more important to him than you are/were or else he'd be with you now and would have left her.

So, ditching him is the best decision you could've made, he doesn't want to give himself to you and leave her, so don't give yourself to him. Have the willingness to see he has treated you as his bit on the side, before you consider him again. Because he hasn't created this affair to be with you, and start a future with you, has he?

I think this whole affair should've only happened if his marriage was over, eg, preparring for divorce/ going through divorce etc, knowing maybe you would have had a future together then, knowing his realtionship with his wife had come to an end.

Also, before getting involved with him you should've considered whether him having children was going to be a problem for you and / or him, and really worth you getting involved with this guy for - ie. someone who has a full-blown family - wife and kids, so is unlikey to be compatable with as a partner for life.......

And so asked yourself if this, realistically, on the basis of everything, would ever materialise.

If you knew he was unsure about leaving his wife, why allow yourself to get attatched to a man in that situation, and so declare you will always be waiting for a man who is unavailable. If he was going through a divorce then that would illustrate the marriage had collapsed and so it wouldn't have been better for you to see a future.

It seems his wife is his prority, always has been, that is clear. He was not that unhappy, or he wouldn't have given it another shot with her. So, it's difficult to trust him when he talks about being unhappy in his marriage as his justification for having an affair.

You'll do better without him. He's been stringing you along, and just like many women in love, you are blind to it. You didn't see what he's been doing.

!!!****It's nice to hear you've realised you can do better and have a man that adores you and you alone****!!!

Well done to you and Best wishes !!
Kate

[Luckejem]

Sorry hun that you are going through this, I have been the other woman and all these ladies are right. He will never leave his wife and he will always cheat simply because it is in his nature. Chances are, his wife probably knows he is cheating as women will sense this and pick it up. if he able to cheat and lie , he will do it to you as well, he just wants to have something extra on the side when things are going wrong or when he needs an ego booster. and as a man, he needs to work on his marriage because that taes actual work, but it seems that he has too many problems and he thinks only of himself... don't short change yourself, i left my married man three years and now I am happily married  to a devoted and wonderful man, give yourself that chance... be well.  

[AquaGrl08]

Hi wannabefree330! i just came across your posting, it has been awhile since you posted it, I wonder how are you doing and what was your choice of actions? I read all post the good and "bad" ones, and seems like they gave you a pretty good perspectives to look at in order to take a good decission about your life?.. how it went?
I had the same situation in my life, the man said to me; I am divorced from my second wife, then turned out he has a third one now on. I was shocked by the news since he was not at all my best choice around, but he is pretty charming guy, so he knew how to hit my knees, back then I struggled to make him a space in my life, since he was interesting to me, until found out he is actually married for 3rd time, now I am "friends" with him due some business issues, I try to never call him. in my life he is not my best choice, so that's the thing, regardless how much we can talk or meet the "us" situation is completely a no happening.So having this clear to me there is no much doubting around it...do you know what I mean?..
I think what I am trying to say is it is really up to YOu to define the situation with him.
Plus having a man like this once in your life can give you apretty good idea how a man who really care for you is...and trust me there is a sweeter taste in the mouth when the man only have eyes and words for you. Hope you are now living a different life experience!.

[sweetpea03]

I always say, if he does it WITH you, he'll do it TO you. So if he's cheating on his wife with you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you with someone else if you stay with him???

[iam1butterfly]

Being a mistress is a painfully sad and lonely life.
But, it's far, far worse for the man's wife... especially, if she's
aware of the adultry... there are no winners... everyone loses!

[Scantyhope]

Okay I'm going thru the same damn thing!
First off Do not listen to anyone but yourself and your heart.... You will have women tell you its ok, no its wrong, your horrible, but only YOU are going through this...
We dated in 6th grade lost contact and he recently moved back home, he found me and at first we were JUST friends, I knew he was married and had a 2 year old with his wife... I told myslef I would Never have a relationship with him while he was married because I know its wrong. Well guess what? I lied to myself. We are SoulMates.....................

Its hard Im not going to lie... We talk/text every day and He's their for the kid because he also to cant live w/o his daughter... I told him to stop telling me he would get divorced and leave her cuz lets face it, actions speak much louder than words!!!!!

So i date other people and carry on our relationship, I only see him twice a month so it is was it is..... DO Not let anyone judge you cuz it can eat you alive!

[Cootos]

Karma baby Karma...........

[mami1323]

You are disgusting.  You are not a true woman.  One, he will never leave his wife for you. Two, if you were soul mates, you would be with him already.  Three, you are naive to think he's only staying for the child, most men tell their lovers that tale.  Four, if he's so willing to cheat on his wife with you, what makes you think that he wouldn't do it to you.  Five, you should have more self respect for yourself.  Six, how would you feel if you were someone's wife and you have their child and some home wrecker was stepping in on your relationship without any regard for you or your child.  Yes, it's his responsibility to his family to remain faithful and true but it's your responsibility as another woman to have some decency.  You can try and justify your actions by telling yourself that you are soul mates and belong together but in reality, you know that what you are doing is completely horrific.  And if you don't think that way then you deserve to be strung along and hurt for many many years.

[Cootos]

You posted on here in regards to a relationship with an alcoholic that you see 3 times a week...is this the man that is married??? The man that HAS a wife??? or is this another "soulmate" on the side???

[Cootos]

Sorry by the way that post was meant for "SCANTY"

[imanaddict]

Mami said absolutely everything you need to know. What goes around comes around baby! When you do find the "one" someone just might come along and steal your husband just as you have done to someone else. How are you going to feel when your husband leaves you and your 6 kids to fend for yourselves while he carries on a relationship with someone twice as pretty and younger than you? How would you feel...HUH?? That's what I thought!!

[imanaddict]

Oh and to answer the OP question about anyone in a similar circumstance.... NO, myself and a LOT of other women have too much class to sleep with someone else's husband and are perfectly capable of finding our own men, our OWN soulmate. If a woman like you ever came along to MY husband, you better believe he'd laugh in your face and call you out on it because that is what a REAL man does! You also might want to watch out because you never know what kind of wife these guys have. They just might kickbox your A$$ into the ground! Good luck finding your own man. Sounds like you'll need it.

[heatherlynn22]

well....me being a wife and a mother. if i'd ever found out that my husband (which i know he would never do anything like that...like imanaddict's husband he would also laugh in the womans face and walk away) i'd have to say i'd kickbox the other woman's a$$ to timbuktu and back again.

now as far as you being crazy. yes. how many times do you hear about married men saying...i'll leave my wife and kids. i promise. i'm so unhappy with her/them? all the time. do they ever leave? 99% of the time....no they don't. you could just be an easy piece on the side for him. he might just be bored with his sex life knows he can just string you along for a while and when he's bored with you (which seems like he's starting to since he's giving you only 6 more months) he'll drop you like a sack of hot potatoes and move on to the next easy one. good luck with it.

[suzi-q]

If my husband ever cheated, I wouldn't kick the girl's butt...yes, she is a skank and a loser and a home wrecker...but it would be my husband's fault also...he would have had to say "yes"....I wouldn't kick any butts...I would just open the door and throw all his **** out and tell him my lawyer would be in contact.....

I take pity on women who have to cheat with married men...especially those who do it relentlessly...they definitely have serious issues.....what a horrible way to live a life, knowing that you are destroying others....revenge belongs to God....not me.

[mjml]

typical male wants his cake and to eat it too! lol babe by the sounds of things he isnt going to leave his wife plus he has children and i'm sorry you do have to think how they would feel about you if he did leave his wife as much as you properly don't care! End of the day sweety it comes down to are you ready to put your life on hold for someone who isnt commited to you? has alot of baggage to come with him! &for something that may never happen? Its your life you have to be the happy no one no one can do it for you! could you live with the guilt? could you trust him to not cheat on you?. Think what you want in life! maybe your own children? a man who is all yours & not shared? TRUST!!! i use capitals because other then loving each other that is the main thing no trust no hope no relationship! sex is sex & you need good chemistry there but (and this is only my oppion based on seeing it happen with a few people &experiance of relationships) maybe he's keeping you sweet because the sex is so good! men dispite what they say (minus a few) are ruled firstly by their penis! You have one chance in life make it worth while & happy! let me no how u get on!

[mjml]

Everyone makes mistakes who is anyone to judge anyone else! you cant help who you fall in love with, yes she may be slightly at fault for this as she knows he's married but the most disgusting person is the person cheating not the one he's cheating with. if its not with her he'd prob be with someone else unless he truely loves her &u cant say he doesnt however some men & women are so cunning that to get what they want they will say and do anything! YES women cheat and men get hurt too! Thankfully i am lucky enough to have never been cheated on & no i havent cheated on anyone! You have one life live it to the full! do have consideration for others &how they may feel but how do u no that this married man's wife isnt cheating to? or that its a swingers thing no one knows what goes on behide closed doors &no one deserves to be judged!

[imanaddict]

I must apologize for my  rudeness. This type of thing just really strikes a nerve with me. I have a zero tolerance for cheaters simply because I know the pain of being cheated on. I have had my family torn apart because of it and a son without his father so I know first hand the pain it inflicts. No you can't help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you date and start relationships with. A simple "No,  you're married" and this conversation wouldn't be happening right now.

[mjml]

i am so sorry this happened to you no one deserves pain like a family falling apart! i think it strikes a nerve with everyone causing pain shouldnt happen! the unfortunate thing is it happens alot and people need our support on this site from all sides! but i do agree if you know from the start you shouldn't engage! x

[imanaddict]

Thank you for your kind words!

[mami1323]

I've had it happen to me as well, so it strikes a similar nerve with me.  Although, I chose to stay and work it out, it's been a tough road trying to rebuild what was damaged.  In my situation, the woman knew as well and continued on, in the hope of having us break up so she could be with my fiance.  It just didn't happen that way for her.  So I have no sympathy for someone who deliberately gets involved with a man who is already with someone else.  Even though, it is the man's responsibility not to stray, the woman should have enough respect to walk away and not continue.  You can help who you fall in love with.  Follow with your head instead.

[mjml]

if i followed my head in some situations i properly wouldnt be here alive to be perfectly honest so i have to disagree. i do sympathise with all women who have been cheated on and all men, there is more then likely the person cheating at fault in my view overall those who cheat have a weakness in character and i think the partners who stick around to fight another day are the strongist characters ever. x

[mami1323]

Thank you for saying that.  It is a hard battle, it's difficult to regain trust and even more difficult to fight my thoughts of should I stay or go.  So it does take a lot of strength.  I definitely feel that yes, the cheater is to blame but I do fault any woman who could be comfortable with making a decision like that.  It wasn't just me and him, I have a child and he's the innocent victim in all of this.  I know being a woman myself, I couldn't live with myself if I knew I was doing that to a family.  

[mjml]

tbh i couldnt live with that either but like i said its a flaw in character! Its so much worse with children involved! hope things work out for u you sound like you could do with a break! x

[mayflowers]

Does anyone realize that this post is from June 08?  Wannabefree probably doesn't even look at this post anymore.

[mami1323]

Hey may, we were commenting towards Scanty's response on the thread.

[mayflowers]

oh, I didn't read down that far.

[madmac]

As a man I'll tell you that it matters not why anyone cheats what matters is that he/she did. No-one can help who they "fall" in love with but what they m/f should do if they find out the other is married happily or not is to step off and deal with the emotion the best you can. It's said that time will heal all wounds so give it time.

[waringblender]

A year of your life is gone because of your being involved with a man who isn't worth the paper his phone number is printed on.

I guess you could be glad that it wasn't 5 years, or 10 years, or whatever, but this is just pathetic. Walk away from this now. If you can't do it alone, get a therapist to help extract you from this sad situation - which will only turn out badly for you. What a shame.

[Tiggywnks]

I have been reading all the advice about being involved with a married man or the mistress is a home wrecker and ****, but what about those who get involved with a married man and don’t know he is married?

That situation happened to me and I hadn’t a clue he was married  and I was with him 2 years, if it had not been for friends reunited I would never of know either, when I did find out you can imagine how I felt and to add to the heartache I had a call from his wife informing me she knew from day one about us as she hacked into his email account and kept tags on us that way but yet did nothing but sit back for some reason which I will never get answers, for the last 9 months my life has been tuned upside down and trying to move on which is very hard when you get calls of him while he is in Iraq serving for 4 months trying to make amends, little does he know when I did cut ties with him I was also pregnant and I have just had my first child Archie which he knows nothing about  and never will.

The moral of the story is from my experience those married men who play away will always play away as a leopard never changes it spots  and am thankful I had the courage to walk away with some self dignity and don’t have to put up with the mental head games is he or isn’t he cheating on me again.


Tiggs :)

[Shara21]

awww, sad story but i'm so happy for you for being strong enough to leave him and not look back. Good for you for being so level headed about this and doing whats best for yourself.

Shame on him, shame on all men and women who play with married partners, or who are married and cheat.

Lets hear it for people who have enough respect for themselves and others to walk away from these manipulators!!!!!!

YAY YOU!!!!!!!~

[mami1323]

Can I ask if you suspected at all that he was unavailable?  Was he away in Iraq for the majority of your relationship?  I'm sorry you had to experience that, and I don't think it's your fault at all since you were an unwilling party in all of his lies and betrayal.  I just find it odd that you didn't know about anything.  Why I say that is because usually when you date someone, they bring you around their family and friends and are available on the weekends.  When someone has a family and a wife and you are the other person, they must not have been very available.  Did you meet his friends or family?  Did you hang out with him frequently or was he only available to you when it was convenient for him?  Did he go hours or days without talking to you?  Or not pick up your calls all the time?  I just wanted to know how 2 years of this happened and you didn't pick up on anything odd.  Again, it's nothing against you, I feel sorry that you had to go through that.  I'm glad you were able to get away though.  

[Tiggywnks]

Hi mami1323

Thanks for your posting and questions, no I dint have any clue he was married and that’s why I was so stunned when found out as I had married guys hit on me in the past and can spot a mile but was properly fooled this time!

Seems how he got away with it was, he is in the Uk Army and was posted 30 mins away from me, I saw him couple times in the week and spent all weekend’s or most with him either at my house or we went away, we had every day contact at different times of the day or evenings if we didn’t see each other, he asked me to marry him about 13 months into our relenship, however to cut a very long story down, it turns out his wife of 4 years is also in the UK Army but based about hour and half away from him and training to be a nurse, she was living in nurse quarters there and he was in there married quarters on his post, so she would go down to him  for her 2 days  off a week to see him and then go back to her base for the rest of the time, so he managed to keep us both happy and have contact with us both, yes he did answer his phone calls at times or leave it in the car.

Him and his wife don’t have any children, i believe she has fertility issues as I once used too, so I can see how he got away with it, she said they went away a lot on holidays which I was told he was on exercise with work  and in his job you wouldn’t think any less, he used to call me some times from over seas or send me flowers as well!

Don’t get me wrong it was not all happy, he was a typical male and if didn’t get his way he would sulk or mental play head game with me, I used to make excuses for him to my girlfriends when we talked because I loved him and I don’t fall in love very easily nor do I need a man in my life for the sake of being  alone, we were well matched mentally and sexually and I have never experienced love and hate in a relenship like I did with him before, sounds corny but true, what I find and still can not get my head around it is the fact his wife knew from the start to finish that we were involved deeply, she told me he used to carry my picture in his wallet as she looked, she got my numbers of his phone and used to call them which thinking back now I just thought it was a wrong number calling me, I fell pregnant the first time but miscarried at 5 months, then again 3 months and again she saw all my scans via email I would send to him if he couldn’t make my appointments, the list goes on and when I found out all this I felt  robbed of my privacy, it has took me a lot of courage and strength to get in a better place now then I was back last June /July and of course with having my son recently I have moments when looking at my son who is the double of him but I did get the better end of the deal and my life wouldn’t be content and happy if he knew about his son, as harsh as it sounds I know I made the right choice for us both and more so when found out recently he is playing away again but this time on his door step since he is now  living with his wife on her base, so she might of got rid of me but  for sure my place has been taken and she has the mental torture yet again he’s cheating and always  will but I have no empathy for her what so ever .

Pheww sorry so long but hopes it answers some of your questions. x

[yoyita72]

Its been a yr u posted this.R u still go through the same situation?If u r, think about it twice.If he really loves u he would get a divorce no matter what.His children are always going to b his and he will hav the rite 2 c them.that is just an excuse.U think about your self b-cuz u r just wasting your time.GOOD LUCK with this relatinship.

[lostandconfuddled]

Wow, that's a heartfelt story. Glad you have a happy ending with your baby.

Have you ever thought how his wife feels though? Maybe she had her reasons for not saying anything to him or you, like low self esteem. I think it's strange that you say you have no empathy for her. Was she nasty on the phone when you spoke? How did she handle it?


Anyhow, you're in a better place now, and it sounds like you're much better off without him in your life.

[Tiggywnks]

Thanks for your comments, your right I am in a much better place now  and my son completes my happiness, as for the wife who choose to stay quite knowing her husband was with myself and others,is it my fault she maybe has low esteem due to the fact her husband will never be faithful…nooo!

If she chooses to stay with him knowing truly what he is like then that is down to her  I can truly understand how she feels as he cheated on me which left me hurt and low esteem  too and he has his ways to get back in the good books which always worked because I loved him very much, but I walked away from him for my own sanity and knew he will never change which would always hurt me when I found out about the other woman and it was very very hard to do but I did it and I made the right choice, in my view each to there own on how or what makes them happy.


Tiggy :)

[Tiggywnks]

does the person who started this post ever come back to see peoples views....as if not then maybe the post  should get deleted.?

[mami1323]

These posts don't get deleted, they go into the archives until someone resurrects them again.  Just stop posting on them.