In love with another man

[Macrotis]

Dear readers!
I caught myself in a frustrating situation and I honestly can't tell how happy am I, now that I found this website.

I am in a relationship for over 3 years with a sweet man who is 6 years older than me. He loves me more than anything and he has prooven himself to me for so many times. I am fond of him and the whole situation I am stuck in seems so unfair towards him.

4 years ago I met that other guy in a game. Yes, I know, it's silly. We spent hours and hours together just talking on Skype ever day and well, I felt like he got that something. Something that simply made me fall in love with him. We never met though, but now we got a chance. He could always perfectly understand my feelings, my thoughts and I felt us just "clicking''. The distance is what was always freaking me out since he doesn't live in my country, but then again he doesn't live that far away so it could be possible now that we are both adults. During those 4 years we were both terrified of the feelings we had and well, at the beginning I stopped talking to him, answering his calls, messages... I thought it will be easier that way than just simply being tortured by the inabillity to do something about the way we both felt. I thought I moved on, but the first time we spoke again, my feelings were back, and everything I ever felt for him was significantly enhanced. Then he broke off because the pain we both felt was impossible to handle. He is the person that I can be myself with. I don't have to pretend at all. He has the ability to finish my sentences and read me like an open book. And I do the same to him. Now he is back again, our feelings killing us, and we are literally jumping in and out of depression. Why? Because he is ready now and I am in a relationship with a guy I could never hurt.

I know I am crazy in love with him while on the other hand my feelings for my boyfriend are slowly vanishing. Day by day I am backing off more and more.

I am majorly unsure of what is right and what is wrong to do in this situation. To stay and fight to recover my feelings for my boyfriend or simply go and try to build a future with a guy I fell for 4 years ago. For someone I never got to meet. This is the third time I got back to him. And it feels like that's all I do. Just wait for one of us to break, suffer and struggle untill I get better and then wait for him to talk to me again so I can continue my dreams right back where we left them.

And another doubt of mine, if I ever truly loved my boyfriend, why did I fall in love with another guy? Why do I do it all over again? Why do I keep struggling on the same person if we are not meant to be?

I would love to hear your oppinions about this, and please, feel free to flame me. I believe I can't feel worse than I feel right now.

[babypearl21]

Hi, I have read just about everyone's responses. Biblically, love is not a random, uncontrollable, cupid's bow-and-arrow force. We do choose who we love. The only misconception is that not too many people understand true love. Just about all the responses are from women. I am a woman myself and we are much more emotional creatures than men are. One day our spouse could be doing all the right things in bed and we climax and feel this sensual attraction to them. The next night he could be doing the same exact pleasurable things and we're thinking "when is this going to be over?!" Lol but it's true! A lot of our intimacy begins with our mind first. With that said, if we choose who we love then we must choose to fall out of love. A marriage is sacred. A commitment to God. This is much more meaningful than your feelings. There are generational curses you are both fighting from both sides of the family. This can and will make a marriage difficult at times. But when one falls that is where the other steps in for you to lean on. No marriage is perfect. No individual is perfect. I googled the exact title of this article. I was in love with a man before I met my husband. I was 19 when I married and 24 now. We only knew each other for 11months before he proposed and I accepted. The other man's name is Herman. I was 17 when I met him and left for college to another state that year. The relationship we had was beautiful. We kept in contact everyday. We said I love you before dating, before any sexual contact. We connected spiritually, emotionally, and very much attracted to each other. Then I was raped on campus and my life turned around. I didn't speak to anyone nor did I bring this to anyone. Long story short I've been through a lot of pain. My husband has cheated on me several times and while I was pregnant. I could've chosen to be with the man who I am still in love with and is deeply in love with me today. Visiting home, I did meet up with Herman. No sex - just catching up, laughter, and we did kiss. I may appear young and naive to some. However, I chose to love my husband. Even though I didn't know what love was then - I do now. And you don't give up on love. Knowing what I know of God's love I would much rather please Him and to continue strengthening my marriage and allow healing to take place than to give up on God's power. Love has no limit and it is never too late to fix your marriage. I believe I deserve the best from my spouse and vice versa. In order for change to take place it has to begin with God then you. I googled this question because I don't know if what I am feeling was ok. The bible speaks on adultery, impurity, divorce, having multiple wives. I just wanted to know if what I am feeling is wrong. I've tried to shut my feelings away in order to focus on my marriage and myself but the feelings never leave. Is it possible to love 2 people at the same time? Is it right? I am not leaving my husband. God has been too good to us. God allows us freedom to choose. If it is wrong to love 2 people at once, where can I find it?

[Nighthawk61]

I feel so bad for the Mr Nice that you've used and strung along for over three years. You should be ashamed of yourself. This entity on the other end of the computer could be anyone, but one thing for sure is that he's just as selfish as you and in my opinion it would be good if you two DID get together, because YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER. There , I said it.

Please be honest with your boyfriend, apologize and let him get on to finding someone who can love him fully. He truly deserves your honesty.

[Life360_Dave]

Same thing, you have a b/f and your involved with someone else. Its amazing how all these people love you. It must be very difficult to pick and choose. I do hope you make the right choice. The part that confuses me is this other boy has all these qualities you mention and the only thing you mention about your b/f is that hes 6 years older than you so why are you with him in the first place?

[Macrotis]

No no no, you missunderstood me. I met the guy in game a year before I started dating my bf. We started having those feelings before my bf and I got together. We were about to meet but the fear of the unknown made me run away. I forced myself to let go. Then, after almost a year, I got together with my bf.

[Londres70]

Well......

You have a real man in your real life who is wonderful and then you have this man you play with over the internet.  Which is a sure thing?  IMO the current bf.  If this cyber guy knows about your bf then that says LOADS about him.  Any man showing interest in a woman who is spoken for is up to NO good and is NO gentleman.  If he doesn't know about your bf then that says LOADS about you.  

I would try to work things out with the bf cutting this cyber guy completely OFF with counseling on board, i.e. professional therapist.

OR  

Leave your bf and do some self reflection before you decide to enter another relationship with counseling on board.

You both (cyber guy and you) are living in a fantasy world you've created. You shouldn't make decisions based on something that isn't real, e.g. your cyber relationship.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also, just to be clear. You were with your now boyfriend then joined some internet site and met a guy and persued a relationship with him. I think they call this cheating and the sorrow and confusion your going through is based on a wrong that you did. You opened the wrong door for behind that door was the consequence of knowing it was wrong.
I suggest to open the door again and leave that room.

[specialmom]

Oh goodness, I missed that this was a man you met on the internet and have a cyber relationship with.  Yes, a fantasy is what that is.

Break up with your boyfriend and spend time on your own to reflect.  good luck

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I'm sorry you are in this situation.  I'm sure it brings you a lot emotional discomfort and hopefully you can change things around soon.

You made a statement to about this being unfair to your boyfriend.  Yes, totally agree.  Very unfair to him and he probably doesn't deserve to be cheated on.  The right thing to have done would have been to properly leave him and THEN find someone to date.  

The other unfortunate thing is that statistically, the relationship with the other guy will have a tough time making it.  Trust becomes hard to have long term when a relationship starts out with cheating.  This other guy knows that you DO have the potential to go somewhere and meet someone else while you are with him.  He's seen first hand that you can do that.  This will always be something he knows and something he'll never forget.  So, it can often cause problems down the road with trust.  Second, I don't think what you've had with him thus far really counts as a relationship because it has been behind closed doors.  Things could be very different when the boyfriend is out of the picture.  All the little day to day things that bug people about another person have not yet been discovered with the new guy---  you will see that things will change when it is a real dating situation.  

So, if you ask me what you should do---  to me it is very clear but I know it will be hard for you to do.  Your boyfriend deserves much better treatment than this.  I would let him go and find someone that doesn't doubt if they love him and spend years pining away for another man.  Let him find a REAL relationship with someone who feels the same as he does.  Break up with him.

And then do NOT immediately start dating the new guy.  This will take willpower but going from guy to guy is a sure fire way to doom yourself to making bad choices and having bad relationships.  You should mourn the loss of the relationship with your boyfriend and reflect on why what happened happened, what was good, bad, etc.  And then after 6 months to a year or so, maybe start dating again.  

I know you will probably not do that.  But it would be best for all involved.  good luck

[nursegirl6572]

You're stuck in a fantasy.  What you have with the internet guy isn't a "real" relationship, heck, you've never even met face to face.  You're romanticizing the idea of him, because of the excitement of it.  

I would strongly encourage you to break ties with him once and for all.  Personally, he doesn't sound like a very good guy anyway, he seems to come and go, and he shows up when he's not in a relationship, or for whatever reason.  YOU are in a relationship and he should 100% respect that.  Any person who still pursues someone they KNOW is in a committed relationship is very selfish and cannot be trusted.  That shouldn't be okay with anyone.

Again, this isn't "real" and you're letting the emotions you THINK you have for him occupy your thoughts.  I'd suggest finding a way to block him from contacting you and work on the real relationship you've been in for 3 years.  

Best of luck.