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Infidelity

How do i deal with a boyfriend who cheated on me with his estranged wife??? i just found out two months ago and it happened a month after me and him got together.
14 Comments Post a Comment
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134578_tn?1404951303
If it were me, I would deal with it by putting all of his things that were over at my place into a black trash bag and putting them outside the door after you change the key, then going off for a fabulous weekend at a spa.  Don't forget to put the message on his phone that if it is still there Monday, the trash man will pick it up.  And, incidentally, the pina coladas are fine at the spa, where you've met some hunky men.
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Avatar_f_tn
Dump him. He's not worth it. If he is already cheating on you this soon, I doubt he's going to change. You need to run as fast as you can. You deserve better than that.
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Avatar_f_tn
How do You deal?  Well, You chalk this up as a learning experience and You move on.

Estranged is not the same as Divorced - it is unresolved issues.  If things were "resolved" there would be a decree of divorce.

You say this took place only a month after You got together - I would say You and He both moved too quickly  At the very least You both should have waited to see if "estrangement" would evolve to divorce.
He should not be dating at all and You should look for a man who isn't still connected to a wife.
You'll make a better choice next time.  This I know is true.
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P.S.
since He was "only" "estranged", perhaps His Wife would feel The weren't done and, in fact, He cheated on HER!
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Well, that is a really good question.  Is he fully divorced?  The problem with people that are not fully divorced or recently divorced is that they are often cofused.  

You have to remember what dating is for sweetie.  it is to get information about someone so that you know if the relationship should move to the next level or should end, if someone is a keeper or someone to move on from quickly.  NOT every guy we date should we be with.  You have to act on red flags.

Now, I do want to say this little part though----  was the relationship exclusive?  Was there ever a dating period in which you were just getting to know you?  I ask that because one month into it is not very far along.  You should have still been getting to know each other.

Anyway, what you've learned is that he WILL cheat if the circumstances are right and I think that is information you shouldn't ignore.  

Find a guy without baggage, with more will power so he won't dheat, and a situation in which the first month  you aren't having to do major 'forgiving'.  good luck
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Avatar_n_tn
He had his own place and we were together everyday since day 1. i now know he wasn't ready to move on but he had his own place for 6 months before i started dating him. the divorce is filed because she found out i was pregnant. I'm currently 13 weeks and now facing a failed relationship. this is harder than it is, Ladies. i can't stop crying
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh goodness, I'm sorry to hear this.  On many levels.  I'm sorry he cheated, I'm sorry you are pregnant with his child.  Most unfortunate. that makes things trickier because you will now be stuck with him for eternity.  

I know it is very very hard and I can understand being super sad about it.  Hindsight is 20/20 and we all go through that.  If we knew then what we know now, things would be very different.

What does he say about the infidelity?  
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1268057_tn?1399131913
It's unfortunate you got with someone who had alot of "unfinished" business.  His divorce is definitely going to be messy being that she knows you are pregnant with his child.  This is a "pickle" for sure.  This will really be bad for him in court.  

I can't say he cheated on you with his estranged wife.....I can say he is very confused and probably moved to fast into another relationship without ending his marriage properly.  

How old are you?  Are you in a position to be a single mother?  Do you have family and friends that can help you get through this?

Does this man have children with his wife?

He may not want a relationship, but he will have to pay child support.  
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134578_tn?1404951303
Ditto Londres.  And I guess I am in the camp where you can't really call it cheating on you, if he was still married to someone else.  I'm so sorry.
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13167_tn?1327197724
This is very sad,  but I agree with the others.  

He cheated on his wife,  and got you pregnant.  And now his wife has filed for divorce,  because the evidence of him cheating on her is right before her eyes - your baby.

This is just so sad,  mostly for the little one.
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5030419_tn?1362572820
I disagree with the other comments, and validate your feelings of betrayal. Yes, he did cheat on you. He led you to believe you were in a relationship, however new it was, there was an element of trust in your affair that he disrespected... having said that, the same applies to his estranged wife and she has done what you should do, leave him to figure himself out, and what he really wants... but i'd advise not to take him back if he decides he really wants you. The damage is done and he has broken a bond before it barely had time to build.
Since there is a child involved, it would be wise to make peace with the situation for your own sake more than anything, and forgive him for his mistakes during an emotionally confusing time... separation/divorces make many people behave in ways that are out of character... try to forge some kind of friendship with him so that you may both co-parent amicably together, the last thing baby needs is an absent daddy or an environment in which it sees both parents arguing/resentful etc.
Hope this helps,
(newly single 23 weeks pregnant first time mum-to-be)
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Avatar_f_tn
he broke the trust you guys had and aint easy building that up again,dump his *** aint worth giving you heaetache he has done it once what is going to stop him from doing it again, you are worth more...
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3060903_tn?1398568723
I was in the same situation with my husband. I made very sure that there were no unresolved feelings that he had with his wife, or his wife had with him. I made a point of contacting his wife, whom he was separated from and was told by her that they were getting a divorce and there was no chance at a reconciliation. In essence, I asked and got her blessing. They have a child together and so I had to be really sure, that there was no hope for them raising their child together.

I agree that, in essence, this man was cheating on his wife, with you. As such, I would try to be happy for them if they could now reconcile, especially if they have children. I would realize that things had moved too quickly, and that mistake was both yours and your boyfriends.

Whereas you have been somewhat close to this man for a month, or so, their relationship most likely has been long term and has a history of long term love.  You knew that he was still married, you just didn't know enough (yet) to secure the right information before you got physically involved, and maybe without protection. But, we live and we learn. You had no guarantees of his loyalty after only one or two months, and yet you are choosing to have a baby.  So,  i would say, since you don't and can't know him very well, that you should plan on being a single mother. The facts are the facts, and if he has feelings for his wife, and he made a mistake, allow him gracefully to pursue his marriage.  That's what I would do. His wife, especially if they have children together, may yet understand that they were separated, and forgive him. And their vows can be renewed. And he can be a father to your child, as well as his wife being a step mother. Love can make this right.

If you are gracious about this, your boyfriend may choose you, if his wife will no longer have him. Otherwise, he may look at you as the "mistake" that ended his marriage, so I would be very mature about this, and would not challenge my boyfriend's feelings for his wife and try and automatically insinuate him into my life. I take it this baby was unplanned and it is not automatic that he will be your "spouse" because you got pregnant. You need to keep an open mind, and tread carefully. But, getting mad at him, for cheating on you, when in fact, by law, he was cheating with you, can get very confusing, and closed and dark.

This is not good for your baby. You need to bring as much light, and compassion and love for all involved, into this baby's life. I would suggest you talk to a pastor about your unique situation. If you need to talk further, please feel free to message me. God Bless.

There are many supports for single mothers. wouldn't challenge a marriage that maybe ended too soon, and I would give my blessing to them to reconcile, if they can, and get through this, especially if they have kids already. You didn't mention if they do or not.  
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3060903_tn?1398568723
Sorry the last paragraph was to edited out...
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