Is My Girlfiend Pregneant or Is It Natural?

[liamwalker2004]

hi

im not sure this is the right section but please i need relationship help. and very fast sadly.

iv had sex with my girlfriend, and i think she pregneant and this is our first time. we used a condom and made sure we were protected but her period was meant to be the other day and its really late now for it.

im not ready for a baby and please don't judge me im only 15.
please i dont know if its natural for her period to be late after sex or if she is pregneant. we dont want a test at this moment in time.

and i dont want to leave her as she is the one special person for me.

thanks if u read this and please help me

-liam-

[BearHitch]

I am not sure why you would leave her just because she is pregnant, but yes if she is a day or two late that is normal.  If she is stressing out about being pregnant, that could be the cause of it.  I personally would recommend- if you are only 15 and are not ready to have a baby, you keep in mind that no form of birth control is 100% effective and that a baby is a very real product of sex.  Perhaps you should reconsider that decision until you are ready to own up to those responsibilities, should it happen.  

[barn babe]

If she misses her next period, she needs a pregnancy test. There are at-home kits that she can buy at the drugstore, or she can go to a Planned Parenthood or other clinic.  

Are you in the U.S.?  Hopefully, you have access to abortion where you live. If you opt for abortion, do it as soon as you possibly can - the Supreme Court just ruled that mid-term abortions are illegal even if the health of the mother is at risk. Doctors who perform these procedures will be jailed. (Yes, it's an abominable ruling--the judiciary is essentially praticing medicine from the bench.)  But first-term abortions are still legal in many areas of the country.

So if she is pregnant, she needs to make a fairly quick decision about whether to keep the baby or not. You probably are aware that keeping this kid will change your life pretty much forever, and most teenagers are just not emotionally ready to handle raising a child. I opt for abortion for teens.

Good luck to you.

[slow_healer]

Unless she takes a test, how will you know if she is pregnant?

[mami1323]

It sounds like stress, I would wait a few more days to see if she still doesn't get her period.  By then if she still hasn't than she should take a pregnancy test.  Having sex takes a lot of responsibility and it sounds like you were protected but at age 15 you really are not mature enough to handle what comes along with sex.  Your body is saying you are ready but mentally you are not.  There are so many more things that come with sex not just pregnancy, STD's are out there as well.  Please make sure that you educate yourself and if she is pregnant please weigh your options.  It's hard enough being a teenager but to add a baby into that mix makes it even harder.

[liamwalker2004]

i wud just like to quickly ask if you know


how many days late should she be before its serious time to get a test??

[RockRose]

It depends on how regular she usually is - if she can predict REALLY well usually when her period will come,  then testing the day after it's due would be good.  

If she's not regular then she may not be due at all for her period,  but you could still test with a grocery store test to set your minds at ease.

My experience - once you test,  your period starts within the hour.  

[liamwalker2004]

thing is now


we talked about it


and shes keeping it because she says her mind will be messed up if she aborted it.

but i dont want a baby now

so even if she does have a test
shes keeping it

i dont know what to do

please help me

[slow_healer]

Read those pregnancy tests to find out when is the best time to use them and how long you should wait. They all vary in their effectiveness and timing.

[jd1419]

go to the dollar store buy a test  and you will find out--If she is the same age as you are--my period was never truly set in stone at that point in my life--some months it was 28 days the next month it would be 32 days---if you find out she is not pg--you both need to be responsible with bc--she may need to go on the pill or get another form of birth control--if you are that worried something like this can happen again maybe stay away from any form of sexual intercourse until you can be prepared for the consequences.

[RockRose]

liam,  about when did you two have sex,  do  you remember?  Her most fertile time would have been about two weeks before her period was due.  

[liamwalker2004]

it was too weeks before

[RockRose]

If you used a condom,  (especially if it had spermacide too),  and the condom didn't have any obvious tears or problems,  and didn't come off,  the chances are still pretty good that she's not pregnant.  

If I could go buy you a test right now I'd do it - that's what you need to set your minds at ease.  

Prayers this works out for you.

[liamwalker2004]

thank you sooo much for your help and support

i have no one else to turn to

thank you all so much


xxx

[barn babe]

Yes, as the others said, it's still possible (probably likely) she is not pregnant. Has she had  sex with anybody else? Do you know in fact that the baby will be yours?  

Her not wanting to abort is really a drag, liam. I feel for you. Is there a trusted adult she can discuss this with?  Because once she has that kid, she's putting huge - and I mean huge - limitations on her life choices (and yours), both socially and economically.  This is not "best interests of the child," in my book. I hope someone can help her sort out the different perspectives and realities of having a child at such a young age.

I still favor abortion in this situation. But holy mother of dog, don't let her wait until the second term to make this decision. (The Supreme Court already made it for her). She needs to talk to a trusted adult, if possible.

Did she have plans for college? What were  her career  choices?  Her plans?  Because her plans for her future will be forever changed if she decides to become a mother.

As an aside, liam, if you don't know  how to properly put on a condom, start practicing - on yourself!  Planned Parenthood has a decent website (with pics!) with instructions on condom use.  

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/birth-control-pregnancy/birth-control/condom.htm

[taysmommy]

i agree she is probably not pregnant, and if she is it is her choice if she keeps the baby or not, i urge you NOT to pressure her to abort this baby if she chooses not to, thats the last thing she needs (even tho im pretty sure shes not) being a scared pregnant teen would be the boy who got her pregnant puting pressure on her to get rid of it, like i said if you both agreed to it, it would be your choice and i wont judge you because of it, i just wanted you to know how horrible it would be for her to be pressured into a a decision that is against her wishes or beliefs because someone on a help web site recommened it

i dont think its a good idea for us to be judgemental, but in the same breath i couldnt bite my tongue on this one, sorry ,it is soooo wrong to say that teens should get abortions if they become pregnant, shame on you

[pertykitty]

wow this forum has become quite liberal. anyway i dont think its in the best interest to ever suggest abortion to a teenager on a website. you dont know anything about her, him, their family, what country they are from, if they would go to a place that is sterile, ect. i think encouraging them to find an adult to talk to is a wiser thing. but i dont suggest cheating on spouses either.

[mami1323]

Liam, it is her decision whether or not to keep this baby.  I think this discussion is a little premature.  You should wait to have such a conversation after you've confirmed that she is indeed pregnant.  Unfortunately, if she does decide to keep the baby, you have no choice but to be responsible for this child.  You felt that you were responsible enough to have sex than this is what comes from that decision.  It is a very tough situation to be in and I see how you are feeling unbelievably overwhelmed.  Sometimes it is unfair to the men because they don't have any choices in these types of situations but these are the consequences to having sex.  I agree that if she isn't pregnant and you both continue to be sexually active, she needs to get on some sort of birth control.  It is better to be safe than sorry and it is some extra precaution so that this kind of situation won't happen again.  

[BearHitch]

I agree with pertykitty and mami that it is your girlfriend's choice of whether she keeps the baby and I would not recommend abortion.  It has devastating effects on women later in life and if she has big plans for her life, adoption should be her first choice then.  There are many couples out there who cannot have children, and would be more than happy to love and nurture your baby.  

[liamwalker2004]

i agree with all your comments

however my question was i dont know if its natural or not for her to be late after having sex or if she is pregneant

i dont know :(

[barn babe]

"shame on you"

You may be "tay's" mommy, but you are certainly not mine, and the patronizing attitude really isn't necessary. It also makes you appear quite ridiculous.

I never suggested that this young woman be "forced" to have an abortion.  What I support is this  girl being told what every option is for her, if in fact she is pregnant. That is why I recommended she speak to a trusted adult about the situation.

I'm not aware of any studies indicating that abortion causes "devastating effects" for women in later life. I'm sure there are anecdotal cases of this, just as there are anecdotal cases of women feeling great relief at having an abortion. BearHitch, please provide those studies if you have access to them.

Abortion is one of the safest medical procedures, and studies have consistently  borne this out.  Legal abortions are ten times safer than childbirth. Hofferth & Reid in 2002 found that teens who become parents are at higher risk of social and economic disadvantages throughout their lives than women who delay childbearing. So I would argue that becoming a parent as a teenager could have "devastating effects" on this young woman because she will be less likely to graduate from high school and more likely to be poor than if she had delayed childbirth until later. I would only add that ACCESS to abortion is essential to the economic well-being of women and girls, and it is important that women have the ability to control their reproductive lives, and that would include access to abortion.

As far as this forum getting more "liberal," I see that as a good thing. This forum is about relationships, and reactionary conservative attitudes about relationships, in Western society at least, have had  devastating effects on women, children, and relationships in general, both socially and economically.  

I find it interesting that it is generally conservatives (the "less" liberal among you) who favor cutbacks in social services, including cuts in public health clinics, cuts in family and food aid benefits, and cuts in jobs programs and public school funding, yet continue to insist  that abortion not be an option.  This clearly speaks to the importance of the "fetus" and not the child once it is born. How is that in the "best interests of the child?"  I for one would like to know how those of you who support such policies reconcile this obvious disconnect between wanting what's best for the child but then denying basic services to economically disadvantaged women who you would also "insist" not have an abortion. Any takers on that one, folks?

The more choices a woman has to control her own body and her own reproductive health, the greater the opportunities for her economically, and socially.  I stand by my opinion that this young woman requires counseling from a trusted adult who can lay out for her ALL of her options, including abortion, adoption, or deciding to become a teen parent, with all that that would entail for her, and what it would mean for her future.

[barn babe]

Liam, you need to be a little more concerned than just about "whether it's natural" for a woman to be late with her monthly cycle. Start taking some responsibility for your actions - learn how to use a condom, for starters. If your girlfriend ends up pregnant, it'll change your entire  life if she chooses to keep this kid. Your. Entire. Life. That's not a joke.

JaybusHChrist, you better hope she's just late.

[BearHitch]

I will gladly take up this argument about abortion.  Below are the studies and information that you requested.  No one ever said that abortion wasn't safe, but it is in no way the best interest of a woman.  The emotional and psychological aspects are what are most important in that situation, and even if the procedure goes thru without a hitch, the long-term effects can be terrible.  Many women may not deal with them immediately, but they will surface in time if they do not do that.  That is why there are so many crisis pregnancy centers that offer post-abortion counseling and help- because that is not something the abortion clinic is going to tell you when they take their money.  If I am wrong, please show ME the study that proves there are no emotional or psychological effects to be worried about with an abortion, as I would be very interested in reading what it had to say.  

Becoming a parent as a teenager will not have the devastating effects that an abortion will.  It confuses me when there is this huge push that women should have the right to do whatever they want to their bodies and that they should have access to something that will only harm them more than carrying a baby to term.  Why not consider adoption?  There are many women in the United States who are unable to have children- why not give them a chance at a family?  Why kill an innocent child?  If teens are going to have premarital sex, they should be ready to take on the results of what happens sometimes- and that is pregnancy!  Why is it no longer acceptable to learn from the things that we do?  I used to work in a crisis pregnancy center, and I never heard a client tell me she regretted carrying her baby- no matter what her age was.  

Why do you lump all of these "conservatives" into one group and say we all stand for the same thing?  What a generalization!  I will remove myself from the group and say that I support most social services, and in fact am in involved in delivering most of those services to those in need.  And I can still say that abortion is not in the best interest of the child in the womb or outside.  

And I too will stand by the opinion above and my opinion that while she should talk to a trusted adult she knows, she should talk to someone who KNOWS all of the options in full- including the effects of an abortion- and not someone at planned parenthood who will push them right in and assure them- as you said, that it will not devastate her.

[BearHitch]

Whoops- forgot to post those studies...  

http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/after_effects_of_abortion.asp

http://www.troubledwith.com/ParentingTeens/A000000640.cfm?topic=parenting%20teens%3a%20crisis%20pregnancy

http://www.afterabortion.org/

http://www.epigee.org/pregnancy/psychological.html

Let me know if you would like more.

[liamwalker2004]

i am actually more concerned whether or not she is.

me asking whether its natural or not is a question becuase i do not know.

im sorry if that offends you
and i do realise that it will affect my entire life.

i do know how to use a condom so stop sayin that for starters

i jsut want to know if being a few days late after sex is natural or not.
i dont care for your arguments im in need of advice and if u want to argue about abortion start another forum becuase im on here for help not arguing.

[barn babe]

I don't want more studies but thanks for posting what's here already. When I have a chance, I'll take a look at them.

You are certainly entitled to your opinions, BearHitch, and it looks like it's always just the two of us in a discussion : ) but what I want to know is why you would discount the decision a woman makes to HAVE an abortion. If in fact a woman goes to one of these "counseling" centers and is told what her options are, and she still decides to have  an abortion, why would you possibly discount that?  In essence, you are saying that a woman really can't make her own decisions about her. own. body.

That's the problem I run up against with the anti-choice  crowd. There  are probably millions of women whose lives were saved, psychologically, economically and socially, by having an abortion. But you appear to be telling me that they are extremely f*cked up even though they say otherwise?

The other  HUGE issue I have is that you people want to fight to abolish abortion. (I'm talking about the States, here, not some other country.) If you are against abortion, then don't have one! But why do you insist on taking away the option of abortion for women who DO want it?  

And BTW, I am one of those women who had an abortion and was not "psychologically or emotionally damaged" by the experience. I was in law school at the time, and there  was no way I was going to have it. It was a huge relief for me, and I am fortunate that I live in a state where abortion is still safe and legal. Because, as we all know, the anti-choice crowd is making that less and less possible.

I guess my biggest issue is, if you are "against" abortion, don't have one! But stop trying to legislate it out of existence for others. You folks are really not about "live and let live, though."

[taysmommy]

basically from what i got from your post was that this girl should have an abortion, which is your opinion and you are entitled to it, but this is a 15 year old boy your talking to and infering that there lives will be over if this girl was pregnant is just the wrong stance to take,

its none of my business if they choose to abort, but i dont think people should be telling this impressionable boy that abortion is right for teens, what if he takes your advise and goes on to tell her he wants her to abort? i think they should definatly talk to an adult to dicuss their options, because like i said before, the last thing a scared pregnant teenage girl needs is her boyfriend comming to her saying that her life i going to be over, and she should abort,

[barn babe]

". . .there(sic) lives will be over if this girl was pregnant is just the wrong stance to take."

When teenagers become parents, studies have shown that they are significantly compromised in terms of their future economic earning potential. Fewer teenage parents graduate from high school and attend college. More teenage parents than any other age group of parents live in poverty. Male teens generally aren't economically advantaged enough to provide child support, so child support payments are iffy at best in these situations. We already live in a society that is cutting back on social programs for the poor and economically disadvantaged. How would becoming a parent IMPROVE this girl's economic situation, in her present and in her future?  How would it do that?  And, in turn, how would it be an advantage for the child?  

Again, I ask you, how is that in the best interests of the child? I see "best interests of the fetus" all over this forum, but I sure as sh*t am not seeing any arguments about the advantages of a teenage mother becoming a parent. But you tell me - do you think liam is going to come through as a source of child support for this girl? This kid can barely spell his way through an on-line message forum in complete sentences. His level of emotional maturity about this seems lacking.  He sounds  defensive and insecure and appears unable to grasp the enormity of the situation he may be thrown into, including his responsibilities as an economic provider for this child. And, as I stated, studies have shown repeatedly that teenage parents are poor providers of child support, clearly putting  the mother and her child at an economic disadvantage.

"i dont think people should be telling this impressionable boy that abortion is right for teens, what if he takes your advise(sic) and goes on to tell her he wants her to abort? i think they should definatly(sic) talk to an adult to dicuss their options, because like i said before, the last thing a scared pregnant teenage girl needs is her boyfriend comming(sic) to her saying that her life is going to be over, and she should abort. . ."

Yes, that is your opinion. Mine is that a scared impressionable pregnant young girl needs to know every option available to her, including abortion. The last thing she needs is somebody telling her that her life will be peaches and cream if she decides to have a child and that there. is. no. alternative.

[mami1323]

There are tons of arguements about abortion on this forum.  Let's just agree to say it's a heated arguement any which way.  Why don't we not talk about abortion with this young man any more.  He doesn't know whether his girlfriend is pregnant yet so this debate isn't necessary yet.  We all have our own opinions regarding abortion and whichever way this girl chooses to go is up to her.  

Liam, a girls period could be late for a number of reasons.  She is still young and her body is still going through changes.  It could be late because she is very stressed regarding possibly being pregnant, it could be late because of hormonal changes during puberty.  Is she always regular with her cycle?  At 15 is she aware of how many days her cycle is?  Maybe she didn't ovulate this month, than she wouldn't get her period.  If she's a few days late go get a pregnancy test and have her take it.  This way you won't have to keep guessing.  It's not that expensive and it only takes a minute or so to find the anwer.

[BearHitch]

I decided I'd go ahead and take our discussion to its own post if you care to continue discussing abortion- that way this thread can get back on track.

[liamwalker2004]

thanks

and yeh she is regular usually and can predict when its coming but this month she has had alot of stress not jsut from this but other stuff. her parents are constantly arguing and she has to find a job soon becuase shes a school drop out. do not take that the wrong way though. she had to drop out of school because of anxiety issues not becuase of lazyness.

i keep telling myself that it is stress thats causing the lateness but deep down i have a huge fear she is pregneant.

im not an irrespoinsible teen if thats what anyones thinking jsut the average teenager gettin Bs and As at school nothing out of the ordinary.

and if she is still not on her period by saturday (when i next see her) were going out to buy a test so we know what position we are in and what move to make next

[slow_healer]

Liam, it seems like you're looking for a solid yes or no answer on this. Many posters have suggested that yes - variation in the menstrual cycle is possible for many reasons. But we can't tell you yes or no if that's what happening with your girlfriend simply because we don't know her or how she's been doing.

Since her period is already late, have you gone to check out some pregnancy tests?

[liamwalker2004]

ermmm not yet

as she lives a couple of miles away

and i can only go there friday nights/saturdays

so im going saturday with her and gettin one then



i understand you cant give a yes or no answer i jsut wanted to know if it is natural or if she most likely is pregneant, but i suppose u cant say unless u know what shes like and stuff.

[slow_healer]

Whoops, Liam you must have posted your reply as I typed up my previous one.

It sounds like you have a plan for getting to the next step of this situation (good!). Don't feel targetted by all the discussion on this thread - there are many strong feelings for AND against abortion. Teen pregnancy is one topic that certainly fuels this debate.

I agree with some previous poster that don't think about these things too much - not until you know she is pregnant. Otherwise you will be pulling out your hair for the next few days. If you can be relatively calm about this, you'll be better off to make smarter decisions.

How is your girlfriend feeling about all of this?

[mami1323]

Liam, stress can really change a cycle but if you were using protection than I would think that she is not pregnant.  Can she go buy a test herself and do it when you are not there?  I know she would like you there for support but if she wants a quick answer than that's what she should do.

You don't sound irresponsible Liam, you just sound young.  We are not placing judgement against you as a person, we just want you to know that sex is something that feels really good but has a lot of consequences attached to it.  Getting pregnant by accident at age 15 is 100 times worse than getting pregnant at age 26 or older.  Either way if you are not ready for a pregnancy it could be hard to handle no matter what age you are.  We just want you to be safe and not have to experience something like this again until you're ready as an adult.

[liamwalker2004]

really really bad

and uspet
she wants to start her period now

i think the stress of having to be on it might be making it prolong
but thats based on the fact that stress can prolong it

all we want is for her to start and know she isnt


and about yur comment about pulling yur hair out
its already happening im afraid




btw before u mention if u were going to mention anything else about American law changing and stuff i would like to say i live in the UK jsut north of london so its not gona help me im afraid

[liamwalker2004]

in relation to mami's comment

i thank you for your comment
and yeh, iv already asked her about gettin a test before i get there so we can know sooner but she has no money and her parents wont give her any coz they'll ask why

so sorry about that

[mami1323]

no problem Liam.  Just keep faith that everything will be ok no matter what happens.  Keep us posted.

[barn babe]

Well, it's a relief to know you are in the U.K. I don't know anything about the abortion laws over there, but I would imagine you folks have better laws on the books than us Amerikans. Also, you have some social safety nets so that her baby can be taken care of, like nationalized health insurance. We here in Amerika consider national health insurance a "communist plot," so we don't provide socialized medicine.  For that, you should be thankful you're not in the U.S., Liam.

Consider yourself lucky. Being a teenage parent in Amerika is the worst possible situation you could find yourself in.

[liamwalker2004]

haha ok then il keep that in mind
but i dont want to be a teenage parent anyway


well thanks everyone for you help to this stage and i will definately post on here the results from the test and hopefully wont ask for anymore help

thanks so much for your help

and lets hope wen i next inform u on something its all clear and good

[marra]

hi liam, i am uk too ! wow you got some debates going ,i dont think she is pregnant if you used contarception chances are she is late with stress of  gcse  coming up and stuff you mentioned too  . we have family planning clinics here and the will test you free and give you condoms and maybe give her the pill . you dont need an appointment and you dont have to tell your parents .good luck mate x x x

[liamwalker2004]

hey marra

how do i find out where the nearest clinic thing is?

[barn babe]

"we have family planning clinics here and they will test you free and give you condoms and maybe give her the pill. You dont need an appointment and you dont have to tell your parents."

Now that's a family planning policy I can get behind.  Thanks for posting this, marra.  Good luck to you and your girlfriend, Lima.

[taysmommy]

ok we both agree they need options, i didnt choose to read the rest of your post because its probably restating what you said in all the other posts, if you are so pro-choice you shouldnt get so defensive when one disagrees with yours, i should have said shame on you, so i apologize, im done with this now

[marra]

hi mate, they usually give the details out at school and have posters at your gp surgery .do a google search on family planning clinics and you can do a location search .even if she comes on still go and get some contraception free anyway and they will help you ! we are always here for any help you need along the way .if you cant find any search info ,try nhs direct on 08454647 . good luck mate x x x

[kathy809]

it is normal if it was her first time having sex, that happened to me i was almost a month late.
remember her body experiensed something new, so dont worry!!

[liamwalker2004]

hey i know this is a couple of days late its because i was round my girlfriends house


we took the test.



shes not pregneant.
thnkgod


and thankyou to everyone for your help
i hope to never have to do this again but if i did this is my first port of call.

thankyou to everyone for your help and everything now has been resolved

[slow_healer]

That's terrific news! Take a load off and BREATHE now.

I hope this hasn't ruined your relationship with your girlfriend. There scares happen, no matter how old you are or where you are in life. A little bit of reading never hurts, so take the time to read up on birth control. Tell your girlfriend to think about going on the pill. Last thought: don't let this ruin sex for you (especially your girlfriend). Be responsible with your bodies, and this shouldn't happen again :)  Glad to hear it turned out okay.

[BoxingSicilian]

She's not pregnant, girls miss their periods all the time. Stop stressing about it. Happened to me when I was your age. I felt the same way. Cheer up kid and just remember to be safe.

[heatherlynn22]

girls don't miss their periods all the time. sure a younger (teen girl) can have irregular periods but not miss them. if a girl misses her period she's either pregnant or has something wrong with the womanly parts and needs to see her ob.

[RockRose]

This original post is two years old.  It seems unlikely the original poster is still checking back for comments.