Is he cheating?

[jessicaLx]

My boyfriend and i been toghter for a year & 2months. Hes always been a great boyfriend. Hes caring, always there when i need him, i know he loves me, hes affectionate, hes amazing and my first love.

Recently he started a new job about 3 hours away so i only see him on weekends now. When he first started the job he would text me and everything was great. 3 weeks ago i tried to call him with important news and his phone was off. Later on that night when we talked he told me something was wrong with his phone so he had to get it fixed. 3 days later he said its fixed. This past Monday i tried to call him and his phone was off, same with tuesday, wednesday and thursday. Last night I asked him why is your phone always off when ur at work but as soon as you get out of work its on and he avoids the question. Lately If i try to call him when i know hes home from work  he won't answer but he will text me right after. When me and him are toghter if anyone calls him he answers most of the time and his phone is glu to his hand. But when i call him he can't answer?  At his new job hes alllowed to text. He told me how everyone texts and making phone calls. I don't expect him to text or call me while hes at work but when i have important things to tell him and his phone is always off its annoying. I asked him for his job number and i  tried to call it and all it does is ring with no answer machine or anything. If this really is his jobs number wouldn't there be someone picking up or at least a message?

I think the number he gave me really isn't his job number. i think the reason why he turns his cell phone off is because hes trying to avoid me. I really think theres someone else. He did tell me he works with a girl that looks just like me. He does work for WWE ( hes not a wrestler, he just works in the building)

If you're reading this and don't think anything is up then let me tell you what happened on memorial weekend. By the way thank you for reading.

For a while we were looking forward for Memorial weekend because he knew he had that monday off and i do also! So we were planning on spending the day toghter. We haven't spent a whole day toghter prob since last summer. That sunday before memorial day i asked him if he wanted to come over my house for a BBQ and go to the beach. He said sure and we can go out to breakfest. I was exicited to finally do something toghter. On monday morning he went into the bathroom. Thats where his phone was charging. I get a text from him i was confusied on why he texted me when he was in the next room. The text said " im really sorry babe but i got go back to work today. My boss e-mailed me on saturday night and asked me if i can go in" ..... Ok i was pisssed. I understand he has to go to work and i admire that hes a hardworking guy i actually love that hes not lazy and wants to work that is rare to find in a guy that is only 23. I was pissed because he knew he had to work on saturday night so on sunday when we were making the plans and he went along with the plans. When he got to " work" he called me from his soupposly job number and thats the same number i call now and no1 ever answers. I really think its a pay phone or something.

Am i crazyy or could something really be up???

[Dstone1]

He's busy. Im 19 and i work 40 hours + a week saving for college. and i'm a male BTW.  If i was caught Texting on the job my boss would have a serious talking with me. Did you ever think he turns it off when he's working so it won't ring through disturbing customers and colleges? No offense, personally I think you're a 19 year old who hasn't really had a lot of dating experience and are a little paranoid about the whole cheating thing. It's not like his phone is off because hes in the back room banging the intern girl,  He's at work preforming his task. I bet i could sneak texts from time to time at work too...but i don't but i don't because I don't have the time. my 2 man team today only got half the stuff we were supposed to do done and we stayed half an hour late.

But him being 3 hours away could very well mean that he's Starting to move on with his life. Just the fact that he got a job so far away is a sign. Some relationships can last distances like that. Some can't. I guess you just need to chill out and wait and see.  

[SeriousSam]

True enough.  However societal values have shifted over the last several decades with our society becoming more and more selfish.  That being the case look at the highest age group in which divorce is growing- the 60 plus age group.  The role models to emulate are becoming rarer and rarer with our own laws discouraging marriage as a long term option.

[specialmom]

It does depend on the person.  I just always advocate for young women to get as educated as possible and an independence of their own during the 18 to 25 year range.   It's the "just in case" scenario.  

Many couples do marry young and have a happy and healthy life together.  I just don't like woman to only focus on the relationship during those years as it is an important time to develop in other ways as well.  

I wish all couples, young and old lots of success.  By the way, marrying when you are older has its own pit falls.  People get very set in their ways and are more likely to be stubborn about it.  So bottom line, marriage is always hard work but well worth.  

[SeriousSam]

Hmm.  The younger you and your partner are when you have kids the following are more likely:

1) Divorce.
2) Mental illness.  (oddly it's highest among married women & single (possibly divorced) men)
3)Poverty.
4) lower income.

I can win the lottery but the odds are not good enough to be the rest of my life on putting all my funds in lottery tickets.

The odds and stakes for damaging other people via screwups are so high that playing that type of game on purpose is insane.

Show me where the odds are in a nineteen year olds favor to make it past even the first year and I will respectfully retract my statement.

BTW:  the three general hazard times for a marriage are, roughly at the 5 year, 10 year, 15 year mark and then after the last child leaves the nest.

No offense but you have only made it past the first of the four major danger markers so while you have lifetime goals as of yet they are goals but not probabilities.

[motherof1boy]

I was married at 20...I've been married 7 years and will be married the rest of my life. I think it completely depends of the people. You can't say "no 19 year old should be thinking of a long term relationship" that's ridiculous!!!

[SeriousSam]

Good luck but really at 19 no one should be in a "long term" serious relationship!  Social skills are not fully developed, relationship communication skills are not totally developed emotionally and intellectually you are no where near your peak.

The only thing worse would be to be under 22 and pregnant where several peoples lives could all be tanked at once.

[jessicaLx]

I may be only 19 so yeah i may be young but i want a serious long term relationship. I'm mature enough to be in one. I don't want to "play the field" i rather be in a relationship that will maybe go somewhere in the futute.

We worked everything out and so far we are doing good! so we will see how it goes =)

[SeriousSam]

At 19, why do you want so serious of a relationship?  You both need to develop into mature ( and I honestly mean that in a good way)   versions of yourselves each rising to meet your full potential.

If you feel you can't trust him back off from him a little b it be a little less clingy and go from there.

:earn to be more yourself and learn learn who that self really is,

[specialmom]

I think I'd up the ante on the conversation.  Tell him that this is important to you and you feel like you are drifting apart.  What does he want?  Tell him what you want.  It shouldn't be one sided in terms of calling/texting.

I agree completely that you should stay where you are.  Work on school and getting your life set up for a fantastic future.  Following someone else at this point will make things harder for you to accomplish.  Boyfriends should be second to that.  I'm a stickler for this because during the time period of life that you are in, a woman sets up her future.  Work on the things that you have to do for yourself and him second to that.  

good luck

[jessicaLx]

Thank you for the advice =)

I know he stays at his aunts for now, he has asked me to move there with him and get an apartament but im only 19 and trying to worry about school, finding a job, getting a new car first i got to many things to worry about and i feel like im to young for all of that but i did tell him maybe next year.

I asked him if he wants to date other people and he always says no. I know he wants to be with me and loves me but he doesn't always show it.

He never calls me and if i call him of course its offf or he won't answerr. With him its always texting.

I'm souppose to see him tonight he says we will talk tonight but once again his phone is off so who knows now.

Thank you =)

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well.  It is really hard to say, isn't it?  And it definately stinks to wonder about it.

Couple of things-------- first.  I'm older than you (a lot) and have a husband that works hard.  Ya know, I don't call him during the day, text or email.  He's busy, he's working.  We have two kids together, a home, etc. and there really isn't that much that I need to tell him or talk to him about during the work day.  I'll call once in a while about something in particular but we don't chat.  He's super busy.  A young man that has started a new job maybe doesn't want to be distracted at work.  I really can see that and to be honest, respect it.  Not too much can't wait until after work hours.

But the not answering his phone in the evening after work maybe isn't a good sign.  Not that he is absolutely cheating, but he is not making your calls a priority.  He may be getting very busy with his life 3 hours away (and not necessarily with a woman) and drifting apart from you.  That is true that this could be happening.

As for texting you from the next room?  He sounds afraid to hurt you.  That may be because he had a date with someone else or he is just a nice guy that knew you'd be disappointed.  Hard to say.

So, here is my advice.  Tell him that you'd like to see him the next available weekend.  You'll come to him if need be (wouldn't you like to see where he is staying?).  And tell him that you'd like to talk.  Then talk to him.  Don't accuse him of cheating or act mad that he is so busy.  Instead, ask him where he sees this relationship going.  What his feelings are about how things are between you two.  If he has concerns with the relationship.  And you can express how you feel. You'd like to be a little closer and feel important and that the relationship move to the next level at some point.  You'll get your answer with this most likely.  If he is completely uninterested in the conversation then  it is safe to say you are into the relationship more than him.  You can ask him during the conversation as well if he wants to see other people or be excusive.  You'd like to be exclusive.  So---------- communicate with him and see where it gets you.

good luck