Ok, im sure that some of you have read my earlier post that i wrote about a month ago and wanted an update thus far along.
Well, my boyfriend n i have been doing great. Until last night. we somehow got onto the subject of the things in our past that we regret. Well, i had told him allo about mine, and then he all of a sudden drops this bomb on me that he has done sexual favors for another guy. I was completely floored. I didnt know weather to cry, laugh, puke, nothing. I cudnt figure out y he was just now telling me this.
He had made mention about this happening within the past yr. now all of a sudden it was wen he was 10 yrs old. He had told me that his friend wanted to "compare" sizes. IF it happened at 10, what is there to compare? they shudnt know about that stuff so young i wud assume. And he said that his friend had given him a hand job, and he had done the same to his friend. He said he was disgusted with himself. n was ashamed. Well, the initial thought that immediately came to my mind, was that he was gay! like, closet gay, and i was jsut his cover.
I started putting the pieces together one by one, and thought, well i think that he is still in the closet, because he is very fruity. He is wayy over sensitive, he thinks hes fat, which he weighs prolly no more than 175 lbs. He is not fat at all. he is just muscular and tall. he thinks he is ugly, he cries ALL the time over stupid things. And its just wierd. and wen he started sayin that he loved me 2 wks into uur relationship, i think that he only said that, to convince himself that he is not gay or bi-sexual.
Dont get me wrong, i dont have a problem with bi- sexual or gay ppl at all. Its just that i dont wanna date one. And i dont want to be a cover. It just hurts i guess cuz idk wut to believe. He swears up n down that he is straight and that he does love me/ Im just confused with my feelings for him now. Everytime i think about him, or talk to him, wut he told me is in the back of my mind. idk if im just being stupid, or overreacting. I feel disgusted, and hurt, and like i cnt leave him now even if i wanted to.
Im just confused and unsure about how to deal with this problem.
If any of you have advice or comments please share! i wud like to know wut u wud do in this situation!
Well, lesson learned. I never have thought it necessary to share every single detail of our past and things that one is ashamed of and regret really are none of someone else's business, in my opinion. Because then . . . they hold against you all of your regrets as you are doing with your boyfriend. We all have a past and many have done things they learned from. So, in the future----------- avoid the sharing of every secret.
But . . . I don't know what to tell you. If you can't look at him and you are disgusted and want to puke because of him---------- why are you staying with him? I wouldn't be too keen on knowing that my man had "done sexual favors" which sounds kind of odd and different from having a relationship with another man. And. . . yes, it would make me wonder if he was not going to decide that he preferred men and leave me. So, I wouldn't like that------------- but your comment that you can't leave him now even if you wanted to is one I do not understand.
Of course you can leave him. Dating is for finding out what we need to know to further the relationship. Anytime the sight of someone makes us want to vomit . . . time to move on. So, if you are asking me what I'd do in this situation--------- I'd break it off. If this will be in the back of your mind for the duration of your relationship and bothering you------- don't waste his time or yours as it won't work out. Just my opinion and good luck with whatever decision you make.
Wow! I can totally see where you're coming from. I would feel the exact same way had I learned that type of information about a man I was dating. I haven't read your prior post, so can you tell me how long you have been together? did you bring up any of your feelings about this to him while you were on the subject? Did you ask any questions at all? Now, the fact that he said that the act completely disgusted him makes me think that maybe he doesn't have those tendencies. IF these things were done at that young of an age, it could have very well been done out of curiosity and not because he's gay or bi. A LOT of young kids do these types of things. I even did and still remember to this day that when I was about 5 the girl across the street and I did the same thing your bf did with his friend. We had no clue what we were doing and didn't know it was bad. We just knew that "thing" down below had a certain feeling when touched, etc. I cannot believe I still remember that! Anyway, and the fact that he cries and stuff doesn't necessarily mean anything either. He may just be a little sensitive and possibly have a low self esteem. These feelings of yours need to be addressed with him and it needs to be cleared up. If worse comes to worse and you do find out that he is gay or bi, you could always just be friends instead. I hope it all works out for you and please keep us posted!
Sounds like he might be gay, but he also might not be. I'm sure he cares for you deeply either way. Try to always keep in mind that he's another human being, and give him support if he needs it. If you are sure that you are not in love with him, then perhaps you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. Let him down easy though, and let him know that you are always there as a friend for him. He shouldn't hate himself if he is gay, let him know that. And he might not be gay, too. Tell him that it is something he will figure out in time, and that there is no point is stressing out over it. And don't betray his trust either. Good luck!
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